Mud On Your Face, You Big Disgrace, Waving Your Depp All Over The Place: "The Lone Ranger" Trailer
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Mud On Your Face, You Big Disgrace, Waving Your Depp All Over The Place: The Lone Ranger Trailer

By Jodi Clager | Trade News | December 11, 2012 | Comments ()


I will admit that I have an irrational hatred of Armie Hammer. I have no idea what the man ever did to earn my ire. Probably nothing. I'm just shitty like that. He does look pretty good as The Lone Ranger though. I have to give him that. The man is a tall drink of water. Mmmm. I'm just not sure that the actual movie will be all that great.

The new trailer has all of the fast cuts, explosions, (supposedly) comedic beats, and introductions of the main characters that a summer action flick is legally bound to include. (I think it's the law. I'll get back to you on that.) I'm still not 100% on Johnny Depp as Tonto and his voice in this trailer sounds like his Ed Wood impersonation. We will determine whether The Lone Ranger is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl fun or Pirates of the Caribbean: Is This The Fourth One? tedious on July 3, 2013.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • yocean

    Also, I am 1/16 blackfoot sioux myself, as well as 1/16th Irish, 1/16th French, 1/16th German and smaller portions of ten other nationalities, including scottish and welsh. But I am half Japanese and I doubt anyone would ever ask me to play anything other than Asian, even when I become as big as Mr. Depp because my skin color is not a neutral white pallet where any racial quality can be painted upon. Fuck you Disney. Fuck you sideway with a crow infested chainsaw, whatever that might be - which make as much sense as Depp in this.

  • yocean

    Armie Hammer is just a little better looking Jason Seigel. That last shot where he has the very "Marshall" expression proves it.

  • Lauren_Lauren

    I imagine every contract negotiation with Johnny Depp involves a "Things On My Head, Stuff On My Face" clause.

  • John W

    Hear that sound....that's the sound of the makers of Jonah Hex and Wild Wild West snickering....

  • Clancys_Daddy

    The Lone Ranger wears gray and white, not black and white.

  • This trailer is Farrah Fawcett and it just got Michael Jacksoned by Man of Steel.

  • Groundloop

    While I understand all the words in your comment, arranged in that order, they make no sense to me.

    That said, I approve your message.

  • bleujayone

    I would have preferred Tonto in this movie sounded more like Graham Greene's Joseph in Maverick. Just a regular sounding guy who only puts on the "Ignorant Native" accent for show (and money)...AND strongly acknowledges white people are such assholes for thinking so lowly of them.

  • Stephen Nein

    All trailers lie.

    The ones touched by Depp, Bonham Carter, and Jerry f'ing Bruckheimer lie like gifted sociopaths.

  • TheAggroCraig

    This will be my September sneak-a-flask-into-the-budget-theater pick.

  • BWeaves

    If I see one more idiot "outrunning" a fiery explosion . . . I don't know what I'm going to do, but fire doesn't work that way.

  • Fredo

    As Chris Rock once opined "And the Indians ain't yelling shit, 'cause they dead. So everybody bitching about how bad their people got it: nobody got it worse than the American Indian."

  • Gavin Smith

    Here's the painting that Depp misunderstood in order to create his look for Tonto.

  • Mrcreosote

    Hey, when was the last time that a movie based on a character developed in the early part of this century did well? Tarzan? Not really? The Shadow? nope. The Phantom? Sorry Billy Zane. John Carter of Mars? derp. Flash Gordon? In spite of having the greatest soundtrack ever, it did not do well. That other Lone Ranger movie? nuh-uh. Zorro? Hell, Zorro the Gay blade? no,no,no.
    No one remembers these characters, no one cares about these characters, no one is going to go see these characters. The sooner producers acknowledge this, the less money they will lose.

  • What Sara_Tonin00 said. "Two bits, four bits, six bits a peso..."

  • Four Eyes

    Whoa, there! The Mask of Zorro did pretty darned well!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Don't you talk smack about Zorro the Gay Blade. That is a family CLASSIC in my home.

    "You know that thing we do one night...every year? Well, still three months to go!"

  • Gavin S.

    The Native American community community is going love Depp's portrayal of their people. It's about as insulting as buckwheat from the little rascals.

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    Apparently Depp is, like, 1/32 Native American. So that makes it totally OK?

    I think?



    Also, Depp's bird hat forever reminds me that this exists:

  • Drake

    Hell, I'm 1/16th Cherokee, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't look ridiculous in that get-up.

  • jM

    Wait, was that Ruth Wilson from Luther as his wife? But she's probably wasted here and dies in the beginning, right? I'm not going to have to watch this at some point, right?!

  • VonnegutSlut

    I know we've all been opining this for quite some time, but...


  • Natallica

    A question for you, people of the USA. Did Native-Americans EVER painted their faces like that and put dead birds on their heads or it's just an, erm, "artistic license"?

  • European/American notions of warpaint developed from the camouflage used by native hunters and scouts as well as ritual markings. The camouflage was made of clays mixed with various tinting agents and applied to break up the pattern of the human outline. This is also where fringed pants, shirts, and loincloths came from - early versions of the sniper ghillie suit.

    And no, Depp's "look" didn't succeed in capturing this.

    For examples of natural camouflage, see:

  • SittingPat

    I think what they're trying to express is the great variety of individualistic Native American self expression that history has denied through stereotypes. However, slapping all those feathers and paint on Johnny Depp unfortunately does seem to give it a thick layer of ridicule.

  • It's artistic license taken on what was already artistic license--the look is based on a painting by a guy who was far more romantic then realistic or accurate.
    And here 'romantic' can stand in for assorted varieties of racism and 'noble savage' stereotypes.

  • VonnegutSlut

    It's a license of some kind--just not sure it can be called "artistic."

  • lowercase_ryan

    ugh, Depp's voice is like audible black face.

  • Tinkerville

    Bingo. But would you expect any less from a Disney movie? They have a reputation to uphold.

  • Kala

    Holy shit, yes. That is the perfect way to describe the distasteful shudder that crawls along my spine every time I see this trailer.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin


  • Pants-are-a-must

    I like to think "Armie" is short for "Armoire". Armoire Hammer.

  • BlackRabbit

    Two problems: "Armie" is a really tough name to take seriously, and even though I'm sure this has been pounded into the dirt, why why why couldn't they have gotten a Native American actor to play Tonto? Why?

  • You're assuming that any First Nations person with a shred of self-respect and sense of commitment to his people would allow themselves near this thing. I beg to differ.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Ding! Correct answer

  • Mitchell Hundred

    Maybe they took it to some genuine articles, but those people weren't interested in taking the role.

    Although if that happens, that should maybe be an indication that you shouldn't be making the movie in the first place.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    A quick check of Depp's Wikipedia article reveals that his great-grandmother probably was Creek or Cherokee. Could be worse.

  • Blake

    Yeah like Lou Diamond Philips or Val Kilmer (he is part Native American right? At least he was in Thunderheart)?

    Interesting IMDB Fact: Kilmer was the voice of K.I,T.T in the rebooted Knight Rider series.

  • theotherone

    "why couldn't they have gotten a Native American actor?"

    Graham Greene is too old and (maybe) Adam Beach wasn't available.

    It does have Ruth Wilson and H.B.C so meh...

  • Boothy K

    Also: Adam Beach is a terrible actor. He makes me frown and cringe whenever I see him onscreen

  • The Replicant Brooke

    There's really no reason he shouldn't go by Armand.

  • I wouldn't want to use my given name if it was the same as a household product either...

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