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Karate Kid Remake Not a Remake | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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The Karate Kid Remake Isn't a Remake

Ummm. Yes, It Is / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | May 6, 2009 | Comments (38)

We’ve discussed the Karate Kid remake a few times on the site. It stars Jaden Smith (Will’s son) and Jackie Chan and it’s another in a long line of efforts to steal our childhoods and sell them back to a new generation at half the cost.

However, new details from some people working on the film about Karate Kid are starting to emerge, and — according to Moviehole — it’s less a remake than it is a new movie based on The Karate Kid template (which is to say, based on every other individual sports movie in existence since 1984). The differences are this: It will be set in China. Instead of Daniel, the character that Will Smith’s kid, Jaden, will play will be named Dre. The Mr. Miyagi character, played by Jackie Chan, will be named Mr. Han, and he’ll teach Dre both martial arts and the Chinese language. Dre will still be picked on by bullies, and there will still be an asshole instructor. But, instead of karate, it’ll be kung-fu.

Basically, the same movie with some minor details changed, which is to say it’s like almost every other remake. So yeah: Stop selling us this “it’s not a remake” bullshit. It’s called Karate Kid. It stars a bullied kid who learns martial arts from an older mentor and fights in a martial-arts competition. You can change the setting, the names, and the style of martial arts, but it’s still a remake. It’s probably hard to understand that, however, while you’re having your cake and eating it, too.

I hope someone chokes on it.


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Comments

They had better change the fucking name to Kung-Fu Kid then, or it won't a lick of damn sense.

Posted by: Snath at May 6, 2009 10:05 AM

Hang on!

If he's being taught Kung Fu, why call the movie "The Karate Kid"?

Shouldn't it be called something like "Will Smith's Kid"? or "The Kung Fu Brat"?

Posted by: Uncle JR at May 6, 2009 10:06 AM

I can't wait for Will Smith to remake, cover, or reimagine Kung-Fu Fighting for the soundtrack.

Everybody was -huh-
everybody was -huh-
kung fu fightin'
aw hell naw
Dre the new karate kid
huh huh huh

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at May 6, 2009 10:19 AM

Hey Steven, that was last year. Kung-Fu Panda.

Is this another 'reboot'? Smells like reboot.

Posted by: twig at May 6, 2009 10:23 AM

Calling it Karate Kid and using Kung Fu is kinda racist, right? Like saying "All them Orientals look alike"? It's not just me, is it?

Posted by: Tammy at May 6, 2009 10:25 AM

They have to change the name to The Chinese Kid. Otherwise, we'll all be confused.

Posted by: Cindy at May 6, 2009 10:25 AM

That new "Clash of the Titans" movie certainly doesn't seem to be a remake of the movie of the same name. Press calling it a remake is really starting to annoy me, actually. Beyond reason, yes, but I'm right!

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2009 10:30 AM

What justifies all these remakes? In all of human history, the Dawn of the Dead remake has been the only good remake ever. What could possibly justify this?

Posted by: George at May 6, 2009 10:33 AM

They had better change the fucking name to Kung-Fu Kid then, or it won't a lick of damn sense.

That's exactly what I thought, and Jackie Chan let slip in an interview last month that the studio wants to actually rename it Kung Fu Kid. Still just rumored, it certainly won't change this into an actually good film.

Posted by: branded at May 6, 2009 10:33 AM

Sounds awesome. Can't wait.

Posted by: Kolby at May 6, 2009 10:35 AM

Oh, my God - you can't script this nonsense. Am I wrong for wanting to drop-kick Jaden Smith, by the way? I thought he was frigging terrible in "The Pursuit of Happyness" and just generally resent Hollywood kids taking jobs from hard-working non-Hollywood kids.

Posted by: samantha t at May 6, 2009 10:38 AM

In all of human history, the Dawn of the Dead remake has been the only good remake ever.

"His Girl Friday"

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2009 10:57 AM

Kung Fu Kid?

So it's an eighties videogame rendition?

Ah, mammaries...

Posted by: Adere at May 6, 2009 10:57 AM

What would be so wrong about just calling it The Karate Kid IV - The Next Generation or something similar. Then there is no issue as to whether this is a remake or not. They made a bunch years ago and now they are making a new one.

This should be done any time they are making another in a series many years after the last. There a already many movies in the series. Just embrace it.

With that said, thank you Steven. Humming that song (the non-remixed version) will get me through some meetings today.

Posted by: Brian at May 6, 2009 10:58 AM

In all of human history, the Dawn of the Dead remake has been the only good remake ever.

Oceans 11. The Italian Job. Solaris.

Posted by: twig at May 6, 2009 10:58 AM

The Thing.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 6, 2009 11:03 AM

In all of human history, the Dawn of the Dead remake has been the only good remake ever.

You are overlooking the Grand-Daddy of Great Remakes: The Thing.


Posted by: Natural 20 at May 6, 2009 11:04 AM

"The Maltese Falcon"

"Invasion of the Body Snatchers"

"The Departed"

"The Fly"

"Little Shop of Horrors"

"The Magnificent Seven"

"Ocean's Eleven"

"The Thing"

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2009 11:05 AM

Mr. Han? Man, he is straight out of a comic book.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 6, 2009 11:08 AM

I was going to add Little Shop, but Jay beat me to it :(

Posted by: Julie at May 6, 2009 11:12 AM

TKO
*Raises Jay's Hand*

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 6, 2009 11:23 AM

Big Trouble in Little China (yet to be made or proposed)

Posted by: totally not branded at May 6, 2009 11:26 AM

I must say that the junior Scientologist up there is quite a beautiful child.

Posted by: Sarah at May 6, 2009 11:26 AM

So he's going to be defeating the Chinese at their own game on their own turf? I'm sure the people of China will just LOVE that.

Posted by: Todd at May 6, 2009 11:28 AM

Ping Pong?

Posted by: twig at May 6, 2009 11:38 AM

... and now that I've given it two more seconds of non 'Forrest Gump' thought:

So he's going to be defeating the Chinese at their own game on their own turf?

I think The Forbidden Kingdom is going to be really hard to top in terms of that particular offense.

Posted by: twig at May 6, 2009 11:43 AM

for as much as i love will smith i can not stand his son, jaden. i want to drop kick him too, samantha-you are not alone.

Posted by: gem at May 6, 2009 11:48 AM

Look, it can't be any dumber than Daniel entering a karate tournament after weeks, or even months or grueling training, and not getting destroyed in his first match. Or the fact that the All-Valley Karate tournament had roughly the same rules as the Kumite. Padding, protection of any sort, anything past warnings for contact-that's for wimps!
I dont really have a problem with remaking the karate kid-I just wish it wasn't Will Smith's kid.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 6, 2009 11:48 AM

I've heard from a reliable source that the Chinese actually suck at any of these martial arts. Almost anybody but the Chinese are better practitioners of these "far eastern" combat techniques.

Posted by: EH at May 6, 2009 12:23 PM

EH: And so the movie is culturally obtuse to boot? It just gets better.

Posted by: samantha t at May 6, 2009 12:48 PM

Just couldn't let it go, could you Branded?

I swear, I will make you suffer if it ever happens.

Posted by: TK at May 6, 2009 1:45 PM

'Am I wrong for wanting to drop-kick Jaden Smith, by the way?'

Not at all Samantha. When he presented at the Oscars he was an entitled little shit, obviously the by product of his dad's unmitigated ego. Hate that fucking kid.

Posted by: Andrew at May 6, 2009 2:05 PM

He's such a cute little kid!!!

Posted by: ER at May 6, 2009 2:20 PM

they should name it "Niglet with Cheese"

Posted by: mothy at May 6, 2009 4:30 PM

In the Karate Kid IV he goes up against a cyborg Russian Kung Fu Master... That killed his Best friend in an exhibition fight so Will Smith's kid needs to practise Kung Fu in the harsh conditions of the Rocky Mountains to be able to Kung Fu good enough to Survive...

The Movie will be 20% Montage and will end with a stirring speech about geo-polotical issues and will end the cold war war on terrorism.

Posted by: RonnyK at May 6, 2009 11:27 PM

Mr. Han?...

What, are all of you people on drugs!?

Posted by: kevin_m at May 6, 2009 11:44 PM

I hate to be "that asshole" but Kung Fu is also a misnomer. It's just used here cause Americans are tards. It should be Wushu Wetpants.

Posted by: Hurp Durp at May 7, 2009 12:54 AM

Holy shit! I just stumbled on this site and it is fucking hilarous! Oh, and I want to punch Will Smith's kid in the face. Go get a real job!

Posted by: PseudoPhed at May 8, 2009 6:06 AM





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