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July 2, 2008 | Comments ()


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Just Lock the Bitch in the Pajiba and Throw away the Fucking Key Already for Fuck's Sake

The Daily Trade Round-Up / The TV Whore
July 1, 2008

Trade News | July 2, 2008 | Comments ()


For some time now, I have tried to steer clear of the seething rage that has been directed at Rainbow Killer (a.k.a. Katherine Heigl) by many writers and readers of this site, for no better reason than there’s no reason to keep piling on. But now she’s gone and gotten herself stuck in my craw. As you may have heard, she recently dissed her “Grey’s Anatomy” writers like a motherfucker, saying she wasn’t going to push for an Emmy nomination because she feels like her writers didn’t giver her any decent material to work with. And regardless of whether or not that’s actually true, that’s some bullshit to pull and many speculated that she was trying to get off the show. So now She Who Kills the “Red and Yellow and Pink and Green, Purple and Orange and Blue” says that she’s not actually planning to leave the show anytime soon. Which is no surprise really, considering she’s under contract for the upcoming season, so she doesn’t really have a choice but to show the fuck up.

However, the writers certainly have a choice, and I have to share a brilliant idea I heard on “Kevin & Bean” (a local LA morning radio show) a few weeks back, when this whole stink began. What the writers should do is put Rainbow Killer’s Izzie in a coma for the whole fucking season. During each episode, for one or two scenes, various cast members can gather in Izzie’s room to discuss whatever blathering what-not needs to be discussed, all over Izzie’s limp and unmoving body. Fucking brilliant idea. If the lady don’t like the words the writers give her, then just stop giving her words at all! …If anyone knows a “Grey’s Anatomy” writer, please get this to them immediately.

Moving on, I’m going to take a momentary timeout from my temporary moratorium on discussing procedural/doctor/lawyer shows (and motherfucking “Crash”) because FX has made two fun casting announcements for the upcoming season of “Damages” (“upcoming” in a loose sense, as it won’t air until early ‘09). Last week, they announced that William Hurt (!) would be joining the show as a new client of Patty Hewes (Glenn Close). Now it’s been announced that the cocksucker sheriff himself, Timothy Olyphant, will be joining the show as a guy who gets involved with Ellen (Rose Byrne’s character, who may now be trying to help the Feds take Close’s Hewes down) both personally and professionally. The first season of “Damages” was overrated, in my opinion, but it was held together by solid acting, particularly from Ted Danson. While he’s gone for this second season (or so it would seem), Hurt, Olyphant and Close (not to mention Byrne, who was adequate, and Tate Donovan who is Tate Donovan for crying out loud) actually give this sucker one of the better casts out there. And, so, I do believe that I’m now actually looking forward to the show’s return now next year.

*Moratorium now firmly back in place*

Does a show about a guy who works in the field of “deception detection,” figuring out when folks are lying, fall within the “procedural” portion of my moratorium? Doesn’t seem like it does technically, and yet, in my gut, it feels like it belongs in the sealed-off box. So let’s just say that Tim Roth is making the network drama plunge in Fox’s “Lie to Me” and move on.

As an aside for no other reason than because I’m a little tipsy right now — I’m writing this “last night” from when you’re reading it, and Defending Your Life just started on whatever movie channel I have on. Is that not the greatest fucking movie in the world? Speaking of which, if you’re not watching the new season of “Weeds,” you should be because Albert Brooks is in top form, and it’s great to see.

Anyways … in other casting news, ABC has added Aidan Quinn and Rutger Hauer to its “Prince of Motor City” pilot, the loosely modern spin on Hamlet set in Detroit. Aidan Quinn can be pretty good, and Rutger Hauer used to be pretty good, so these two sorta cancel each other out in my book. Add in Andie MacDowell and Piper Perabo, and I can’t say I’m overly excited. However, I am now a bit more excited about “Inseparable.” I mentioned this show last week — it’s Shaun Cassidy’s modern-day Jekyll and Hyde story — and talked about not caring too much. But good on Cassidy for figuring out how to get me roped in, by casting Tricia Helfer as a police psychiatrist who presumably works with Lloyd Owen’s main character, a partially paralyzed forensic psychiatrist with a bit of a criminal alter ego to him. They’ve also cast who-dat Morgan Turner as Owen’s daughter and I suddenly realize that, under the Jekyll/Hyde business, this is really a show that likely belongs in my moratorium box. Jesus Christ, is there anything but cop and lawyer and doctor shows?

Well, I guess there’s “The Office.” And in excellent news for that show, it’s been announced that Amy Ryan will be returning after a fantastic guest spin on last season’s finale. She’s signed on for several episodes as the HR rep, and will appear in at least five episodes. After that, it’s anybody’s guess as to whether she’ll stay and/or Toby will return. But whatever — Ryan is fantastic, and welcome her back into “The Office.”

Oh, speaking of “Weeds,” last week I told you about the chance of a spin-off focusing on Romany Malco’s Conrad (yes, for those who missed it in my round-up a few weeks back, Conrad and Heylia will not be popping up on the current season of “Weeds”). In the meantime, Malco is working on his own series, where he’ll play Tijuana “T.J.” Jackson, an ex-con living under house arrest with three women (who happen to be hookers working for him). Malco doesn’t have a network deal for the show, but you’ll be able to see it anyway, as he’s planning to release weekly episodes exclusively on YouTube. I’m not all that intrigued by the show itself, but I love me some Romany and will certainly give it a try if I find out when it’s going to be on the YouTube.

And finally, HBO’s upcoming “True Blood” has gone viral with the video, and here’s the best of the ones they’ve done so far:


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Seth Freilich is Pajiba’s television editor. Interestingly, if a panel ever makes him look back on the best and worst days of his life, the one common thread is that in either case, he was probably drunk.



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