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JJ Abrams Will Direct the New Star Wars. PLEASE DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | January 24, 2013 | Comments ()


star-trek-crew-and-lens-flares.jpg

So says The Wrap, Deadline and THR. That is all.

*runs away*

*trips*

DAMNIT.

*brushes self off*

*continues running*

*takes bullet in spine*

DAMNIT.

*falls dead*

... and scene.


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Littlejon2001

    I'm sorry, who is upset with this?? Abrams is awesome. The new Star Trek was great...Pajiba liked it. Super 8 was also incredible. So he uses lens flare? So what. Get over yourself. He makes good movies and comes up with great concepts. I'm excited about this. Think about how long we've been waiting for a new... GOOD...Star Wars movie?? Ages! Ages, I say!

    So LOST didn't end the way we wanted it to. That wasn't this guy's fault. He came up with a great concept and directed an INCREDIBLE pilot. Give this guy credit and faith.

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    Look, I am a little disapointed with you people on this one. Yes, the easy joke on Star Wars and Star Trek.....But let us remember, this is the guy with a writing credit on Armageddon. Can't you work some Bruce Willis Asteroid jokes in there?

    Not to mention Fringe,Lost, and Revolution....How about a Star Wars Universe where Electricity suddenly stops working. Or maybe Luke never really blew up the Death Star, it was all just a dream progression bringing him and his loved ones together....or...whatever the hell was going on in Fringe.

    Come on, stop going for the low hanging fruit, that's for the lesser web sites. This is Pajiba, you are better than this.

  • marigi

    Abrams totally sucked the soul out of Star Trek (although I did enjoy the movie, if I emptied my mind of the fact it was Star Trek), but on a positive note, Lucas totally sucked out the soul of Star Wars, so it's not like it can get any worse.

    One might argue that the SW soul was dead by the time the first Ewok made its appearance on the screen...

  • That header pic is hilarious. The writer at IWatchStuff called the upcoming movie: "Star Wars: Episode VII: The One Where the Lightsaber Glow Will Really Fuck with the Lens."

    Too funny.

  • GotChewZ

    Well, Abrams Star Trek was the Star Wars movie I wanted from the Prequels, at least.

    Maybe we will finally get a SW movie, that is just as awesome as the original trilogy.

    It's already going to be better than the new trilogy, because: Lucas is not writing it, Lucas is not directing it and he is not producing it. No involvement at all means great news.

  • E-Money

    One man, two franchises. Too much power and responsibility. Should any one human have that much power?

  • John W

    I gotta say that header pic is funny as shit.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    So.... Lots of splody stuff and handheld camera stuff that will give people headaches. Great. I can't wait.

  • gnibs

    I'm excited. If nothing else, the new Star Trek was fun.
    I loved it, and some people didn't, but it was fun.

  • googergieger

    Using the word direct pretty loosely there, buddy.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I hope he gives us naked Darth Maul. That's not asking too much, is it?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    You know that Maul was amputated above the waist, don't you?

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    F'mal might be ok with that, depending on which half they keep around...

  • Fabius_Maximus

    The upper half.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Then they can clone him, damnit.

  • aroorda

    I can't possibly be the only person OK with this can I? He found a way to tell a new story in a familiar universe with Trek. Was there a macguffin? Yes. Was there a macguffin in the old treks? Not even to mention the macguffin in Star Wars. "We are going to build the exact same space station with the exact same Achilles heel and I can see no fathomable way the rebels will triumph."

    People need to stop acting like the old movies are some kind of sacred text that Abrams is going to shit all over. Star Trek was all shiny and sliding doors and gadgets in the original and he translated that well. I'm sure he'll do a good job capturing the grungy almost dirty star wars universe too.

  • Totally agree. Also, I've heard a lot of trekkies complaining that the reason they didn't like the Abrams Star Trek was because he lost some of the more technical aspects and made it into more of a rollicking adventure, basically making Star Trek into Star Wars.

  • Salieri2

    I am fully OK with it. What, did we really want George Lucas to keep doing it? Jesus. Let's recap:

    "I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth."

    "You're asking me to be rational. I know that is something I cannot do."

    "Anakin Skywalker: You are so... beautiful. Padmé: It's only because I'm so in love.
    Anakin Skywalker: No, it's because I'm so in love with you. "

    ""From MY point of view, the Jedi are evil!"

  • E-Money

    I had blissfully forgotten some of these lines. Thank you for bringing up these painful memories. Must...repress...again.

  • Does it even matter? Martin Scorcese could direct it and it'd still be a steaming pile of unnecessary shit.

  • Ed

    Could be worse. Could be Michael Bay.

  • pcloadletter

    Or George Lucas.

  • Enrique del Castillo

    Besides the obvious lens flare issues and the possibility of having Ben Affleck instead...this isn't that bad. I mean, we all know that the sequels won't be as good as the original trilogy; maybe JJ Abrams can make entertaining but forgettable movies (they can't be worst than the prequels, that are awful and will be never be forgotten by the fans, like a traumatic event)

  • cruzzercruz

    Well, I guess the people at Comic-Con don't have to fight with each other anymore. They can unite to bitch about one man.

  • Horace

    Dustin, just a heads up. It's "End Scene."

  • bleujayone

    Shouldn't Captain Kirk being experiencing a lens flare in his crotch by now? I'm told it's a telltale sign of the Beuforian Clap. Comes from indiscriminately screwing anything with a pulse....actually a pulse isn't a prerequisite for getting it. Not that he's into intergalactic necrophilia, so much as some folks out there naturally don't have a pulse...or a heart...or even compatible sexual organs. But hey, that never stopped 'ole James Tiberius from trying to conquer the next hill....or mound. Y'know, one of these days he's going to get something that Bones isn't going to be able to just discretely hypo-spray away. If he doesn't get jumped by a leather-clad macro-virus, he's going to have his Starfleet wages garnished like a French buffet with all the paternity suits. If the Klingons really want to take Kirk out of action, they shouldn't try to build a better warship, they should hire every private investigator in the quadrant to follow him around at every spaceport, starbase and dive bar.

  • QueeferSutherland

    I like the picture associated with this post. That is all.

  • Vi

    Really? Both Star Wars and Star Trek? How is that even fair? I thought there was like, some sort of limit on these things. 1 geek franchise per lifetime.

  • I dunno. Ian McKellan has X-Men and LOTR.

  • Steph

    His Star Trek was terrible though, wasn't it? It was the same kind of obnoxious as Transformers, so was Cloverfield.

  • Trekromancer

    Agreed. His Star Trek was just all shiny appliance, deus ex machina, and plot holes big enough to fly a starship through.

  • pcloadletter

    No, it was good. And he didn't direct Cloverfield.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I liked it but I thought Spock should have been gay.

  • jthomas666

    Liam Neeson, as the ghost of Qui-Gon, will go back in time and tell young Anakhin to take some fucking acting lessons.

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    Actually, Mark Hamill is probably available for this one....

  • the dude

    he's good come on he's the spawn of spielberg and lucas

  • John W

    Doesn't matter. Star Wars is dead to me until they release the original theatrical versions. Han Shot First Dammit!

  • Jay Logan

    You just knew whoever's is going to be chosen, people will bitch and moan about it, even though they're still going to see it in the theaters. It could have been much , much worse. My biggest complaint against J.J. is that the guy seems to be much better at coming up with great concepts for movies and tv shows, than actually following through with them. I just hope he'll tone down the lens flare.

  • marigi

    Well, I'm sure not many would have groaned if they chose Whedon...

  • I'll take a thousand lens flares as long as he stays anyway from anything Jar-Jar-esque. I've had my fill of digital burping frogs, thanks.

  • googergieger

    Well I won't be seeing it and he doesn't come up with great anything.

  • sean

    Think of all the lens flare from the lightsabers. Actually, I can live with this.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I totally see a buddy movie with Spock and Obi-Wan in the works.

  • Tinkerville

    So this means Damon Lindelof's writing it, right?
    *runs for the hills*

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    And for the record, that briefly mentioned possibility of Affleck doing it sounds fairly awesome. If Argo did nothing else, it proved he can nail style, and I think making a new Star Wars franchise not just look like Star Trek with laser swords is going to come down to nailing the style.

    JJ Abrams doesn't have style so much as he has the standing order, "Make it look like Steve Jobs came on it. ETA: While standing in front of a spotlight."

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    The downvote's from an Apple fanboy, right? Or Abrams' lens flare guy?

    ETA: Or someone who still can't forgive Daredevil?

  • He's going to cast Leonard Nimoy in it. And I don't know if I'm terrified or excited about Jedi Spock.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Will he be more Jedi, or more Spock? But most importantly, will he be doing Force-fueled vulcan nerve pinches?

  • ed newman

    He'll be half Vulcan, half Human, and half Jedi.

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    Man Bear Pig Vs. Man Jedi Vulcan. This has to happen. I am Super Serial!!!

  • Blake

    Jedi Spock? Take my money!!!

  • Natallica

    Laser swords with lens flare. Nuff said

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    This is... I mean, clearly this is just some elaborate prank, right? I've accidentally traveled to this year's April 1st?

  • Brady

    That's what I said when they first announced "Star Wars: Episode VII".

  • AudioSuede

    Is it weird that I didn't even think of the Star Wars/Star Trek connection when I read the headline?

    I just thought, "Huh. Long way since Felicity."

  • Crossover! lol.
    No.
    Please...
    I wasn't serious...

  • Tinkerville

    DON'T GIVE THEM ANY IDEAS! DAMN YOU!

  • Pants-are-a-must

    We cannot get out.

    A shadow moves in the dark.

    WE CANNOT GET OUT.

    THEY ARE COMING.

  • Star Wars is dead to me until they release the original theatrical versions. ... http://www.JobSeekerget82dolla...

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Shag off, Spambot.

  • But... won't that cause the ancient dichotomy of warring pantheons to create a black hole that swallows not only this universe, but the multiverses that could be? We must preserve the divide. All of time and space depends upon it.

  • Can... can he do that? Will this mend the rift between Star Wars and Star Trek fans or make it worse?

  • pcloadletter
  • Mrs. Julien

    I hope you've gotten yourself clear in time, Dustin.

  • jen

    No. Not allowed. Conflict of interest.

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