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September 4, 2008 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | September 4, 2008 |

I remember, nearly 15 months ago now, when my lovely wife gave birth to my son. Mrs. Pajiba-hyphenate describes it as a spiritual experience, of sorts. But, for me, it was harrowing. Everything was going just fine until that goddamn “ring of fire.” Johnny Cash don’t even know, man. I have never felt as helpless as I did, then, watching the person I love most in the world experience the excruciating agony of having her pubus bones move so that a human life could fit through her unhappy place.

… until now, helplessly watching the trailer for Lindsay Lohan’s new movie, Labor Pains, helpless to turn away, helplessly suffering the humiliating affront to my senses. God, it hurts. Seeing the once great Janeane Garofalo show up in the trailer, about halfway through, was akin to having my pubus bones open wide. Unfortunately, there’s no miracle waiting at the end. Just Lindsay Lohan’s smug little smile, as she slowly completes her fade into cinematic oblivion.

Make It Stop / Dustin Rowles

Industry | September 4, 2008 |

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