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October 29, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | October 29, 2008 |

Hey y’all! Remember the Farrelly brothers? Remember how they used to be funny, or at least they were kind of funny to you because you were 16, and a guy getting his brain caught in a zipper or two guys stuck together by their own frozen snot was a goddamn laugh riot? And then, remember how they kept making the same movie over and over, except for Outside Providence, which was actually really good, and what the hell happened to them? They took the same formula and kept amping it up, until — last year — they were making a film where a woman’s pubic hair parted like the Red Sea while she urinated on Ben Stiller.

Good times.

Anyway, the Farrelly brothers, attempting to take a leak on the shark while jumping it, inadvertently fell into its jaws and came out with an idea to direct a movie starring the Jonas Brothers. You know the Jonas Brothers, right? A trio of teenagers cloned from discarded Clearasil swabs and buffed, daily, to within an inch of their lives with the chin of a goat and the foreskin of 100 virgins. They’re like Hanson filtered through the monotone of Ben Stein and stripped of anything remotely resembling personality. Tweenagers, inexplicably, want to give them their flower, only they’re saving their man-love for themselves.

Anyway, that Jonas Brothers flick directed by the Farrelly brothers will be based on a bestselling series of novels from William Kotzwinkle and Glen Murray called Walter the Farting Dog.

You think I’m making that up, don’t you? Well, fuck you: We don’t make up things here on Pajiba. And even if we did, who’d have the imagination to put Walter the Farting Dog, the Jonas Brothers, and the Farrelly brothers together? Nobody, that’s who.

Here’s the logline: “The title character in the ‘Walter’ books is a fat dog with severe flatulence. The brothers play musicians whose parents are asked to care for the dog by an aunt just before she passes away. While his brothers play music, Frankie and the gaseous hound get involved in a plot that involves liberating a koi fish and thwarting jewel thieves.”

I hope the Murdertank has a full tank, and a lot of weaponry — the skin of a Jonas Brother deflects bullets, you know.

Man, I Wish There Weren't / Dustin Rowles

Industry | October 29, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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