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By Combining a Paper Clip, a Toothbrush and My Own Urine...

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (36)

macgyver.jpg

I’m gonna come out and say it right now, and it’s not the alcohol talking: “MacGyver,” the omnipresent 80’s TV show, sucked. It was stupid, pointless, and boring. Richard Dean Anderson attempted suave super genius and instead succeeded with Blandy McBlanderson. You may have wonderful memories of it, but as with shows like “The A-Team” and “Remington Steele,” the aging process has not been kind.

So of course they’re making a movie. New Line, a continuously hit-or-miss studio, is adapting it, though no actors, writers or directors have been attached. But they’re moving forward with production. No doubt some jackhole Michael Bay protege/sycophant will direct, it’ll be written by a pack of meth-addicted retarded monkeys, and someone like Chris Klein (parlaying his brilliant performance in Street Fighter, I’m sure) will get the lead based on his ability to squint and, you know, stand upright or some shit.

So there you have it, kiddies. More dumb shit on the horizon. Must be another day in my life.







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Comments

My inner 8 year old hates you for your MacGyver hate. But my rational 28 year old brain knows how right you are.

I'm so torn!

Posted by: boo at March 17, 2009 10:55 AM

Selma and Patty are going to kick your ass. I have to reluctantly agree. My lasting memory of McGyver is when he builds a blowtorch from a magnesium bike some piping and assorted materials, ignoring the fact that he's in a damn auto shop, and there's a torch clearly shown in the background.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at March 17, 2009 10:58 AM

In concept - guy uses brains and available materials to get out of tough situations - that's a pretty good concept. You could go just about anywhere with that concept.

Especially if you got the Mythbusters in a cameo.

Seriously - great concept. If someone thinks about what they're doing before they put a screenplay together.

So, yeah it's going to suck.

Posted by: twig at March 17, 2009 10:59 AM

I used to love MacGyver, but I also used to love Small Wonder so there's just no listening to me.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Sláinte! Erin go braugh! Argh mateys! No wait that's pirates!

Posted by: Julie at March 17, 2009 11:02 AM

Pogue mahone

Posted by: Jay at March 17, 2009 11:05 AM

I agree with your assessment of MacGyver 1.0. I was bored the few times I saw it. However I thought and still think the concept was cool and a good movie could be made from it. I never would have thought they could make a decent show out of the original BSG and look what they did with that. It, like anything, needs to have the right vision and talent pushing it forward. If it is some jackhole Michael Bay protege/sycophant then it is doomed.

Posted by: ed newman at March 17, 2009 11:05 AM

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Sláinte! Erin go braugh! Argh mateys! No wait that's pirates!

Every time I try to visualize Julie in my head, I always see a Fraggle.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Posted by: twig at March 17, 2009 11:08 AM

TK, usually when I see your name on the byline I get a rush. For some strange reason you seem to be the only person here at pajiba to make me either jump for joy or puke. But today, today my friend, I got nothing. I think ambivalence has set in, oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Posted by: Pookie at March 17, 2009 11:09 AM

I'm no Fraggle! I'm a GORG.

Posted by: Julie at March 17, 2009 11:11 AM

Patty and Selma just had simulaneous assgasms.

I, would rather watch McGruber.

Posted by: admin at March 17, 2009 11:16 AM

I'm not surprised in the least that they are making a "MacGyver" movie. Its quality will be suspect. My 28 year old brain tells me that this was one of my favorite shows of all time that I would still watch today.

More dumb shit on the horizon. Must be another day in my life.

My brain, spurned by the Macgyver hate, also tells me that you're not looking at the horizon. You're just catching your reflection in the rear-view mirror.

Posted by: branded at March 17, 2009 11:16 AM

I hope those goddamn Irish people stay off the fucking streets with their drinking and shit. I never understood why people go out and get all plastered, then start fighting, only to get their ass kicked. I usually go to the liquor store, come home and go upstairs and drink by myself so nobody can bother me. But no, those fucking micks got to ruin everything.

Posted by: Pookie at March 17, 2009 11:19 AM

I thought New Line was absorbed back into Warner Brothers and was no more. Or did I dream that? A very boring dream obviously.

Posted by: TylerDFC at March 17, 2009 11:28 AM

You can cram it, Mister.

Posted by: Patty at March 17, 2009 11:28 AM

Ditto to what she said. Cram it hard.

Posted by: Selma at March 17, 2009 11:29 AM

Stop your jabberin ladies, and bring me some crickets to eat!

Posted by: Chub Chub at March 17, 2009 11:32 AM

You may say Gorg but I smell radish sticks.

Posted by: twig at March 17, 2009 11:34 AM

See, now originally, I pictured Cotterpin Doozer, because of the rebellious streak, but as I've gotten to know Julie, I see she has the wisdom of Madame Trash Heap. She also has the destructive nature of Side Bottom, though.

Gorg, she says? Junior, am I right?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 17, 2009 12:02 PM

Is Junior the idiot? Then YES.

I don't remember Side Bottom, but I appreciate the name. If I were to be a Fraggle, I'd want to be Travellin Uncle Matt. Then I could wear a sweet hat and ride a dog.

Posted by: Julie at March 17, 2009 12:11 PM

And attempt to talk to cars in their own language. But I have a suspicion you may do that already, on occasion.

Posted by: admin at March 17, 2009 12:15 PM

That's it Pookie. A little higher.

Posted by: grinder at March 17, 2009 12:39 PM

Hollywood's "creativity" has hit rock bottom and started to dig. I envision Shia Lebouf (sp?) as MacGyver.

Posted by: hoof Hearted at March 17, 2009 12:59 PM

Well, by the picture accompanying this post it would seem Richard Dean Anderson thinks this is a great, heaping pile of Hollywood dookie too- otherwise why else would he be hefting that giant winged enema?

Posted by: bleujayone at March 17, 2009 1:09 PM

I’m gonna come out and say it right now, and it’s not the alcohol talking: “MacGyver,” the omnipresent 80’s TV show, sucked. It was stupid, pointless, and boring. Richard Dean Anderson attempted suave super genius and instead succeeded with Blandy McBlanderson. You may have wonderful memories of it, but as with shows like “The A-Team” and “Remington Steele,” the aging process has not been kind.

If they're going to make a stupid movie out of every terrible show from childhood, how long will it be until they make a live action Pokemon movie?

Posted by: George at March 17, 2009 1:22 PM

I, would rather watch McGruber.

admin, I give it two years. McGruber is a pretty popular segment, so of course that means it'll somehow get a 2 hour movie one day. Mark my words.

Posted by: figgy at March 17, 2009 1:28 PM

how long will it be until they make a live action Pokemon movie?

I don't think that show ever ended, actually.

Posted by: twig at March 17, 2009 1:35 PM

Well they did make a live-action DBZ, so I'd say Pokemon isn't too far off in the horizon.

Posted by: Quincy at March 17, 2009 5:17 PM

It's one thing letting Hollywood handle a movie that has a little bit of science in it, which they are perfectly capable of fucking up in the first place, but putting them in charge of a movie ABOUT science? It would make my engineer's ears bleed.

Posted by: Eep at March 17, 2009 6:41 PM

Ah bloody hell! Will they ever stop dammit!?!

Are the directors gonna aim for the camp or try to make it "realistic"?

If it was a muppets version of McGuyver, it might be watchable. But this...Oh crap. Is a A-Team movie in the works too?
Are they going to remake M.A.S.H?

What about Magnum P.I?

Geeze! Someone give me SOME kinda hope and tell me there's an end to THIS shite in sight!

Posted by: Four Eyes at March 17, 2009 6:42 PM

Four Eyes, You need to have a look at the Trade News section of the site.

Prepare yourself.

Posted by: admin at March 17, 2009 7:45 PM

We need to accept it. They're gonna remake every single one of those fuckers, and it won't end until they're out of shit to destroy.

And then? well, then we'll move on to the 90s. Prepare for the "Friends" movie: 20 Years Later.

Posted by: figgy at March 17, 2009 8:17 PM

Posted by: Chub Chub at March 17, 2009 11:32 AM

I had to ;look up chub chub, and nothing gave me anything so iwent to image search and half of the picture results were of jessica simpson. it made me laugh.

Posted by: SaBrina at March 18, 2009 5:02 AM

and yes i know thats all fucked up wordiwse but im too drunk to care

Posted by: SaBrina at March 18, 2009 5:02 AM

MacGyver - the only show that took longer than the Simpsons to develop into a feature-length film.

What can I say - holy fuck MacGyver was the most awesome shit alive. True, it was lame. But it was lame in the most awesome way - it's like there is a quantum barrier between normal lameness and genius lameness. MacGyver made it to the genius part.

Nobody else has ever managed to be so utterly corny and 80s without losing an iota of cool. MacGyver - welcome back. We missed you.

Posted by: Ted Tyro at March 23, 2009 10:02 PM

well said ted.

Posted by: brett at March 25, 2009 10:38 AM

Does anyone care that the original creator of the show is one of the exec producers and possible writer of the script?

He did announce sever months ago that he was working on a script for a movie version.

Might not be so bad after all.

Posted by: Rocky at April 20, 2009 1:03 AM


















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