My Super Sweet 16 Slasher Soul Train Movie

Soul Train Movie? Super Sweet 16 Movie? Or Wheaties Movie?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (28)

Hello, folks! And welcome once again to the fastest growing quiz sensation on the Interspace: Pajiba’s Two Truths and a Lie! Today’s edition is brought to you by Heineken! The only beer that Brad Pitt would brave the paparazzi for!

Before we get to today’s edition, let’s first take a look back at our last game of Two Truths and a Lie, where 46 percent of you correctly guess that a movie based on the Click and Clack brothers was not, in fact, an actual project in development (you just wait). That means, of course, that Bryan Singer is, in fact, working on an Excalibur remake and, if the rumors are true, Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman will be having “ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex” with one another in Darren Aronovsky’s Black Swan.

Moving on to this week’s game, it’s a doozy, folks. A real goddamn humdinger. Best of luck. Here we go: I’ll give you three projects, and you tell me which is the lie.

A) General Mills, in conjunction with Paramount Pictures, is developing a sports movies inspired by its Wheaties breakfast cereal. Gregory Allen Howard (Remember the Titans) has been hired to write a script that will focus on a superstar athlete as he aims to get his face on the cover of a Wheaties box. GM is hoping to enroll its stable of athlete sponsors, which include Peyton Manning, Kevin Garnett, and Albert Pujols, to provide cameos.

B) MTV is getting into the horror genre. They have begun efforts in a slasher film inspired by their reality show, “My Super Sweet 16.” My Super Psycho Sweet 16 will be about a privileged teen’s birthday bash at a roller rink that is interrupted by a serial killer.

C) Malcolm Spellman, who wrote the script for Dead Presidents, has been hired to pen a new screenplay for a film based on “Soul Train,” the classic television show that ran from 1971 to 2006. Don Cornelius will produce. The film is expected to be set in the 1980s.

poll by twiigs.com

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Comments

This one's impossible.

*covers eyes, throws dart at PC screen ...*

Oops. Shit.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at August 27, 2009 11:00 AM

B, simply because it is too awesome an idea for MTV to have come up with it.

Posted by: Vermillion at August 27, 2009 11:06 AM

Good call, Vermillion... but, alas, too late for me and my vote.

Posted by: missh at August 27, 2009 11:11 AM

I guessed 'no soul'. 'Cause there's almost none left in Hollywood.

Posted by: replica at August 27, 2009 11:15 AM

I can't see the guys at MTV being that clever.

Now, the guys at MTV2!

...They probably couldn't either.

Posted by: ChristianH at August 27, 2009 11:18 AM

Oh, and I voted for that Wheaties bullshit. Because if that's true it's simply the most transparent marketing scheme ever.

Posted by: ChristianH at August 27, 2009 11:20 AM

I guessed Wheaties. Because if that's true I'm going to have to wander the streets of Philly garroting random tourists with my panties.

Posted by: Julie at August 27, 2009 11:21 AM

"...a slasher film inspired by their reality show, My Super Sweet 16.”

The only - ONLY - way this could possibly be good is if instead of having it be a movie "inspired by", is to have it be an actual reality show. Starring those vapid, entitled twats, their all-too accommodating (i.e. fucking braindead) parents, and me with a flaming aluminum bat wrapped in razor-wire. Wendel will have a non-speaking role as "Suminim, The Foul Jester of Evisceration".

God, I just made myself stiff down there...

Posted by: Skitz at August 27, 2009 11:22 AM

I think Julie is angling for the serial killer role in the Sweet 16 movie. She and Skitz as a tag team searching for the screenwriters responsible for " A Very Wheaties Christmas".

Posted by: Mrcreosote at August 27, 2009 11:28 AM

I voted for the Super Sweet 16 one, if only because of the fact that Natalie Portman is having lesbian ballerina sex, I know something that good won't happen for a second week in a row.

By the way, the lesbian ballerina sex totally makes up for her dreadful performan- ces in the Star Wars prequels, which I thought was impossible. Just goes to show you that sometimes, the right thing does happen.

Posted by: George at August 27, 2009 11:36 AM

Reading " lesbian ballerina sex" made it uncomfortable to sit at a 90 degree angle.

Posted by: Skitz at August 27, 2009 11:48 AM

It can't be the Super Sweet 16 horror flick, because that would be like kicking a gift horse in the mouth and why would MTV want to send any message other than "obsessive consumerism is good! Covet things you can't afford (and don't possibly need)!!! Rich people are the norm!!!"?

Also, as it's been pointed out, MTV is not cool or smart enough to come up with this.

Posted by: tamatha at August 27, 2009 11:53 AM

It can't be the Super Sweet 16 horror flick, because that would be like kicking a gift horse in the mouth...

I don't know. A movie like that could spawn a whole new string of themed sweet sixteen parties. "Win a Horror-Theme Birthday Party!" and all that jazz. It ties in nicely with the recent spate of horror flicks, and even tangentially to all the vampire stuff that's popular now.

Posted by: appwitch at August 27, 2009 12:01 PM

Wheaties for sure.

Posted by: Cindy at August 27, 2009 12:11 PM

Oh, and I voted for that Wheaties bullshit. Because if that's true it's simply the most transparent marketing scheme ever.

Posted by: ChristianH at August 27, 2009 11:20 AM

Clearly you are unfamiliar with the TV show "Viper"

Posted by: Eep at August 27, 2009 12:16 PM

I'm going with My Super Sweet Sixteen, only because by MTV standards, "horror" is when the parents get the wrong car, or worse, when they tell their kids "it's the inside that matters." A serial killer would make their parties "go down in HISTORY", which is the point of the show.

Posted by: Sofía at August 27, 2009 12:48 PM

Gotta be the MTV project. Because adding serial killers to the mix of clueless rich parents and entitled brats just would be the cherry on the over-the-top train wreck sundae.

Posted by: Wednesday at August 27, 2009 12:48 PM

I went for the Wheaties thing. The other two sound plausible, and frankly, who eats or dreams about being on a Wheaties box anymore? UNLESS, Wheaties is trying to use the current nostalgia! nonsense running around to get people to buy their product again. Though, with that storyline, and no Tyler Perry attached, I'm calling sheningans.

Posted by: Rowen at August 27, 2009 12:54 PM

This game makes me sad. I don't want any of these to be true. Well, maybe #2, if only to give those spoiled brats some sort of comeuppance.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 27, 2009 12:54 PM

I have to admit that I fucking love the idea of a serial killer crashing the party of one of those insufferable Sweet 16 monsters. The only problem is that it wouldn't be real. That takes all the fun out of it.

Posted by: figgy at August 27, 2009 12:59 PM

Oh, please let B be true. PLEASE?

Posted by: Melody at August 27, 2009 1:31 PM

The Wheaties thing is just too dumbly perfect to be real...I hope.

Posted by: stryker1121 at August 27, 2009 1:34 PM

figgy,

The stupid thing is that those MTV shows (and hell, most reality TV) are utilizing actors. I worked for a cable company, and everyone at work would DVR the MTV shows and watch them in the break room and you start to recognize people, "Hey! Wasn't guy number 3 on Parental Control also one of the dates on an episode of Next?" I've also known people who've worked at stores where they were filming My Super Sweet 16, and they kept coaching the girls to be bitchier. I've also know people who've gone on Project Runway and Top Chef and there are staff members who goad everyone into drama ("psst. Isn't Becky using your scissors? Did she ask?") or doing shit like only allowing them 4 hours sleep and then giving them a one day deadline to finish an outfit that in the real world would take about a week.

Posted by: Rowen at August 27, 2009 1:34 PM

Has to be #2.

Watching annoying teenagers get slaughtered is too good to be true. Then again, so is NP and MK angry, lesbian sex.

*crosses fingers*

Posted by: commanderfunky at August 27, 2009 2:45 PM

I really really hope the MTV movie is actually happening, but please please make it a documentary!!!!!

Posted by: rio at August 27, 2009 3:22 PM

Anyone here ever watch the British TV mini-series Dead Set? It's about a zombie apocalypse breaking out, with the producers, crew and stars of the series of Big Brother that's going on at the time having to hole up in the Big Brother house. Pretty fucking awesome horror/satire, well worth a watch.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at August 27, 2009 6:15 PM

Ha, Rowen! And yeah that Parental Control is one of the most horribly acted and written pieces of shit I have ever seen in my life. But I didn't know about the coaching of the 16ners. That makes me feel a little bit (LITTLE bit) less angry at humanity.

Posted by: figgy at August 28, 2009 1:29 AM

George,
Granted the Star Wars prequels sucked. But the two scenes that come to mind are Natalie Portman in the white see-through dress, and the black dominatrix looking outfit...I'm just saying.

BTW a little bit of trivia, the said, "black dominatrix outfit" she wears in Episode 2 was the only outfit that George Lucas designed himself in the new films, what does that tell you?

Posted by: Deistbrawler at August 28, 2009 3:36 AM

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Soul Train Movie? Super Sweet 16 Movie? Or Wheaties Movie?

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