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Katherine Heigl in One For The Money | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Katherine Heigl Attached to One for the Money / TK

Trade News | February 10, 2010 | Comments (61)

There is fuckall to report on today, folks. So little that I’m forced to take up the task of reporting on Rainbow Killer news. Yeah, that slow. I guess the entire entertainment industry is apparently just as paralyzed by the pending SNOWPOCALYPSE 2010 as Boston is. Of course, we’re only supposed to get 8-10” of snow, which ain’t shit around these parts. Apparently the lower East coast cities are gonna get the bear, to which I say: “Suck it, fools.” It’s about time someone other than New England got dickslapped by winter. I hope you never find your cars.

But I digress. Variety is reporting that Heigl, fresh off the mega-successes of such poignant, stunning films as The Ugly Truth and 27 Dresses, where she portrayed a shining archetype of independent womanhood and a beacon of light for feminism everywhere, will next be starring in Columbia Pictures’ One for the Money, based on the first novel in a series by mystery/thriller writer Janet Evanovich. And, oh, you’re gonna love the plot:

Heigl will play Stephanie Plum, an unemployed lingerie buyer who becomes a bounty hunter to make ends meet.

Hand to God.

First of all, didn’t we already see this movie? Substitute “lingerie buyer” (*snicker) for “model” and Heigl for Keira Knightley, and you’ve basically got the plot for Tony Scott’s vomit-cam extravaganza, Domino. Second of all… what in the hippo-humping, stomach-stabbing fuck? I don’t know shit about the novels, so I wiki’d the character name and this is what I got:

“She is a spunky combination of Nancy Drew and Dirty Harry, and - although a female bounty hunter - is the opposite of Domino Harvey. She is described by the author as ‘incredibly average and yet heroic if necessary.’

Evanovich claims the inspiration for Stephanie’s character came after watching Midnight Run starring Charles Grodin and Robert DeNiro, adding, ‘If Mickey Spillane wrote Archie and Veronica, Stephanie would be Betty.’ As the series has progressed, Stephanie has become more stable and responsible, and a better bounty hunter. ‘But truthfully,’ Evanovich says, ‘Stephanie has stayed the same more than she’s changed.’”

In other news, I now hate Janet Evanovich with the fire of a million hells.

No director has been attached yet, although I’m sure it will be someone legendary. The screenplay was written by Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith, the juggernaut think tank behind standout classics like The Ugly Truth, She’s the Man, and The House Bunny.

This has so much potential. I’m already salivating over what is sure to be a glowing review from Dustin.

Muhahahaha! Eat it, Rowles.


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Comments

They have been making this film for about ten years, or so it seems from my edition of One For the Money. I do like the books, they are fun reads. Not sure how they'll come across on screen, and Katherine Heigl isn't my idea of Stephanie Plum.

Posted by: Carrie at February 10, 2010 10:05 AM

You could've been hating her for years if you worked in libraries. There's fifteen books so far. This could be huge.

Posted by: Jay at February 10, 2010 10:08 AM


dissing heigl is SOP for pajiba and that's ok because the brand is
about " scathing reviews " and i guess heigl is as good a target
as anyone but i can't wait to see this movie.

Posted by: snake at February 10, 2010 10:21 AM

Heigl will play Stephanie Plum, an unemployed lingerie buyer who becomes a bounty hunter to make ends meet.

Is this supposed to be movie role Mad Libs?

Heigl will play Tiffany Kumquat, an unemployed chimney sweep who becomes a deep sea fisherwoman to make ends meet.

Posted by: branded at February 10, 2010 10:22 AM

When characters are described as being "spunky", immediately turn around and walk away with your middle fingers trailing. Seriously...it's NEVER good.

The worst part is that the wife loves her, and all of her movies (she's still trying to get me to watch 27 dresses) and will probably want to see this one too. To which I say...damn the give and take of marriage...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 10, 2010 10:22 AM

...and what the hell is a "lingerie buyer"?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 10, 2010 10:27 AM

Oh, I dunno. I like a woman with spunk.

On her face.

Posted by: Elron Hubble at February 10, 2010 10:27 AM

@ Carrie, I read "One for the money" as well, and I liked it while it lasted. I cannot imagine Katherine Heigel as Stephanie Plum either. SP in the book comes across as a more street-smart character.

Posted by: EH at February 10, 2010 10:28 AM

Sorry, Katherine Heigl.

Posted by: EH at February 10, 2010 10:29 AM

that's ok because the brand is about " scathing reviews "

I assume that this is only a sip, not a drink? Ruling, Jay?

Posted by: branded at February 10, 2010 10:29 AM

this bums me out.
why does hollywood insist on shitting all over good books?
what's next? kinsey millhone as portrayed by maniston?
sigh.

Posted by: gem at February 10, 2010 10:36 AM

Shadows, a lingerie buyer is someone that works for a company like Victoria Secret and picks out what products they'll sell in store. Just like clothing stores have buyers.

Which is way less fun to picture than a compulsive consumer of lingerie.

Posted by: Kerry at February 10, 2010 10:37 AM

Kerry...thank you for clearing that up. And yeah, it's not as fun to picture.

By the way, I read "compulsive consumer of lingerie", and thought of someone with an edible underwear addiction. I'm not sure if that's right or not.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 10, 2010 10:49 AM

WHAT???

I've only read two books in the serious, so I'm not the most knowledgeable fan, but this seems like a horrible casting job. Isn't Plum supposed to be curvy, smart, and, you know, not evil?

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at February 10, 2010 10:51 AM

"Spunky"? Ugh.

‘If Mickey Spillane wrote Archie and Veronica, Stephanie would be Betty.’

Double ugh.

Someone actually told me they thought I would like these books, but I never did get around to reading them.

Aaaand that's pretty much all I have to say.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at February 10, 2010 10:51 AM

"Isn't Plum supposed to be curvy, smart, and, you know, not evil?"

Yes, she is a brunette, curvy woman of Italian/Hungarian extraction who eats too much, fantasizes about sex a lot, and is endearingly klutzy, yet manages to always catch her man because she is damn smart and persistent. I always thought Sandra Bullock (maybe fattened up a bit) could have played her, but now I can't think of anyone.

Katherine Heigl? Ye gods.

Posted by: Kimberly at February 10, 2010 11:01 AM

I assume that this is only a sip, not a drink? Ruling, Jay?

Yeah, it wasn't being used to call someone a dumbass, so....yeah, just a sip.

Posted by: Jay at February 10, 2010 11:08 AM

I happen to be reading one of the books in the series and I will try to scrub this from my memory as I finish it.

Posted by: lizella at February 10, 2010 11:08 AM

branded, I want to watch your Mad Libs version instead.

Heigl will play Tiffany Kumquat, an unemployed chimney sweep who becomes a deep sea fisherwoman to make ends meet.

With a cameo from Dick Van Dyke singing "Chim Chim Cheree"!

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at February 10, 2010 11:17 AM

Hmmm, let me try:
Katherine Heigl will play Andrea Tinned-Peach, an unemployed snowmobile repairman who becomes a slave trader to make ends meet.
Wow, this IS fun!

Posted by: Jim Doggie at February 10, 2010 11:18 AM

I'll make my judgment when they announce casting for Grandma Mazur and Lula. Those two characters are the only reasons I read the books.

Posted by: Scully at February 10, 2010 11:22 AM

This is a role just begging for Kim Kardashian.

/laughter

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at February 10, 2010 11:23 AM

Ooooo! My turn:

Katherine Heigl will play Kat, an unemployed stripper who becomes a zombie to make ends meet.

Oh damn, that was the plot of Zombie Strippers. Nevermind.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 10, 2010 11:25 AM

No joke, these books are popular enough that if the movie is not terrible, this could end up being a Bridget Jones-type franchise for Heigl. Which blows. Because she is totally wrong for Stephanie, and a terrible person to boot. I've been looking forward to the film version of these books for a decade, and they cast Skank Cancer?! Evil.

They should have cast a fattened-up Rachel McAdams. She would be perfect.

Posted by: heatseeker at February 10, 2010 11:27 AM

First, I am a pretentious literature nerd who generally drives people crazy with my obnoxious taste, but I like the Stephanie Plum books. They're a little bit trashy but they're catchy. I am sick to my stomach picturing Heigel getting anywhere near them. Hollywood is dead to me now. Well, at least until Batman 3 comes out, because I need me some growly Christian Bale no matter what.

Posted by: katyv at February 10, 2010 11:48 AM

My friends went to Nashville to see Rainbow Killer's husband perform and I tried to make them promise to kick her in the babymaker if she was there, but they didn't want to because, "We can't do that to Izzie!"

Needless to say, we aren't very good friends.

As for this movie, if it has her in it, then it makes me want to gnash my teeth and tear garments.

Posted by: ashlie at February 10, 2010 11:53 AM

They are light comedic mysteries, more Psych with a big brush of screwball (and the lingerie angle is more "inspector number 42" than sexy).
Given the number of books in the series, this is tailor made for a franchise. Unfortunately for whatever studio is making the film, Katherine is wrong wrong wrong for the role and this may begin and end with one movie. You need someone who can do kooky with a touch of pluck and who is an "I clean up good when there isn't a banana peel in my hair" kind of actress. Given the books' built-in fan base, there was no need to attach a big name to this. Even if they felt like they had to, they could have found someone much more appropriate for the role, or heck, just a better actress.

Posted by: Candigirl617 at February 10, 2010 11:57 AM

Oh Oh MY TURN!!!

Katherine Heigl will play Muffy Honeycrisp, an unemployed Shakespearean hamster breeder who becomes an ice cube gourmet to make ends meet.


Posted by: bleujayone at February 10, 2010 12:03 PM

Katherine Heigl will play Camile Starfruit, an unemployed SEPTA bus driver who becomes publisher of Chewing magazine to make ends meet.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 10, 2010 12:14 PM

You've got spunk. I hate spunk.

-- Lou Grant

Posted by: , at February 10, 2010 12:16 PM

Hey man, V.I. Warshawski was meant to be the beginning of a similar franchise, and that sank without a trace.

Maybe we'll get lucky again!

Posted by: Melodie at February 10, 2010 12:20 PM

She'll be scantily clad and her bigguns will be all over the place. Good times.

Let's call it a rental. I'll be like, "Baby, it's got that actress from Gray's Anatomy. You love her! She wore 27 dresses...er' somethin'."

Posted by: superasente at February 10, 2010 12:29 PM

Katherine Heigl will play Svetlana , an unemployed tightrope walker who becomes a school bus driver in Kentucky to make ends meet. She is joined by her pet circus monkey, Giggles, who secretly eats one of the children each week. Hilarity ensues.

Posted by: Brian at February 10, 2010 1:04 PM

Apparently Reese Witherspoon dropped out and now Rainbow Killer (ces case fafafafafa - sorry I start humming as soon as I hear/read things similar to Talking Heads' songs) has the job. Yay

Posted by: Brian at February 10, 2010 1:11 PM

Posted by: Brian at February 10, 2010 1:11 PM

What complete crap. I actually enjoy the Stephanie Plum books (for fluff reads--usually listen to the audiobook versions while cleaning house) and Heigl is no Stephanie Plum. Terrible terrible casting. I want to box the ears of the casting director.

(Does anyone know what boxing ears actually entails?)

Posted by: lainiefig at February 10, 2010 1:19 PM

I'll make my judgment when they announce casting for Grandma Mazur and Lula. Those two characters are the only reasons I read the books.

It needs to be Betty White and Queen Latifah. Obviously.


Ugh this just makes me want to smash things. SMASH. These books are kinda trashy but they're fun and as a few people already mentioned Stephanie Plum is a curvy, Italian, curly haired brunette. Grrr. SMASH.

Posted by: Even Stevens at February 10, 2010 1:22 PM

I can't lie, I like the books well enough--they're light and fun, and perfectly enjoyable for what they are. But Rainbow Killer has got to be the worst casting decision ever; Stephanie Plum is funny, and endearing, and well...NOT a heinous bitch.

The only thing that could get me to see this now would be the perfect casting of Morelli, and they'll probably fuck that up as well.

Posted by: Adrienne at February 10, 2010 1:37 PM

Oh holy hell yes, Even Stevens, Betty White would make an awesome Grandma Mazur. And I could see Queen Latifah as Lula, too. Watch them continue their brilliant casting choices by giving it to Eddie Murphy in a fatsuit. That'd be something new and different for him.

Posted by: Adrienne at February 10, 2010 1:42 PM

…what in the hippo-humping, stomach-stabbing fuck?

Ha! I'm totally stealing that and using it at the first available opportunity.

As for the Mad Libs changes...brilliant, people, but you're overthinking it. Let's be honest here and Mad Lib it like you know you would if you had the book in front of you:

Heigl will play Farty Poopstain, an unemployed fart who becomes a penis to make ends meet.

Mad Lib'd!

Posted by: JustBill at February 10, 2010 2:07 PM

Katherine Heigl will play Kitty McBasementcat, an unemployed lolcat who becomes a lolcat centipede to make ends meet (mouths).

That's right, we're real, we're here and we demand representation in Hollywood!!

Posted by: Lolcat Centipede at February 10, 2010 2:41 PM

My elderly dog's name is Spunky, so called after Rocko's Modern Life. Boy, did I hit the nail on the head with that name. He's a raging ass with a low IQ, but he's still less of a bitch than Katherine Heigl.

Posted by: Robert at February 10, 2010 2:54 PM

They need to let Alan Ball have a crack at it and work his magic like he did on Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series with True Blood. Now that's some casting.

Posted by: lizella at February 10, 2010 3:21 PM

Katherine Heigl will play Andrea Tinned-Peach, an unemployed snowmobile repairman who becomes a slave trader to make ends meet. --Jim Doggie

BWAHAHAHAHA!

My turn!

Katherine Heigle will play Morgan Hairflip, an unemployed fashion designer who becomes a mall Santa to make ends meet.

Oh shit, mine could possibly happen.

Posted by: welldressed at February 10, 2010 3:58 PM

Don't understand all the hate for Katherine Heigl. She's easy on the eyes and an okay actress. So she bitched about her part on Grey's. So what? I bitch about work all the time. So she wasn't thrilled with Knocked Up? Lots of actors hate parts that made them famous. Big deal.

That said, I always pictured Leah Remini as a perfect Stephanie Plum.

Posted by: tchudson at February 10, 2010 4:27 PM

Lingerie buyer? I think that one might belong on the random list of preposterous movie jobs from a few weeks back.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 10, 2010 4:41 PM

Dear Katherine Heigl,
Armpit shots are not as sexy as you think they are. Also, when you wear that many trendy necklaces your head appears disembodied. Nice rack though.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at February 10, 2010 4:47 PM

I've read most of the novels, they're a fun detective version of chick lit, although I've started getting sick of the fact (which I can't believe Evanovich is actually proud of) that Stephanie hasn't evolved at all, job wise, even after 15 fucking books. Particularly when you consider that she blackmailed her cousin (the owner of the bounty-hunting company) into giving her the job in the first place, and Ranger's already given her a job that didn't involve rolling around in garbage. It wasn't like she needed to go back to bounty hunting for plot purposes, half the time they're only peripherally connected to bounties, anyway.

Heigl is a terrible choice for Stephanie, her looks are all wrong. The character's from Trenton, New Jersey! Snookie - spray tan + six inches + intelligence - epic levels of self-absorption = Stephanie Plum.

Though if Grandma Mazur is played by Betty White, I'm in. Oh, I'm so in.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at February 10, 2010 6:19 PM

Well fuck.

I love the books, they're good harmless fun and have made several long flights bearable (looking at you Oslo - Sydney). However...fucking Heigl? At the risk of repeating myself...well fuck. Anyone else...and I mean pretty fucking much anyone, and this is including Vin Diesel, would make more sense. This is going to be so many kinds of shit.

Posted by: Joker at February 10, 2010 6:39 PM

I love the books and I couldn't wait for the movie...now I think I can because that is not at all what I pictured to be Stephanie. She's not terrible, but from what I envision Stephanie to be, I'm not sure she can pull it off. If they are gonna make her Stephanie, then they'd best be getting the hottest, funniest actors ever made to play the two male characters. And Betty White for Grandma. With a good supporting cast it might be tolerable.

Posted by: Clevegal42 at February 10, 2010 8:00 PM

Sure, the books waned a lot after they reached double figures but casting Heigl? Fans do not deserve that. If only Lauren Graham was ten years younger...

Posted by: Mantha at February 10, 2010 8:23 PM

Katherine Heigl plays Katherine Heigl, a soap opera queen who became unemployed becase she pissed off her writers and has to take roles in shitty romcoms to make ends meet.

Posted by: , at February 10, 2010 8:50 PM

Katherine Heigl will play Rocky Balboa, an unemployed boxer who becomes a cross dressing Avon salesperson to make ends meet. It's Tootsie meets Million Dollar Baby. Wait, why are you crying?

Posted by: Mrcreosote at February 10, 2010 9:04 PM

Ugh. It ate my comment. I hate that.

I love the Stephanie Plum books. They're easy reads, and hysterically funny. And they make me feel better about my life. I mean, it could be worse. I could be a bounty hunter.

And speaking of... Stephanie was never, ever, ever a lingerie buyer. Ever. She worked in a button factory once, and she's really good at getting her cars blown up, but I don't ever remember her being a lingerie buyer. That's so out of character for her. Stephanie can't be trusted to find clean underwear in her apartment. How can we possibly think that she could get her shit together long enough to buy fancy pants for skinny bitches with big, honking, fake boobies?

And Katherine Heigl is like the anti-Stephanie Plum. In every way. This casting news is horrible. I just know they're going to completely screw up the casting of Ranger. And that's going to make Mama very unhappy.

Although I would TOTALLY get behind Betty White as Grandma Mazur. And Lula is Queen Latifah with just a dash of Mo'Nique. I wonder who they'll get for Morelli? And Uncle Vinny? Danny DeVito all the way.

Posted by: The Mama at February 10, 2010 9:54 PM

Steph was a lingerie buyer for like FIVE mins, I think she got fired. It wasn't a big part of the plot, very forgetable.
I love this book and agree that this is shitty casting to the Nth degree. With that being said, Betty White and Queen were always in my head while I read the books. Any of you want to weigh in on who would make a great Ranger or Joe? That way we can be equally disappointed with the powers that be fuck that up as well!

Posted by: beautifulgirl at February 10, 2010 10:36 PM

Sheridan Cherry will play Katherine Heigl, an unemployed actress who becomes a porn star to make ends meet.

Posted by: MillyQPublic at February 10, 2010 10:40 PM

The Mama It may be sad that I remember this, but yes, she was a lingerie buyer at the very start of the first book. Not that we ever see her on the job, I think the book either begins with her getting fired, or after a week or so of unemployment. She does try working at the button factory though.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at February 10, 2010 10:41 PM

I'll play, beautifulgirl. Ranger's Cuban-American, right? How about William Levy?

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at February 10, 2010 10:49 PM

MelBivDevoe good lord that link needs to come with a risk of heart attack warning! that is one fine specimen of a man. I'll be in my bunk...

Adrienne if Katherine Heigl passes to the execs as a suitable Stephanie Plum then it probably would be our luck to get Eddie Murphy in a fat suit for Lula. Hell, I could see em doing that for Grandma Mazur. Why start with accurate casting now?

On that note, I might, *MIGHT* forgive them for this atrocity if they cast the Rock (aka Dwayne Johnson) as Ranger. Sure, he makes some shitty movies but, pretty man candy!

When I read the books I usually picture Benjamin Bratt as Joe Morelli.

Posted by: Even Stevens at February 11, 2010 12:09 AM

Stephanie Plum - fatten up Sandra Bullock
Grandma Mazur - Betty White, Carol Burnett would be good also
Joe Morelli - Benjamin Bratt would be good, but too lanky and tall, could sub for Ranger
Ranger - Rock would be a good one!
Lula - Queen for sure - great choice!
Connie - Pamela Anderson (maybe she should be Joyce)
Vinnie - the guy from The Guardian??? (tv show)
Tank - I have never figured out if he's black or white??

Okay - what about Diesel, drinking Mother, Father who wants to kill Grandma, Moon Man, and Constantine Stiva?

Best for last -

the crazy guy that tried to kill Lula and made her in a "reformed" ho - Mike Tyson, high voice and all.

Sally Sweet - Howard Stern!

Posted by: ORC at February 11, 2010 10:54 PM

Stephanie Plum - hell to the no please not Heigl. She is not right for that part at all!

Have yall ever seen reno 911.... I think Niecy Nash would make the best Lula!!!

Grandma Mazur - Betty White for sure.

Posted by: Tiffany at March 13, 2010 8:14 PM





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