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Keanu Reeves Gets the Role of a Lifetime: Frozen Man

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (19)

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Keanu Reeves has been circling a project called Passengers for over a year now, and it’s finally gotten a green light. Also, a director, in the form of Italian filmmaker Gabriele Muccino, who lodged two Will Smith projects in our frontal lobes, The Pursuit of Happyness and Seven Pounds, which was about an IRS agent who used his internal organs to fuel a spaceship. Or something. Morgan Creek is moving ahead with the project.

It’s actually a pretty cool concept, which comes from Jonathan Spaihts, whose script was second runner up on 2007’s Black List. (Spaihts is also penning Ridley Scott’s Alien prequel — let’s all throw rocks).

Passeners is about an intergalactic spaceship that’s making a centuries-long trek to find another planet to inhabit. All the folks onboard are meant to be cryogenically frozen until they reach their destination. However, a computer fuck-up brings Keanu Reeves character out of hibernation (and you can hardly tell!), so he decides to unfreeze a beautiful woman to make her his companion.

Isn’t that romantic? “Hey baby, I unfroze you so you can spend the rest of your life floating in a ship, stuck with me. Wanna fuck?”

Word is, from The Playlist, which has read the script, that it’s a dark little sci-fi flick. “The script’s rather good, although not perfect — it creates a fascinating, rather unique world, and isn’t afraid to let its main character make unsympathetic decisions.”

I think any decision that involves sleeping with Keanu Reeves could be considered an unsympathetic one, though I do understand there’s never a lack for wood. (Hey-O! #murdermeintheface).

(Source: Variety)









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Comments

*cryogenic steam drifts like vapor to the floor. a beautiful woman slowely opens her eyes and finds she is staring into the face of Keanu Reeves (no relation to George Reeves)*

Woman: Wha...what's going on?
Keanu: *cocks head and throws arms wide* Welcome to space, dude!
Woman: Did we find a habitable planet?
Keanu: Well, my fair babe, it's like this. The computer TOTALLY failed and woke me up early. Rather than spend the rest of my life in some bogus empty space-husk, I decided that I would TOTALLY wake you up too!
Woman: Why would you do something so stupid? Are you retarded?
Keanu: No way! I'm Keanu Reeves! I thought we could TOTALLY have sex!
Woman: Wow. You can't be serious.
Keanu: Party on, Babe!

Then he chases her around the ship for 90 minutes. Er' something.

Cut. Print. $30 million opening.

Posted by: superasente at January 28, 2010 10:21 PM

My contribution this week comes in the form of video:

Every time I hear this "(Spaihts is also penning Ridley Scott’s Alien prequel — let’s all throw rocks)." I very clearly see this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIaORknS1Dk

And after hearing this "Keanu Reeves Gets the Role of a Lifetime: Frozen Man", I heard a song, wondrous from a choir between my ears:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX07j9SDFcc

Clear as day.

Posted by: D-Day at January 28, 2010 11:00 PM

I like the idea but not the Keanu.

Posted by: Cindy at January 28, 2010 11:16 PM

Dustin, mi amor, I love you, but are you drunk? You are more typo-filled than usual. That is to say, usually you are typo free.

Posted by: coveredinbees at January 29, 2010 1:55 AM

again, to lose any credibility, i dont think of keannu reeves as an acto, but as a formidable charismatic presence on the screen, and i'll take my sci-fi any way i can get it in the magic shadows.

he's a blank template for any hero to be written on. he's whatever we want to see, cntributing nothing personal whatsoever. and that isnt meant as a criticism.

he is the blank that blockbusters were meant for

Posted by: idleprimate at January 29, 2010 2:49 AM

Truth is that all of Keanu's choices in this world are unsympathetic choices. That's why he is so well-hated.

If only we were stuck in the Matrix and he could be rebooted as a human being rather than a human-shaped parsnip.

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at January 29, 2010 8:39 AM

Am I the only one who remembers the comic story being ripped off here? Man wakes early from cryogenic sleep. Unfreezes hot chick. In the comic, the "hero" planned to be unfrozen well ahead of time and took steps to ensure the rest of the men never woke up. The "heroine," unaware he's done this, kills her new boyfriend so she can unfreeze her real love (who of course is already dead). It's a story from an old "Weird Tales"-type comic and if anyone's interested I can look up the title tonight.

Will be interested to see how "true" to the story they remain.

Posted by: Hybrid at January 29, 2010 11:01 AM

I would totally sleep with Keanu Reeves. For serious. I think he's dreamy.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at January 29, 2010 11:19 AM

Keanu Reeves is a terrible actor, but it's not like the movies he's cast in require actual ability. He's made a career out of being a stoner, which is basically what he is in real life.

Posted by: George at January 29, 2010 11:36 AM

This is instead of Cowboy Bebop, yes? Please?

Posted by: Steph at January 29, 2010 12:15 PM

Steph, I sure as shit hope so.

A Cowboy Bebop live action movie would cause me to lose a testicle. If it starred Keanu, they would both fall off. I am quite attached to them.

Posted by: Thurgod at January 29, 2010 2:03 PM

Here's an idea...if he wakes up from cryo why doesn't he just put himself back to sleep? Does that not make sense?

Anyone...anyone?

Posted by: DeistBrawler at January 29, 2010 2:23 PM

Amen, Thurgod.

I still keep the whole series neatly tucked away on my hard drive :)

Posted by: D-Day at January 29, 2010 4:38 PM

If it's gonna be directed by Muccino I can only have very little hope. Muccino is like the digestive system, it doesn't matter how good the material you give him is, it's always gonna come out as shit.

Posted by: rio at January 29, 2010 7:19 PM

If Keanu ever auditions for a role that requires an accent, that shit better show up on youtube.

For serious, anyone over the age of 60 would die of laughter.

Posted by: Thurgod at January 29, 2010 11:52 PM

Idleprimate, in general I agree that he's not a complete write-off in Sci-Fi stuff, but you gotta admit The Matrix worked because the heavy dialog was carried by cast-other-than-Reeves.

He has no emotional range ("Don'tchoo know how special she is?") so something dark and contemplative like this sounds like a good idea but it would have to be a cast-other-than-Reeves.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at January 30, 2010 11:01 AM

100 bucks the computer will malfunction at the end of the movie, threatening to kill all. Somebody probably needs to sacrifice him/herself.

Posted by: Arthur Dent at January 30, 2010 7:11 PM

"However, a computer fuck-up brings Keanu Reeves character out of hibernation (and you can hardly tell!)"

I was not aware that you own a time machine and have seen the movie.

"Isn’t that romantic?"

Nope, and what makes you think it was supposed to be?

To superasente: FYI, actors usually don't write the dialogue. In the case of Passengers, the story was actually Keanu's idea and he did contribute to the writing process with Jon Spaihts, resulting in what is the best script I've ever read, and none of your proposed extract made it in, sorry. Perhaps you could suggest it for a possible Bill & Ted 3.

"Here's an idea...if he wakes up from cryo why doesn't he just put himself back to sleep? Does that not make sense?"

The script deals with that issue pretty well. It's like asking - if the Titanic was about to sink, why didn't they all get onto the lifeboats and escape? Does that not make sense?

What about you read the script first before accusing it of loopholes that it does not have? Does THAT not make sense?

Here: http://www.whoaisnotme.net/scripts/PSG_xx_UD.pdf

If you're going to criticise, at least know what you're criticising.

Posted by: Anakin McFly at January 30, 2010 10:10 PM

AvB, yes, he's pretty. But, totally a narcissist in bed. Trust me on this one.

Posted by: Drake at February 1, 2010 11:25 AM