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Jon Hamm Would Prefer It If You Didn't Talk About His Penis Anymore

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | March 27, 2013 | Comments ()


tumblr_m3r9xotD6q1qiqoyoo2_500.jpg

Poor Jon Hamm, blessed with a sizable member but cursed by a dislike of underwear, which has given him the most popular penis outline in all of Hollywood. It's also gotten him in trouble with his employers, who'd (politely) prefer it if the man would put on some boxers before he came to set so his penis is not a distraction. Posts around the Internet have been devoted to Hamm's hamm, and there's even a tumblr, Jon Hamm's Wang, which has been around for two damn years.

But Jon Hamm is sick of it, he tells Rolling Stone.

"Most of it's tongue-in-cheek ... But it is a little rude. It just speaks to a broader freedom that people feel like they have -- a prurience. They're called 'privates' for a reason," he says. "I'm wearing pants, for fuck's sake. Lay off. I mean, it's not like I'm a fucking lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my cock, I feel like that wasn't part of the deal ... But whatever. I guess it's better than being called out for the opposite."

Who knew Mr. Hamm was so sensitive about his penis? But I suppose I do feel sufficiently shamed, so as of this moment, we here at Pajiba will leave Mr. Hamm's penis alone. A man as cool as Jon Hamm ought to have the right to hang it in the breeze of his trousers without some little sh*t like myself commenting on it.

In the meantime, let's enjoy this penis-free video of Rolling Stone's photo shoot.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Jezzer

    Jon Hamm's Wang, meet The Streisand Effect.

  • It's just the way it is, Mr. Hamm. You don't like underpants, that's fine. That's a fact of life. It's also a fact of life that the internet is a fucked up place that will make a tumblr about your weiner. You do seem to get that and understand that there's nothing you can do about it, so good on you.

    The Internet's a fucked up place, man.

  • TheReinaG

    But websites devoted to a ladies' boobs are totally okay, right? I mean, his costar, Christina Hendricks is wearing a shirt for fuck's sake!

  • Oh, I long for the days when I could objectify people in the privacy of my own mind. Thanks social media for dragging me out of my troglodyte cave. Good night.

  • cicatricella

    what be-penised person *isn't* at least a bit sensitive about their wang in some way or another? I mean, it's a very ...... vulnerable ...... area.

  • PMac

    Mr. Hamm is in a business in which most male actors have it in included their contracts not to do 'full frontal'. Male movie and television actors are coached to discretely position their hands to cover their crotch while on camera because seeing some bulge is such an apparent no-no. While I understand Mr. Hamm's desire to no be objectified, it is difficult not to look at his basket for a variety of reasons. The fact that he likes to freeball isn't helping us not to look at it. It is a thing of beauty and wonder. His freeballing is sexy and exciting and establishes him as The Man Who Isn't Afraid to Show His Goods. Yeah, I don't know if I would create blogs that pay homage to it, but it is somewhat understandable that we laypeople are fascinated by his display of it and it has become quite the topic of conversation, however inappropriate. He doesn't come across as a typical Hollywood asshole, and in fact is a nice guy by all accounts. Maybe it is good that he is getting some of the same attention that female actors what have been enduring throughout their entire careers. He can't help it that he has a dick that needs it's own zip code, but don't be mad at us because we look when it is and has been prominently on display every single day. I believe people will lose interest in it over time, but unfortunately for Mr. Hamm, that will unlikely be any time soon. Objectification isn't cool, whether one is male or female. That, unfortunately, isn't how our society conducts itself. As long as Mr. Hamm is flying his flag, I will continue to admire it. Like he said, at least he isn't being focused on because he has the opposite (small) issue. He knows what he is doing. Hush Jonny, hush........I know why his girlfriend is always smiling........ :-)

  • Ignatz

    AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    no.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I get Hamm's point, and I'm not going to argue it.

    I *am* going to say that if the costume department of Mad Men tells him to wear underwear, and he doesn't, then he's behaving unprofessionally (and actually breaking union rules), regardless of how "uncomfortable" he finds it. (Because I'm sure the women in Mad Men looooove the restricting undergarments they wear).

    But yes, websites devoted to any part of one's anatomy are creepy.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    The people on this show could stand to be a little more grateful to the costuming department (and hair, makeup): they can't make it on their own.

  • Slash

    Um ... well, I do think it's childish to point out a dong. I mean literally childish. It's fucked up how Americans are about sex and body parts (and I know we're not the only ones, but I've only lived here, so it's most relevant). Tits, dong, half the world's got one or the other, not sure why it's so delightful to point it out, like nobody's seen a dick or tits before. I stopped making particular note of other people's sexy bits by about age 13 or so. I mean, if they're out there, I notice them, but I don't nudge other people and say, "Heh, lookit that!"

    OTOH, people generally wear some kind of undergarments to keep that shit under control. If you choose not to and your stuff is sizable, well, it's noticeable. Hard not to notice giant tits or giant dong swinging around. Even under clothes. Or even less-than-giant if the clothes are revealing enough.

  • Some Guy

    Take a picture of my dick once, shame on you.

    Take a picture of my dick twice, shame on me.

  • This just in....Jon Hamm admits that he has been keeping his pet squirrel Reggie down his pants.

    Internet sensation (and apparently actor, who knew?) Jon Hamm has taken the walk of shame to the news conference podium to admit that he has been guilty of perpetrating a hoax on the Internet public. Mr. Hamm was quoted as saying, "I regret that I have lead many to believe that certain items of my person are over-inflated." Across the Internet, there has been wailing and gnashing of teeth among the most prurient quarters. There was no quote from Reggie the squirrel, however it is rumored that he has been approached to write his memoirs in a major book deal.

  • John G.

    Paparazzi are assholes, I'm sure, and I certainly wouldn't want them jumping out at me every time I go out, but come on. There has to be some downside to life. you can't be beautiful, rich, loved by everyone, get to do your dream job which only makes you work a few hours a year, AND have total privacy. There has to be something negative in your life, and this is a pretty minor one as far as negatives go.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Oh, my, god. Becky, look at his bulge.
    It is so big. [scoff] He looks like,
    one of those rap guys.
    I mean, his bulge, is just so big.
    I can't believe it's just so thick, it's like,
    out there, I mean - gross. Look!

    The internet likes big bulges and I can not lie
    The other pajibans they can't deny
    That when Jon Hamm walks in with it poking from his waist
    And a sausage thing in your face
    He get sprung, and you picture him in the buff
    'Cause you notice those shorts are stuffed

    'Cause its long, and its strong
    And its down to get the friction on
    So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
    Shout out to the Hammy dong.

    Deep in the jeans he's wearing
    Your hooked and you can't stop staring
    Oh baby, does he wanna get with you
    And have you take his picture?

    But the Hammaconda dont want none/
    He says memes about his dick ain't fun.

    Hammy be complainin'

  • Slash

    Comment of the week right here.

  • llp

    That's beautiful. *sniff*

  • * Slow clap *

  • Right, someone record this please

  • apricot ashtray

    I will be sharing this with my fellow Dlisters so it's a start.

  • L.O.V.E.

    I saw it. Thanks for the credit, lolainchesaway.

  • Kballs

    Putting on boxers doesn't put a leash on a large dong. It just puts a really thin pair of shorts in between it and the pants. Boxer briefs or classic briefs are the only way to prevent the kind of half-chub outline that haunts Mr. Hamm.

    Consider this your daily Moment of Zen.

  • DarthBrookes

    That was a very classy closing statement, Dustin. It takes a big man to admit when he's stepped beyond the bounds of propriety and apologise for it.

    Now, speaking of 'big men'...

  • L.O.V.E.

    Ok, Jon. I see your point.

    No, really. I can totally see it. Yes, again.

    For the love of God man, here's a pair of compression shorts.

  • "...we here at Pajiba will leave Mr. Hamm’s penis alone..."

    Speak for yourself, bossman! *continues to ogle photos*

  • Cherry Aimless

    Of course it is prurient and strange, anonymous people on the internet are devoting time to staring at your junk! However, I find it interesting that a male celebrity is arguing that focusing on his body image / personal presentation isn't part of the 'deal' when it is an integral part of female celebrities unofficial contract. It is as if his gender - the physical evidence of which is the prime focus of the media interest/public gaze - exempts him from that kind of media coverage. This doesn't make it right and the idea of equality is (hopefully) to make the situation better for everyone rather than uniformly awful for everyone, but the statement seems a little oblivious.

  • Guest

    I envy your eloquence as well as spelling abilities

  • Guest

    That wasnt sarcastic, just fyi.

  • Cherry Aimless

    Oh, um, thank you that is a very nice thing to say. Sadly the spelling is not mine it's spell checks.

  • JJ

    It's not oblivious because he isn't arguing about focusing on his body image or personal presentation. He is commenting on his preference that people not be constantly talking about his dick, much like has been posted on Pajiba that Christina Hendricks doesn't care to be referred to as being "full-figured," remember?

    http://www.pajiba.com/miscella...

  • Cherry Aimless

    Fair enough although I would posit that a) a man's sexual organs count as a part of his body b) that the clothes they put on affect the way in which they present that body and c) combining those things creates an image that they present to the people they interact with first hand as well as the photo's which the media use to create a discourse around them. Again I wasn't trying to say that the media focus was cool, just that for years people have assumed it was OK to take (and sometimes purposely create), sell and view images of female celebrities which focus on their breasts, lady parts via the always charming up skirt shots, lack of makeup and 'body type' (fat, thin, real woman etc.). They then use these images to create a media narrative in which the famous woman is defined solely through their body/weight/ sexual organs in a way that is ignorant and unkind.

    Female celebrities face this attention relentlessly; indeed they provide the mainstay of the tabloid industry. The coverage of Christina Hendrix is a case in point: because she coincidentally has a particular body type this was an easy signifier and therefore instantly used to label her. Now every interview focuses on that single facet of her lovely self, basically confusing or conglomerating her person with her personality. Yet the male body seems largely, though not totally, exempt from this. This translates into the way that movies are shot; male full frontal nudity is far rarer than a gratuitous, yet paradoxically generic, flash of boob. Ultimately feeling free to look at someone’s body and make a judgement – about any part of it – should bare the same censure or lack of censure no matter what their gender.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    This is exactly like when I'm standing in my living room picture window nude and lubed up with bacon grease. It's a fucking hobby people and I wish that passers by would stop staring as I'm pressing hamm and pleasuring myself to the dulcet tones of a Beiber/Limp Bizkit mashup. Out come the cameras, out come the phones, and the next thing I know my shiny hamm sammich is plastered all over the neighbourhood on sex offender posters. GIVE ME SOME PRIVACY PLEASE!

  • koko temur

    Can i see photo evidence, for science and all?

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    You'll have to contact the RCMP.

  • koko temur

    the royal canadian mounted police? I thought its a myth.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    It's the super secret department of the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen.

  • koko temur

    look, seriosly, all i want to do now is to find some canadians, get drunk and ask them a hundred questions about how do they chase those nasty maple syrop thieves down stairways in the bad side of toronto, or did they demolished all stairs in canada for that exact reason? And who, who takes care of the horses? Is there a special horse takecarers unit? Or is every mo7nty has his own personal horse? Do the horses have like a battle names like plans in airforces and do they have wing numbers aswell? If they take down a particulary dangerous gang of people who talk loudly in theater, do the horses get recognized too?! Little horsey medal, hoove shaped maybe?! You ruined some poor canadian life, is what im saying.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    What you're asking for is a Nell-Dudley secret camera, effectively.

  • the royal canadian mounted police? I thought its a myth.

    "A what?"

    "A myth. Myth! Myth!"
    "Yeth?"

    Sorry...my mind..it's a little broken this morning. It's stuck in some wierd Muppet Movie loop.

  • Erin S

    I feel like in that one interview he has the potential to break Jezebel and its readers. Because the second all of us (yes, including myself in this despite avoiding the shitshow comments section there entirely now) think "Come on, look at those tight pants he's wearing!" or, "He knows what it looks like, he's asking for it!" our minds are blown and the shame for our hypocrisy buuuuuuurns. Now our only choices are to pretend we never objectified him or repent.

  • Jezzer

    The thing about Jezebel is that they're completely blind to their own hypocrisy, which is why you'll see an article about OMGJONHAMMWANG next to an article about how a Jezebel writer went topless on the subway and OMG PEOPLE STARED AT HER next to an article slut-shaming Taylor Momsen for wearing too much eyeliner.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    oh, hell yes.

  • superasente

    Can't both genders just agree that it's fun to objectify sexy people and move forward? Do we have to always get bogged down with this "Oh, they're actually people and not just boobies and wieners" nonsense?

  • Justboobiesandweinersplease

    I totally agree.

  • superasente

    If I had a monster dong like his I would probably start my own Tumblr to celebrate it. I would call it, "Seriously, Look At This" and every morning you would awake to the outline of my dong in some new garment. Every once in a while I would create a GIF of myself dancing in my pajama pants just so you could see the elegance of my dong's hypnotic sway. And if Rolling Stone ever asked me a question about it I'd be like, "You want to see it." But as a statement, not a question; I would just always assume that everyone always wanted to see it.

  • JJ

    That's a huge assumption. Literally.

  • Skyler Durden

    Boo. Fucking. Hoo.

    I'm rich, handsome, everyone loves me, and I have a big cock, which everyone seems to derive enjoyment from. Poor me!

  • simplysarah

    I never understood the internet obsession with his penis in the first place. Yes it appears to be rather big and yes you can see the outline in his pants. So? It's just a penis people.

  • Jezzer

    "Just" a penis?
    "JUST" A PENIS??

    Good goddamn, woman, I can't even look at you. >:(

  • koko temur

    Im sorry, he is awesome, but i call bullshit. With some of the things he wore with no underwear, he knows exactly what he was doing. Come on, its like wearing a deep cleavage and complain how sexist everyone are.

  • BWeaves

    I agree with koko temur. It's like women who don't wear a bra under a clingy shirt, and then get pissed off when you notice. We can see you. And yeah, they're called privates, because you're supposed to keep them private. It's not OUR job to keep his privates' private. It's his job.

  • Jennifer Aniston, anyone?

  • JJ

    No. Please don't turn this into another Aniston shaming party.

  • JJ

    There's a difference between simply noticing, and people creating website devoted specifically to parts of your anatomy. It's still creepy to do so, regardless if it's a man or a woman.

  • FrayedMachine

    This. A million times this.

  • FrayedMachine

    He's not calling people sexist, he's addressing how kind of sketchy weird it is that there are actual mini-sites set up for his junk which is actually kind of fucking weird.

  • Uncle Mikey

    He just needs to break up more fights in the street or keep British people from getting run over.

  • FrayedMachine

    Ain't that the truth.

  • koko temur

    i didnt claim he did, just that is to me a semiliar situation. Just like Bweaves added bellow, you know people will notice, if you want to do so, its your job to keep it private, not others and that is true times hundred when you are famous...and show up to publicity events. Like i said, he is awesome, i just wish he would own it instead of baiting the press and then playing coy.

  • FrayedMachine

    Well, no. It's not a similar claim, and even the basis of your comparison is a bit hazy. People don't complain over people being invasive due to sexism but because it's -invasive-. I think it's weird that rather than teaching people to control themselves and respect other people, the knee jerk reaction is to blame the person with the complaint. So yeah, he doesn't like wearing underwear which, truth be told, was something completely new to me. It doesn't, however, entitle people to cross lines and become invasive. This idea that because someone's famous that they forfeit absolutely everything is absolute bullshit. He's one of the many celebrities out there who's not constantly on the face of tabloids and really fighting for attention. But I suppose the idea of someone wanting to have a successful career without forfeiting every aspect of their lives must be incredibly novel to some people.

  • koko temur

    you completely missing my point here, which i dont blame you for, as its midnight here and its been a long day. Yes,yes, i agree with you on all points you made, i just think he baits it, creates the attention and then plays innocent. And as that seem absurd to me, it doesnt really counts as "privicy". If he wanted privacy, why not cover his own privats on his own premier?

  • FrayedMachine

    He baits it? He baits it because he feels more comfortable not wearing underwear? Man, the world you live in must be so wonderful if you can deceive yourself with that simple of a mentality. No one deserves to be harassed, or have their space invaded. No one deserves to be belittled or defined by a part of or the entirety of their body. People are people and should be treated as such. He's not playing innocent, he's simply saying oh hey, I'm kind of tired of the fixation on my dick. Can I please go free and not have everyone obsessed over it? How about that Mad Men show that I'm a part of that totally deserves way more attention than my dick that you have never. ever. seen.

  • koko temur

    wow, the world you live in is all rainbows and puppies and people are honest and just, and famous people become famous just for an art of it.
    Come fucking on. Swing your dick around during your private vacation and get caught on one of those telescopic lens? Million times yes, its intrusive and rude and all those things. Show up to your own party with your dick outlined by light and clingy fabric? You know exactly what are you doing.

  • FrayedMachine

    No, if my world were that great, posts like yours wouldn't exist.

    But oh man you're totally right. People totally deserved to have their privacy invaded regardless of who they are. That dude totally was asking for it.

    Hahahaha wait, I'm sorry what?

  • koko temur

    can you actually read? Or are you just randomly bashing your head on the keyboard? Oh, i know! Its one of those 100 monkeys with 100 typewriters type of things!

    On all acounts, i bow you goodnight, you cute little troll monkey. May your day on the other side of the world be bright as your eyes and your tail bushy. And firm, just like Hamm penis.

  • FrayedMachine

    Hahahahahahahahahah you're adorable when you're angry.

  • superasente

    That's right everybody. Pajiba commenters are the best on the internets.

  • JJ

    Right? He's practically begging to have weird and creepy websites created specifically about his junk, is in no way reasonably mentioning that he finds it rude and weird, and shouldn't be considered analogous to shaming people into covering up, be they male or female.

  • loisf

    That t-shirt he's wearing in the header pic is a thing of beauty.

  • SilverDeb

    Go Cards!

  • Josh Brodriguez

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oH mY gOd

  • Agreed. Let him swing in freedom. And with that, enough.

  • "The party's over, kids." - Jon Hamm's Big Jim, to the Twins.

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