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Just When You Thought You Were Out, 'The Pirates Of The Caribbean' Franchise Pulls You Back In

By Joanna Robinson | Trade News | December 3, 2013 | Comments ()


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I know, I know. You swore you wouldn’t be burned again. They trotted out Ian McShane last time and that didn’t make one lick of difference, right? But how can you say no to that adorable winking face? That cheeky Germanic basterd, Cristoph Waltz, is rumored to be the next villain in Pirates Of The Caribbean 5: Dead Men Tell No Tales. Waltz would play a ghost named Captain Brand who is locked in a race against time and Johnny Depp to claim some sort of magical Trident. Sound familiar? Like the plot of every other Pirates movie? Except with fewer and fewer corsets? So what say you? Is Waltz enough to get you to dip your oar back in? He’s certainly an alluring prospect. But I think we all know what this and every other ailing franchise needs. A Rock to the head. Nine pounds of guyliner would really make that eyebrow pop.

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(via CB)


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Ben

    Their was a pictue of the rock, I don't even need to read what this article is about I'll see the movie.

  • Stephen Wong

    Just when you thought you were out, another comment on where the Oldboy review is.

  • I love #1, #2 & #3. Verbinski is such a spectacular, fun blockbuster director. Then #4 was awful and I'm not currently looking forward to #5.

  • Semilitterate

    Just rewatched "Curse of the Black Pearl" the other day on Netflix. I've seen it 3-4 times and is still funny. Depp is a hoot with all his prancing around at his twinkle toes best. With as much fun as this movie is, I don't need #5. In fact I don't need 2. 3 or 4, for that matter.

  • Adrienne Marie

    I pretend that Curse of the Black Pearl is the only one that exists.

  • ASFan

    Christoph Waltz was in Green Hornet and Three Musketeers. He's not adverse to stooping. And Rock won't fit in this franchise the way he does in Fast.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Did I mention that when we went to Disneyworld last year we went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and they've added Depp to it, but that's not what I wanted to tell you, what I wanted to tell you is that the ride includes a vignette of women being auctioned as "wives", including sly comments about their virtue, because selling slaves would be in bad taste, I guess?

  • unpious

    Y'know, put any halfway decent looking guy on a tall ship, and I can work with that. But the thought of the Rock, on a tall ship, as a pirate, running around doing pirate-y things and buckling some swashes....

    I'll be in my bunk.

  • Lola

    I didn't see the last one. But shouldn't Captain Brand be played by Russell Brand? He's kind of a Sparrow doppelganger. They should have a Jack-off. Wait...

  • Aaron Schulz

    man i never thought about it before but Russel Brand is real life Jack Sparrow, thats fantastic. Also jack off made me laugh

  • Guest

    I haven't seen any of them and this won't change that.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    No, I don't want to sully The Rock with this shitty, rotting corpse of a franchise. Give him his own franchise where he plays a detective who solves mysteries by day and runs underground street dancing competitions by night. It would be like Dick Tracy meets Step Up meets Game of Thrones. Oh, and there would be lots of sex and dragons and stuff.

  • Ben

    The rock is Teflon, he can't be sullied no matter what shit he's in. Mother fucking Tooth Fairy didn't hold him back. Pirates won't do shit.

  • Bodhi

    And now I REALLY want him to play Jake in the Grimnoir series that I'm constantly casting in my head

  • TK

    That's a movie I would make sweet, sweet love to.

  • stella

    Ugh no... FINE Ill see it... damnit

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