Pajiba

OK, so the movie is based on a game where:

1. None of the pieces move.
2. You can't see the other player's board.
3. You are on your HONOR to admit that you lost.

Hum, sounds like it's going to be an exciting movie.

1. None of the ships move. It'll just be cramped interior scenes.
2. None of the enemy ships will be shown. Only radar screens.
3. The characters have to guess if they've won or lost.
4. I predict lots of tense, quiet moments on the bridge, as the captain whispers between clenched lips, "Where are they?"

I don't give a shit about a battleship movie, but I'm still bitter at Brian Hoolihan for cheating every fucking time we played this game when we were little. Who the fuck do you think you were kidding, Brian? I know you moved the peices when I got a hit and lied to me about it! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!!

Pirates of the Carribean shouldn't have worked, but they developed a breakout character and played to the strengths (pirates and pirate movies are cool). Well, sea battles are cool too. If they just tweak the basics of Wrath of Khan and set it on water, they could make it work.

You know what I want? I want that game that they had in Robocop. Do you remember the commercial? They had a battleship-like game that had holographs and you could nuke the shit out of stuff.

I porpose that Hollywood divert funding from this lame ass project and develope the technology to give us the game we need. We'll call it Irradiate The Studio Executive.

an international five-ship fleet

That ain't no fuckin fleet.

*headdesk*

*headdesk for friend in next cube, too*

The best was Electronic Battleship, where at the start of the game you enter the coordinates of your fleet on the electronic computer (if you could call it that in the '80's), thus eliminating the dirty ass Brian Hoolihans of the world and all of their shitty cheating ways.

Marra, you need EB and Brian for a little motherfucking rematch payback.

Re EB, I'd love to see a trailer for the movie that features at some point that classic EB falling bomb noise, when you "fired" on your opponent. Or the grating sonar noise. I miss that game.

Just with battleships and/or destroyers instead of submarines?
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I'm pretty sure there's a submarine in the Battleship game.

The only chance I'll watch this is if when a ship gets sunk it cuts to a clip of Jerry and Elaine playing Battleship and Jerry sinks Elaine's ship and he says, "Elaaaaaaine?" And she says "What?" and Jerry gives her a prodding look and she shakes her head and slumps and goes "pkkkkkWOOOOOO." *

*--sinking ship sound, as best I could transcribe it.

As a learning exercise back in the day I undertook implementing "Battleship on Steroids." The idea was to learn some new tools & design principles, driven by the requirements that I could drop in movement, intelligence, distributed play, and Star Trek physics.

Yep. I built 4-d cruisers, wormhole jumping, and ships smart enough to dodge into hyperspace when they got hit. Yet, I hadn't thought to implement broadsides pushing the ship sideways, or better into the sideways dimension. To the coding mines, away! I am such a nerd.

My game would make a way cooler movie than this one. Call me, Hollywood.

This is how unsurprised I am by this: I thought there was already a Battleship movie being made. I mean, why the fuck not?

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I interpret that cover design this way:

"Susie, look at Daddy and Johnny playing that stupid fucking boring Battleship game. They try to get me to play too, but Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick, I'd rather do fucking ANYthing else than play that lameass game. And they insist ... INSIST! ... that when they (rarely) sink one of my ships that I make that lameass 'pkkkkWOOO!' sinking ship sound, and I JUST.CAN'T.TAKE.IT. And they HATE it when they lose to me, they HATE it, and Johnny tries to commit suicide (again) and Daddy gets all mopey and won't lick my pussy for a week. Seriously, Susie? I'd rather wash the fuckin' dishes. Wanna give me a hand and we'll laugh at their fool asses, and then we'll go shop for shoes."