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A History of Naked Men in Film and a Discussion of the Naked Male Form

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (70)

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Over on GQ this month, Julieanne Smolinski ponders male nudity in film, and surmises that it doesn’t do much for her. From my perspective, at least, she’s not wrong: Who really wants to see a floppy dangler or a hairy bag of balls blown up 10 sizes on the big screen? There’s nothing wrong with the male form, of course, it’s just not really … pleasant. As Smolinski notes, male nudity is better utilized as a comedic device instead of an erotic one.

Part of the problem is vestigial. We’re conditioned to see male nudity and think: funny! Like, say, Will Ferrell’s butt. Or all those naked people in The Full Monty. Our discomfort with the male member has long been mined to make us laugh—Graham Chapman’s penis was actually the first one I’d ever seen. (I’m not counting Mark Wahlberg’s in Boogie Nights, which is really closer in spirit to a Muppet than to a sexual part.) That is, in my opinion, the sole advantage the male apparatus has over the female: Our junk just isn’t as funny. It’s not as kinetic. It will probably never make anyone laugh, nor would it be medically possible to watch a woman’s genitals flop around while she cries, like Jason Segel’s did so memorably in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Even aside from the actual cock shot, it’s hard for me to process, let alone get turned on by, all the general eye-fucking of the newly bare male form. When the camera lingers on Justin’s bare-butt musculature, I might as well be trying to get turned on by a Michelangelo sculpture.

Abs can be appreciated by both women and men (at least the ones who are comfortable with their sexuality). Penises? They’re kind of gross, and testicles are even worse. Or is that only the case for guys like Will Ferrell and Jason Segal? Is there something more appealing about Alexander Skarsgåd and Michael Fassbender’s junk? There may be different shapes and sizes, but it seems to be it’s all floppy bits and hair.

Take a look at this short video compiled by GQ, a reminiscence of the naked male form in film (and worry not, the naughty bits have been blurred out so it’s safe for work as long as no one at work sees you watching it). Does any of this appeal to you at all?



(Source: GQ)









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Comments

Made the mistake of watching Ken Park last night. Talk about male frontal nudity...(btw: I think the male nudity was sadly the best part of the film.)

Posted by: sosgemini at November 7, 2011 10:59 AM

Is there something more appealing about Alexander Skarsgård's... junk?

Indeed there is.

Posted by: sunny at November 7, 2011 11:06 AM

This is kind of stupid. I love phalluses, and I think humanity does as well. Just look at every skyscraper or obelisk designed, ever.

I think the Boston University Law Tower must be the Will Ferrell of skyscrapers. -- DR

Posted by: Bithsith1 at November 7, 2011 11:06 AM

I love men but I do not love the sight of a naked man. Shirtless men, HOT. Men in their boxers, HOT. Men completely naked? Ugh, not so hot.

A woman's naked body? Much more beautiful.

Posted by: sarah at November 7, 2011 11:09 AM

I think this is in the same vein of questioning of "do women want to be texted dick pics?"

Certainly erect penii are more attractive than floppy penii (yes I know it's penises, I just like penii better). Admittedly, I watch enough porn that I may be desensitized. Floppy penii are kind of sad and...floppy. Anything that can be described as "floppy" just isn't sexy.

Erect penii however bring to mind virility and strength. But the mechanics of maintaining an erection for a non-porn film are complex. On that note, I would absolutely volunteer to be Faaaaaassbender's fluffer.

...what were we talking about again?

Posted by: Donut Plains at November 7, 2011 11:16 AM

um, you said fassbender junk. WHERE CAN I SEE FASSBENDER JUNK?

Posted by: ladyvader99 at November 7, 2011 11:20 AM

As a sometimes heterosexual woman I have to say that while the male body is very pleasing to the eyes, full frontal male nudity is a turn-off when seen on screen. I feel that there are very few things more attractive that a nude female body.
But I wonder how much of this is because of perception. I mean, we're shown bodies of perfectly waxed, perfectly fit (and perfectly photoshopped) female bodies and we have scarce representations of the male nude in modern pop culture. If it were the opposite things would have been a little different.

Posted by: severine at November 7, 2011 11:22 AM

I believe penes (pronounced pee-nees) is also acceptable, Donut Plains.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at November 7, 2011 11:24 AM

I've actually always thought of the female naked body as curiously funny. One day I saw a face in one and.. I just can't unsee it. Seriously. Who else sees a face in the two nipples and the belly button and the - oh christ I'll just stop myself right here okbye

Posted by: Sara at November 7, 2011 11:26 AM

When I was an ESL teacher (reminder: I taught adults), I had a student go to great effort with his translation dictionary so he could tell us that male nudity should not be included in films because male privates are "inelegant".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 7, 2011 11:30 AM

For me, this was covered perfectly and succinctly in an episode of "Seinfeld." Elaine calls the female form a work of art (which Jerry agrees with), and the male form purely utilitarian (which, though a little insulted, Jerry doesn't disagree with). And then the show went to prove how both sex's nude forms can be unattractive when trying to repair a bicycle.

This is also why girl-on-girl porn is one of, if not the most, popular in the medium. So, I hear...

Posted by: RobP at November 7, 2011 11:41 AM

I remember this conversation from Seinfeld. Elaine commented that a woman's naked body is a work of art, but a man's is more practical - it's like a jeep, it's for getting around. I agree!

Posted by: Melissa at November 7, 2011 11:57 AM

"it's like a jeep, it's for getting around."

did Melissa just call me a whore?

Posted by: gp at November 7, 2011 12:02 PM

Obviously you people haven't experienced the majesty and pure art of Admin's One Man Penis Puppetry Extravaganza Show and Eskimo Delicatessen. If there is anything sexier or more profoundly beautiful than eating a perfect pastrami on rye whilst watching me make a hamburger out of my moose and goose, then you fuckers are lairs.

Posted by: admin at November 7, 2011 12:09 PM

I can't wait to see what bots hit this thread based on the URL...

Posted by: mswas at November 7, 2011 12:10 PM

I clicked on this, thinking, "Yay, I love men." Then I couched it with "well, HOT men." Then, lickity split (hee hee) my brain added, "but not completely nekkid..." I get what you mean. John Irving tried to describe it in "Garp: saying that men look so much more vulnerable naked, and women still have some dignity when unclothed. Not sure I'd go that far, but I'll settle for "Hot men, almost completely unclothed...and one at a time, please. Group scenes don't float my boat." And now please excuse me. I'm completely distracted and must take my uh leave.

Posted by: klingonfree at November 7, 2011 12:12 PM

I have nothing to add to this post/thread. I agree completely. I just said to my husband a little while ago "... I'm a Fb fan, but I'm not really very interested in seeing little Fb ..."

Posted by: Samantha at November 7, 2011 12:23 PM

Isn't this just another excuse for a you-know-who pic?

Posted by: logan at November 7, 2011 12:36 PM

@admin, while I love a good pastrami on rye I am not sure how I feel about the puppet show. What kind of theater can we expect? (Don't say The Full Monty, that's too easy.)

However, if you can put on a full production of, say, Jesus Christ Superstar, I would both be astoundingly impressed and would advise you to go see a doctor.

Posted by: Donut Plains at November 7, 2011 12:37 PM

Hm. I don't know. See, it's hot to see naked Daniel Craig, but not so hot to see him get hit in the junk. I love Colin Firth, but do I need to see his junk for that one split second? I'd say no. Do I want to see genitals in a sex scene (that isn't porn?), not necessarily. But do I always want a guy to keep his pants on? Not if he's got nice glutes. But all the time? No. Penises are not that interesting, unless they are attached to hotness. And then I only want to see it sporadically, if at all (unless it's Kevin Bacon's bacon, because that's good times). Hotness is about way more than the actual sexual organ.

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at November 7, 2011 12:42 PM

It's true: guy junk is *useful*, but it's not that pretty.

And it makes great comedy, because as noted above, it can often be described as "floppy". Anything that can be described as floppy is inherently funny, like, floppy clown shoes.

Posted by: MM at November 7, 2011 12:46 PM

I have absolutely no problem with full frontal Viggo. No problem at all. An encore would be nice.

Posted by: PaddyDog at November 7, 2011 12:47 PM

I completely and wholeheartedly disagree. I love the male form....all of it. The promise of full frontal male nudity will get me to a theater regardless of the hype of the film. If the body attached to said pener happens to be in physically attractive shape, all the better. I'm not sure if it's an actual turn on (but it really is), or if I just love seeing what I lack. I belive I just like and appreciate all manly things. I also happen to have a great appreciation of gay porn (male) for that very same reason. It's double of what I love! I suppose I'm in the minority, but I am a huge pener on the big screen fan (not necessarily huge peners, but a very big fan of all).

Posted by: MissNev at November 7, 2011 12:52 PM

Think along the lines of shadow puppets but by manipulating my junk as opposed to using one's fingers. "Look, Donut Plains, and Elephant!"

I'm did try doing RENT the one time but a bunch of dudes messing with each other's meat and veg wasn't homoerotic enough to do the script justice. Maybe I'll give something like Stomp! a whirl.

Posted by: admin at November 7, 2011 12:56 PM

As a man who likes men, I have to say: I like seeing penises onscreen. I don't think they're ugly, and I think it's about time we got some gratuitous male nudity after years of tits 'n' minge. Male nudity has been used in a comic way far more than female nudity, but I'd say that's mainly because comedy has been in the hands of men more than women - female comics like Miranda Hart and Jennifer Saunders aren't afraid to use clothes shedding as a humorous part of their shows. We're still unused to male nudity; break it out a few more times and it'll just become wallpaper, the way a topless scene has become for women.

Posted by: Scott at November 7, 2011 12:56 PM

As for me, Ewan McGregor may flop his junk in as many directions as he likes. It is quite lovely junk.

Posted by: Jerry at November 7, 2011 12:57 PM

(I’m not counting Mark Wahlberg’s in Boogie Nights, which is really closer in spirit to a Muppet than to a sexual part.)
Another one that didn't make the list.

Posted by: Odnon at November 7, 2011 1:09 PM

I'm of the opposite opinion and really wish there were more dicks in cinema. If art reflects life, then the penis needs more celluloid love.

Granted, I have a fascination with junk. I get really excited when I see it on the big screen. A naked woman on screen barely gets a rise out of me. Ooo, it's nature's great and beautiful mystery because her flower is hidden! Bullshit. Grab my attention with a flaccid sack of man meat. You will earn a grunt of approval and keep me watching, even if it's terrible indie dreck and they just tossed in a full frontal for shock value. I will truck on and admire the penis.

Hell, even watching a nature documentary I can't help but yell out, "Look at then low hanging fruit on that bear! His twigs n berries are almost scraping his ankles!" It's almost a reflex by now.

Nature's a weird, wonderful thing and us humans are the weirdest critters of all, because we get all squicked out by big screen nards but can watch ladies prance around naked and hardly bat an eye. (P.S. The person that mentioned girl-on-girl porn neglected the fact that guy-on-guy porn, while being way hot, is also a big deal moneymaker.) Penises on screen are a mix of sex, taboo, and curiosity at seeing different shapes and sizes of penises writ large. More penises, please.

Posted by: UMG at November 7, 2011 1:15 PM

Eh, whatever. I like naked men just fine.

I think the whole "naked men look weird, naked women are hot" is socialization. We're used to seeing naked women because they're goddam everywhere. If we used engorged dongs to sell as much shit as we use engorged tits, we'd all be, "It's cool, I like the nude male form" or at least, "What's the big deal?" Men do most of the art directing and writing and whatnot, so we see way more tits than anything else. I'm actually thankful that the squeamishness about showing vag (except in porn) is still operative, otherwise, I hate to think of how many coozes I'd have to stare at to watch R-rated movies.

Many men are uncomfortable seeing naked men (except in a porno, apparently, which suggests other questions). Too bad. Maybe it's just an American thing. Europeans seem to be a lot more laid back about male nudity than we are.

Posted by: Slash at November 7, 2011 1:50 PM

Wait. Dustin, I respect you a hell of a lot, but you saying penises are gross is no different to me from a gay guy saying vaginas are icky. It makes you sound a little ignorant. Penises aren't inherently unattractive or funny looking -- come on now! We just happen to be especially comfortable with female nudity and the erotization of the female form because we live in a heteronormative society. (Boobs flop too, by the way. And bounce. And jiggle. And if penises are "all floppy bits and hair", then what are vaginas other than "flabby bits and hair"?)

Personally, I think penises can be beautiful.

Posted by: Thijs at November 7, 2011 1:50 PM

Penises are like cars. I can appreciate a nice one, but unless I'm going for a ride, I really don't give a fuck.

Posted by: Courtney at November 7, 2011 1:56 PM

Oh, boy, oh, boy! This is RIGHT IN MY WHEELHOUSE, Dustin Rowles.

But, well, in all honesty, I've gone on and on about how much I love the ... umm, "male form" before, so I shall let it suffice to say: I think it's fairly subjective, whether you find it attractive or not, n'est-ce pas? But, yeah, I love them, and wish there were more in mainstream cinema, just as women are spread naked all over the screen for ogling purposes.

Also, this - Posted by: Scott at November 7, 2011 12:56 PM - this guy gets me, along with MissNev and UMG. I'm pretty much a 5.9 on the Kinsey scale, so I'm really not very interested in all the boobies (and minge, hee); throw me some peens, baybee.

AND FINALLY, that video is missing one of my first experiences of full-frontal male nudity: David Naughton running naked through the woods in American Werewolf in London. That was pretty well the beginning of my ....well, it's not an *obsession*, per se, but I do look for big screen peen wherever I may find it. (Also, probably my dad's love of all those softcore flicks on Skinemax back in the day. There were sometimes penises in there too. Never erect, mind you, but still.)

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 7, 2011 2:05 PM

Oh, Thijs. As is often the case, far more eloquently saying the things I think.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 7, 2011 2:08 PM

Asses are hotter than junk, sure, but I wouldn't say I'm turned OFF by male full frontal. I dunno... maybe more people need to take their drawers off for more, eh, COMPLETE research. ;)

Posted by: Sara H at November 7, 2011 2:09 PM

What a bunch of prudes. The penis isn't more or less weird looking to me than a vagina. I also think the average female body has just as much potential to look awkward as the male. We're just used to seeing all those luscious lady bits held in place with form fitting support. Have a women with a normal (but still beautiful) body in which gravity has had some time with and make her run without any clothes alongside a man. Tell me that wouldn't be all kinds of funny and probably bruising.

Posted by: Freller at November 7, 2011 2:16 PM

Okay... this is reminding me of my favorite Team America quote, which I will share:

"We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit! "

and apologies for the language afterward.

Posted by: MRod at November 7, 2011 2:55 PM

There is nothing at all wrong with naked men, floppy bits and all. I think the idea that penises are only attractive when erect is foolish. Men are fascinating to look at (and fun to touch!) and their parts are just as interesting as my parts (or more so - none of y'all want to see me nude). Men don't even have to have perfect bodies to be hot or interesting, the same way women don't. I tend to be more invested in WHY folks are naked than the fact that they are.

Oh, and while I had looked forward to full frontal Viggo, that scene was positively brutal and the nudity was not in the least titillating.

Posted by: Reba at November 7, 2011 3:04 PM

I, too, am a fan of the floppy bits on the screen.

However, I did note on my first visit to a nude beach that mean really lose out on the attractiveness when coming out of a cold ocean. Women's skin firms up and their boobs rise and shine. Men become eunuchs.

Posted by: Drake at November 7, 2011 3:12 PM

FWIW, I think penises AND vaginas are weird-looking. I don't think of the cooz as "beautiful" (nor do I think of it as gross). Same with the peen. They're body parts. I don't fetishize them or demonize them as being particularly unsightly. Compared to what? Have you ever noticed grody-looking feet (other people's feet in the summertime, for example, when you usually see them)? Corns, raggedy-ass toenails, long toenails, dirty toenails. Ick. Talk about unattractive.

Posted by: Slash at November 7, 2011 3:28 PM

So basically we're saying that Mattel is to blame for foisting the Ken doll on us.

Don't fall into their trap, fellas. Never go full eunuch!

Posted by: Jast at November 7, 2011 3:58 PM

What movie is at 0:29?

Posted by: Peter Dee at November 7, 2011 3:58 PM

which one? stephen rea in the crying game or harvey keitel in bad lieutenant?

Posted by: gp at November 7, 2011 4:29 PM

(i mean, where rea is sitting, clothed.)

Posted by: gp at November 7, 2011 4:30 PM

Generally speaking, I agree with all of this. Male genitalia is more useful as a comedic device than as a visual sexy-making one.

I have to think though, that the reason we feel this way is kind of the result of conditioning and general treatment of women's bodies as sexual commodities: we'll automatically think of the naked female form as beautiful and sensual, while male nudity is kind of uncomfortable and not right because we're not meant to see male bodies and automatically think of sex.

Posted by: Amanda6 at November 7, 2011 4:39 PM

at 0:26-0:20. where the guy is standing naked, and the other guy is sitting on the bed.

Posted by: Peter Dee at November 7, 2011 4:50 PM

@Gp: If the whore fits, call me! ;)

Posted by: Melissa at November 7, 2011 5:12 PM

WTF is going on with Fassbender's chest in that picture? It looks deformed and concave. NO ME GUSTA.

Posted by: Lar at November 7, 2011 5:20 PM

I think the first penis I saw - aside from baby brothers' - was Graham Chapman's too.

I'm going to agree with Severine here - that women's nudity gets the polished treatment, whereas men's doesn't.

And Sara - if the image of a woman's torso brings to mind a face, you should check out Magritte's painting The Rape.
http://www.surrealists.co.uk/magritte.php

Look, I got no problem with seeing junk on screen - partially because I find them fascinating. But let's not discount the facts that a man's penis indicates clearly whether its owner is aroused, which tells us whether we should be thinking it's a joke or an erotic object.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at November 7, 2011 8:44 PM

That video gave me a flaccid (I know "flaccid" is an adjective, but it desperately needs to be a noun as well.)

Posted by: Uriah Creep at November 7, 2011 8:53 PM

movie peen is awesome -- most of the male nudity in that compilation has nothing to do with eroticism, that's all. If you put together a collection of naked female bodies it'd be all glamour lighting and soft eroticism and and blah blah blah. There are increasing numbers of movies that are willing to show guys like that and they're hot as hell.

Posted by: nigeltde at November 8, 2011 1:43 AM

OK, it's been awhile since I've been here, but really, this is reminiscent of the giant blue dong controversy of 2009? Didn't we resolve at that time that:
a) dong isn't offensive
b) blue dong isn't offensive
c) Americans are prudes about showing dongs
d) an enormous double standard exists between female and male nudity, and
e) we want, no, demand, more dong in movies?

Posted by: Smokey at November 8, 2011 2:29 AM

God is dead watch the video to fully understand!

Posted by: God Is Dead The Video! at November 11, 2011 4:33 PM

God is dead watch the video to fully understand!

Posted by: God Is Dead The Video! at November 11, 2011 4:37 PM

It is my suspicion that men don't get naked on camera as often because they don't want anyone to see how small they are or think they are. It is an insecurity thing. Most dudes I know are happy to get naked or relaxed enough about it that it is no big deal to them. But on film, to have their member size out there for scrutiny? I think that is why most porn star guys are extra hung, not many other men are willing to go on camera with a small or mid-sized penis.

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Posted by: Augustine Aponta at November 25, 2011 3:11 PM

Well, I for one fine female bodies hideously repulsive. Just a skin bag full of fat. Ugh!

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Posted by: Breanne Steib at December 2, 2011 9:34 AM

It is amazing how many straight men are so ashamed of their bodies. It seems bizarre to think of men referring to men's genitals as " junk ". How can be guys be so self-hating to believe their bodies are inherently ugly? I'm a man and i love some men's bodies. women's bodies are OK but kind of boring to me, but certainly not ugly. in truth, aesthetically, both naked men and naked women don't hold a candle to red pandas, giant pandas, and some other beautiful animal species.

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