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We’ll Start the Week the Same Way We Ended Last Week: With Dick Sucking
Fellatio / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 8, 2008 | Comments (22)

markymk4i1722335.jpgJohn Moore, the brilliant (*hack hack cough cough*) director behind Flight of the Phoenix and The Omen remake apparently has a bone to pick with the MPAA, after the ratings board gave his new film, Max Payne an R-rating. In an interview with Das Gamer, Moore — who is currently trying to cut Payne to get a PG-13 — claims that The Dark Knight got favorable treatment by the MPAA.

We’re suffering from what I call Batman blowback. The Motion Picture Association of America gave The Dark Knight a PG-13 rating and basically sucked Warner Bros. cock…The MPAA changes their rules willy-nilly and it depends on who’s seeing your actual movie at the time. It’s very difficult to get a hold on what’s acceptable. The only thing you can use is current standards. So I go and see The Dark Knight and I say, “Gee, that’s pretty gnarly for PG-13,” but I felt good about Max Payne after coming out of the theater. I thought Max wasn’t going to have a problem. And that’s not the case. They’re coming down on us pretty hard.

Listen, Moore: I don’t necessarily disagree with your assessment on The Dark Knight. Though there was little blood and a lot of the violence was off-screen, I agree that it’s only meant for particularly mature 13 year olds. That said, you got your boy Marky Mark running around claiming that his Max Payne character could kick The Dark Knight’s ass, and here you are basically saying you’re movie is tamer than The Dark Knight. Thems mixed messages, son.

And besides, why the hell are you trying to get a PG-13 for Max Payne? The moment I read that the movie was going to be borderline, I lost complete interest. Who the fuck wants to watch a mildly violent, stylistic shoot-em up with a few “gosh darns” or “daggumits”? I wanna see bullets go through eyes, or I don’t want to see anything at all. Pussies.

Grow a pair, John Moore. Instead of cutting it for a PG-13, drenched the celluloid in blood.


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Comments

John Moore, the brilliant (*hack hack cough cough*) director behind Flight of the Phoenix and The Omen remake ap...

..NEXT topic!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 8, 2008 8:59 AM

No one can really say Dark Knight was violent. My father felt it should've been more violent actually. That's where we differ. He prefers the Bruckheimerian explosion whereas I prefer a little theater of the mind. Well that and the fact that he's a mustachioed firefighting he-man and I'm a pale man-boy that could best be described as waifish.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 8, 2008 9:05 AM

Well that and the fact that he's a mustachioed firefighting he-man and I'm a pale man-boy that could best be described as waifish.

Is it wrong that I'm turned on by both Optimus and his dad???

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 8, 2008 9:13 AM

From what I can tell, this move Max Payne features angels and demons amidst the stylized (read: Sin City ripped off) action. Having played both Max Payne videogames I don't recall ever going toe to toe with a demon. Upon seeing the trailer my wife, a fan of the games, said:
"What was that movie with Keanu Reeves and Gavin Rossdale?"
"What, Constantine?"
"Yeah. I already saw this movie."

Then she walked away. Smart woman my wife.

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 8, 2008 9:19 AM

WTF? I thought we were talking about muff diving. Which gives me a chance to say that, ironically, my Other is among the apparently .01% of women who DON'T like me tripping to Special Valley.

Upshot: I have a seriously underused tongue.

Here's the sign-up sheet, ladies:

1.___________
2.___________
3.___________
4.___________
5.___________
6.___________
7.___________
8.___________
9.___________
10.__________

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 8, 2008 10:33 AM

1. Anna von Beaverplatz.
2. Anna von Beaverplatz.

..and so on, and so forth. (Clean and fragrance free!)

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 8, 2008 10:50 AM

When it comes to muff diving, I'm a modern day Jacques Cousteau.

Posted by: Pookie at September 8, 2008 11:50 AM

Pookie, I understand you dig the older womens. How old are you, and how much older do you like them?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 8, 2008 11:54 AM

I thought Jacques Cousteau was a modern day Jacques Cousteau.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 8, 2008 12:03 PM

Damn, AvB, slow down. It's only Monday morning! I try not to wear out my vagooter before Thursday, if I can help it.

Posted by: Mella at September 8, 2008 12:05 PM

I'm 33, but I like women in their forties, they have that tinge of desperation, which I find hot. I'm just not into younger women they don't excite me.

Posted by: Pookie at September 8, 2008 12:06 PM

What? You mean to tell me last week we were really talking about sucking dirty how-do-you-do's??? Muff diving actually means tasting a lady's "down there" section? M.I.L.F. really stands for Mom I'd Like To Fuck and not Mothers In Love with the Flag???

Godtopus almighty, what kind of site is this?

Posted by: Sofía at September 8, 2008 12:20 PM

My love for older women started in high school. I lived in an apartment building in Miami and across the street was a seven eleven store. I was eighteen at the time and there was this thirty-something cashier that worked in the store. Anyway after a while of daily conversations we both discovered that we had a passion for chess, so one day she invited me to her home of a game, from that moment on the fuse was lit.

Posted by: Pookie at September 8, 2008 12:23 PM

Dear Mr. Moore:

In a recent interview, you accused the MPAA of favoritism, of arbitrary ratings, and of general vagueness. Let me be the first to say:

"No shit, dickweed."

May I suggest you take a few hours away from editing your cash-in attempt (the only reason I can think of to explain your attempt at getting a PG-13 rating for a film that should strive for the hard R)and check out This Film Is Not Yet Rated? Your argument was stated more clearly and far better back in 2005. So please shut your irrelevant yap and, as the kids say these days, "fuck off."

Sincerely,

Everyone

PS: You have two unnecessary remakes to your credit. One more and we'll be forced to banish you to directing films for Lifetime and the Sci-Fi Channel.

Posted by: David at September 8, 2008 12:23 PM

Sorry! I had a weekend full of parties, and I'm still all revved up.

Alas, Pookie, though my lust for you knows no bounds, it can never be; I'm too young for you and you're too old for me. *sigh* Maybe in another life, my friend.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 8, 2008 12:28 PM

Excuse me AvB, but I don't remember asking you for a taste. I happen to make a comment about my skills and all of sudden you started asking me questions about my age and about older women. No offense, but you're from Jersey, and lets face it, Jersey isn't the most cosmopolitan of places.

Posted by: Pookie at September 8, 2008 12:43 PM

Ooohhhhh.

and my presumptuousness gets me shot down once again.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 8, 2008 1:02 PM

Rated R for Excessive Use of Bullet Time.

Posted by: Lucas at September 8, 2008 1:57 PM

Gosh darn, and people wonder why video game adaptions generally suck. The game was a gritty John Woo inspired Noir thriller. You dived into a room in slow motion and riddled people with bullets. Do they really expect a movie adaption rated PG13 will work? Not that i care, either for Moore or the movie, but any director (so called) who tries to cut his own movie to pander to a certain demographic is dead to me. That's akin to a paradox to me. Either you create something the way you envisioned it or don't. Daggumit!

Posted by: Arthur Dent at September 8, 2008 3:57 PM

AvB: Have you down for noon tomorrow. And 1 p.m. And 2 p.m. And ...

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 8, 2008 4:41 PM

-DRENCH- ?

-you should have- ?

Posted by: WhoWhatWhere at September 8, 2008 7:07 PM

Ahm a ... 60-minute ma-an ,,,

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 8, 2008 10:17 PM