web counter
 

Oh That's Just Fantastic

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (33)

BuffyMovie12410-thumb-528x345-52145.jpg

It’s well understood that there are two versions of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” There is the popular television version that made Sarah Michelle Gellar and Joss Whedon household names. And then there is the film version that was such a terrible bit of cinema that it is patently amazing that a television series ever received a green light other than in terms of prison lingo that I learned from watching “The Shield.”

Of course, as we detailed last week, the company that actually owns the rights to Buffy is plowing right ahead with a reboot that jettisons everything Joss interjected into the television show. It’s like a slow motion replay of that original film:

Joss: Okay here’s the script for my idea!

Studio: Excellent, now go away.

Joss: But, wait, you’re doing that wrong.

Studio: Go away little writer boy.

Joss: But, I really don’t think the script wants touched like that.

Donald Sutherland: Is it cool if I just make up my lines as I go?

Studio: What we really need to do is work Pee-Wee Herman in.

Joss: No wonder I don’t even blink at Fox’s abuse ten years from now.

But there is now excellent news for the reboot, a sign perhaps that it can be redeemed after all. Kristy Swanson wants in on the new version. Granted, until 2009 she hadn’t been in a film in a decade, but I think this is exactly the sort of star power needed to make the reboot a success. And although at 40 she might be expected to play Buffy’s mom, I say the hell with it, let her play the teenaged slayer. It can’t be a worse idea than anything else that they’re doing with this mess.


(source: Blastr)









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← The Most Hideously Unflattering Screengrabs from Last Night's "Chuck" | A Lot of Funny Familiar People Who You Recognize But Could Not Name Sing "We Are the World" →









Comments

Priceless! They should just get everyone from the original back.

Posted by: Uda at November 30, 2010 10:09 AM

I never really watched the series but I can respect that it had a large following. However, I thought the original movie was campy fun and should be able to live side by side in protest of a reboot.

Posted by: Paultera at November 30, 2010 10:11 AM

They can DVDA Buffy for all I care. Casper Van Diem can play Angel too. Awesome.

:returns to not caring:

Posted by: smithee at November 30, 2010 10:14 AM

If they made this a direct sequel to the original movie, and had Kristy Swanson as an adult Buffy come out of "retirement" to thwart the end of the world (adding in the necessary master plot momentum the series excelled at), while turning the next generation's slayer, this could be campy fun.

It won't be, probably. But it could be.

Posted by: RobP at November 30, 2010 10:20 AM

I'd pay to see Swanson as Buffy.

If it was an anal-scat porno.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 30, 2010 10:23 AM

Er. That should read "training" not "turning". The latter adds a sort of... The Hunger subtext I did not intend.

But it would probably make the movie better.

Posted by: RobP at November 30, 2010 10:23 AM

Kristy Swanson is dead to me.

Dead.

Posted by: The Gay at November 30, 2010 10:29 AM

adult Buffy come out of "retirement" to thwart the end of the world

Um, I see a major flaw in this idea: Slayers don't "retire," per se. A slayer is called when the previous slayer dies. Particularly in the context of this being a direct sequel.

/nerd (sorry)

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 30, 2010 10:36 AM

Wonder if they thought of doing historical-type slayers. There've been slayers for thousands of years, at least; how about a movie about a slayer in the 18th Century? Or the 14th, she could hang out with Joan of Arc. Or in the Roman Empire. The possibilities are endless, without stepping on JW's work.

Posted by: BentJohn at November 30, 2010 10:36 AM

Anna, yeah except for that time Buffy died for a minute and then Faith was called. And then again when Kendra was called. And then when the potentials were called but not really. Who knows though, they could just say that Kristy held her breath for a really long time and tricked fate into calling a new slayer. Or got blackout drunk because she realized she was gonna foreclose on her house so she was forced to do a reboot of a mediocre at best movie, and another slayer appeared. Poof. There. That was the sound of another slayer appearing. They're gonna shit all over the lore. This whole idea depresses me.

Posted by: The Gay at November 30, 2010 10:44 AM

I would love love LOVE to see the movie made shot for shot with exactly the same cast years later. We could get David Arquette back as the punk vampire, Hilary Swank back as the backstabbing teenager who bought that horrible yellow leather jacket, and Rutger Haur on his cellphone reading his lines on speaker-phone.

So awesome.

Posted by: superasente at November 30, 2010 10:46 AM

No need to apologize, AvB. I knew that, but I also know that the first movie didn't really touch on that; it's something Joss put a heavy focus on by the end of season one, and stuck with throughout the series. The original movie just makes it seem like a highly specialized job that you have to be recruited for.

Also, "retirement" doesn't mean there's another slayer running around, just that at some point she decided not to slay vampires, anymore. And, as per the show and the movie, Watchers know who their potential slayers are before they're called, so it's not too far-fetched that Buffy would be on a mission to protect/save/teach her successor. Just sayin'. It could be done, logically, and well.

Could being the operative word.

Posted by: RobP at November 30, 2010 10:46 AM

"Watchers know who their potential slayers are before they're called."

That's because they have big honking growths on their chests, and I'm not talking about boobies.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 30, 2010 10:58 AM

And then again when Kendra was called.

Kendra was called when Buffy died the first time. Faith was called when Kendra died. And Faith didn't die, and so no other slayer was called until they did the magic and the potentials in season 7. GET IT RIGHT, THE GAY! (Oh, god, I'm totally THAT GUY. SORRY, EVERYONE! Sorry I'm THAT GUY.)

Hm, I thought they did bring it up in the movie, but it's been a LONG TIME since I needed my Crappy Buffy Original Movie fix, so I could totally be mis-thinking it. However, I suppose overall I enjoy your idea. Also, BentJohn's, and superasente's. Also, The Gay's. I think they should all just get smashed together into the unholy mess this thing is bound to be in the first place. There. Done. BAM. New Buffy.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 30, 2010 10:59 AM

I am shamed by your superior knowledge of slayer lineage. I just remember that Kendra had that adorable way she pronounced "vampire" like it was "bum-pire." Hee. Bum-pire.

As long as someone says "bum-pire" I'll be satisfied. And also please to get Luke from 90210 back for this. I crave his stubbly brooding.

Posted by: The Gay at November 30, 2010 11:08 AM

That accent WAS adorable. And atrocious. All at the same time. You got THAT right, anyway.

Also, poor David Arquette needs something to keep his spirits up, now that he and Courtney are all divorced and stuff.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 30, 2010 11:20 AM

Ah, now it is YOU that are wrong! This movie does need an Arquette, but not David.

This movie desperately needs ALEXIS Arquette. I mean, a transexual slayer would be amazing. And by "transexual slayer" I mean a slayer that IS a transexual, not a slayer OF transexuals. Then it would have to be called "Buffy the Hate Crime Enthusiast." And thats cumbersome at best.

Posted by: The Gay at November 30, 2010 11:38 AM

Posted by: The Gay at November 30, 2010 11:38 AM

I wish I could "like" that. Get on that, Rowles.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 30, 2010 11:42 AM

BentJohn's idea is pretty good, actually, for a "[name redacted] Vampire Slayer" series. I'm kind of surprised that Joss hasn't already done something along those lines (besides the scenes of the Boxer Rebellion and 70s NYC, and hints at pre-history with the Original Slayer). He did Fray, so maybe he's only concerned about the future of slayers at this point, but there's several thousand years of untilled slayer history.

It could at least make a good anthology TV series...

Posted by: RobP at November 30, 2010 11:45 AM

The series was a direct continuation of the movie so a sequel idea would just be a continuity mess. It's going to ignore the series entirely, I just don't get the point. Buffy is alive and well and kicking some serious ass in the comic books with the soon to wrap up Season 8. That is all the "new" Buffy the world needs right now until Joss convinces FOX to invite the Scoobs back for a movie.

Posted by: TylerDFC at November 30, 2010 1:06 PM

Didn't he also do some Tales of the Slayers comic series that was all historical Slayers? (I haven't read those)

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 30, 2010 1:42 PM

*"a," not "some"

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 30, 2010 1:42 PM

Kind of perfect actually, no one from the original is really doing anything at the moment. I'm looking at you, Randall Batinkoff.

Just so long as we see Luke Perry return as Pike. Both he and Kristy Swanson have really cultivated that "ridded hard, put away wet look" over the years.

Posted by: Finn at November 30, 2010 1:56 PM

Whoa, The Gay, I was all set to gently condescend your small knowledge of Buffy canon, but Anna von Beav beat me there (...or beav'd me there?!).

Perhaps a cheap flowchart will suffice?

Buffy
---> alive? still slayer
---> dead? only for a minute. Kendra is called
---> alive again? still slayer #1
---> dead? really dead this time
---> alive again, again? resurrected from grave, kinda grumpy about it

Kendra
---> alive? gives Mr. Pointy to Buffy. Slayer #2 now
---> dead? Faith is called

Faith
---> alive? Kinda badass

Potentials
---> alive? potential slayers
---> dead? not enough, not enough
---> called? magic scythe makes them all slayers. boo

Posted by: Lbees at November 30, 2010 2:33 PM

Something that Always Irritated Me about season 5/6 is that no new slayer was called when Buffy was killed again then. I believe it was because Faith was still kicking, but still. Annoying.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 30, 2010 2:38 PM

I have been appropriately corrected. I feel the requisite shame for a Buffy-time-continuum error.

Stop yelling at me!

I'm gonna have to write in my diary about you people...

Posted by: The Gay at November 30, 2010 2:39 PM

Wasn't all the trouble in the seventh season with the First all because there shouldn't have been two Slayers around at the same time?

Posted by: Kowala1000 at November 30, 2010 2:52 PM

I feel like the Chris Crocker of the original movie.


LEAVE BUFFY ALONE!!!!

Posted by: Annie_Reckson at November 30, 2010 2:59 PM

LOL the Gay, my bad. Yeah it's like Data dying in Star Trek except Captain Picard goes to the future and meets future-Data who is very much alive. I'm all, wht th fck? OK it's not like that at all except it's about the TIME SPACE CONTINUUM.

BTW, von Beav, I too felt a new Slayer should have been called when Buff died in season 5. The answer that she had already passed on her Slayer line to Kendra-Faith didn't sit well. Plus I thought another Slayer could have lightened the mood in season 6. Ah well, that's death for ya.

P.S. Geordi's (Lamar Burton's) real-life sister taught at my high school. She hated talking about her brother, go figure. I'd have thought, being an educator, she would be all about Reading Rainbo.

Posted by: Lbees at November 30, 2010 4:21 PM

GO AWAY LITTLE WRITER BOY.

Boy that made me laugh. Now I have to stop reminiscing about things that ended seven years ago (our bad luck should have run out by now!) and go to school. Boop. Boop. Boooooop.

Posted by: Lbees at November 30, 2010 4:22 PM

Buffy set 15 years later with all the original cast would be awesome. Especially if Pee Wee comes back.

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at November 30, 2010 4:49 PM

Swanson IS Buffy, for me. Gellar took a great character and made her unlikeable. Gellar is the Terri Hatcher of the Buffy TV show, you endure her so that they will just get back to Xander, Willow or ANY of the rest of the cast, who were all brilliant.

Posted by: DarthBrookes at November 30, 2010 6:23 PM

Wasn't all the trouble in the seventh season with the First all because there shouldn't have been two Slayers around at the same time?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was the case. I was satisfied without having yet another slayer called when Buffy died the second time. They did muddy the water a bit at the end when someone mentioned that the potentials had to wait for Buffy or Faith to die before one of them would be called before Willow did the spell that made all the potientials into slayers.

Anna von Beav, you're right Tales of the Slayers was about historical slayers.

Posted by: Uda at November 30, 2010 11:42 PM