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Megan Fox's Replacement for Transformers 3 Is ....

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | May 22, 2010 | Comments ()

Let me just say: It's been awesome. There's been gossip pieces detailing the back and forth between Michael Bay and Megan Fox; there's been wish lists for Megan Fox replacements (keeping in mind, of course, that even 87 percent of geek-driven movie blogs hated Transformers 2); there's been speculation on who the actual replacement will be; there have been actual think pieces; and now, there are sites claiming to have inside knowledge about who the actual choice to replace Megan Fox will be. I have no idea which, if any, of these inside sources knows who will actually replace Megan Fox, but that's hardly the point. The point is page views, and in order to get them, you just need to discuss this story, even if it means making up something. If you're convincing enough, other sites might even link to you, which only increases your page views. It's fantastic!

But we didn't want to be left out. Oh, sure: We've devoted a few posts to the Megan Fox manufactured controversy (there's nothing in this world more exciting than manufactured controversy, because we can make it as controversial as we'd like! It's manufactured! There are no limits!) I mean: Lookit. This is the home of the Hollywood Cog, the most reliable inside source on the planet. We have to contribute something original to the discussion!

And so we have. According to an inside source who is not The Hollywood Cog, we know exactly who Megan Fox's replacement will be. It's that woman pictured above, otherwise knowns as "Pretty Girl on an Orange Background." We don't actually know her name, but I think we'll make something up. Something sexy. Like, Saphire Glide.

Yes. That's it. Michael Bay has officially brought in Saphire Glide to replace Megan Fox on Transformers 3. Ms. Glide, who has no film experience to speak of, has been a model for clip art for the last several years and has been plucked from obscurity by Paramount Pictures, which made the casting decision by typing in "Pretty Girls" in Google and locating the first "pretty girl" that stuck out.

And if you'd like to have the next star of the Transformers franchise plastered on your desktop background, it's easy. Just visit Zastavki, right click on the picture and select Save as. Then follow your operating systems instructions.

I think it's an excellent choice. Because her hair is curly! And she's wearing a white shirt, which are the best qualifications for the role of Shia LaBeouf's Love Interest.

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