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Get Ready To See Another Classic Novel Ruined

Like, whoa / TK

Trade News | May 8, 2009 | Comments (42)

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is another one of those classics, like Frankenstein, that so rarely is treated well by Hollywood. In fact, it’s routinely abused. Slapped around like a kid caught stealing. The BBC series, “Jekyll,” started off with promise but descended into silliness. Mary Reilly? I don’t bloody think so. And let’s not even talk about the hideous CGI adaptations used in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen or Van Helsing. Good God, Stevenson should have risen from the dead and devoured everyone involved with those disasters.

Well, Hollywood is giving it another go, this time it’ll be a “contemporary retelling.”

Oh. Goodie. Because those always work well.

But better yet, this one will be a modern retelling starring Neo Johnny Utah Jack Traven Johnny Mnemonic Ted “Theodore” Logan Keanu Reeves. Oh yeah. Because when I think “classic literary works,” I think Keanu fucking Reeves. Reeves is like Schwarzenegger — he’s not talented. I don’t think he ever really acts. But give him the proper material, and he’ll be entertaining.

This is not the proper material.

Balls.

However, using at the technological tools at our disposal, and through the magic of computer wizardry, we here at Pajiba have been able to exclusively project what Keanu Reeves will look like as both Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Here is what Keanu will look like as Dr. Jekyll:


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And here is what Keanu will look like as Mr. Hyde:

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Unbelievable range!


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Comments

My GOD! It's like he's a completely different person! This morning has been FILLED with unbelievable twists and turns, but this one takes the cake!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 8, 2009 10:16 AM

I will see that second picture in my nightmares. Thanks, TK.

Posted by: Kballs at May 8, 2009 10:18 AM

I, for one, think that this movie has the groundwork for being awesome. I mean really think about the possibilities here! I can't wait!

Posted by: legib at May 8, 2009 10:23 AM

I think this will be a shitty movie. That said, I kind of like Keanu Reeves. He's not the best actor of his generation by any means (not even close), but he usually knows how to use the exact amount of dramatic pausing to make a scene dramatic, regardless of whether it needs to be or not.

Posted by: ChristianH at May 8, 2009 10:28 AM

he usually knows how to use the exact amount of
dramatic pausing to make a scene dramatic, regardless of whether it
needs to be or not.

That's just him trying to remember the next line.

Posted by: I Love Beets at May 8, 2009 10:30 AM

Should have been Russell Crowe. He's already got that crazy thing going.

Posted by: Cindy at May 8, 2009 10:35 AM

Why do they insist that Keanu can be in literary adaptations? I mean...the dude's just fine when he has little to say and there's shit blowing up everywhere but...my god have they seen him in Dracula? Or, Godtopus forbid, Much Ado About Nothing? Really? What about KEANU REEVES screams "period movie"?! Whyyyy?

Posted by: figgy at May 8, 2009 10:36 AM

I don't see how this could possibly top the brilliance of Jekyll and Hyde... Together Again.

Posted by: Melissa at May 8, 2009 10:37 AM

Were all the other actors in the world really unavailable? Keanu Reeves isn't an actor, and the only time he ever truly shined was when he pretty much played himself in the Bill and Ted movies.

What justifies this?

Posted by: George at May 8, 2009 10:41 AM

Jekyll and Hyde's Excellent Adventure

Posted by: courtney at May 8, 2009 10:42 AM

It is amazing how Keanu can move that freckle from one cheek to the other. What skill!


Posted by: Gigi at May 8, 2009 10:42 AM

maybe it will be like dr. jekyll and ms. hyde and they could get an actress with no range also.
i hear scarjo will do anything for nickel.

Posted by: gp at May 8, 2009 10:43 AM

As much as I try, I just can't dislike this dude.

Posted by: samantha t at May 8, 2009 10:44 AM

Christian -

under no uncertain terms should the words "Keanu Reeves," "Best," "Actor," and "Generation" ever be lumped together that closely in a sentence. Those words must always maintain a safe 10-word distance. Like:

"KEANU REEVES once dreamed that he had the acting chops to be ranked with the likes of Philip Seymour Hoffman, the BEST ACTOR of his GENERATION. Alas, his fate was sealed with his casted role as Ted Logan."

Posted by: gunnertec at May 8, 2009 10:45 AM

Reeves is like Schwarzenegger — he’s not talented.

Best analogy ever.

Posted by: Snath at May 8, 2009 10:47 AM

Just find him something to distract him until he forgets about Bebop please. Please.

Posted by: twig at May 8, 2009 10:58 AM

I watched the first two episodes of Jekyll and was bored. But man oh man, you would not want to meet that dude in a dark alley. Or a park with with sunshine and puppies. Bitch creepy.

Posted by: Julie at May 8, 2009 10:59 AM

The best adaptation-and it was a contemporary remake-is the Sylvester and Tweety version. That hulking bird is badass. Kudos on the Jekyll and Hyde together again reference though. That was a staple on the movie channel when I was growing up.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 8, 2009 11:01 AM

I love how Jekell wears a man's shirt, but Hyde wears a woman's blouse. You can tell by the way it buttons. Are you sure it's not Dr. Jekell and Mrs. Hyde? I know that's been done before, too, but it needs a reboot.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 8, 2009 11:15 AM

God. And I just re-read the book this past summer and was reminded of just how good it is. If you think you know the story, but have never read it, give it a go.

And fuck Keanu Reeves.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at May 8, 2009 11:16 AM

You know, The Hoff set the Jeckyll and Hyde bar pretty high on Broadway. Good luck with that, Keanu!

Posted by: Chickaboom at May 8, 2009 11:48 AM

What about KEANU REEVES screams "period movie"?! Whyyyy?

Alot of the girls I know who like period movies also think Keanu Reeves is the hottest actor in Hollywood. My suspicion is that this is why.

Posted by: Chugga at May 8, 2009 11:58 AM

Gah. I totally forgot about the Bebop thing. Thanks, twig.

*glares*

Posted by: figgy at May 8, 2009 12:44 PM

Jeez TK, take it right to Arnold immediately after your gushing Conan post? I guess I can agree that neither Keanu or Arnold are ever really acting but the entertainment ceiling for Arnold reached extreme heights when he was in his prime that Keanu can't touch.

Posted by: Handel at May 8, 2009 12:57 PM

Terrifying!

Posted by: admin at May 8, 2009 1:29 PM

Jekyll drinks Potion.
Jekyll transforms in a flurry of CG mayhem.
Hyde appears, stares into the middle distance, and says; "Whoa..."

Posted by: Odnon at May 8, 2009 1:50 PM

well i'm not into apologetics so i'll just say i'd like to see keanu reeves play like a land shark and bite your collective head off

Posted by: mrsjekyll at May 8, 2009 1:59 PM

Oh geeze. Wasn't Much Ado About Nothing enough? Who's his agent? Usually they're better than this, you know? Directing him to scripts where he can REALLY shine by NOT showing range or emotion.

What the hell happened here? Was someone drunk? High? Both?

Posted by: Four Eyes at May 8, 2009 3:23 PM

Oh god, I scrolled down to the pictures and laughed out loud. Thanks for that, TK.

Posted by: Ginger at May 8, 2009 3:41 PM

In the interest of full disclosure, the picture gag was actually the work of Mr. Rowles. What can I say - he's cleverer than me.

Posted by: TK at May 8, 2009 3:49 PM

I saw K Reeve's face and didn't even need to know what this story was about to know it's a bad idea. "Literary Classic" and "Keanu" are terms that should never be used within the same publication. Do you remember "Bram Stoker's Dracula"? Well do you? Or did you close your eyes and cover your ears whenever he appeared on screen? Just in case you did, I will spoil it for you. He was bad. Very very bad. Gary Oldman tried to kill him. True story.

Posted by: greer at May 8, 2009 6:37 PM

that was some funny shit with them pictures.

cracked me up real good.

flippin the image to show "range", now that's comic genius.

Posted by: haplo at May 8, 2009 7:33 PM

I think the second picture is a fake... clearly that is not a picture of Keanu Reeves

Posted by: tj at May 8, 2009 11:49 PM

I think only the second picture should have had him with facial hair. Because clearly facial hair means you're EVIL.

Posted by: Sharon at May 9, 2009 12:18 AM

man i cant stop laughing....

Posted by: nayen at May 9, 2009 12:50 AM

You know, The Hoff set the Jeckyll and Hyde bar pretty high on Broadway. Good luck with that, Keanu!

Seriously, have you people seen what The Hoff was capable of?

Keanu is going to need a pair of rocket-boots to clear the bar that The Hoff set.

Hell, I'll bet right now that Keanu can't even clear the bar that Sebastian Bach set ...

Posted by: Soylent Green is Sheeple at May 9, 2009 1:22 AM

I should go find a copy of John Barrymore's Jekyll and Hyde. From what I know, John did it sans make-up effects.

Of course, the recommending person was Drew, in a Fresh Air interview that was disconcertingly good.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at May 9, 2009 10:07 AM

Even when I knew what was coming I still laughed.

Also, weren't Skitz Max and Skitz Min available?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 9, 2009 11:57 AM

I still remember the morning that my (favorite, beloved, idolized) college acting professor admitted she liked Keanu Reeves, even if it was only because "he's fun to look at." I died a little bit inside.
Come on, folks, Keanu acts like bread. The only reason a loaf of Wonderbread wasn't given his role in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure was because Mister Reeves has marginally better hair.

Posted by: lizling at May 10, 2009 10:03 AM

His best role? He has a huge HUGE career, and you don't. He has a loads of charisma. Sorry dudes, he just doesn't have to do much but just be and it fills the screen, so get out of his ass and let the man work.

Posted by: bitchydoc at May 10, 2009 4:33 PM

Wow! Sounds like bitchydoc needs a doc to remove keanu's dick from his mouth

Posted by: thedude at May 14, 2009 5:24 PM

Oh grow a set of balls and stop undermining Keanu!!
First of all he is "A God" to many women, me especially. Obviously you have nothing nice to say about him, you aren't thinking hard enough. Keanu Rocks!!! Jealous? Think so!

Gina

Posted by: Gina at May 18, 2009 2:01 PM





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