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May 29, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 29, 2008 |

Fans of “Mystery Science Theater” will appreciate today’s first item: Long considered to be the worst film of all time (at least until Tim Allen came along), some jackass with cojones the size of Jupiter has decided to remake the shit classic, Plan 9 from Outer Space. Basically, the decision seems to be driven by the calendar — there’s a 09/09/09 in our future, so why the hell not, right? Produced by Darkstone Entertainment, the remake — simply called Plan 9 — will eschew the camp and parody of the Ed Wood original and, instead, hew to its spirit — it will be a “serious-minded” re-telling, which is the only way you can go with this; it is completely impossible to recapture “so bad it’s good” in a remake, and to be honest, the original had an amusing premise: Aliens resurrecting dead humans as zombies and vampires to stop humanity from creating a sun-driven bomb. I mean, that there is the trifecta: Aliens, zombies, and vampires. It’s hard to fuck that up; but, Ed Wood gloriously did so (as demonstrated in his biopic, starring Johnny Depp), and I’m sure some dog-and-pony production company that specializes in D films will manage to do the same, only with far less gloriousness. Shame, too, cause who doesn’t want to see a decent zombie/alien/vampire flick?

In our idle speculation department, rumors are swirling that two additional Spiderman sequels are in the works (I believe the rights have been renewed), and with both Tobey Maguire and Sam Raimi almost assuredly out, webulators are suggesting two new possibilities are rumored to take over the Spiderman roles (Jake Gyllenhaal, now the Prince of Persia is most decidedly out): Patrick Fugit (decent choice) , of Almost Famous fame, and Michael Angarano, the lily whitness polluting the screen in Forbidden Kingdom. I doubt that either will ultimately be chosen, since Angarano is the worst casting idea since George Clooney put on the bat cape, and Patrick Fugit is damn near logical (and we know how Hollywood hates logic). I’m guessing that, ultimately, the powers that be will ultimately settle on Shia LaBeouf, since their first choice, Joshua Jackson, is sadly no longer of this Earth. Besides, LaBeouf has already deftly demonstrated his web-swinging skills in the Indy IV jungles, and the one thing that the Spiderman franchise has been woefully missing is more hits to the junk.

Elsewhere, and speaking of LaBeouf, in an effort to secure the Transformers geek base without actually having to create a decent product, Michael Bay has followed up the decision to cast Jonah Hill as LaBeouf’s best friend and college roommate with a more nerd-friendly choice of casting Rainn Wilson has a college professor. I’ll tell you what, Michael Bay: You hire Kristen Bell to play the love interest, and you don’t even have to put any actual Transformers in the film — you’re more or less guaranteed a $70 million opening, which would likely include my own $10, so disoriented by the sheer geek awesomeness of the cast that I’d be incapable of not attending.

And speaking of awesomeness, legit sources are speculating that Hugh Hefner, so blown away by Robert Downey’s performance in Iron Man, wants Mr. Downey to play him in a biopic of his life. And while I sort of detest Hefner, I could most definitely put aside my objections if it meant seeing RDJ in the role. Unfortunately, Bret Ratner — who is also lobbying for RDJ — is attached as director, so, ummm … that’s awkward. It’s kind of like the greatest pizza in the world, top with hemorrhoids.

And speaking of Ratner and hemorrhoids, news broke late yesterday that Eddie Murphy — jealous, I suppose, that Harrison Ford made a ton of money with a shitty sequel — has decided to resurrect the Beverly Hills Cop franchise. He’s signed on for a fourth film, and Ratner is in negotiations to direct. Kill yourselves now. There’s too much awful in this world for one Murdertank to handle — let’s all just climb in and drive off of three waterfalls and hope for the best: Sweet, sweet death, preferably with a scotch in hand.

Is Judge Reinhold even alive anymore?

Meanwhile, Simon Pegg has confirmed that he and Nick Frost have finished writing the script for Paul, a road-trip movie about two comic-book geeks (Pegg and Frost), who travel across America. Filming begins later this year or early next. This film doesn’t involve Edgar Wright, but Pegg did reveal that the three will reteam on down the road for World’s End, a completion to the loose Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz trilogy.

Elsewhere, last year I believe, we showed you the trailer for 5-25-77, Patrick Read Johnson’s long in-development follow-up to our underappreciated gem, Angus. 5-25-77 is an autobiographical indie about Johnson’s obsession with Star Wars — “Freaks and Geeks” John Francis Dailey plays the lead. The trailer looks absolutely mind-blowingly fantastic, especially for Star Wars die-hards, and now thanks to some additional funding from an outside source, the movie — now simply titled 77 — will soon debut in Toronto. I’d be remiss if I didn’t show the trailer again:

In fact, I’ve always wanted to use the site to attempt to really publicize a small, little indie with the full Pajibical, grass-roots force, and I wonder if this movie may be the one? Stay tuned.

And speaking of great trailers, USA Today has handed out the Golden Trailers, awards for the best trailers of the last year. Unsurprisingly, The Dark Knight trailer won for best action film, while Tropic Thunder took home the award for best comedy. Other notables: No Country for Old Men in the drama department and I Am Legend for the best horror trailer. Sadly, the obnoxious, overplayed trailer for Vantage Point won for best thriller, sadder still considering how ultimately misleading it was. The winner for trashiest trailer goes to Drive Thru, a movie I have never seen, but after seeing the trailer, may need to rectify:

And, in our regular trailer watch, here’s the new one for He’s Just Not That Into You, based on the Greg Behrendt novel, and starring a mixed bag: Ginnifer Goodwin, Justin Long, Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johannson, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connolly, and Bradley Cooper, among others. More importantly to me, the opening scene in the trailer features Brandon Keener, the guy with the McConaughey drawl, with whom I went to college and had an unbelievably monster crush on his future wife, formerly the cutest waitress in all of Fayetteville, Arkansas, and now an Emmy winning casting director (“Studio 60 and the Sunset Strip.”) It’s good to see a couple of down-homers do well:

Next up, the trailer for Brad Pitt’s The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which many of you may have already seen attached to Indy IV. A question before the trailer — I haven’t actually read the F. Scott Fitzgerald source material this is based upon, but I have read Andrew Sean Greer’s The Confessions of Max Tivoli, and while watching the trailer, I thought for damn sure it was going to be for the latter. Just how similar are those two books? (FYI: The limited narration in the trailer is in another language):

And finally, my gift to you: The killer Russian version of the Wanted trailer — it’s NSFW (violence), but it’s so much better than the American version of the trailer. Kickassery is apparently an international language:

Mystery Science Pajiba

The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Industry | May 29, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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