Life As We Know It Katherine Heigl

EXCLUSIVE SHOCKER SCOOPLET: Grey's Hottie Weeps Her Way to the Top!!!

By "Michael Ausiello" | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (34)

Just a week after learning that our beloved Izzy Stevens will be back for another season of the hospital melodrama, “Grey’s Anatomy,” we got exclusive word from a tipster who read it online at The Hollywood Reporter that the blond minx, Katherine Heigl, has lined up her next feature project. She’s set to take her crazy train a Warner Brothers drama called Life and We Know It. Game on!

Life as We Know It is a tearjerker directed by Greg Berlanti, the pen behind “Brothers and Sisters,” “Eli Stone,” and “Everwood.” The sobber is about two single people who have to look after a crumb snatcher after their mutual BFF’s die tragically in a car accident. Sparks ignite when the singletons bond over the loss and the gain. Oooh! Tragedy. That’s sexy. I smell Oscar!

No, actually, that’s the thumb I just pulled out of my ass. And it smells like chyrsanthamums!

The movie starlet is producing with her mums, Nancy, the brains behind the bombshell. Next up for the toothsome beauty is The Ugly Truth, starring opposite the bearded hunk, Gerard Butler. Rawr!

So, what do you think? Are you excited about Heigl’s new project? Are you ready to see her step up her game and rise to the next level and give 110 percent to a romantic drama? Below is a bottomless pit into which you can deposit your comments!

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Below is a bottomless pit into which you can deposit your comments!

Can't we just deposit the Rainbow Killer?

Posted by: admin at June 24, 2009 11:08 AM

So basically it's the same crap she's always doing as in: Hooking herself up with some cock.

'Cept this time it's supposed to be a drama and shit.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 24, 2009 11:13 AM

*takes a shit in the bottomless pit*

bye

Posted by: barf at June 24, 2009 11:14 AM

Speaking of Everwood, how does that show rate?

My girlfriend got me watching it over the last few months, and I don't mind it.

She got me to watch Felicity, The OC, and Gilmore Girls, too, and Felicity was the only good one of those (Gilmore Gilrs was awful; The OC was tolerable for about 2 seasons).

Posted by: annoyingmouse at June 24, 2009 11:17 AM

What's a crumb snatcher?

Last time I checked (circa 1961) if was a dress with an open bodice that caught the crumbs from your canapes during martini time at Dean's place.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 24, 2009 11:20 AM

Dude. Felicty? The OC? Unless she is some kind of bisexual nymphomanic/gourmet chef/massage therapist who owns a distillery and a beach house in the Bahamas, I am taking your man card from your right now.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 24, 2009 11:23 AM

Tracer - you're not fooling anyone with your regular comments about your manliness. You're as geeky as the rest of the Pajiban crowd--I don't care how much you work out.

Posted by: tamatha at June 24, 2009 11:32 AM

Oh, I just laughed so hard I might get fired.

A "crumb snatcher" is another name for "ankle biter."

Posted by: Nicole at June 24, 2009 11:36 AM

Shit as We Know It

The upcoming feature starring the delightful, sparkling talent of Katherine Heigl. She is forced to raise her friends' children, along with another friend of her friend, after the parent-friend dies from too many showings of "27 Dresses."

Hilarity, drama, and love ensue as the two surrogate parents are forced to team up to raise said children, all the while smoking like freight trains, cursing out the children for not bringing their lattes quickly enough, and looking at themselves in the mirror, preparing their awards show speeches.

dammitjanet rating scale gives it a 5 bullet rating....1 to kill Heigl, 1 for the screenwriter, 1 for the director, and 2 for yourself so you won't have to be subjected to this shit any longer.

Posted by: dammitjanet at June 24, 2009 11:36 AM

Why do they even bother doing cliffhangers on shows if they then announce that those involved will or won't be coming back?

Crumb snatcher is a child? Then isn't this just Raising Helen without Kate Hudson and adding in another person to raise the kid?

Posted by: Carrie at June 24, 2009 11:38 AM

Annoyingmouse:

I'm going to have to agree with Tracer Bullet on the loss of the man card. MAN UP!

I mean I'll give you the OC, because Rachel Bilson is ridiculously hot, and maybe even Gilmore Girls because for some reason I am sexually attracted to Alexis Blidel (i apparently have a thing for girls who look like porcelain dolls you find in the attic of the aunt whose house you've only visited once during the summer you discovered masturbation), but Felicity?

There are no remotely attractive women on that show that could possibly justify watching. The only reason = whippage. It would have to be an AMAZING show to justify the loss of man-juice during each episode, not just good. You need to get an infusion of ultimate banzuke: stat.

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 24, 2009 11:39 AM

Why the nom de plume "Michael Ausiello", DR?

Che, if you really don't know who Michael Ausiello is, you are blessed among mortals, and I shall not enlighten you.

Posted by: Jerce at June 24, 2009 11:44 AM

I still haven't forgiven Entertainment Weekly for hiring Ausiello. Also, I haven't forgiven them for sucking in general lately.

Posted by: Julie at June 24, 2009 11:49 AM

"The Ugly Truth" is that Heigle is a worthless cum guzzler that I wouldn't kiss with a set of borrowed lips.

She's got the personality of an ass wart who thinks that her alleged good looks will get her through life.

Sorry, baby, but to quote Ash in "Army of Darkness", "you got ugly, real fast".

Posted by: UncleJR at June 24, 2009 11:49 AM

Tracer - I traded my man card in a long time ago for a cheese-steak and a milkshake, and I haven't looked back since. That thing was sweaty.

luker - Rachel Bilson would be hot if you had a thing for extraterrestrials.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at June 24, 2009 11:51 AM

If it's got Treat Williams, annoyingmouse, it can't be all bad.

I did a double feature of Dead Heat and Deep Rising this weekend, and it was glorious.

Posted by: Snath at June 24, 2009 11:58 AM

The Grammar Nazi side of me is currently going apoplectic right now. So...many...unnecessary...punctuations...

That being said, the annoying hipster side of me is squealing with delight.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at June 24, 2009 11:58 AM

What sort of devil-spawned thesaurus could come up with words like "sobber" and "scooplet"?

Posted by: branded at June 24, 2009 12:00 PM

I'm pretty sure that I read that script when it was a book by the woman who wrote Legally Blonde. It was called Family Trust. Although, I think the parents died in a helicopter or plane crash.

Cue the cries of plagarism in 3...2...1...

Posted by: ashleigh at June 24, 2009 12:23 PM

What sort of devil-spawned thesaurus could come up with words like "sobber" and "scooplet"?

Posted by: branded at June 24, 2009 12:00 PM

Wasn't that the whole "Devil & Daniel Webster" deal?

Wait, what was that about, then?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 24, 2009 12:34 PM

Rachel Bilson would be hot if you had a thing for extraterrestrials.

Point well taken! I never thought about Rachel like that, but that would explain alot of my taste in women: i like big heads, bigger eyes, unnatural youth. I heart aliens.

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 24, 2009 12:44 PM

Also, I haven't forgiven them for sucking in general lately.

Lately? Darling, it's been longer than lately. Or else you're far more forgiving than I am.

Posted by: lizzieborden at June 24, 2009 12:44 PM

There are no remotely attractive women on that show that could possibly justify watching.

Well, Keri Russell wasn't a dog or anything, although she definitely got more attractive with age ...

Posted by: Vermillion at June 24, 2009 12:46 PM

Please tell me this is a joke folks... Britney Spears is possibly going to be in a new movie:

The script is for a project titled The Yellow Star of Sophia and Eton and Brit-Brit is considering playing the character of Sophia LaMont. She invents a time machine, travels to WWII and falls in love with Eton, a Jewish man at a concentration camp.

Posted by: legib at June 24, 2009 12:55 PM

I spent last weekend at Wizard World, tamantha so I will happily admit to being a geek (though some of you motherfuckers 'round here make me look cool as Sam Jackson). This is about annoyingmouse watching shows no straight man should watch without the absolute guarantee of mind-blowing and/or incredible food. But if he isn't worried about getting yeast infections, neither am I.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 24, 2009 1:09 PM

This is about annoyingmouse watching shows no straight man should watch without the absolute guarantee ~~of mind-~~ a blowing and~~/or~~ incredible food. But if he isn't worried about getting yeast infections, neither am I.

Fixed.

Posted by: admin at June 24, 2009 1:24 PM

"crumb snatcher" is another name for "ankle biter."

Posted by: Nicole at June 24, 2009 11:36 AM
---
= yard ape
***
but Felicity? There are no remotely attractive women on that show that could possibly justify watching.
---
Keri Russell not remotely attractive!?!

*slaps luker's face with glove*

Choose your weapon, sir!

Ass-Swiffers at 10 paces it is!

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 24, 2009 1:40 PM

I meant to say "mind blowing sex," but you corrections work just as well.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 24, 2009 1:52 PM

I'm gonna take out Michael Ausiello's heart with a SPOON.

Posted by: figgy at June 24, 2009 2:14 PM

Bucdaddy:

I accept your challenge. But let me tell you what will happen if this shit goes down.

We begin to pace, while your back is turned, I grab a copy of strunk and white and begin beating you to death with the section on proper comma usage.

I then shout a list of the 100000000000....women more attractive than Keri Russel while standing astride your bleeding corpse. After I name the last name, you expire.

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 24, 2009 2:30 PM

*yawn* more Heigl? In melodramatic romantic shit? Who cares! The defining question for my interest in her is twofold: does she get nekkid?; and does she die in a giant fireball of fiery death? This appears to be negative on both counts, so my Heigl-free slumber shall continue unabated..

Posted by: lordhelmet at June 24, 2009 3:10 PM

Then I will haunt you, luker. I will haunt you until you sob like a little girl with a Swiffer up her ass and her Pajiba, simultaneously.

Check it, she might enjoy that ...

... like a little boy with a Swiffer up his Michael Bay-sized noodle.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 24, 2009 10:28 PM

The Grammar Nazi side of me is currently going apoplectic right now. So...many...unnecessary...punctuations...

That being said, the annoying hipster side of me is squealing with delight.

Wow, put those sides together and, Brother, you got yourself one hell of an annoying whole.

Posted by: LongJohnSilver at June 25, 2009 3:44 PM

As for Heigl, she reminds me of a limpet or some sort of fish, anyone else get that?

Posted by: LongJohnSilver at June 25, 2009 3:46 PM

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EXCLUSIVE SHOCKER SCOOPLET: Grey's Hottie Weeps Her Way to the Top!!!

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