I mean, really: It was kind of expected, wasn’t it? A sequel that makes $279 million (and lands in 7th place, all time, on our Worst Blockbusters list) is surely to spawn a third, right? You’d hate the 18 collective Oscar nominations to go to waste doing projects of value, right?
So, yeah: The Little Fockers is in the works, and Blythe Danner and Robert DeNiro have confirmed their participation. Since Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand have little else to do but grow old and count their money in their geriatric Underoos, I suspect they’ll also return, and the foursome will play grandparents to the spawn of Ben Stiller and Teri Polo. There’s nothing I love more than sexual banter between Streisand and Hoffman — it’s erectional! Raven Symone will play the babysitter. The surprising thing to me, really, is that Ben Stiller can still procreate after taking so many hits to the pants’ weenie.
But you know what’s most depressing? Box-office wise, Meet the Fockers stands as the most successful movie that anyone in the cast has ever been in. In fact, Meet the Fockers grossed more money than all three Godfather movies combined. This, folks, is what passes for comedy in this culture:
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 18, 2008 11:08 AM
...Ben Stiller can still procreate after taking so many hits to the pants' weenie.
As opposed tooooooo??? The elbow weenie? Elbownie? Elbenis? Boy version of the Vagelbow.
Posted by: PissBoy at November 18, 2008 11:09 AM
And the only thing running through my head right now is:
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
eating POPCORN
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
eating POPCORN
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
eating POPCORN
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
HAMSTER ON A PIANO
eating POPCORN
Posted by: BWeaves at November 18, 2008 11:16 AM
Schlongbow? Elbunk?
Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 11:16 AM
"There's nothing I love more than sexual banter between Streisand and Hoffman..."
Accept maybe shoving screwdrivers under my fingernails whilst enjoying an earwax and broken glass sandwich...
I really enjoy the word Wangbow, but i think we need to buyild the word differently that Vagelbow. I think we should keep the first syllable...then go into the penii reference.
Elbang? Elbock? Elbogurt Slinger?
Posted by: PissBow at November 18, 2008 11:20 AM
Y'know, I actually liked Ben Stiller in Reality Bites. Of course, at that time, I also liked Ace of Base, soo... It's relative.
Posted by: Amelia Bedelia at November 18, 2008 11:24 AM
Agreed. Elbork sword? That's what the Swedish Chef has in his pants.
Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 11:29 AM
Do I have to do everything around here?
It's Elboner.
Posted by: branded at November 18, 2008 11:30 AM
Oh Dustin, you had me at Raven Symone.
Posted by: admin at November 18, 2008 11:33 AM
I would rather read Blaze.
I'd rather watch you read Blaze, while furiously masturbating with a cheese grater and Paris HIlton licking my face.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 18, 2008 11:34 AM
Oh my.
Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 11:35 AM
No...no, dear god No. No. Just no. No, I refuse to acknowledge this. I mean, Meet the Fockers wasn't that successful, was it? No. No, please no. No...no....NO! NO! SWEET GOD IN HEAVEN NO! NOT ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING MOVIES! OH GOD, THEY USED A PICTURE OF BARBARA STREISAND MOLESTING BLYTHE DANNER! OH GODTOPUS IT BURNS! YOU COULDN'T HAVE JUST BURIED THIS UNDER THE RUG FOR A WHILE! C'MON! YOU JUST DON'T TELL A GUY WITH A COLD SOME THINGS, OTHERWISE HE'S LIKELY TO SNAP AND TAKE HIS COMPUTER WITH HIM!
I'd rather watch you read Blaze, while furiously masturbating with a cheese grater and Paris HIlton licking my face.
Make sure you use the big holes Shadows you wouldn't want it to chafe. And by holes I mean Paris Hiltons.
Posted by: admin at November 18, 2008 11:38 AM
wow...branded. Well done. I'm amazed at the simplicity of it. Mostly just jealous though cuz it was right there for the taking (kinda like Miley Cyrus's anal virginity) and i missed it. (kinda like miley Cyrus's anal virginity...it went to her Dad)
Posted by: PissBoy at November 18, 2008 11:39 AM
I'm so sorry about that out burst. I really shouldn't have acted like that after seeing just a picture and a headline and...wait...Raven Symone is in this?
Raven "dresses like a Palin at her concerts" Symone?!
"I'd rather watch you read Blaze, while furiously masturbating with a cheese grater and Paris HIlton licking my face. ..."
And *I* would rather masturbate while Paris Hilton licked a cheese grater as you read Blaze.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 18, 2008 11:43 AM
MEET THE LITTLE FOCKERS?! BRILLIANT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(....hurk!...)
the goddam title made me laugh so hard I cough-puked up half a mcmuffin onto my keyboard -stop- now the period and shift buttons doesn't work-stop- the sheer talent in this film makes me hard -stop- i'm so happy, i wanna punch the pope in the throat, i wanna hump a dolphin, i wanna throw emmanuel lewis down a laundry chute - not because he's colored, but because he's so goddamed adorable -stop- fuckityfuckaroo, this movie's gonna rawk -stop- i hate tuesdays -stop- nd nw th vwls r stck -stop- stpd vmt -stop-
Posted by: Skitz at November 18, 2008 11:43 AM
Eeee hee hee hee ew gross hee.
Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 11:44 AM
I'm so sorry about that out burst. I really shouldn't have acted like that after seeing just a picture and a headline and...wait...Raven Symone is in this?
Raven "dresses like a Palin at her concerts" Symone?!
Well then, it's official...God is Dead.
Also, I guess it's a bad time to mention they're gearing up for a third Nutty Professor with Eddie Murphy. Maybe Raven can sign a five picture deal with Universal, and take over this franchise next! I dare you, I FUCKING DARE YOU HOLLYWOOD! Bring me Nutty Professor 3: The Little Klump, followed by Nutty Professor 4: Little Klump Strikes Forth, which will then be encored with Nutty Professor 5: Klump Hump, and finally draw the series to a close with the magnum opus Nutty Professor 6: Large and In Charge. Do that, and I'll bring you the heads of all three Jonas Brothers, WITH their purity rings, because honestly...these movies are like sentencing my brain to death for a crime I didn't commit.
Umm, they already did direct-to-DVD Nutty Professor sequels, only they used the other daughter instead of Raven Symone.
GOD WHY DO I KNOW THESE THINGS, YET CANNOT PASS ONE SINGLE TEST IN THEORY OF COMPUTATION?!?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!!?!!!!!
Posted by: Vermillion at November 18, 2008 12:03 PM
Back in my younger, naive days I made the mistake of mentioning to my mother that I liked the original Meet the Parents. I had rented it with my then-boyfriend on our sixth or seventh date and thought it wasn't terrible. Mainly because I had a thing for Owen Wilson back in the day (don't ask).
So, come Christmas I received the VHS tape back when those things still exsisted. Then a few years later, she gave me a dvd of the sequel for Christmas too, even though I had never even seen it. I know what to expect for Christmas next year.
Posted by: Austin at November 18, 2008 12:08 PM
Wow Austin...either you mom is one heinous bitch, or you really fucked up big time that year and the world was out of coal.
Posted by: PissBoy at November 18, 2008 12:29 PM
Ben Stiller is a pox on all humanity. So's this poor excuse for a movie...that factoid about it making more money that all three Godfathers put me in deep depression.
Posted by: ph at November 18, 2008 12:36 PM
Do people have no self respect? Is the Bush family involved in film these days? I think we need to take over Hollywood. Who has the keys to the tank?
Posted by: Cindy at November 18, 2008 1:06 PM
Austin I have the solution to your problem. When this comes out, casually mention that you saw it (don't actually do this as it may cause you to be a case of spontaneous combustion) and that it was a shame to its predecessors and that it made you sad because it was so not "on par" with the originals.
Hopefully, your mom will listen and not get you the DVD.
Also, who was clamoring for this third film? Are people so desperate to see a cat shatting into a toilet? Were the baby gags not enough in that monstrosity MtF that they were artistically obligated to continue on with this travesty?
Did Stiller punch someone's taint until they cried "uncle!" in submission? Inquiring minds need to know...
In the middle: American culture, gasping its last, fetid breath.
Posted by: Snath at November 18, 2008 3:25 PM
At work we were all talking about 'Tropic Thunder', and how it was definitely good and worth seeing but disappointing nonetheless, and one girl goes, as if she just came to a major realization:
"...I think I kind of hate Ben Stiller!"
I laughed for a very long time.
Posted by: Mimi at November 18, 2008 4:17 PM
Oh good fucking lord. I really need to stay away from these posts. They make my heart ache and my hand long for a machete to bash some of these asshole's heads in.
FUCK. DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE NO DIGNITY?!
YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD TO ME, DE NIRO. DEAD
FUCKER.
Posted by: figgy at November 18, 2008 4:53 PM
In fact, Meet the Fockers grossed more money than all three Godfather movies combined.
Inflation.
Posted by: ChrisD at November 18, 2008 4:57 PM
I'm cold....so cold....someone hold me....oh god...so cold...
Posted by: shakingfiggy at November 18, 2008 4:57 PM
I really have never been a fan of these movies. The whole Ben Stiller thing has really worn thin with me as well. I just don't think he's that funny. I have gone out of my way not to pay dollar one to see any of his films since I saw Zoolander and laughed once or twice. I did see Tropic Thunder, but that was for RDJ, who saved that film. Otherwise, he takes jokes and runs the punchlines 15 feet into the Earth's mantle.
I know people who champion these films, but they don't hold up, he's the same depressing mope he always is. Envy, Duplex, Along Came Polly,Starsky and Hutch, The Heartbreak Kid (why they ever did a remake of that is criminal, Charles Grodin should bitchslap him) Night at the Museum, The Cable Guy (he fucked up Jim Carrey for life). I just don't get it.
I gave him some street cred back in the day for the Ben Stiller show. But that was the first time we saw the Tom Cruise and Butch Patrick impersonations and Apatow, Odenkirk and Garofalo carried him the rest of way. Now there is Dodgeball and the cameo on Anchorman and that's about it.
He won't get anymore of my dollars, especially if it means bringing Streisand back on the screen.
In fact, Meet the Fockers grossed more money than all three Godfather movies combined.
I refuse to believe that. REFUSE!