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Lindsay Lohan to Star In The Other Side | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Lindsay Lohan? Job?

My Monocle Just Popped Off / Stacey Nosek

Trade News | May 14, 2009 | Comments (37)

Get ready for this. Are you sitting down? Do you have a cool compress to press against your forehead? OK, here it is. Somebody actually hired Lindsay Lohan to be in their movie. And not just any kind of shitty, straight-to-ABC Family movie, either. A real one. The film, an “indie fantasy comedy” called The Other Side, also stars Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette. In fact, pretty much everything about it sounds good except for the obvious fact of Lindsay Lohan starring in it.

Story centers on a grad student who must spend the summer working at a scientific institute on a remote island. She discovers an eccentric community of characters who are hiding a secret about a tragedy that took place many years before.

Shooting is set for October at an island off the coast of Massachusetts. (Source)

So the only question left to ponder now is: How is Lindsay Lohan going to fuck up and squander this opportunity? She’s like the Wile E. Coyote of fucking up movies. It doesn’t matter how many pairs of dynamite-laced rollerskates she gets sent from ACME, she’s still going to smash into a wall with a hole painted on it and she’ll probably be full of pills and booze when it happens.

Cross-posted at Webster’s Is My Bitch.


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Comments

Meh. Leave the snark to Webster's -- it's why I eventually got tired of reading that site. I come here ostensibly for intelligence and insight, not monkey poo-slinging.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at May 14, 2009 5:12 PM

Actually, every movie I've seen her in (never seen Just My Luck) was good. To wit:

-The Parent Trap- she was nine and freaking adorable.
-Freaky Friday- passable, and I didn't see it all.
-Mean Girls- She was good, and it had Tina Fey, which made it all the better.
-A Prairie Home Companion- she was on a par with the rest of the cast, and actually came across as a normal, albeit jaded and melodramatic teenager.

Granted, she has made a hash of her life, but there seems to be ample evidence that the girl can act if her brain hasn't been completely destroyed by booze, coke, anorexia, and whatever inspired those horrible leggings.

Posted by: Cat at May 14, 2009 5:18 PM

Meh, it's just as well, obviously whoever is making this doesn't want anyone to ever, EVER, watch it. Lindsay Lohan is like the typhoid Mary of Hollywood, as in, guaranteed to POISON any production she's even remotely associated with.

And please, do not even bring up the rote: "she's so talented blah blah blah" She's had ONE good performance in her whole miserable life and that was Parent Trap. She's played the same role ever since: Freaky Friday/Confessions/Mean Girl/Emo Daughter/Lennnon Groupie/Emo daughter again/Mutilated Hooker.

All flops BTW.(except for Mean Girls, thanks to Rachel McAdams who was the real star.)

All, each and every one, method acted as coked-up Lindsay Lohan

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 14, 2009 5:22 PM

Cat, what about the stripper twin movie?

Posted by: True_Blue at May 14, 2009 5:22 PM

I don't think I have to be ashamed to admit here that I love Mean Girls. I could watch it every time it comes on tv. I can't resist it.
*Rest of the frat walks by*
Yeah cuz her boobs were huge! Chyea Bro! *Hand slap*
*They leave*
And I sing along with his rendition of "I am Beautiful".
DONTCHA BRING ME DOWN!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 14, 2009 5:29 PM

Never saw it. I don't have posters of her on my wall or anything, but I have seen some of her stuff and it isn't all crap. Once upon a time, she was a decent actress with some acting chops, and maybe if she turns herself around she could turn in a good performance. Not saying the probability of such a feat is high, but it's possible. That's all I'm saying.

Posted by: Cat at May 14, 2009 5:31 PM

I come here ostensibly for intelligence and insight, not monkey poo-slinging.
Posted by: Neodiogenes at May 14, 2009 5:12 PM

Errmmm... stumble into the wrong beer joint, pal?

Posted by: Spender at May 14, 2009 5:44 PM

I'm sure she has to give a *job to get a job.

*--hand, blow, rim

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 14, 2009 5:44 PM

I saw the headline and my first 3 thoughts were "tawdry," "apathetic" and "hand."

Posted by: firedmyass at May 14, 2009 5:46 PM

Errmmm... stumble into the wrong beer joint, pal?

Posted by: Spender at May 14, 2009 5:44 PM

----------------------------------------------

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe...*burp*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 14, 2009 5:50 PM

Stacey! That's your third monocle this month, you simply MUST stop being so horrified!

Posted by: nadine at May 14, 2009 6:07 PM

I'm always up for a good comeback story. Let's hope this movie goes well for ol' Linds.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at May 14, 2009 6:14 PM

Let's not.

She has spit on opportunities that other more deserving people will never get.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 14, 2009 6:18 PM

So, here's the thing; Lindsey Lohan's birthday is exactly one month before mine. She's a month older than me. As such, I feel compelled to root for her because I don't want to think that you can have absolutely nothing left in life when you're only on the cusp of 23. I think she got a raw deal in terms of parents and I'm hoping one day she figures out that until you can trust and love yourself no one else will and all that other mushy, life affirming shit.

Hell, if she wants, I'll go live with her and try and work with her to build her career back up and stay off the yey. Team Lindsey!

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 14, 2009 6:37 PM

I thought that Lindsay was the new Paris?

Posted by: admin at May 14, 2009 6:41 PM

Stacey, try clutching the pearls instead. It's much more dignified than a monacle.

Posted by: greer at May 14, 2009 6:53 PM

Well at least Lohan as a science student doesn't make me lol as much as Keanu Reeves playing a nuclear physicist.

Btw, I nominate the "Whoah!" over the collider explosion at the end of the credits to Chain Reaction for most honest moment in film history.

Posted by: Eep at May 14, 2009 6:53 PM

Yowzah. Who did Dina have to fuck to get her the part? You KNOW Skeletor over there didn't get the role by herself.

Posted by: figgy at May 14, 2009 6:56 PM

Exactly, fig...
Really, until the child lays off of the blow, kicks the anorexia and eats a coupla dozen double- cheeseburgers then I fear she'll have a very short lifespan.

Posted by: Spender at May 14, 2009 7:27 PM

With any luck, she'll be the tragic event the town is working to cover up.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at May 14, 2009 7:32 PM

When it comes to love I want a Looooo-han
I want a woman who's an easy touch ...

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 14, 2009 8:10 PM

She was more than competent in Mean Girls. I don't see why she couldn't be competent again with a good director.

Posted by: Lucas at May 14, 2009 8:11 PM

the mister and i were flipping through the tv recently and came across the parent trap. we got sucked into it for about 20 minutes. i miss pre-teen lindsey.

Posted by: gp at May 14, 2009 8:12 PM

i miss pre-teen lindsey.



and Natasha Richardson...



*sniff*

Posted by: mswas at May 14, 2009 9:01 PM

Eep--true, I find Lindsey as a grad student totally believable. Assuming her major is a study of speed, quantity and trajectory of powdered cocaine snorted up her nostrils.

Posted by: True_Blue at May 14, 2009 9:44 PM

Lindsay Lohan... I thought she was dead, like Rob Schneider.

God, I miss pre-drug and unthinkable sex acts Lohan, she was quite a woman.

Posted by: George at May 14, 2009 10:06 PM

oh that's right! now i remember, it was the weekend after natasha richardson died!

that's why we got sucked into it.
(who would ever believe i adored BOTH lindseys in that one?)

Posted by: gp at May 15, 2009 12:11 AM

I agree with you Cat - she is a talented actress who has wasted her opportunities.

She really needs to disappear for a while; sadly she is addicted to the publicity and definitely a shadow of her former self.

Looking at her it is hard to believe she is only 23.

Posted by: Neena at May 15, 2009 5:27 AM

Looks like it might be a pretty shitty movie anyway, so maybe it won't matter how bad she is.

Posted by: Tracy at May 15, 2009 8:24 AM

Most child stars grow up to be shitty actors and Lindsay's no exception. She couldn't even squeeze out the tears in FREAKY FRIDAY and all she really had to do in MEAN GIRLS was remember her lines. Everyone else handled the comedy.

Since taking on 'adult' roles, she's proven what a limited talent she is. I dare anyone to sit through JUST MY LUCK, GEORGIA RULES or I KNOW WHO KILLED ME and tell me that's a good actress.

Posted by: Andrew at May 15, 2009 10:03 AM

She was out acted by a VW bug. 'Nuff said.

Posted by: ed newman at May 15, 2009 10:35 AM

Errmmm... stumble into the wrong beer joint, pal?

Posted by: Spender at May 14, 2009 5:44 PM

----------------------------------------------

Nah, I knew the kind of swill they serve here, and I know the comments section at least will be a veritable monkey poopalooza. But this kind of schadenfreude in a main article hints more of a barfly desperation.

"Hey, no celebrities of worth are doing anything interesting today. What will we do? Hey, we can always trod more shit onto that default shag carpet, Lohan?"

It might be interesting if it was news, but Lohan's slow decline is old olds.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at May 15, 2009 11:04 AM

Nice handle. The old Diogenes was a tedious, scolding twat, too.

Posted by: firedmyass at May 15, 2009 11:37 AM

also stars Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette.

Erm, except for Ribisi, that particular lineup doesn't exactly spell brilliance-soon-to-be-ruined-by-the-Lohan to me. Morisette and Matthews are not actors, and are kind of hacks in their chosen fields, and Woody Harrelson has been funny but he's also the proto-McConaughey, and I've never forgiven him for that.

Posted by: the essence of fanciness and class at May 15, 2009 11:42 AM

the essence of fanciness and class, I think you're forgetting that Alanis Morisette is GOD.

Posted by: letsspoon at May 15, 2009 2:30 PM

Leave the snark to Webster's

Ummmmmm, that's why it says cross-posted. Dustin probably didn't feel like writing something he could just jack from Stacey.

I heart the snark.

Posted by: jamiepants at May 15, 2009 2:37 PM

"Story centers on a grad student who must spend the summer working at a scientific institute on a remote island. She discovers an eccentric community of characters who are hiding a secret"

Hmmm. Sounds an awful lot like Clive Barkers "Babel's Children"

Posted by: Arthur Dent at May 15, 2009 10:13 PM





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