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Klaatu. Barada. Pajiba!

The Daily Trade Round-Up / Daniel Carlson

Trade News | November 8, 2007 | Comments (61)


Good morning, Sports Racers. It’s the middle of a long week at the beginning of a long month at the end of the long year, and I’m hopped up on the kind of where-the-hell-is-this going energy that’s running through the streets of L.A. like the girls from “The Hills,” all wide-eyed and crazy and unwilling to compromise. And man oh man, get ready to get hammered, because today’s lead-off item is all about a remake, and you better believe I got me some bemoaning to do.

(Those of you wishing to bypass the round-up and skip right down to the comments for some good old-fashioned Internet bitchfests high-minded debate should feel free to do so. Today’s discussion question: Is misogyny retarded? Why or why not?)

Fox is continuing with its plans to remake Robert Wise’s 1951 sci-fi classic The Day the Earth Stood Still, and Keanu Reeves will lead the cast. Reeves, whose lobbying to retitle the film The Day the Earth Went Whoa will probably go ignored, will play the alien Klaatu. Jennifer Connelly is also attached to play Helen, the spunky scientist who makes first contact with Klaatu. When all this news came to me, I was tempted to say or write something like, “In a move that passes all understanding, Fox has blah blah blah,” and then I would kvetch for a while. But I can’t write that because the remake isn’t beyond all understanding; just the opposite. It’s completely understandable. Remakes are easier to pitch, quicker to greenlight, and more comfortable for the people signing the checks to make everything happen. You can see the poster, you know? And it’s a shame, too. I remember seeing the movie as a child, and it’s a classic. Sure, it wasn’t always fun being the only 11-year-old that knew the heartbreaking resolution of “Klaatu barada nikto,” but that’s beside the point. The film stands out as a hallmark of its genre, and that makes it the perfect target to be soullessly repackaged 50 years later.

Speaking of classics that should never be remade but will be anyway, just to bug me: The remake rights to 1952’s High Noon were picked up this week at the American Film Market by producer Mark Headley, actor Christopher Mitchum, and their business partner, Toni Covington. Headley and the newly formed High Noon Productions, based in L.A., are in the process of finding a director and star for the remake, and hope to start shooting next year. Christopher Mitchum is the son of Robert Mitchum, and said at AFM that he’d wanted to remake High Noon for years. But you know what, Chris? Nobody else wanted that. I’m weary of wearing out the word “classic,” but that’s exactly what High Noon is, and there’s absolutely no reason for a remake. It cannot be better, and will only be disappointing.

Also this week, the latest casting news for J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek is that Bruce Greenwood has been tapped to play Christopher Pike, the Enterprise’s first captain. Pike was the captain in the series’ original pilot but was dropped when CBS rejected the show and NBC expressed interest but wanted it retooled. He was later woven into the show’s chronology once Captain Kirk took over, which is something else I probably shouldn’t have known when I was 11. The thing is, Abrams the writer is on strike, but Abrams the director isn’t, and the film is still on track for release next Christmas from Paramount. Abrams has said he won’t do any rewriting duty on the film while it’s in production, but it’s hard to imagine a director like Abrams (or any director, for that matter) proceeding with a film when they won’t be able to do any rewrites, even if they want to. It’s just one of the many things the strike will affect, and there’s no telling how this will shape up. You can keep up with the strike here, if you’re interested.

Finally, this morning’s trailer watch features the clip for The Great Debaters, based on real events in 1930s Texas about a black collegiate debate team. The film gains credibility for having Denzel Washington star and direct, but loses points big time for being produced by Oprah Winfrey, who should stick to peddling The Secret and stay away from movies. Anyway, it’s a blatant Oscar contender, but it could turn out OK:

Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.


Pajiba Love 11/07/07 | Lone Star



Comments

Sometimes, a little misogyny goes a long way.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 8, 2007 6:20 AM

Shit, I actually forgo to post, anyway

"...Jennifer Connelly is also attached to play Helen, the spunky scientist who makes first contact with Klaatu...."

WHAT IS THAT? The skirt in the original wasn't scientist, she was owner of the guest-house where he stayed. And those are the little details people, the little details that make a movie charming. I bet they think that was too quaint so of course they'll HAVE to make it into a huge ball of shit.
Hopefully they'll at least have Keanu say:

"Whoa, I'm gonna like, totally destroy the world, doodes."

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 8, 2007 6:35 AM

Just in case anyone wants to start drinking early (cheers ATO!), I gladly point out a spelling mistake.

Mithchum Jr's first name is actually spelt f.u.c.k.w.i.t.

That may also count as me bemoaning a remake...

Posted by: Simon B at November 8, 2007 7:23 AM

Mithchum...Mitchum...you get the idea.
(Bloody keyboard!!)

Posted by: Simon B at November 8, 2007 7:25 AM

Of course, they already remade High Noon, as a TV movie starring Tom Skerritt.

Posted by: Todd at November 8, 2007 8:26 AM

At first when I read "High Noon" I started to cry, thinking that it was the classic "Hang'em High" with Clint Eastwood. Now I do not cry so much. I am still crying over the "Birds" re-make, yes- still crying. My tear stained eyes tell the story of a sad little girl, who knows that God is not happy with another re-make of an awesome Alfred Hitchcock movie, so therefore the second coming is near.

Have a great life, and go to church for the end is near,

Emily

Posted by: emily at November 8, 2007 8:37 AM

Wait, there's a Birds remake being made? Now I feel like crying...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 8, 2007 9:10 AM

Remaking High Noon is proof there is no God. Keanu in The Day the Earth Stood Still is proof whatever being is pretending to be 'God' hates me.

Posted by: Ms. Parker at November 8, 2007 9:21 AM

Gah! The sound of all the childhoods being raped today is deafening....

Posted by: Kolby at November 8, 2007 9:24 AM

Today's discussion question: Is misogyny retarded? Why or why not?

Goddamnit I love you so fucking much...

Posted by: Jerce at November 8, 2007 9:31 AM

Misogyny rides the short bus, man. Not because misogyny is learning-challenged, but because on the short bus the girls still can't do math.

The remake rights to 1952's High Noon were picked up this week

Wasn't this already "reimagineered" as Sean Connery's sci-fi thriller Outland?

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at November 8, 2007 9:38 AM

Argh.... grrr... gah... *KABOOM!*

Sorry, reading the words "Oprah Winfrey" triggers the "explode into rage" function in my brain.

I will not comment on the High Noon remake, for that will trigger the "homicidal rampage" function.

Posted by: TK at November 8, 2007 9:43 AM

About the trailer: it looks good. You know, that kind of movie. But I feel like I saw the whole movie in less than 3 minutes, and those violins in the middle, come on, could they be more redundant?
Anyway, I'm gonna love it.

Posted by: sol at November 8, 2007 9:49 AM

Quite frankly socalled I'm offended by your comments. Will ya marry me though?

*ahem* attempts at getting the Pajibateers wasted aside everything in this trade round up sounds shitty. News of constant remakes may in fact be the only power in the 'verse that can stop Alex from being cheerful.

Oooh, formatting dilemma: do I have to bold my own name? Granted, it was pretty much me who decided to become the formatting Nazi but now I'm all confused like.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at November 8, 2007 10:11 AM

I am a history lover and a Denzel lover, and I'm not gonna lie-- the trailer for The Great Debaters got to me. I mighta gotten a tad choked up.

Posted by: Jenn at November 8, 2007 10:24 AM

I can't understand why, when a remake comes out, they don't just show the original, especially Arts house cinemas. It would be way cheaper than the new version, so they'd only need half as many bums on seats to make the same amount of money, AND they'd probably get MORE people anyway (at least at the art house cinemas). Someone should at least try it out. For example when that Tom Cruise Vanilla Sky movie came out, I would have gone to watch the original Spanish? version in a minute if someone had put that on (but in the absence of the original I still didn't watch the Tom Cruise one).

Posted by: ChrisD at November 8, 2007 10:47 AM

I was about ready to save myself the impending rage-induced stroke and drink the fucking Kool-Aid when it came to remakes. Especially with the writer's strike, and how the suits will no doubt forego anything creative or unfamiliar. I assumed nobody listened, nobody cared, and so I would just start filling my comments with reasons for Pajibbons to chug freely from the bottle and weep and rage with solidarity.

Then I heard talk of an interview with Tim Kring. (I think it was in a magazine that sounded an awful lot like "Bentertainment Beekly") He essentially apologized for the entire season of Heroes. He said, "Sorry for the romance. That never should have been there. The Twins got too much screen time. The stuff in Japan could have been wrapped up in like two episodes. We're probably just going to wrap up this season, call it a game, and then focus on making up for it with Season 3. I promise it'll be better. I just lost my way."

They're listening to us! They're actually listening to us! Our voices of disdain are being heard. Viva los Pajibbons!

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at November 8, 2007 11:17 AM

Re: High Noon. The idea of anyone else stepping into Grace Kelly's shoes pains me, as nobody else can come close. Good reason for leaving 'Dial M for Murder' alone, but of course nobody listened.

Am crying about 'The Birds', too. Christ, what next?

Posted by: reesy at November 8, 2007 11:35 AM

God doesn't hate you, Ms. Parker. God likely doesn't know or care about your thoughts and feelings about Hollywood and Keanu Reeves.

Emily...YOU, on the other hand...Yes, God made you cry. God's got a sick sense of humor like that.

*sigh*

Posted by: Mr. Benchley at November 8, 2007 11:39 AM

it's gotta be the 14 year old twerp in me that only sees "The Great Debaters" as "The Mass Debaters"
i know, lame...

Posted by: maxpurr9 at November 8, 2007 11:51 AM

I am not lying, or as they like to say, "If I'm lyin' I'm dyin,'" I did cry when I read about the "Birds" remake. Tears fell from my face with the thought of a classic movie being remade, when it is already so unfortunately overlooked by today's gang of blood-soaked hooligans, so therefore they will never know of the original and vastly better movie. As a college kid who loves me some horror, and surprisingly any action movie that is short on dialogue and big on explosion, I feel as if nothing gets better than the tense drama exhibited throughout Hitchcock's work. There is literally nothing he has done that doesn't deserve the supreme title of "most awesome movie ever" because every time you watch a Hitchcock you think, "God this is awesome and great and everything good in the world." What really makes me sad is that the re-make will most likely include new CGI birds that rip out the eyes of the original movie. If there is any God, he will strike the entire cast with Avian Flu.

I can only pray,

Emily

Posted by: Emily at November 8, 2007 12:13 PM

I'm surprised they didn't tap Will Smith for this. He's already participated in the raping of an Asimov Science Fiction classic, this also would have given him a chance to cast his kid in the role of Bobby and to say HELL Naw!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 8, 2007 12:21 PM

Why do I get the impression that the worst part about the Birds remake is that they're gonna try to "explain" things? And provide a villain?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 8, 2007 12:24 PM

Well it's only 11:30 where I live but per Alex The Odd's rules, we've already had a insult to women, an alternate collective noun for Pajibans, and BarbadoSlim stoking the fire. So I'm three shots up and a full work day still to go.
Careens over in chair and sings to the keyboard.....

Posted by: PaddyDog at November 8, 2007 12:32 PM

maxpurr9, I was a debate geek, and we preferred the winking "master debater."

Posted by: JMW at November 8, 2007 12:48 PM

Pajiboids
Pajiboididans!

Posted by: Amanda47 at November 8, 2007 12:48 PM

(Drink 3-5 fingers for above post)

That said, these 'remakes' are raping my, my parents' and my grandparents' childhoods.
What if we find out that Robert hated Christopher Mitchum. Names are not enough people.

-Amanda

PS Is there a rule about referring to yourself in third person? Amanda seconds that idea.

Posted by: Amanda47 at November 8, 2007 12:52 PM

I don't know about misogyny, but mistartletardogyny (def: -noun; hatred, dislike, or mistrust of startletards) most certainly is not retarded. In fact, I actively encourage it.

Posted by: Calitri at November 8, 2007 1:01 PM

Remaking the Birds is a sin against humanity. Naomi Watts's searing hotness and talent pushed gently aside.

Doing a film where Fat Fuck From Balls of Fury plays Hitchcock? That's actually more akin to The Digging Up and Ceremonial Gangraping of Hitchcock's Corpse, or as I prefer to call it "Strangers Running a Train".

In fact, I'm going to go pitch that at Fox Revolution. Scab ahoy!

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at November 8, 2007 1:03 PM

Thanks Amanda and you compounded it with a chaser of "raping my childhood". There are toxic levels of alcohol fumes in my house by now. Do the rules of vicarious liability apply here? Because if I get in a car a drive today, Amanda needs to be sued.

Also, Emily: You are so right but (with apologies to my grandmother who hated double-superlatives more than she hated the English), wouldn't you have to say that regardless of how high the bar is set with the others, "Rope" is the most fucking awesomest Hitchcock movie ever? In fact, I want a "guide to what's good for you on Rope".

Posted by: PaddyDog at November 8, 2007 1:15 PM

Glad you're playing along Paddydog!. Also my above post alone contained a proposal of marriage and a (mangled) Firefly quote.

I'll wait while you refil your glass.

Also: today I am officially Irish! I shall be playing with guiness in honour of that.

Posted by: Alex the Odd at November 8, 2007 1:31 PM

"maxpurr9, I was a debate geek, and we preferred the winking "master debater.""

JMW, don't forget the classic "cunning linguist"

Ahh, debate humor.

Posted by: Faye at November 8, 2007 1:38 PM

'Re: High Noon. The idea of anyone else stepping into Grace Kelly's shoes pains me, as nobody else can come close.'

You're kidding, right? She's probably the most overrated star of the 50's and her performance in HIGH NOON is barely above community theatre level.

Posted by: Andrew at November 8, 2007 1:42 PM

Aleczh the Ud: Hic! congrashulshuns, Hic! Hey: there sheems to be two of you.

Posted by: PaddyDog at November 8, 2007 1:43 PM

Congrats Alex! I'm sure that all the Pajibists will be congratulating you, raping your childhood, asking you to marry them and possibly asking you to be their wing (woman) all the while hating you because you are a woman. It's a good day to be a Pajibman. Hee.

Posted by: lyricalcatt at November 8, 2007 1:45 PM

And let me just take this opportunity to express my utter outrage at the blatant encouragement of alcoholism taking place here.

It is offensive.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 8, 2007 1:46 PM

Oh how I wish I was allowed to drink at work...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 8, 2007 1:46 PM

That's just too good a name to pass up PaddyDog.

I have to be an alcoholic BSlim, it's in my heritage, denial of my right to be a drunkard is, frankly, racist. Although I don't think you'd be quite as outraged if I wasn't a woman.

Posted by: Aleczh the Ud at November 8, 2007 1:51 PM

You're kidding, right? She's probably the most overrated star of the 50's and her performance in HIGH NOON is barely above community theatre level.

[*shudders, hits "delete" button in brain, resumes happy worship*]

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at November 8, 2007 1:58 PM

You know I was actually jonesing for a glass of wine after I ate lunch today.

Dropped my kid into his cage, er, crib, breezed on over to Pajiba, and stupidly read the trade round-up, dripping with grim reports of yet MORE unnecessary remakes.

Now I am going for the full bottle. Maybe make it two. The kid takes long naps anyway.

Forget misogyny. I am all about hating Hollywood today. Is there a name for that? Would it be misholliwoodny? Or maybe that's what Pajiba really means: fuck the Hollywood system and the horse it rode in on.

Grrrrrr.

Posted by: Alabamapink at November 8, 2007 2:02 PM

"... Although I don't think you'd be quite as outraged if I wasn't a woman..."

Posted by: Aleczh the Ud at November 8, 2007 1:51 PM

************************************************

Awww boo hoo, you poor little thing, feeling a little emotional are we?

That time of the month?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 8, 2007 2:03 PM

Awww boo hoo, you poor little thing, feeling a little emotional are we?

That time of the month?

Yes! It's about time for a smackdown!

Posted by: katy at November 8, 2007 2:20 PM

Alright now PaddyDog, Just who is going to clean up the Bombay Sapphire (7 parts) and Noilly Prat (one part)--a proper martini, see other thread--that I just spewed all over my computer monitor thanks to your comment?

And slainte to you Aleczh the Ud. It's good to be Irish. I myself am only "Irish by Aggravation," having been "married" to the Byrne/Sweeney/Burke/Kelly clan for thirty years. Good craick that! I shall toast your conversion to Gaelic the remainder of the afternoon.

B.S., Good to see that you (obviously) got laid and are back to your concern for the Pajib[i]oids rather than the investors.

Posted by: rudy at November 8, 2007 2:33 PM

Dearest PaddyDog,

Rope is an awesome movie, and I am sure your grandmother would not disapprove of you using any sort of grammatical errors when talking about the greatness of Hitchcock, you just have to speak from the heart. Rope is by far one of the bests, but I have to say I love me some Jimmy Stewart and therefore love me some Rear Window. Oh, God, and what about Vertigo? Even though I will always want to have pre-martial relations with Jimmy Stewart circa 1950s, Birds will always hold a special place in my heart, considering it was the first Hitchcock movie I ever saw. I can remember it now, traveling back to those youthful days, my mom going to the local video store and us sitting down one dark night and watching the Birds. I guess I love Hitchcock so much, not just because of the great movies, but because of the connection it gives you with the world. Now-days you go to a picture show and watch some slash-and-gash and you feel nothing afterwards. There is no everlasting torment that makes you afraid for weeks, or days at least, or hell, maybe even hours to come. Yes, I jumped at that big pounce, but I was able to walk to my house through the woods without looking over my shoulder afterwards. That is what is wrong with modern horror movies. There is no lasting effect of mental damage. I want to be irrationally damaged.

Love Always,

Emily

Posted by: Emily at November 8, 2007 2:37 PM

I'm never gonna live that investor thing down, am I?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 8, 2007 2:39 PM

I didn't really like The Day the Earth Stood Still. I thought the ending was crappy. I would talk about it since I feel that it is one of those movies where if you haven't seen it by now then you deserve to have the movie spoiled for you. But, someone bitched me out for "ruining" the original King Kong recently. And apparently there is no Statute of limitations on spoilers for movies that have been around for more than 50 years.

So suffice it to say that the end of the Day the Earth Stood Still was crappy to the max.

Posted by: Tanner at November 8, 2007 3:07 PM

Tanner, you must be a traditionalist at your job, 'cause what you showed above was genuine shite

Posted by: cockroach at November 8, 2007 3:26 PM

Genuine shite? Why? Because I felt that "the solution" in The Day The Earth Stood Still" was equivalent to "the problem" but on a larger scale?

Also, traditionalist? Like you are some subversive iconoclast for liking The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Posted by: Tanner at November 8, 2007 3:40 PM

I felt that "the solution" in The Day The Earth Stood Still" was equivalent to "the problem" but on a larger scale?
Posted by: Tanner at November 8, 2007 3:40 PM
****************************************************

Really, how is that? If I remember correctly the Earth was told to go about it's business WITHOUT bringing their/our violence out into space. How's that equivalent to "the problem? We could have been blown to hell. Please explain.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 8, 2007 3:46 PM

Tanner traditionalist? Like you are some subversive iconoclast for liking The Day the Earth Stood Still.

didn't mean it in that way ;)

from Wikipedia:
In ancient history, tanning was considered a noxious or "odiferous trade"...the tanners would bate the material by pounding dung into the skin

Posted by: cockroach at November 8, 2007 3:47 PM

Dearest Emily:

On our last year in college, my friends and I hosted a Halloween party in which we re-created the set for Rope (we painted the backdrop of New York). It was great to watch people come in and (a) not have a clue as to the significance of the "serving buffet" or (b) get it at once and know that those were the people with whom we would be friends for life. I imagine your attendance at said pary might have put you in the latter group.

Posted by: PaddyDog at November 8, 2007 3:57 PM

Really, how is that? If I remember correctly the Earth was told to go about it's business WITHOUT bringing their/our violence out into space. How's that equivalent to "the problem? We could have been blown to hell. Please explain.

I took it as "You guys better stop using nukes or else we will come down from outer space with our terrifying super robots and destroy you all." Which seemed to me equal as saying to Russia "you guys better stop developing nukes or else we'll use our nukes on you." It just seemed like Klaatu was making world peace through threat of violence.

Posted by: Tanner at November 8, 2007 5:17 PM

Hmmmm I see that, but didn't we do that to the Russians as well?

I saw it more as an open invitation to play with the big boys if we behaved.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 8, 2007 5:31 PM

Hmmmm I see that, but didn't we do that to the Russians as well?

Yeah, we did. Which is why I thought it was an unimaginative ending for an otherwise serviceable movie.

didn't mean it in that way ;)

Oh. Okay, I get it. Sorry. Despite my name, I am criminally unfamiliar with that particular trade.

Posted by: Tanner at November 8, 2007 5:39 PM

Goddamn I miss Ze. Okay, now to go back and read beyond the first sentence...

Posted by: Bistro at November 8, 2007 7:13 PM

I miss pookie...

Posted by: general rhubarb at November 8, 2007 8:05 PM

Dear PaddyDog,

Not to stoke your most likely already large ego- who could not have one after such a brilliant idea- but that is a really good idea, and I will have to steal it. That would be a great party, Halloween or not (my friends are weird). But unfortunately I doubt any of my friends would get it. I am unfortunately a young-un, whose associates are not as well rounded as say you or I. Yes, they can tell you where to get the best swag, but they can not tell you about the movie Rope. They have their moments of greatness, but Hitchcock love is not one of them. Question for you, do you not hate when modern movies are said to be "like a Hitchcock thriller"? I laugh and laugh and then laugh some more! Blasphemers.

Sincerely,

Emily

Posted by: Emily at November 8, 2007 10:38 PM

Dearest Emily:

Your approach is to laugh. Mine is to seethe and plot revenge. Come the revolution, anyone who has favorably compared modern movie dreck as "Hitchcockian" will be the first to the Guillotine. And much as I oppose book burning, there will be a ceremonial burning of DVD and reel copies of socalled (I still have some uses of the copyrighted word left) Hitchcock re-makes (yes, even the one starring Christopher Reeve: nice sentiment, bad idea).

Love,
PaddyDog

Posted by: PaddyDog at November 9, 2007 10:17 AM

Ooooh, Paddy, you are just taking food out of my dogs' mouths. And they are hungry little weasels.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at November 9, 2007 8:35 PM

Hic! Maybe itsh alcohol talking, but I love you guysh so much! Group hug! Long live the Pajibation!

Posted by: isabelle at November 10, 2007 4:21 PM

Are you sure Keanu won't be playing Gort, the robot? Thay can work wonders with CGI now and could probably make him look really tall and kinda strong. Maybe he could borrow Robert Downey Jr's Iron Man costume.

Posted by: Sanity Clause at November 11, 2007 6:10 PM