November 13, 2008 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | November 13, 2008 |


So, in this week alone, Hollywood has presented us with the following movie projects: Another spoof movie, Dance Flick, a spoof of a spoof movie, Not Another Not Another Spoof Movie, a Karate Kid remake starring Will’s Smith devil child, the possibility that Beyonce might play Wonder Woman in a film directed by McG, and a Hollywood remake of Oldboy. In stock market parlance, this is like the Dow dropping into negative numbers and the economy forcing us to pay employers to work for them. Can it get any worse?

You betcha, my friends.

Ridley Scott, who once gave us Blade Runner and Alien, has officially signed on to direct a big-screen version of the board game, Monopoly. This is no rumor, homefry. This is gospel, spoken to us by none other than The Hollywood Reporter. The screenplay will be written by Pamela Pettler, who previously scripted Corpse Bride and Monster House. It will be Ridley Scott’s first foray into family films; he’s promised to bring to Monopoly the same futuristic sheen he gave Blade Runner.

Wait? Did that dumb motherfucker just mention Monopoly: The Movie in the same breath as Blade Runner. Somebody needs to pull that man’s dick off and feed it to his ass.

Personally, I think the idea has a lot of potential. As long as it involves 90 minutes of watching God roll two-ton dice over the forehead of Ridley Scott followed by a swift kick in the ass by a giant-sized silver shoe.

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Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200. Stop F**cking with Us, Hollywood.

Circling the Drain / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | November 13, 2008 | Comments ()



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