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Let's Name Admin's Baby

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (206)

eminem.jpg

There’s nothing going on tonight, folks. The best thing I could find was this — apparently, Eminen is hooking up with The Punisher for the next issue of the comic book. I’d make fun, but I figure that’s pretty much what comic books do — crossover after crossover.

Check out the image (via FilmDrunk)

eminempunisher.jpg


Perhaps that can provide a little inspiration for you this evening, as I’m going to pose two questions to keep you folks hooked for the night.

1) In terms of sheer ridiculousness, what could possibly be more absurd than the Eminem and Punisher crossover?

2) More importantly, let’s name Admin’s baby. Apparently, he and the missus are stumped. So, help a brother out. Weird suggestions are welcome, I’d imagine. He’s Canadian, after all.

If Admin ultimately chooses the name you suggest, we’ll award you a Pajiba T-shirt, whatever is on offer at the time of delivery.







← Dug the Talking Dog - Pixar's Up | "Breaking Dawn" by Stephenie Meyer →













Comments

Boy or Girl?

Posted by: Melody at May 5, 2009 8:33 PM

Let's do both.

Boy: Elliott
Girl: Anastasia

I love the name 'Elliott' but I want to keep the family tradition of having Latin names. Some examples?:

Horacio, Lisandro, Tiburcio, Rutilia, Aida, Alejandro, Ezequiel.

I'd also like something that sounds both good in English and Spanish.

Posted by: figgy at May 5, 2009 8:36 PM

If it's a girl, name her Dentata. That oughta scare away a few of those horny bastards once she's a teenager.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 5, 2009 8:37 PM

Steven, there is no way a horny teenager will know about Vagina Dentata. Except for the smart teenagers, and those are the ones who might actually be cool enough to date your daughter.


Also, Johnny Five. Think about it.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at May 5, 2009 8:39 PM

1) How about a crossover of one of the members of the Backstreet Boys and a superhero with electricity powers in an episode of a Saturday morning cartoon. (I did not make that up, that was an actual episode of Static Shock when I was a kid.)

2)Maybe admin could name the kid after one of the commentators, and nickname him after another commentator. (What I'm really thinking: Name him after me... unless it's a girl.)

Posted by: George at May 5, 2009 8:39 PM

Bob for a boy. Because I believe in originality.

Posted by: Melody at May 5, 2009 8:40 PM

I have one demand for you admin, don't name the kid a nickname. Save the nickname for it's actual duties, but imagine the humiliation of having a name like Ricky, Dick, Lizzie, or Geordy on your birth certificate.

Also, enough with the fucking weird hippie names like Moonblood or Indigo, (my poor cousins actual name.) give them a real fucking name, and save that shit for the nickname.

Posted by: George at May 5, 2009 8:43 PM

JakesAlterEgo: Sorry I was unclear. I just naturally assumed admin would have an actual dentata installed at first communion as tradition dictates. The name was specifically to warn off the smart ones intact.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 5, 2009 8:44 PM

Michael! So he will be MICHAEL SCOTT. What child wouldn't like that?

Posted by: figgy at May 5, 2009 8:47 PM

figgy, I love that your family does Latin names. That's awesome. My family had one, Amandus. (It's the male of Amanda (duh), it means "he who must be loved.")

As far as others: Claudia, Lydia, Justin, Octavia.

I like really traditional names too: Matthew, Jonathon, Elijah. And for girls: Victoria, Abigail, Agatha.

Posted by: lizzieborden at May 5, 2009 8:48 PM

Squirrel Girl and DMX?
Gammora and Pat Boone?
The Hulk and Celine Dionne?


I've always been partial to the name Quintin, or Q'uynn'tin if you're a negro. Calvin is also a fine name for a young lad.

My initial choice for Baby Bullet was Ivy, because my sister is named Jade. I also like the name Charlotte, or Charlie for short.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 5, 2009 8:48 PM

Boy or girl would be helpful. And at least a bit of info from Admin? Are you traditional name type people, or hippies, or trendy, or looking for a name from a particular heritage?

We had the hardest time with boy names, and wanted something simple and masculine that wouldn't lend itself to nicknames. Girl names were easy by comparison.

Posted by: Cindy at May 5, 2009 8:49 PM

Boy: Witch King of Angmar he who cannot be killed by any man Lord of the Nazgul!

Girl: Kandy, yes, with a "k"

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 5, 2009 8:50 PM

My serious suggestions:

For a boy--

William
Alexander
Simon
James
Maximillian (hey, Max is cool)

For a girl--

Erin (classic and underused)
Katherine (great nicknames, like Katie and Kat)
Monika (German spelling)
Caroline
Elizabeth

(I like the classics)

My better suggestions:

Anastasia Beaverhausen, of course
Snuggiepants the Deathbringer, of course (as a middle name)

I don't know why, but I've always thought it would be cool to name a girl James. I know, I know, weird, but somehow it works, doesn't it? And no one would fuck with her. I know I wouldn't.

In order to really do this right, though, it would help to know the names of the other two admin critters.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 8:51 PM

Do we have to choose a real name in lieu of just calling him/her The Infant Formerly Known as Fetus (Or TIFKAS, if you prefer acronyms)?

If it's a boy, I'd can recommend anything over simply Bon, because what father wouldn't be proud of a son named Bon Scott?

If it's a girl, let's call her Bryanna Adams. Anything to dissuade your wife from having another girl.

Posted by: branded at May 5, 2009 8:51 PM

Y'know, Nicole is an awesome name. It would work for a girl child, too.

Frankly, I'm surprised DR didn't vote for Ryan, Reynolds, or some combination of the two.

Or you could just name the tyke "Lawyer," "Doctor," or "Misty Rain," thereby ensuring a predispostion towards a future career.

Posted by: Nicole at May 5, 2009 8:51 PM

Melody - Does it even matter anymore? Who cares if a name has been historicaly gender specific? The child won't mind, it will make them unique. And when you are concerned with a name being a little too gender specific well, why not just throw an a, y, or ie on the end. The example that bred my ill will? Keitha. Ugh.

Sorry for my mini-rant.

My suggestions: Boy - Nigel, Girl - Olivia.

Posted by: Eyvi at May 5, 2009 8:52 PM

The husband is named Joachim. YOu could use that! (Yeah, don't ask me. It's a weird family name popular in Germany--where his dad's from. Fortunately he goes by Bill.)

And of course the most wonderful name for a girl?

Kellie or if you insist on misspelling it, Kelly, Kelli, Kelley, or Kellye, all of which are totally retarded compared to the superior Kellie.

Nevermind, skip that one, she'll be spelling it for people the rest of her fucking LIFE. GAH.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 8:54 PM

In all seriousness, if it's a wee lady, how about Amanda?

Posted by: Nicole at May 5, 2009 8:55 PM

If it is a girl, admin would be wise to conduct some research. He needs to visit at least a dozen strip clubs and carefully annotate the names of all the strippers. This is the list of what not to name his daughter.

If it is a boy, he should do the exact same thing.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 5, 2009 8:57 PM

In all seriousness, if it's a boy, how about Michael Pimp-Hand Scott? Yes, I'm riffing off an above suggestion, but I added something admin would love.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 8:57 PM

Steven Lloyd Wilson Which comedian said "dads, if you failed at keeping your daughter off the stripper pole, you failed at being a dad?"

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 8:58 PM

You could go Roman

Pajibicus or Pajibicus Aurelius

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 5, 2009 8:59 PM

By the way, this is one of the most hilarious baby naming sites EVER:

http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html

Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing. It's awesome.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 9:01 PM

I like Violet and Iris, Greta and Ingrid.

Jude, Ezra...

Posted by: Cindy at May 5, 2009 9:02 PM

Snuggiepants: I have no idea who said that. Gandhi? Sounds like Gandhi to me. Ooh there's a name: Mahatma, for a boy, a girl.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 5, 2009 9:02 PM

I really like Julia for a girl. I also second Charlotte - totally keeping that one in the can in case I pop out a girl someday.

I like biblical names, too, especially for boys (the boy names are just better) - Luke, Jacob... Methuselah? Allright, maybe not....

Posted by: Tammy at May 5, 2009 9:03 PM

If it's a boy, you could name him Sir. Then he'll never have to go through life wishing someone would call him sir without following it with "you're making a scene".

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 5, 2009 9:09 PM

If it's a girl I think you should name it "Genevieve". It's a handful, takes a little while to learn how to spell, but she'll grow into it. Bonus! It's a saint's name. And usually there's only one per classroom so you can make the teacher call you by your full name instead of resorting to some kind of nickname bullshit. Like Rusty.

What, too classic? Fine, I'll throw my hat in for Amanda as well, at least as a middle name.

I always said my husband would be naming any boys I give birth to because I'm shit at boy names, but I'm a fan of Saul. Not because of Battlestar Galactica, but trust me that didn't hurt.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 5, 2009 9:10 PM

God.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 9:10 PM

I meant that as a name suggestion, sorry. The formatting doesn't like arrows.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 9:11 PM

I say, give them a name that's hard to explain. It builds character. It did for me. My full name is that of a beer and I'm a better person for it. I say, for a girl, "Io". That's Eye-oh, not Lo.

Posted by: Ling at May 5, 2009 9:16 PM

Admin:
Girl: Allison, Victoria, Julia, Jane.
Boy: Neal, John, Scott, Alan, Thomas, Oscar.

Personally, I would look to your family trees and try to pick a name from there, unless circumstances prevent you.

If it is a boy can you use your the mother's maiden name as the first name?

Posted by: DoubleH at May 5, 2009 9:16 PM

Because I like you, admin, I'm going with names that I'd actually consider for my own kids:

Boy: David, Landon, Roman, Riley

Girl: Carys (my favorite girl name and at the top of my own list), Iris, Melanie, Georgiana, Lily, Lila

Posted by: Kolby at May 5, 2009 9:16 PM

Imogen
Soleana

Thadwell
Corneleus

Posted by: annoyingmouse at May 5, 2009 9:19 PM

Lady Macduff and Claire (Girl)

Horatio, Fortinbras, Rosencrantz (Boy)

In the highly unlikely event I would ever want to sire little bastard offspring, I would go with Shakespeare.

I feel like it is a Pajiba-ites duty to make people feel less educated than them through whatever means necessary. Plus, those are fucking cool names.

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at May 5, 2009 9:19 PM

I've always been partial to the name Quintin, or Q'uynn'tin if you're a negro.

I laughed so hard at that I literally slipped off my chair. I had a scare.

Aurelius is an AWESOME name.

Ilana for a girl.

Posted by: figgy at May 5, 2009 9:23 PM

Dred?

Posted by: Brian at May 5, 2009 9:25 PM

Just don't go too crazy with the names, my older sisters' names are a composite of either the grandparents or out parents names. Growing up the teachers had a hard time pronouncing their names.

At least with my younger sister and me they went with traditional names, well names of flowers.

And of course kids may change their names. I use to teenage-sit a kid name Rocky. But the name on his birth certificate is Sebastian. He changed it in the second grade because he decided he didn't like Sebastian.

Posted by: DoubleH at May 5, 2009 9:27 PM

Canada, eh? The beauty of the following names is that each can be used for either gender:

Maple
Stojko
Goose
Beaver
Leaf
Ice
Puck

Posted by: SaBrina at May 5, 2009 9:27 PM

I know "unique" is a theory (and practice) played to death in the naming department...for godtopus' sake, there's an Inspektor Pilot and an Audio dynamite-somethingorother out there somewhere... but I've always loved my unique name.

I was named Resa, and my sister was Kristy (in a generation full of Kristys, all spelled differently) and maybe it was the name, maybe it was our innate personalities, but I matured faster. I was younger by 2.5 years, but I was always the "older" sister in any situation. I took a lot of shit for my name, and had to learn to think on my feet a lot (Reece's pieces, anyone? FUCK YOU, ET!), but it worked in my favor.

My advice? Find the middle ground between unique and over-the-top. It's there.

p.s. My grandfather was named Euvie. Pronounced like the rays of sun. I'm thinking of putting it on the table when Mr.Mones and I have kids.

Posted by: feramones at May 5, 2009 9:29 PM

I like Polly Esther for a girl.

For a boy, you could go with Bort.

My mom's maiden name as my boy's name? Kasterko. Huh. Not bad.

...it's probably good I'm never having children.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 5, 2009 9:33 PM

Part 1: the crossover-I'm not going to beat the Punisher/Archie crossover that was done a few years ago.

Part 2: the naming-keeping to the same topic, Betty was always a great underused name for a girl. For a boy, Ryan of course.

Posted by: MrCresosote at May 5, 2009 9:34 PM

feramones That's really good advice. What the mister and I did was look for classic names that are underused. It serves two purposes:

1. since it's classic, everyone knows it, so no confusion

2. since it's underused, there won't also be five million others, like the poor Heathers and Jennifers of my generation or the gotdamned McKaylas of this generation (seriously Mc or Mac means SON OF, why would you do that to a GIRL??)

Anyway, that's why I think names like Erin for a girl are perfect. Everyone knows it, but hardly anyone thinks of it anymore. It's awesome.

Or Helen, not just for 89 year old ladies anymore. Also, the most beautiful woman ever, Helen of Troy. Purty cool.

If you're thinking about Katherine (Queen Catherine, Katherine the Great, Catherine d'Medici), head off the inevitable and ubiquitous Kathy by going ahead and choosing one of the Katherine nicknames ahead of time. This is exactly how we got our Katie, but there are other cool nicks from that name, too.

Ditto Elizabeth. Actually I love Erin Elizabeth. Thank godtopus your last name doesn't start with a K or the initials would be EEK.

And if I may get on a soapbox a bit: I also firmly believe in giving girls names that aren't too froo-froo. You never know: she might be the first woman CEO of some huge company. Or she might be a high-powered investment banker. Etc. You can't go naming her Kandy or Dee Dee or Sunnie, you see? Or, like an unfortunate woman I know, Nugget. Yes, that's her REAL name, not a nickname. Or Teency. Seriously. People who give girls these infantile names drive me batty.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 9:38 PM

Girl - Lyra
Boy - Kai

Ever since I read His Dark Materials, I've loved the name Lyra. According to Wikipedia, it's also the name of a constellation, and it's derived from "lyre," a stringed instrument.

Kai is the name of one of my fave scifi characters from the show "Lexx." It has different meanings in different cultures:
Japanese - big water or ocean
Navajo - willow tree
Mandarin Chinese - triumphant
Burmese - strong or unbreakable
And so on, as listed on Wikipedia.

If you want to go a step further & add a middle name, I like the sound of Lyra Jane, or Kai Alexander. Don't ask me why.

Posted by: Melissa at May 5, 2009 9:41 PM

I like Polly Esther for a girl.

You mean like in Major Dad?

Posted by: lizzieborden at May 5, 2009 9:42 PM

You mean like in Major Dad?

Nope. I never saw that show. Clearly, however, they had excellent creators if they came up with that name.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 5, 2009 9:53 PM

And of course kids may change their names.

I know a woman who legally changed her name to Phoebe Bouffay. As in the character from "Friends."

Posted by: Melissa at May 5, 2009 9:56 PM

Mother Fucker! I had a meeting tonight! And two of the cunts didn't show up so we couldn't have it anyways. GUUAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Now on to the posts.

Posted by: admin at May 5, 2009 9:58 PM

Boy: Ash
Girl: Flora

Posted by: Lucas at May 5, 2009 10:01 PM

I'm with Genny and Nicole: Prove your Pajibaness by naming a daughter after our warrior queen, Amanda.

Posted by: Bistro at May 5, 2009 10:02 PM

I hate to say it, but I can't help but love the name Walter. I don't know why. I am a 30 something with no kids who will probably end up subjecting her children to years of noogies, swirlies, wedgies and ass kicking because I will end up naming them things like Walter and Bertha and Lucille. This could, quite conceivably be the reason no one shows any interest in promulgating the species with me. That or the fact that I refer to it as fornicating and promulgating the species.

Posted by: lawyergirl06 at May 5, 2009 10:02 PM

Sorry people, some info:

- We need names for both sexes
- Strange names are welcome, our first daughter was named after a Star Trek character
- It shant be spelled stupidly
- Skitz' suggestion is in the lead even though I don't know what it is yet.

Posted by: admin at May 5, 2009 10:05 PM

Also throwing in what I'd consider for my own, since I'm still getting to know Admin, but am already fond-as-hell of him.

Girl names:
Classic:Agnes, Agatha, Claire, Helen, Rachel, Marie, Olivia
Inspired by awesome fictional women: Aurelia, Esperanza, Eowyn, Lucy, Zoe, Willow, Simone

Boy names (a hodge-podge): Henry, Simon, Oscar, Oliver, Jack, Marcus, William, Sam, Max, Daniel, or Neil

Posted by: ShinyKate at May 5, 2009 10:06 PM

I'm rather partial to HOLY FUCK THE G-D HAWKS ALMOST SCORED AGAIN, DAMMIT! ...er...I mean, to Maya or Maren for a girl. For a boy, I've always liked Benjamin. Or Gordon (it's one of Mr. meaux's two middle names--the other one is, I kid you not, Archie.)

Posted by: meaux at May 5, 2009 10:08 PM

Your oldest is named Alice?

Wait, are you talking The Next Generation, Voyager, Deep Space Nine, the original, what?

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 10:09 PM

Melody: there are four Bob's in my family, two married in

The girls names are Kadance & Ezrie.

We don't mind traditional, but as you can see....

Posted by: admin at May 5, 2009 10:10 PM

Girl: Juniper, Penelope, Fiona
Boy: Odyessus, Michelangelo, Stromwell

Posted by: M at May 5, 2009 10:11 PM

Melissa, His Dark Materials got me set on Lyra, too. It's so lyrical, no matter how you pronounce it.

Incidentally, how do most people pronounce it? Lie-ra or Lee-ra?

Posted by: dsbs at May 5, 2009 10:13 PM

IF IT'S A GIRL, IVY! That would go perfectly with the older two names. And it's a kick ass name, too.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 10:15 PM

Names last a long time, and even if you don't like your name, many times you'll still use it because you're used to it. I dislike my two-part name very much, but I can't make myself fall back on my parents' backup plan of dropping the second half. It just feels weird at this point.

I think all kid names should pass the tattoo test and the window test: if it would look ridiculous as a tattoo on an 80-year-old man, don't do it. If you'd feel idiotic calling your child in from the yard for dinner, don't do it.

My kid (Nora) is named after a great-grandmother who was a kickass person and even though it's a very simple, not terribly uncommon name, it stands out amazingly well amongst her peers.

Posted by: Wednesday at May 5, 2009 10:21 PM

Arthur, Vincent, Gavin, Davan...

Viola, Morrigan, Vivian, Rosamund...

Posted by: ShinyKate at May 5, 2009 10:22 PM

girl: everest

boy: trudeau

Posted by: celery at May 5, 2009 10:28 PM

I was always partial to Russian names myself, spelled as proper transliterations instead of all anglicized to hell. Plus then the nickname is the diminutive and those always sound better than the English style of just chopping off syllables:

Aleksandr, Dmitri, Anatoly, Grigory, Alexei

Natalya, Svetlana, Aleksandra, Marya

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 5, 2009 10:29 PM

I like Emmeline for a girl. It's pretty and it makes me think of a very dark little animation "The Little Girl who was forgotten". For a boy....I dunno. I have no idea there.

Posted by: s. pisaster at May 5, 2009 10:30 PM

celery: You can't name a girl "Everest" without leading to a lifetime of jokes about mounting her. Wait, was that the joke? Am I just slow?

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 5, 2009 10:31 PM

everest wouldn't care; she'd be above it all.

i think it's a very positive name for a girl : tallest mountain in the world! and there are advantages to having a unique name... trust me, i know.

Posted by: celery at May 5, 2009 10:35 PM

The wife suggested Eminem, for shits and giggles.

Posted by: admin at May 5, 2009 10:37 PM

I hate naming babies. I mean I hated naming babies with the husband. The last go around his choice was Jarno. Words cannot express what I thought about that. Before that? We had Rocco and Rufus. He has issues.

We have followed the tradition of "unique to them" first name and family name for middle name. So we have the following:

Azura Marie (Marie being my mother's middle name).

Brandon Thomas (Thomas being the hubby's middle name, and back through every firstborn male in the line for generations upon generations. I kid you not).

Maxwell (Max) Earl (Earl being both sides' grandfather's names)

Sophia Karen (Karen being my MIL's middle name).

and the winner that was NOT Jarno:

Locke Maynard (Maynard being the hubby's late maternal grandfather).

Yes, we named our son Locke! Not just for the Lost reason (though he is the hubby's favourite character) but because it rocks as a name. It's unique enough for people to comment on, but not too weird. And not too weird in the mix of names we have. And I can think of much worse TV characters to name a kid after.

But I so very much hate naming babies with the hubby. It was close to driving me to drink the last go around. Love the babies though. And the making babies part too.

/carry on

Posted by: always a lurker at May 5, 2009 10:38 PM

Nicolas or Nicoli always seemed like a good name-"Nick-a good solid name. You could throw up in Nick's car, no problem!"

Posted by: MrCresosote at May 5, 2009 10:39 PM

Boy: Eli or Atticus (because spelt backwards it's Sucitta)

Girl: Quinn (loved that name since 'Daria') or Indie

or if you really want:

Boy: Isildor (LoTR fan)
Girl: Any stripper name ending in a y like Tiffany, Brittany, Candy etc..

Posted by: notyouraveragepenguin at May 5, 2009 10:42 PM

It's "Lie-ra", and I love it, too! If you have a boy, call it Iorek.

I like short, two-syllable-max names. Easy to say, easy to spell, and they're often very nice.

Please don't name the kid Maria. There are way too many of us.

Posted by: figgy at May 5, 2009 10:42 PM

Based on your two girls names and the fact that I can never think of boy names (which has been helpful since I have only had daughters):
Lily
Avery
Kyra
Sera
Violet

Posted by: legib at May 5, 2009 10:43 PM

Ooh, I have a couple of names with LOTR-names, one is Rohan and the other Estel (Hope). They both sound pretty cool if you ask me.

My favorite nickname from Elizabeth is 'Lizzie'. I also love the name Isabel (NOT Isabella) and the nickname Izzie. Even if it's a name of Grey's Anatomy.

Posted by: figgy at May 5, 2009 10:45 PM

Also, We've always done some form of family names for ours: Julia Elaine and Katherine Grace (goes by Katie). I tend to go for traditional names, nothing too trendy.. in fact I checked the top one hundred names to make sure that what we picked wasn't in the top 25.

Posted by: legib at May 5, 2009 10:46 PM

er, friends. not names. duh.

Posted by: figgy at May 5, 2009 10:47 PM

Oh.. or there are literary names:
Stella
Harper
Zelda- only because i just finished re-reading The Great Gatsby and that was F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife's name - NOT because of the nintendo game)
hmmm...

Posted by: legib at May 5, 2009 10:50 PM

Holy shit! NOW! Now is the time, admin! For far too long I've been the only one with my moniker. Bestowed upon me in college and modified by myself during a drunken first dip into the Pajiba Pool, Skittimus Maximus is the name of your offspring!

Due to reasons I can't really get into, I am unable to change my name anymore in the American "Court(s) of Law", so I'm stuck with the one the Reformatory School gave me, but you! You have the ways and means to make this a reality! FORGET WHAT YOUR WIFE HAS TO SAY - THIS IS THE WAY IT MUST BE.

Your child must bear the name. It's the only way! If you want to jazz it up a bit, Skittimus Maximus Esquire III has a nice, regal, park-my-motherfucking-car ring to it. For reals! For real reals... Fuck, I'll even be a Godfather! I'll dress up!

No?

Fine. How about Baba-Yaga Scott? It's a nod toward the Slavonic Goddess of Death. You could build her a treehouse outta human bones and have tea parties where she drinks the blood of the fallen...

Ooh, how do you like the sound of Aken Scott? Not to be confused with Aiken, Clay - He Who Sucks Balls in the Hall Of Scrote - Aken is the Egyptian Ferryman of the Underworld. Granted, given the economy in twenty years, he'll wind up working a dead-end job at a toll-booth, ultimately ending in an eighteen hour stand-off with the FBI, but still...

Or perhaps you'd dig on Hatmehyt Scott, the Fish Goddess, ruler of the deep blue... No. Nevermind. Fuck that. She'd be a step above Aquaman, and that just plain sucks...

Ooh, ooh, ohh! How about Diandra? You could call her Dee for short, and once you add the middle name - are you ready for this - Runkin - you've got Dee Runken Scott! How fucking cool is that? It's too cool for school, baby! Granted, she'd probably wind up a drunken mess by the time she's old enough to drive, and you'll have reat-grandchildren before you hit sixty, but look at it this way... Uh...

How about Randall? Goes well with Doran. Little nod to the King Of Horror, plus he's gonna get in good with the literary ladies...

Provided he doesn't end up huffing silver polish every day after school before the two of you get home...

Posted by: Skitz at May 5, 2009 10:51 PM

See, I told you Skitz was in the lead.

Posted by: admin at May 5, 2009 10:54 PM

legib I'm sure you know this, but your child named Katherine Grace? The meaning of that name works out to "pure grace." I know a couple who named their daughter that because they had her in their late 40s and it was a dadgummed miracle they had a child at all. I thought that was cool. They also called her Katie.

We have a Katherine Monika (my husband is first generation American, from Germany and he's always liked that middle name--the pronounciation is a tiny bit different from Monica). She's called Katie to fend off Kathy. Plus he said "Katie is the girl who will loan you lunch money if you forgot yours. She's your pal."

And we like the convertableness of it. As an adult she can go by Kate (sophisticated, IMO), Katherine, or continue to go by Katie, whatever.

Katherine means "pure" and Monika means "noble." Pure and noble. We thought that was pretty cool.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 10:54 PM

Nevermind. I like Skitz's ideas a lot better.

Although he needs some suggestions for names that mean "ruler of a frozen tundra wasteland."

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 5, 2009 10:57 PM

Wow. all that typing and I spell "great" as "reat"...

Fucking phenomenal.

Phenomenon.

Doot-doo-doo-doo-do.

Phenomenon.

Doot-doo-doo-do.

Phenomenon.

Doot-doo-de-doo-doo
De-doo-doo
De-doo-doo
De-doo-doo-dooda-doot-doot-doota-doo.

Posted by: Skitz at May 5, 2009 10:58 PM

Alexandra or Adrianne for girls. Boys: Hmmm...


The piece of advice I gave my best friend when she was pregnant was to think like a 5 year old. If it could be made fun of, that's when it would happen.

Eyvi, I am going to assume that you are being sarcastic. Odd spellings set a kid up for a lifetime of having to spell their name for others.

Posted by: Melody at May 5, 2009 10:59 PM

LL Cool J has always been an inspiration to me.

Posted by: admin at May 5, 2009 11:03 PM

I am so damn glad that the mister didn't read George R.R. Martin a few years earlier or I would have ended up with an Arya or Sansa. Now the cats get the sci fi/fantasy names. I love Gaelic names and came close to naming one of my girls Bridget (or Bridgid). I have very Irish neighbors whose sons are Liam and Declan, very cool. I went with traditional; I have a Corinne, Hannah, Abigail and Thomas. My mother was a Georgianna, and hated it. Hannah is a nod to her as a shortened version. When I named my last girl Abigail in 2001 I was running out of girls names and decided to go traditional. I loved all the one syllable names; Faith, Claire, Paige, Grace; but they did not go well with our last name. She got Abigail Grace. When I called the OB to schedule my 6 week check after the birth, the chatty nurse asked me if we had a boy or girl and what did I name the baby. I told her, and she responded, "Really? That's our third Abigail this week!" Fuck. you.

For boys, then:

Declan
Ian
Noel
Nolan

For girls, as I said:

Faith
Claire
Paige
Grace
Bridgid

Posted by: slower lower at May 5, 2009 11:04 PM

I should mention that my wife has about 361 people in her immediate family, so some of these will be disqualified by default.

In fact, her parents got so sick of naming all those good Catholic children that they just took both of their own names, stuck them together, and called it a girl.

Posted by: admin at May 5, 2009 11:06 PM

figgy, I like Isobel better than Isabel or Isabella, because I'm difficult.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 5, 2009 11:07 PM

In all seriousness though...

Randall Scott has two choices in life: an author who brings the literary world to its collective knees, or a ruthless hitman with a foot fetish that eventually winds up getting him killed behind an Olive Garden...

It's your choice, man. Randall Scott - it's a win-win situation...

Posted by: Skitz at May 5, 2009 11:07 PM

http://www.ssa.gov/cgi-bin/popularnames.cgi

Popular name database from US SSA. My favorite entry for hilarity: Nevaeh.

I am not making that up.

Posted by: Melody at May 5, 2009 11:08 PM

Vlad the Impaler and I always told Mrs. Bullet that if we had a son we'd name him John Henry was a Steel-drivin' Man. Long, yes, but long is good for a boy, if you get my drift.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 5, 2009 11:13 PM

See? I've got 8 AND 9 on the girls list. Damn. I wasn't going for trendy, honestly. That sucks.

Posted by: slower lower at May 5, 2009 11:13 PM

Great Scott

It'll be awesome until you have to explain to the other kids about favorites.

Girls:
Alyssa
Delia
Lucy
Zane And someone suggested "Emmeline," but I like the "Emmaline" spelling because then she could go by Em, Emmie, Emma or Emmaline
Katelyn (hell fucking yes, I'm a narcissist)
January
Marianne

Boys:
Caden
Jace
Second for a Nick variation
Miles
Elijan
Noah
Mose
Michael
Phoenix
Gavin

Posted by: Kayanne at May 5, 2009 11:14 PM

Oh man, I just made a list of these the other day. (Yes, someday a boyfriend will find my lists of baby names and freak the fuck out, but I figure if they're dating me they passed the weird-out threshold miles back.) Let me get it...

Girl: Clara, Greta, Katherine, Gretchen, Elizabeth, Margaret, Margot, Jean (family name), Beatrice (my #1 currently), Jane, Claire, Victoria, Norah, Eleanor.

Boy: Jacob, Will, Anthony, Horatio, Charlie, James, John (not Jack), Mercutio, Henry, Edward, Edgar, Edmund, Gregory.

Guess who my favourite writer is.
And whatever you do, don't give your child an incredibly archaic middle name, even if it does please the family. The name Maude will die with my generation, so help me.

Posted by: Sarah at May 5, 2009 11:17 PM

Being the pathetic loser that I am, I have a favorite names list on babynames.com. These are my top names:

Boy:
Leland
Finnley (Finn)
Ewan (Though you would constantly have to deal with people wondering if you named your baby after Ewan McGregor)

Girl:
Adria
Delaney
Kenzie

Posted by: Shell'sBells at May 5, 2009 11:19 PM

I'm with you, Sarah. Between my first husband and I we had two Marthas, a Mildred, and a Blanche for Grandmothers. Not enough Demerol in the world to make me agree to that in the delivery room.

Posted by: slower lower at May 5, 2009 11:20 PM

I never post blah blah blah ...

But a narcissistic vote for Katherine. I love my name and yes it works for a variety of circumstances and ages. I was Katie as a child (and still to my parents) and now Kate to my friends. I use Katherine for the grown-up scholarly stuff. It has such great, endearing nicknames (other than the gross Kathy). If you don't mind variations, it lends itself to fun spinoff nick names. I've been Katiekate, Katers, Katiepie, Katiepooh to lots of people.

Also in the Russian vein, Ekaterina (or Ykaterina) is a great name as is Katya.

Posted by: Katers at May 5, 2009 11:21 PM

Mrs. admin has just advised me that the name Horatio has always reminded her of something, ahem, anal. You think you know somebody.

This would explain why I have never gotten Horatio.

Posted by: admin at May 5, 2009 11:21 PM

Then hopefully she has no negative connotations with the similar sounding Philatio.

Posted by: branded at May 5, 2009 11:28 PM

admin, how does your wife react to the name "Horatio Hornblower"? Because that sounds like it could be really naughty.

And I know David fucking Caruso pisses me off to no end, but does the fact that his name is Horatio make her retch even more violently than the rest of us?

Posted by: Kayanne at May 5, 2009 11:29 PM

(Horatio is his character name on CSI: Orange)

Posted by: Kayanne at May 5, 2009 11:31 PM

While I would never ever EVER want kids, I will say this: if it's a girl, I love Madison, Athena or Becky. If it's a boy, I place my vote for Derrick, Eamon or Jonah.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 5, 2009 11:40 PM

Branded, she's never mentioned Philatio. Is it greek?

Thankfully Kayanne, CSI: Wherever the fuck it is now, is the one proceedural my wife doesn't watch. Probably because of Caruso.

Hey, what do you all think of Jadzia?

Posted by: admin at May 5, 2009 11:49 PM

I'm telling you man - his name is Randall. There's no reason to keep this thing going, Dustin, because the one-eyed deity has inkedgasmed the name throughout the heavens. He shall be called Randall Doran Scott, and mortal men shall tremble in his presence. There hasn't been a more fitting name for a man destined to be ruler of the free world. There isn't an organized crime family who wouldn't be proud to be ruled under the thumb of Randall D. Scott. Fuck, even typing the name on a college application guarantees a full ride. Randy D will secure a place at number one on the hip-hop charts. R-Dog will design a line of women's fragrances that the critics will compare to an early Stetson, without all the frivolous machismo. R.D.S. Records will buy out Def Jam. RD Scott, Inc. will have the number one Bacon-Flavored dressing in the United States. This thread is dead, baby... Randy Fucking Dorandeedoo Scott, Part Two: Canadian Bacon Boogaloo for the win! The choice has been made!

Posted by: Skitz at May 5, 2009 11:51 PM

Skitz, lay off the awesome for a second and let the rest of us have a turn.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 5, 2009 11:54 PM

Skitz, you are a hell of a salesman. Since my initials are also R.D.S., this would mean that the world will just give up and throw itself at our feet. I can see it now, Randall Robert Doran Scott's World of Falafels & Waffles. Bow before your masters!

Posted by: admin at May 6, 2009 12:03 AM

I agree with my asshole of a cousin. Randall is a fine name. A fine name indeed.

Posted by: Conrad (last name witheld) at May 6, 2009 12:03 AM

Great Scott! I LOVE IT. LOVE IT. Call him Great! please!!!

Or she! whatever! Greta Scott! omg. awesome.

"Mose"? all that makes me think of is Dwight's cousin on The Office and that is not a good thing.

Posted by: figgy at May 6, 2009 12:05 AM

Hey gang! Michael Bay here!

I think Randall is an explodariffic name! If I had a topless Megan Fox riding backwards on a flaming motorcycle, Randal Scott would be just the guy she'd remove her top for!

This is Michael Bay, signing off!

Posted by: Michael Bay at May 6, 2009 12:07 AM

Admin: Falafels & Waffles? My step-daughter's dream is to open a waffle restaurant. Am I the only one thinking arranged marriage? I'll require at least two goats.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 6, 2009 12:07 AM

Wow. I will never be able to see the name Horatio without giggling like a 2nd grader. You married a special lady there admin.

Here are some potentially dirty one's as well, I challenge your wife (and the commentators) to use these in a sentence inappropriately.


Dirty:

Desdemona
Gonerill
Osrick
Peto
Polixenes
Trinculo

Just Awesome.
Banquo. (Connotations of drunken revelry, banquets in his honor, unique, but easily spelled and pronounced)

Archidamus (connotations of divinity, cool nickname: Arc-DAMN-us)

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at May 6, 2009 12:09 AM

Huh. I would think that Michael Bay would suggest something like "America Scott" or "Freedom Scott" or "Patriot".

Posted by: figgy at May 6, 2009 12:09 AM

i IS ato doinag circuamd.....

I do circumsizon FRRRRREe1
Lhjk INRASatweb CerfiDDea ERabbbbi

For RAAAAAAaaaaanD
alLL

[...gurgle...]

Posted by: MIMin iu..us Wandelels at May 6, 2009 12:10 AM

He is so tall and sexy! I know a place you can date with such men.
***Randalmusk.com *** which I have joined . I think it is interesting and you will like it the best. All the finest womens are delighted there! And sexy interracial couples are there now todAy!

I wonder what Randall is doing right now thisM oment. Great!

Posted by: SpamBot at May 6, 2009 12:17 AM

Skitz, you're other personalities do not count as multiple votes! *slaps your wrist*

figgy the great Scott came about through a weird turn of events, but it led to me semi-jokingly swearing that if I married a man with the last name Scott, I'd name my kid Great. It works two-fold because it gives the kid an amazing self-esteem ("Hi, I'm Great, and you are?") and two, when you yell at him (or her) you can't be mad because you'll be fussin' at him/her and calling out "Great Scott!" which, of course, would lead to giggles.

And the name Mose is from The Office and was put in because weird names were being accepted and I wanted to see if admin is a sadist.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 6, 2009 12:17 AM

*shudders* I apologize for my "you're" mistake. We all know it should be "your," so please refrain from commenting, Jay.

English Fail. I'll take my 40 lashes at the punisher's earliest convenience.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 6, 2009 12:20 AM

I'll lend you the name I was saving for my own child: Trousers.

It's unisex. You're Welcome.

Posted by: scone at May 6, 2009 12:22 AM

Jesus scone, I had no idea cheap Merlot hurt so bad coming up through the nostrils... If admin don't take "Trousers", that bitch is mine...

Posted by: Skitz at May 6, 2009 12:30 AM

Hmmmmm, Trousers Trout Scott. I kind of like it.

Posted by: admin at May 6, 2009 12:31 AM

Honestly, "Trousers Maximus" may be the best name ever.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 6, 2009 12:32 AM

Branded, she's never mentioned Philatio. Is it greek?

I believe that it has Nepalese origins.

Posted by: branded at May 6, 2009 12:35 AM

T-Max! Oh hells yeah.

I would like to thank Skitz, scone and Kayanne for starting an argument that will lead to my divorce.

Posted by: admin at May 6, 2009 12:35 AM

i submit Niri if it's a girl and Bryan if it's a boy. bryan means strength in celtic.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at May 6, 2009 12:41 AM

Uh...I'm just gonna put this out there, no offense to anybody but my real-for-real name is Kathleen. I was Katie all through grade school and I absolutely hated it. There were never less than 3 Katies everywhere I went. As soon as I hit high school I started going by my middle name (Maria but pronounced Mariah.) Katie is not a good nickname. Katie is as generic as it gets. Feeling generic when you're a kid sucks at least as much as having a weird stand-out name. If you must go the Katherine/Kathleen route, at least use Kat. That sounds a helluva lot cooler. **my apologies to all those of you with little Katies, but I seriously hate that name with a burning passion.

Posted by: s. pisaster at May 6, 2009 12:44 AM

Admin. I'm speaking with all seriousness right now. Look at me. Listen. I'm always a big fan of constructing elaborate lies at parties (a favorite is that I'm from Maine [where my roommate lives] and I go so far as to adopt the subtle Maine accent and I sneak in some expressions like "steamers" for clams and "down cellar" for the basement)
But all this is leading up to my second favorite which is just telling them that my name is Jude. For some reason girls are just fascinated by the idea. It's not really foreign but for some reason alluring. (much like Maine, surprisingly)
So what I'm saying is that if you want your boy to get some tail, the name is Jude.
I also like the names Milo, Madeline, or Lucy.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 6, 2009 12:45 AM

pisaster makes a great point, which is why Katelyn is awesome. I even went by Kat. Weirdly enough, I was the only Katelyn for the longest time until about high school, then they cropped up. My parents and grandparents are really the only people who call me Katie (and not always), my dad's variations include KatieLyn and Katelynnie. But I did know a few obnoxious Katie/Katy/Caitys in my day, but not all Katies are bad!

Posted by: Kayanne at May 6, 2009 12:49 AM

As much as I hate to admit this, my nemesis's name choices are all great. Madeline is so sweet! Hey, maybe you could name him/her Nemesis?

Posted by: Kayanne at May 6, 2009 12:53 AM

Well, truth be told, the girlfriend was looking over my shoulder when I was typing the Jude story and she suggested the other names, Kayanne. Which I suppose still shows I have good taste.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 6, 2009 12:57 AM

His name shall be Randall. Stop suggesting things. adim has already sent me a signed check, made out in any amount I wish. Steven friggin' Spielberg has already started on part one of the trilogy. It's pointless folks. Totally pointless...

Gutzon Borglum has been dug up, reanimated and the carving of the fifth face is taking place... YES IT'S BEING AIRLIFTED TO CANANANDA, WHERE ELSE WOULD IT BE GOING?! JESUS, PEOPLE - IT'S NOT AS IF...

Boozy sleepies are coming... Skitty gotta go night-night...

RAAAANDAAAAAL!!!

Posted by: Skitz at May 6, 2009 1:03 AM

Ugh, taking someone's ideas as your own, Rhyme, simply despicable. Have you no code of honor?

Posted by: Kayanne at May 6, 2009 1:03 AM

We already have a Kadie (youngest' nickname) and a Cathy so those are done. Nemesis would be awesome, and it's in the Star Trek theme, but the movie sucked monkey nuts. Plus, we already have the Kolbaby to bow to.

Rhyme, as a child who was called by the nickname Doorknob until the age of 12, one always must consider the bastardization of names when branding a child. I would prefer that my boy (if it is indeed a boy) not be known as Judy. Sue perhaps, Judy, never.

Posted by: admin at May 6, 2009 1:08 AM

s.pisaster, me too! My parents were all, "we named you Kathleen so we could call you Katy!" And I've always hated being called Katy, as it sounded childish and ditzy to me. It was a 25-year struggle to make the shift to Kate. Unfortunately, I can't use Kate professionally because of a union thing, so my choices are Katy, Kat, or Kathleen. But that's for another thread on another board.
;-)

And Optimus, if Admin doesn't take Jude, Madeline, or Lucy, I'm totally taking them for my own spawn. If I have any.

Ah, posting with Gimlet in my bloodstream. I'll be so ashamed in the morning.

Posted by: ShinyKate at May 6, 2009 1:09 AM

Oh lord admin Jadzia as in Dax? Should I be ashamed for recognizing that and immediately thinking 1. I really wish she'd ended up with Dr. Bashir 'cause I inexplicably loved him. and 2. Lesbian Star Trek kiss!?

Posted by: s. pisaster at May 6, 2009 1:15 AM

Want to know how to name your kid? Fill in the blank: "Cheif Justice of the Supreme Court, the Honorable _________________________.
"Shandi Baba-Yaga Indigo Scott" will NOT sound good.
Just something to keep in mind.

Posted by: Spender at May 6, 2009 1:18 AM

If I were to ever curse the world with offspring of my own I would use Caeru for a girl and Lucien for a boy. Lucien is all mysterious and what-not... And Caeru is from my favorite book.

Posted by: Netraphim at May 6, 2009 1:20 AM

Girl: Azreal
Boy: Gargamel

I think more inspiration should be taken from Saturday morning cartoons.

Posted by: popejenn at May 6, 2009 1:21 AM

Kayanne, can't you just be happy for me? I found a girl that reads Pajiba. And she did it before I met her. How's that for awesome? (Yes, I am rubbing your face in it. How does being single taste? Bitter?)
Admin, he has to have a rough childhood so he'll be moody and aloof during high school/college. He needs to appear deep or the whole illusion doesn't work. And when he's in 8th grade, send him to me for my tutelage. I'll get him through High School alright, hell, he'll be ruling the school.
Kate- Sorry, M'lady says Madeline is hers. You may have Jude, Milo or Lucy.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 6, 2009 1:22 AM

pisaster I'm surprised you didn't catch that on Ezrie (wrong spelling, it was pre-google), the second Dax. Never be ashamed of Star Trek.

Spender, you make a good point, but Supreme Court Justice Tits McGee does have a certain ring to it.

Kate, Gimlet is genius.

Posted by: admin at May 6, 2009 1:28 AM

Since I've been remiss in my Pajiba duties over the past couple of weeks (you're welcome) do we know Optimus' mystery lady, or do we have to use my powerful skills of deduction to determine who the sly minx is?

Then FaJiba stalk her.

Posted by: admin at May 6, 2009 1:35 AM

I once told a girlfriend of mine that if I'd have been a boy my name would have been Hunter (true, my mother was going to name me after Hunter Thompson) and she threatened to name her daughter Hunter. She ended up naming her ACTUAL daughter something else, so I guess that one's free for the taking!

Other ideas if you want to condemn your future progeny to a life of spelling and pronouncing things very slowly; Aoife, Siobhan, Maireadh, and Eoin. That would be EE-fa, Sha-vonne, Ma-raid, and Ian, with traditional Irish spelling. I don't know that I'd subject my kids to that as a first name, but they're definite contenders for middle names.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 6, 2009 1:39 AM

Wait, Eoin isn't Ian, it's Owen. Or Ewan. Along those lines. I've been out of Ireland for almost a year now, my meager Gaelic is failing me.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 6, 2009 1:40 AM

Well, thanks everybody, there were a lot of names we liked that the 25,000,000,000000 Baby Names book didn't have. We shall keep the powers that be appraised.

I'd love to stick around but 4am will be here soon. Please, keep the suggestions coming. But, for those of you that are wondering, I'm really leaning towards what I think may be the greatest name ever: Conrad.

Posted by: admin at May 6, 2009 1:54 AM

I heartily approve of "Jude". It's a great name. That and Gabriel--my brother's name.

Posted by: figgy at May 6, 2009 2:39 AM

Admin, my first inclination would be to tell you to get a DNA test to allay any fears that you might be having, and if everything comes back in your favor I think you should name your child Bro. Mouzone.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 6, 2009 2:58 AM

I hate to be the one to do it but maybe name the child in memory of certain sadly departed Pajibans. Alabama is a cute girls name and the Pink can be a middle name.
If you have a wee dude on your hands....Albama, but call him Al (please make him marry a woman called Peg)and change the pink to Blue.

Or...OR...Godtopus.Make your child the PajibMessiah.

In less depressing suggestions EXCELSIOR!!!for a boy (exclamations and capitals are part of the name) and 'DIAMANTE!!!!' for a girl.

Posted by: Nadine at May 6, 2009 3:44 AM

I have a few suggestions, if it isn't too late: Shawn, Buckaroo, Wilbeforce, Jenkins, Caruthers, Edgar, Clive, Erasmus, Zimbala, Zan, Parnell, Zanzibar, Winona, Daphne, Nana, Sigourny, Grace, Majel, Nichelle, KayLee, Zoe, and last but certainly not least, Amanda. I'm not really a name person, but those are all names I've heard that I quite like.

Posted by: CptCrckpot at May 6, 2009 4:06 AM

S. Pisaster - I am heartbroken that your name is not really Seastar. I am even more heartbroken that it's pronounced Sea Star and not Seas Tar like I've been pronouncing it in my head.


Admin- You can't go with Jadzia because a comedian already name his kid after Dax. The comic book shop owner from Spaced, actually. So, you know, you'd be a follower, not a leader.


Suggestion: Judas

Your child will never, EVER be able to lie to someone. Isn't it a good thing to force them to grow up honest?

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at May 6, 2009 6:37 AM

Jake, you obviously don't know my children. Naming him Judas would only make the name that much more ironic.

Posted by: admin at May 6, 2009 6:54 AM

GUSTAVUS

Posted by: anonymous at May 6, 2009 7:28 AM

I decided long ago that if I ever had a son he'd be Harrison. And from day one he would be taught never to let anyone call him Harry.

I love Belle for a girl, but it's a little Madame-y for a real person.

Posted by: James at May 6, 2009 8:20 AM

Girl names: Sybilla, Freyda, Gillian, Illeana, and Moira

Boy names: Frederick, Malcolm, George, Octavio, Seth, and Jack

Posted by: androstarr at May 6, 2009 9:07 AM

I'm quite partial to Rosalinde for some reason. Also, Gretchen...though I have visions of all Gretchens being either really, really mean or really, really ugly.

Boy names have always kind of freaked me out. NOT Larry, Roger or Harry - that much I know.

Posted by: kalafraja at May 6, 2009 9:16 AM

Girl: Jealousy, Samantha
Boy: Jayden, Calvin

Apparently Jayden is a girl's name but the main character in my book (coming soon) is named Jayden so I'm appropriating that shit. And I've always thought Jealousy was a cool name for a girl, especially if she becomes involved iwth James Bond later in life.

Posted by: TylerDFC at May 6, 2009 9:22 AM

@ Genny, my mom really wanted to name me Siobhan. So much. My dad was having no part of that, though. So, I got Margaret, which I didn't like so much when I was a kid b/c I thought it was an old lady name, but I love it now. Plus, there's a million nicknames: Peggy, Peg, Maggie, Marge, Meg, Jerkface... and so forth.

I went through a short phase as a teen of calling myself Siobhan, by the way. Every kid is going to hate their name for at least a small portion of their lives, and no matter what you name them, other stupid kids will find a way to mock it. You can't even take that into consideration, really.

oh, and S. Pis, I am also kind of sad that you have a real name. I really wanted "Seastar Pisaster" to be on your birth certificate.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 6, 2009 9:41 AM

I'm adding my vote for Jude if it's a boy. Good on ya, Optimus!

And I can tell you one thing for certain - do NOT name your child Chastity if it's a girl. She will hate you with the fire of a thousand suns, and will most likely be picked on until college, at which point the name will start to be cool. But by then it will be too late, as she will already be planning on smothering you in your sleep when you're old.

Posted by: Kolby at May 6, 2009 9:42 AM

I know someone who gave their newborn daughter the middle name of Danger. I would *so* do that if I got a second chance to name my kid. Asking for trouble, sure, but what the hell?

Oh, and watch the initials. My ex-husband's initials are SOB. In his case, it's truth in advertising, but you might not want to saddle your kid with something like that.

Posted by: Wednesday at May 6, 2009 10:10 AM

Listen Optimus, I already suggested Jude. So if the name gets chosen, I get the t-shirt.

Posted by: Cindy at May 6, 2009 10:22 AM

Oops. Good on ya, Cindy!

Posted by: Kolby at May 6, 2009 10:33 AM

Seven for a boy.

Thirteen for a girl.

Hahahahahaha no, no, just messing with ya!

And speaking of ! ...

!

For a boy or girl.

Well, what would you expect from someone with my handle?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 6, 2009 10:47 AM

For a girl, I'm partial to Tatiana. I have to say, I actually like George's anti-suggestion of Indigo. Annabelle has a nice ring to it.

For a boy, I've always liked Julian. Malachi/Malacai is good too. I like Niles as well, but now that name will always be associated with the younger Fraiser brother.

I haven't read through all the comments, so I don't know if these have already been suggested.

Posted by: tamatha at May 6, 2009 10:50 AM

I beg of you. If its a girl, please do not go with:

Katie, Kate, Kat, Katheryn, Kaitlin, Kaitlyn, Katelyn, Caitlin, Caitlyn, or any other spellings of such names.

They are NOT original. They are common and at this point way overused. I hate my name.

Posted by: Kate at May 6, 2009 10:54 AM

Also: No one fucks with a kid named Keyser Soze.

The kid would kill him.

And his parents.

And his brothers and sisters.

And his aunts, uncles and cousins.

And his grandparents.

And anyone who owed them money.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 6, 2009 10:58 AM

Isn't it admin who cooks up the absurdist movie script proposals that make me pee my pants? I find it hard to believe that he and his queen are at a loss for a kid's name.

A few notes: figgy, my goregeous daughter is Anastacia Luz. She is four and can rollerskate already. Your taste is immpeccable.

Joaquim, the Portuguese variant or the Spanish Joaquin is also swoony. The cutest fellow in my school was a Joaquin. That and Javier are my top boy names. I don't know how this would fly in old Canadia.

I worked in a daycare Center, and I advise against the madeup names with illogical apostrophe conjunctives. There was a child named SirrAnthony. No I am not kidding.

I say if they have a boy name it what it says on Samuel L. Jackson's wallet in Pulp Fiction.

Posted by: Stacy D at May 6, 2009 11:13 AM

Can we go halfsies on it Cindy? I would argue that I made a more compelling argument for the name.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 6, 2009 11:16 AM

All fine suggestions.

We plan on naming our first child Kraptown Karl, boy or girl.

In all serious though, I've always loved Violet for a girl. Even if my mother tells me it's an old lady name. I'm also halfway considering Malcolm Reynolds for a boy...

Posted by: Wendy at May 6, 2009 11:21 AM

Good lord, I miss you guys. I go away for a measly year (yeesh), but look at all the familiar Eloquents! Yay.

Congrats, Admin.

How about Dragon for a boy? And for a girl, Journee. Actual names of actual kids that I actually know (so sad).

My best friend's last name is Pinto. I suggest that she name her firstborn Hinto. Rhyming is ALWAYS in fashion.

Posted by: Pea at May 6, 2009 11:24 AM

OK naming babies is one of my most favoritest things in the WORLD. These are my choices, if and when I ever adopt a little Pink Hulk or Hulkette:

Boy Names:
Orry (with or without "Maine" as the middle name)
Henry
(Ale)Xander
Tucker (Tuck)
Tarver (it's the most unique first name for a boy I've ever heard)


Girl Names:
Ruby
Rowan
Kevyn
Stella
Dodger

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at May 6, 2009 11:26 AM

i lose the internet for 15 hours and there is 166 comments!!!

damn

Posted by: jim of the lower case at May 6, 2009 11:30 AM

You former Katies might be happy to learn that at least around here, no one seems to be going the Katie route anymore. Which is why it's awesome for our Katie. Who goes to school with NO other Katies at all! So it doesn't feel generic, but unique. Now if she were a Whitney, she'd be in Whitney hell, because there are 4000 of them.

And her friends call her Katie Kat, which she loves, because she responds to it with a meow. Don't ask me, she's 14, they're weird at that age.

As an adult, she's already told us she's going to switch over to Kate, which she also loves. Hey the mister made the switch successfully from Billy to Bill, she can do the same.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 6, 2009 11:33 AM

How's that for awesome? (Yes, I am rubbing your face in it. How does being single taste? Bitter?)

Uh, ok? Rhyme that reminds me of a comment my friend made a few years ago when she and I and a few others were playing Life. She got stuck at the space right before the chapel and I chuckled, because the rest of us had gotten all the way few and a few spaces ahead, I said, "Ha, you're stuck because you can't get married right now," referring to the asinine rule that says you always have to stop at the chapel, no matter what you spin. Her reasonable response: "Shut up, you're just jealous because I'm the only one here with an actual boyfriend!" It was just as awkward then as you might think.

Besides, my dating life is going swell, thank you. And if you were trying to enflame my rage towards you it's won't work, my nemesis hate is at maximum capacity.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 6, 2009 11:51 AM

Pink Hulk is my Hero again, because Ruby Lee was GOING to be my first child's girl name. What did we name him? Hendrix, Henry for short.

Posted by: Stacy D at May 6, 2009 11:51 AM

Girls! Girls! Girls! Enough with the bickering! I think we're losing focus of what's important here: how awesome my choices for baby names are...

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at May 6, 2009 11:52 AM

Girl: Rosalie or Story
Boy: Elijah or Proffit

Posted by: MizHellion at May 6, 2009 11:54 AM

Top 100 girls names

http://www.babyhold.com/babynames/Popular/Popular_girl_names_in_the_US_for_2006/

Kaitlyn ranks in at 34, Katelyn at 58, Katherine at 36, and Katie 1t 100. Blech.

Unfortunately, awesome names are in the top 100 as well:

Olivia-5
Isabella-6
Natalie: 18
Victoria: 28
Savannah: 35
Megan: 40
Paige: 60
Evelyn: 71 (damnit!)
Ariana: 81


Ugh. I say go with old lady names. Hazel, Ruby, Agnes, etc.

Posted by: Kate at May 6, 2009 12:02 PM

Girl: Elise (preferred spelling) or if you like...Elise, Alise, Elyse, etc.

Boy: Nathaniel. Can call him Nate if he's the sporty type, his full name if he's bookish, and Nataniel sounds good converted to Spanish.

For the truly corageous parent: Ophelia or Balthazar. Wouldn't have the balls to do it, just like 'em.

Posted by: scorzi at May 6, 2009 12:19 PM

Aaaah, Stacy D, Ruby is SUCH an underappreciated little girl name. She'd grow up to be ballsy, yet sweet. Innocent, yet precocious. She'd have a little bit of tomboy in her, but she'd clean up real nice when she hits around age 12, much like Samantha Micelli did at that age.

Such a good, good name.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at May 6, 2009 12:24 PM

I like Celtic-type names - sure, there's the spelling versus pronunciation issue, but they are unusual. Unless you're actually IN Ireland, Wales, or Scotland, in which case, you'll be tripping over them!
Roisin, Sinead, Aoife, Saoirse, Liam, Callum, Maire, Rhiannon, Niamh, Daffyd, Diarmuid, Padraig, Fearghal, Llewellyn, Angharad, Rory, Rhys, Hamish, Angus.
I'll let you work out which are for what sex.

Ethnic names can be awkward, though. Take Dichen Lachman from Dollhouse. I asked her about her name, she said it's pronounced 'Deeshen'. It's Tibetan (and it should be 'Dechen', but her Dad mispelled it). She told me she gets called Dick-en or Die-ken all the time. Must have been hard on her as a kid...

Posted by: Tarn at May 6, 2009 12:32 PM

I heartily suggest you get a name that has a great song attached to it. It'll make the kid feel special, like I do. There's like 400 songs with "Maria" in them, and most of them are pretty awesome. That's why I like "Jude" so much. Beatles songs are great: Penny, Lane, Lucy, Prudence, Eleanor, etc.

Posted by: figgy at May 6, 2009 12:50 PM

My best friend's last name is Pinto. I suggest that she name her firstborn Hinto. Rhyming is ALWAYS in fashion.

Oh, Pea. You have been missed.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 6, 2009 12:51 PM

I love the name Lyra (as other people have suggested) because I'm a fool for Pullman, His Dark Materials - but also Blair (can be either girl or boy).

Just make sure it fits with your surname - I have a friend named Lana, whose surname translates to 'penis'. So for pretty much all of her life I have called her Anal Penis.
I wonder why she's still friends with me?

Posted by: Squeeziee at May 6, 2009 12:59 PM

my favorite name of all time is evelyn. i think its so sweet and can easily grow with the child.
unfortunatly, my hubby had his heart smashed to bits by a girl named evelyn, so he's a little apprehensive to go that route ..(really, of all names!)
i always liked the name ben (from the michael jackson ballad)
or layla and maggie may for girls, just so theyll always have a backing track.
but for real:
girl - evelyn
boy- tanner

Posted by: samma at May 6, 2009 1:43 PM

"Nate - if it's a boy"

Posted by: dugs at May 6, 2009 2:14 PM

Maximo or Roxanne

Hey, all you Kates, my parents picked my name because you can't create a nickname from it. It worked like a curse; to this day I have never had a nickname. And I am still sad about it.

Posted by: phquaryn at May 6, 2009 2:27 PM

For boys: first names: Trevor, Wayne, Mark, Grant, Kirk.
middle names: Linden, Skittums, Conrad
For girls: Amanda, Kara, Deanna, Emily.
middle names: Lynn, Julia, Sarah.

Posted by: lordhelmet at May 6, 2009 2:42 PM

The Husband actually likes Indiana Paisley for a girl's name. I think it is a little too far out to put them together, but I like each of the names separately. Especially when our firstborn is Alexis Bethany. Those names don't exactly scream SIBLINGS!! to me.
I've always loved Finnigan for a boy's name with the nickname being Finn.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at May 6, 2009 3:17 PM

Just for all those people who think that nobody is named Erin anymore... I am one of 10 Erins at my office. There are six Michelles. Just sayin'.

I can't recommend Erin as a name. Bad Irish jokes and "Aaron? Isn't that a boy's name?" get old around age 5.

Posted by: an Erin at May 6, 2009 3:36 PM

OK Optimus, but I want the bigger half even though I likely have smaller boobs.

Posted by: Cindy at May 6, 2009 3:36 PM

admin, right?...

then the only acceptable names would be
Sudo
or
Root.

That is all.

Posted by: Mentally Restarted at May 6, 2009 4:42 PM

I don't know if you are still reading these, admin, since you seemed possibly decided on Conrad? But I want to share what I think is the best boys name:

Bowen

It's Irish Gaelic meaning warrior, or archer. My son is the only kid I know named this. Yeah, we wanted something different but not too weird. There are tons of names ending in the "-en/in" sound, like Dustin, Justin, Jaden, etc. etc. So we thought it would work. Also, my husband and I are not some of those hipster jerks who want to keep our "original" name to ourselves.

Oh, and I love Jadzia and Dax! I always wondered if people would think I was weird for naming my kids either name...

Posted by: AgoGo at May 6, 2009 4:48 PM

Bob Doug McKenzie if its boy.
Robin Sparkles if its a girl.

Pink Floyd if its a boy.
Bad Charlotte if its a girl.

John Connor if its a boy.
Sarah Connor if its a girl.

Damien if its a boy.
Regan if its a girl.

Apollo if its a boy.
Starbuck if its a girl.

Posted by: John W at May 6, 2009 4:57 PM

Late to the party again, but at least I BYOB.

Am a Paige, and HATED it until I was in high school whereupon my best guy friend told me it was a hot girl's name. My future husband later told me the same thing.

It's a good thing I'll most likely never meet any of yuns, so steal away if you wish:

Girl: June, Evangeline, Evie
Boy: James, John, Viggo

I mean, come ON, Viggo!

Posted by: patchfire at May 6, 2009 5:12 PM

"...since you seemed possibly decided on Conrad?"

wha...

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

(...sob...)


Posted by: Skitz at May 6, 2009 5:47 PM

Katie BARELY made the top 100 at spot 100. So yay!

Awww, Erin's an awesome name! I honestly have never known an Erin in real life. Ever. Never.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 6, 2009 6:03 PM

I honestly have never known an Erin in real life. Ever. Never.
That's funny, because I can think of at least 12 Erins that I've known in grade school and college. Regional or generational difference, perhaps?

Posted by: Melissal at May 6, 2009 6:16 PM

I'm due in August and we are definitely looking at names that aren't as common. For a girl my favorite so far is Evie and my husband also thinks Ripley would be awesome. For a boy we have Tidus or Milo. Feel free to steal away if you like them, I can't believe people get so upset over people using a name they like.

Posted by: Crys at May 6, 2009 7:23 PM

Hennessy if it's a boy. Tanqueray if it's a girl. Simple. Classy.

You're welcome.

Posted by: greer at May 6, 2009 7:23 PM

I'm still reading, and still praying for the children that some of you may have.

Posted by: admin at May 6, 2009 7:48 PM

If you want your kid to be able to have a subtly and uniquely dirty nickname/call and response, name it Sabrina. Then she can go by Sabrina Vagina.

Instructions: Friend calls out "Sabriiiiiina('s)" in public. Child must respond with "Vagiiiiiiiina(s)." Think about it.

Posted by: SaBrina at May 6, 2009 7:52 PM

Oh man, I was going to suggest Conrad, and you went ahead and suggested it yourself! You couldn't ask for a better role model after whom to name your child, be it boy, girl, or hermaphrodite.

Especially hermaphrodite.

Posted by: SaBrina at May 6, 2009 7:57 PM

Nick Cave's four boys have Badass Cowboy names.

Jethro
Luke
Arthur
Earl

You could do worse.

Posted by: Stacy D at May 6, 2009 8:03 PM

I second Jethro all the way.

And for a girl you could go the Slavic route with Kyrillia or Ksiousha.

But really everyone knows that the coolest girl's name of all is Sylvestra. But only if your kid looks sort of feline.

Posted by: frederica at May 6, 2009 9:59 PM

I need to get in on this a day late....

If I were to accidentally discover that I was up that ol' stump yet again, (ugh)I would name a boy Nile and a girl either Anouk or Journey.

Yeah. I'm a (Canadian) hippy. Jealous?????

Posted by: Janey at May 6, 2009 10:17 PM

@Snuggiepants - Why yes we knew the Katherine Grace would mean "Pure Grace" and there was a very special reason behind that.

To all of you Katie-haters out there, I happen to love the name, but I also call my daughter Katherine, Kate, Katie Grace (we live in Texas so double names are a given). Frankly, she's seven months old and doesn't seem to mind so far. I grew up with Leslie, named after my uncle and grandfather (I'm a girl by the way) and was never thrilled with it but my parents had a specific reason for naming me that so I didn't fight it.

Posted by: legib at May 6, 2009 11:05 PM

Zeppelin Page

Rush Lifeson

Leppard Elliott

Stone Jagger

Quarry McCartney

Crazyhorse Young

Trucker Hood

Acey Angus

Gabriel Genesis

Clash Strummer

Iggy

I could do this all day, and all because I just heard "Kashmir" on the radio, and THAT would be a cool name too.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 7, 2009 12:47 AM

**Worst names for boys and girls (many of these names commit more than one "sin"):

1.Last names as first names (Mason, Addison, Lincoln, etc.)

2.Meaningless, made-up names (Shatonda, Trig, Trypp, etc.)

3."Ghetto" names (LaQuisha, LeMichael, Janeequa, Du'Shawn, etc.)

4.Boy names for girls (Ashley, Bobby, Charlie, etc.)

5.White trash/stripper names (Tiffany, Brittany, Chastity, Cheyenne, Montana, etc.)

6.Hick names/double names (Jim Bob, Susie May, Enis, Jethro etc.)

7.Mispelled names (i.e. they include punctuation or replace "i" with "y" just to be "different")/names that think they are "clever" and "original" in their spelling (Jinger, Feebee, Melyssa, etc.)

8.Nicknames as names (Ricky, Dick, Billy, Susie, Bob, etc.)

9.Products as names (Lexus, etc.)

10.Celebrity names that are stupid for the sake of stupid (Moon Unit, Pilot Inspektor, etc.)

11.Naming your kid after pop culture figures or characters out of movies/television/comic books (Adam/Adora, Han/Leia, Sarah Connor/John Connor, etc.) --Okay, you know what? Eff my last point...This naming practice could be cool :p

**Cool names for kids (all names should be spelled properly, in any variation that is traditionally acceptable):

1."Old School" names that would have been around WWII and way earlier but have fallen out of style (i.e. Ruby, Agatha, Hilda, Arnold, etc.)

2.Classic, "boring" names for boys (Luke, Mark, William, John, Dennis, etc.)

3.Flower/Gem names for boys and girls--especially if they haven't become overused (Pearl, Myrtle, Hazel, Hyacinth, etc.)

4. Traditional ethnic names if your background is of that particular ethnicity and it means something nice/cool (I won't bother with examples here)

5.Mythological names (Orion, Iris, Jason, Otis, Penelope, etc.)

6.Boys' names that have become more known as girls' names (Ashley, Lesley, etc.)

7.Gaelic/Welsh names (Finn, Declan, Elwyn, Roisin, etc. --some have very cool nickname possibilities, like "Deck")

8.Saints' names that have a nice meaning in their Greek/Latin language of origin or merely a cool namesake (Nicholas, Theodore, Dorothea, Sebastian, etc.)

9.Latin names that have balls (Rex, Maximus, etc.)

10.Any name that has been in your family for a long time (unless it falls into the "Worst types of names" category)


Good luck with your baby! Hope he or she is healthy!!

Posted by: Sick of Lame Names at May 7, 2009 11:25 AM

If you want a weird sounding name:
Kirby Siobhan
That is what my parents decided to name my sister

Posted by: caity at May 9, 2009 4:02 AM

Looking for information on pets? http://www.catwebsite.org

Posted by: liuy at May 26, 2009 11:20 AM


















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