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Michael Bay's Hellspawn Continues to Make Movies, Look Malnourished

Jennifer's Body Red-Band Trailer / Daniel Carlson

Trade News | July 6, 2009 | Comments (41)

Diablo Cody’s smart script for Juno was all but forgotten in the ensuing backlash against her stridently quirky personality, the backlash to the backlash that perceived the initial revolts as the posturing of hipsters crucifying one of their own, the backlash to the backlash to the backlash that said she was never good to begin with, etc. The point is that she’s proven she has a way with story, even when she’s a little too in love with how she makes it sound. (I guess there was an opening for a female Quentin Tarantino.)

Her new film, Jennifer’s Body, directed by Karyn Kusama, unfortunately stars Megan Fox as a cheerleader who turns out to be a vicious demon that feasts on the boys at her school. I say “unfortunately” because, loath as I am to agree with Michael Bay about anything, nobody knew or cared who Megan Fox was until he put her in 2007’s Transformers, and I don’t think he should ever be forgiven for inflicting on the American people the existence of a performer — I won’t call her an actress — whose stilted line readings rank her among the most vapid humans ever to walk the silver screen and whose deadened facial expressions suggest some horrid combination of plastic surgery and learning impairment.

Making matters worse for Cody, Kusama’s limited credits also include Aeon Flux. The only way this thing is getting saved is if the script is up to snuff, and from the looks of the new red-band trailer, it might be. And of course the presence of Amanda Seyfried is always welcome.


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Comments

Hmmmmmm lemme see, Diablo Cody's indie schtick delivered by the most wooden, vapid, bimbo to hit Hollywood in the last 20 years....mmmmm.

I think it's safe to say this is the last we'll be hearing/seeing from Miss Cody.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 6, 2009 11:57 AM

MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Posted by: missh at July 6, 2009 11:59 AM

I'm gonna stick up for Megan Fox a little bit here...not that she's a decent actress at all, but I've read one or two interviews with her and she seems like she's actually pretty intelligent and aware of her role in hollywood.

Posted by: Joe Rasmussen at July 6, 2009 12:01 PM

Amanda Seyfried on my top 5 may have seemed like a odd choice before, but who's laughing now? Tee Hee!
(She is a goddess)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 6, 2009 12:02 PM

MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

If this site had ratings, MEH should be the only one it dishes out, with the movie's value determined by the length and the overall snarkiness in which it is uttered.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at July 6, 2009 12:19 PM

Ok, so I know I am not the most technologically advanced person here or anything, but is there some trick to getting the trailer to, y'know, play? Because I can't seem to get it to.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 6, 2009 12:21 PM

i'll pass, thanks. i try to keep diablo cody and megan fox (and her nasty toe-thumbs) as far away from me as possible.

Posted by: CiCi at July 6, 2009 12:22 PM

So . . . why does it have a rip-off of the True Blood poster?

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at July 6, 2009 12:27 PM

I know actual 11 year olds who are more skilled with a flag than Megan Fox appears to be in that trailer. They couldn't hire someone to spend two hours with her to teach her to do something actually impressive? I mean, maybe I should wait to see the movie, but if that's the best pull they could get for the trailer I don't have high hopes.

Aside from that, I'll wait for a longer trailer. On the surface it strikes me as an interesting idea, but I'm Megan Fox gives me pause and makes me wonder if Cody picked her for the role or if she was forced on them by the studio.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at July 6, 2009 12:33 PM

Guess you're not old enough to get it to work, AvB.
But seriously, I had to go to the website to find it. Shock till you drop dot com.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 6, 2009 12:33 PM

I can't get it to work either, AvB! I keep clicking "Let Me See" and nothing happens. Do I need to show it my driver's license to prove I'm old enough to watch?

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 6, 2009 12:37 PM

This might be the perfect role for Megan Fox: the story of a self-important bitch who thinks her life has a larger purpose.

Posted by: Sofía at July 6, 2009 12:41 PM

I'll go one further.

Megan Fox is nothing but a poseur, siliconed, faux sex-pot who is ALL. TALK. She's one of those that have everyone believe she walks around with her vagina perpetually wet and in heat. In my experience those are the lousiest lays.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 6, 2009 12:41 PM

I thought that too, Joe. But I don't know if I would call her intelligent, but rather savvy about how Hollywood works. She reminds me a little of Jenny McCarthy in the beginning: smoking hot but very crass.

Megan takes it a step further, I think.
Jennifer's Body seems right up her alley.

Posted by: Brie at July 6, 2009 12:44 PM

Barbado, I actually agree with you. I've said previously that in terms of sexual prowess Ms.Fox strikes me as someone who thinks being hot is half the battle and having a vagina is winning.

As far as I can tell, perceived hotness of self and sexual ability have an inverse relationship. If you know you don't have to work for it, why bother?

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at July 6, 2009 12:45 PM

I would be more interested in this movie if it weren't for Megan Fox; I mean, it seemed like everybody talks about her and the only relevant thing she has ever done is look hot in Transformers (and even then, if I watch Transformers is for the giant robots, not for a plastic looking chick)

Posted by: Radlum at July 6, 2009 12:46 PM

I'll wait for the two Rs (rating and reviews) before I even think about seeing this flick. Ms. Cody still has some goodwill with me thanks to Juno (which I still like) and United States of Tara; enough to keep me from dismissing this flick outright, but not enough to get me to see just another cock-teasing PG-13 horror flick.

And, sorry Miss Fox, but I don't pay for my porn. Also, shut the fuck up. Every word out of your stupid mouth makes you that much less sexy, and your acting skills aren't helping.

Posted by: David at July 6, 2009 12:56 PM

Megan Fox was pretty good in this trailer, actually. The main complaint is that she's all wooden usually, and here she seems to have some spark. Color me excited

Posted by: Max at July 6, 2009 1:19 PM

I wonder sometimes if there are any commenters/Eloquents on this site who are underlings at movie studios whose job duties include going onto movie/trade sites and giving good buzz to their products.
*shrug*
paranoia, paranoia...

Posted by: Jim Doggie at July 6, 2009 1:35 PM

Aha! Excellent. Thanks, O!

Yeah, see, now this actually looks kind of good. I do actually like Diablo Cody, depite the many layers of backlash, and I liked Juno, despite the fact that it was a little too self-conscious at times. I dislike Megan Fox based pretty much solely on her interviews (sorry, Joe up top, but she comes across to me as quite phony, especially when she contradicts herself. I can forgive it to an extent, because she's young, but there comes a point when you have to pay attention to what you're putting out there.), because I don't think I've actually seen her in anything, but from the looks of it, she might be alright here. Plus, Amanda Seyfried, as others have said, and there's Adam Brody (in eyeliner, no less!), and then I see JK Simmons and Amy Sedaris in the credits... now, despite the fact that it seems fairly similar to Teeth, only with slightly less vagina, well, I think I might want to see it.

Posted by: Anna von le Beaverplatz at July 6, 2009 1:36 PM

Hey, seeing how Cody is a filthy and debauched ex-stripper, I wonder if the marketing will be aimed at her slacked-jawed, simian, demo of NASCAR enthusiasts at Talladega and Daytona.

All commercials should start thusly;

YOU LIKE TITS? *EXPLOSION* DO YOU LIKE BEER? *BIGGER EXPLOSION* Then this is the movie.. *ATOMIC EXPLOSION*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 6, 2009 1:40 PM

An atomic explosion...of tits and beer?
So basically, we need to rerun beer commercials with Spuds McKenzie (he's dead, but I don't see why he wouldn't do well in a new campaign) and add the movie title at the end.
Slim, you're a genius. A vicious, cruel genius.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at July 6, 2009 1:48 PM

Waaaaaaait a second, Barbadoslim, are you trying to tell me that women aren't perpetually wet and/or aching for my man loveage?

If I'm not mistaken, vaginas (or "vagine" in Italian) are on this earth solely for either my observation and humor, or as a way to make me sleep easier.

Don't fuck with my worldview.

Posted by: adam at July 6, 2009 2:02 PM

I'm willing to give this a chance.

Yes, Megan Fox so far has played up her role in Hollywood as a piece of meat and has yet to prove she's anything more, but that seems like the point of the movie. So she's a super-hot high schooler who's actually a demon that will devour anyone who fucks her and goes around actively trying to get people to fuck her? Sounds like the jury will still be out on whether she can actually act.

And as far as this being a Diablo Cody movie. Well, it's horror, and we already know she can write a scary movie.

Posted by: Macafee at July 6, 2009 3:17 PM

Well, at least Megan Fox is using her real teeth.

Posted by: Sofía at July 6, 2009 3:18 PM

"Megan Fox so far has played up her role in Hollywood as a piece of meat and has yet to prove she's anything more,

.... Sounds like the jury will still be out on whether she can actually act..."

I think that verdict came a WHILE back, this young lady was the cunty nemesis to Lohan's ...eh Lohan character. Anyway, she couldn't even make THAT character memorable (compare it to what Rose McGowan did with the same type in Jawbreaker or Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls).

She has no acting chops whatsoever. NONE. ZIP. NADA.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 6, 2009 3:38 PM

OY!


Fox played opposite Lohan in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.

/fetches afternoon coffee.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 6, 2009 3:41 PM

Fox played opposite Lohan in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.

Huh.

For a guy so repulsed by Fox, you certainly do go out of your way to see her films.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 6, 2009 3:46 PM

The point is that she’s proven she has a way with story, even when she’s a little too in love with how she makes it sound. (I guess there was an opening for a female Quentin Tarantino.)

HA! I've lost count of how many times I've described Tarantino this exact way to Mr. TS.

I may see this because it has the delightfully dolphin-eyed Amanda Seyfried...but probably on DVD.

Posted by: TryScience at July 6, 2009 3:50 PM

This trailer was saved only by the fact that it allowed me to scream "SETH COHEN!" towards the end.

And then it proceeded to kill any residual Adam Brody-inspired goodwill with the "I swing both ways" line. And the soundtrack listing of stupid emo bands. Sigh.

Posted by: Bethany at July 6, 2009 4:03 PM

For a guy so repulsed by Fox, you certainly do go out of your way to see her films.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 6, 2009 3:46 PM

---------------------------------------------------

I'm not repulsed by her I just think she's a bimbo who SHOULD be doing porn, NOT be running around pontificating as if she were some A-lister, acting like a foo'. Even Michael Bay hinted that she needs to shut the fuck up.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 6, 2009 4:14 PM

I'm not repulsed by her I just think she's a bimbo who SHOULD be doing porn, NOT be running around pontificating as if she were some A-lister, acting like a foo'. Even Michael Bay hinted that she needs to shut the fuck up.

So sorry, usually when I hear someone sling around such nomenclature as "bimbo who SHOULD be doing porn", it is usually some asshole who hates women in general, and the particular subject of the insult in particular.

My bad.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 6, 2009 4:35 PM

Has their ever been a good movie to feature the list of bands on the soundtrack in the trailer? Seems like they're hedging their bets. "The movie may suck donkey, but you may find the soundtrack to be slightly better."

Posted by: Harborwolf at July 6, 2009 5:51 PM

it is usually some asshole who hates women in general, and the particular subject of the insult in particular.

My bad.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 6, 2009 4:35 PM

-------------------------------------------------

Yes, it is your bad, you are completely wrong except for the being an asshole part.


Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 6, 2009 5:59 PM

She has no acting chops whatsoever. NONE. ZIP. NADA.

I meant in as much as she's essentially playing herself in this movie, so whether she's wooden or unmemorable in it will really just be evidence to her own deficiencies as a person.

Let's see her play a nun or an Afghani woman or something where she, you know, has to stretch her "chops."

Posted by: Macafee at July 6, 2009 6:07 PM

Bender, Violet: When will you two stop fighting and realize you're in love?

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 6, 2009 6:48 PM

What's with this film being touted as being "from the mind of Diablo Cody" as if that statement meant something?

Not to get into the bashing of her (which I would enjoy), but what else has really sprung from her mind except some poorly written Entertainment Weekly articles?

Posted by: B-Unit at July 6, 2009 11:39 PM

I feel like I had to do way to much to even get to see this trailer, and for that I already resent this movie. The trailer kind of looks like a ripoff of The Faculty, and that was a poor movie to begin with.

Posted by: Mona at July 7, 2009 5:37 AM

It kinda looks heavily influenced by "Ginger Snaps" possibly the best thing that came out of Canada and yeah that beats Nathan Fillion Ryan Reynolds and Tahmoh Penikett combined, unless of course they are all in my bed naked and covered in maple syrup, then and only then I might reconsider.

Posted by: rio at July 7, 2009 8:43 AM

I'm not sure I've ever fully understood the whole Megan Fox issue from day one...she's hot yes, but are there not hotter girls out there? Like I'm a girl and I'm ready AND willing to admit that I've seen girls way hotter than her. I don't get it.

There are so many things about Jennifer's Body that makes me want to see it but after watching the trailer, fuck, I don't know. She's stinking it hard big time with her horrible acting.

Posted by: citizen_cris at July 7, 2009 4:52 PM

I love Juno. It's not perfect, but it's funny, well-acted and warm-hearted. I'll definitely give anything by Cody a chance.

That being said, I can't watch the trailer (I'm at work), so I'm just imagining it in my head.

Holy crap! Amanda Seyfriend just killed Megan Fox with a flagpole! Then said something hilarious! Then declared that she loved me! Now all the characters are dancing to Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine songs! OMG THERE'S DINOSAURS!

This movie is going to rule.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at July 8, 2009 1:22 AM





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