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Listing Every Potential Male Dual Casting Combination That Could Possibly Be More Obnoxious than Ashton Kutcher and Justin Bieber

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (34)

kutcher-beiber.jpg

Exclusive word from the LA Times today suggests that Ashton Kutcher and Justin Bieber may team up to star in the coming-of-age comedyWhat Would Kenny Do?, a movie based on the 2008 Black List script from Chris Baldi. It’s about a 17-year-old kid (Bieber) who meets the 30-year-old hologram version of himself (Kutcher), who would then provide the 17-year-old version of himself advice.

The original script was R-rated, but (500) Days of Summer writers Scott Neustadter and Michael Weber have rewritten it and, presumably, toned down the humor (read: Stripped it of all that is good and holy) to better appeal to Bieber’s fanbase (read: 12-year-old giggly devil spawn). The project is again currently out for writers, and a director has yet to be found.

And now for your listing pleasure, here is a complete list of every potential male dual casting combination that could possibly be more obnoxious than the pairing of Ashton Kutcher and Justin Bieber:

1.










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Comments

Before I read this, I just want you to know that the headline/header pic combo sent a frosty sensation all the way down my spine.

Now, time to read.

Posted by: RobP at March 31, 2011 11:06 AM

Well, that was a quick read...

My only response now: Yes, you are right.

Posted by: RobP at March 31, 2011 11:08 AM

Theater owners are pissed off at Hollywood for churning out crap like "Sucker Punch" and "Mars Needs Moms" type of films lately because nobody goes to see them.

So they'll go this route.

If you're a dude and you go to this, you might as well cut off your balls when the movie ends.

Posted by: Shane at March 31, 2011 11:09 AM

Put Ed "Blue Steel" Westwick on anything with anybody, and I'll be sure to douse the package with gasoline, throw a lit match into it, then walk away in slo mo as it burns.

Posted by: sars at March 31, 2011 11:13 AM

Why do you have to wait until the movie ends to do it Shane? If make a surgical strike during the opening credits, the ensuing hospital visit would prevent you from seeing the movie and you would still get credit for having agreed to do so.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 31, 2011 11:14 AM

Studio Douche: I like it but let's rewrite it so that fans of Justin Bieber can enjoy it as well.

Chris Baldi: (Blows brains out all over script. Drops dead.)

Studio Douche: Meh. Still a little adult for that demo. I'll get a couple other guys to work on it. What do you think?

Chris Baldi: (Dead)

Studio Douche: OK. I'll get right on it and see if we can get Kutcher on as well.

Chris Baldi: (Resurrects self. Jumps off cliff)

Posted by: Paultera at March 31, 2011 11:15 AM

Proviso: Unless sitting through the movie gives you the potential to get some cause then you'd need them.

Are you sure you've thought this through, Shane?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 31, 2011 11:17 AM

1. Dan Fogler, Chris colfer

Your move, Dustin.

Posted by: Robert at March 31, 2011 11:20 AM

I'm actually sort of disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing where you'd take this. As I clicked thru to the article I was thinking, Nah...MORE obnoxious? Can't be done.

I was mulling over possible combos of Katherine Haigel, Demi Moore, Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zeta Jones and Keira Knightly and throwing in some smatterings of Robin Williams and Jaime Fox...and then you sucker punched me.

Nice job.

Posted by: klingonfree at March 31, 2011 11:22 AM

You know, as horrifying as this news is (and it ranks pretty high up there) I have to admit that the casting of Kutcher as a grown up Bieber is fucking inspired. I mean, you know that little lesbian's going to grow up to have the biggest doucheface this side of Doucheville, and as we all know the King of Doucheville is...Ashton Kutcher! It's like...SYNERGY.

Awful, soul-killing truths right there.

Posted by: figgy at March 31, 2011 11:26 AM

Is it based on a true story?

Cos Ashton Kutcher essentially is some sort of future hologram of that kid.

Anyway, I'm interested. In writing and directing it that is.

Posted by: zeke the pig at March 31, 2011 11:26 AM

How about something starring Robin Williams and Chris Tucker?

Posted by: Celestialkat at March 31, 2011 11:27 AM

Dang Figgy, you beat me to it by a second.

Posted by: zeke the pig at March 31, 2011 11:28 AM

Nothing. There is nothing worse.
On a side note, I took my kid to get his hair cut. I said, "a little off the top and sides, he's growing it out, no mullet, please" and my kid got Biebered. I thought I was going to pass out from rage. The whole ride home, every time I looked in the rear view, I cursed the Style Gods for allowing that horrible Biebercut to exist anywhere in the world. I've never wanted to punch a haircut so much in my entire life.

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at March 31, 2011 11:35 AM

Robert, I'll see your Fogler, and raise you a Russell Brand. I can't think of any teens to cast, mostly because I'm old and they all fall into the category of "Annoying as Fuck".

Posted by: Groundloop at March 31, 2011 11:35 AM

Kevin Federline and Kirk Cameron in "PUNCH THEM!! PUNCH THEM NOW!!"

Posted by: mrcreosote at March 31, 2011 11:41 AM

Groundloop, that would be Russell Brand, Jamie Campbell Bower (Anthony from Burton's Sweeney Todd, fellow member of Rat-Faced Actors Local 748 in England).

Posted by: Robert at March 31, 2011 11:41 AM

The shitbird kid from "Two and a Half Men" and Andy Dick.

Posted by: Forward Observer at March 31, 2011 11:45 AM

I'm not too worried about this. I'm counting on the world to end and/or be embroiled in an all-out nuclear war before this shitstorm comes out. Silver linings, people.

Posted by: Joker at March 31, 2011 11:53 AM

Wasn't this a South Park episode?
As for my picks, James Corden (British "comedian") and Taylor Lautner

Posted by: Renton at March 31, 2011 11:59 AM

Miley Cyrus and Tara Reid?

Posted by: RobP at March 31, 2011 12:12 PM

Andy Milonakis and Jack Black?

Posted by: RobP at March 31, 2011 12:13 PM

The brunette from Glee and Jennifer Lopez?

Lindsay Lohan and Taylor Momsen?

This is kind of easier than I thought...

Posted by: RobP at March 31, 2011 12:15 PM

What Would Kenny Do?

if this were a Parker/Stone movie, I'd be all over it.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 31, 2011 12:18 PM

Paul Walker and Snooki. Oh wait. We're doing male casting. My bad. Make that Rob Schneider and Snooki.

Posted by: Paultera at March 31, 2011 12:41 PM

What I wanna know is how Rowles managed to get a photograph of my Thursday morning poop to use for the header pic.

Posted by: lubeg at March 31, 2011 12:42 PM

I clicked on this story thinking, "I must see this list, because there is no way anyone could possibly be more obnoxious than these two assholes. Hollywood fail."
And then-

Welcome to my head. Excellent job.

Posted by: Nugs at March 31, 2011 3:33 PM

George Lopez and Chuy from Chelsea Lately

Posted by: dagnabbit at March 31, 2011 5:07 PM

Wow- my suggestion was so bad it had to be moderated! Hell bells...

Posted by: JuiceinLA at March 31, 2011 5:38 PM

Cole/Dylan Sprouse and a Jonas.

Posted by: Greedy at March 31, 2011 6:50 PM

I'm all in, I have Josh Duhamel and Hayden Christensen. Is the pot mine?

Posted by: Gamal at March 31, 2011 8:26 PM

reduced to plot devices and lazily handed back stories through even lazier voice overs. This isn't a noir for Christ's sake, this is supposed to be an American epic. Show some effot in the storytelling! The narraration was so scattered and unengaging that I really didn't give a damn what Law's character's childhood was like. Kate Winslet and Mark Ruffalo were introduced so late and were so seemingly dispensible that I wondered why Zallian bothered introducing them at all. And the script... ugh. He sure loves his metaphors/similies. It felt as though every other line was some obscure analogy that the audience was being forced to relate to. "It's like... a... a blue bird flying against the summer wind. You can't fight what nature intends for you."
Admittedly a slight exaggeration, but definitely not far off. Overall I was very dissapointed and its only saving grace was Sean Penn's brilliant performance.

Posted by: cosplay costumes at April 1, 2011 5:20 AM

Really- never made it past the moderator? Who would have thought Will Ames and Cory Feldman were THAT controversial?

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