jay_leno___175584m.jpg
Jay Leno. In Primetime. Five Frickin Nights a Week.

My Life Just Jumped the Shark / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | December 9, 2008 | Comments (30)

No one loathes Jay Leno as I do. I have an irrational hatred of the man, as he’s represented — to me, anyways — the Middle-American, Applebee’s and Thomas Kinkaid mentality that’s tarnished the late night landscape for years now. Am I still bitter that he stole the “Tonight Show” from Letterman and fractured the late-night audience? Of course. Am I pissed off that most of Leno’s gags were stolen from Letterman? Absolutely. Does that make him any less detestable? No sir. He’s a cancerous rot. A vile, large-chinned unfunny little man who trades in puns and lame zingers.


And now he’s gonna be on in primetime five nights a week.

That’s right. NBC, in its idiotic wisdom, has decided that, instead of losing Leno to another network when Conan O’Brien takes over the “Tonight Show” next May, they’re gonna just go ahead and hire him and plug him into the 10:00 slot Monday through Friday. It is, in fact, the same deal they offered Letterman all those years ago, which they’d hoped would keep him on the network. Letterman wisely turned down the offer. Because he’s not an moron.

How bad is this idea? It’s horrific. It’s network suicide. Who is gonna watch Leno and then the “Tonight Show” and then “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.” They’re basically running three talk shows in a row, five nights a week, broken up only by a half hour of local news. Leno is gonna pilfer half of Conan’s guest. Leno is gonna beat Conan to the punch on all the good jokes. And Leno is gonna completely dilute the staying power of “The Tonight Show.” At the same time, no one is gonna tune in five nights a week to watch Leno when he’s up against actual network programming. The novelty of a primetime, late evening talk show, if there even is one to begin with, is gonna wear off in a few weeks or months, and Leno’s late-evening show is gonna tank, right along with “The Tonight Show.” And nobody is gonna tune in religiously to Leno. The people who watch Leno are the folks who have nothing else to do at 11:30 every night and find Letterman to be too subversive for their tastes (which is saying something about their tolerance for subversiveness, considering just how tame Dave has been over the last decade). There are, like, five people who love Leno. Everyone else that watches it does so because they’re too goddamn lazy to change the channel.

I’m hopping pissed.

The good news for NBC is that they only have to program two hours of television five nights a week, which is fine right now because NBC doesn’t even have two hours of decent programming a night. And “ER” is gone in May, which has been the only successful show they’ve had in the 10:00 hour in years. But this isn’t the solution. This is a network completely giving up. Throwing its hands in the air. The mighty Peacock has lost its strut.

Late night shows do not belong in primetime. Period. Jay Leno doesn’t belong on television, much less prime time. What. the. hell. Itchy itchy asshole suck!


← Dead as a Doornail Book Review | Fables TV Show →





Comments

I'd say you did a good job at finding an unflattering picture, but it's not worse than the one USA Today went with. Even they are dubious it seems.

WHY Conan? You know it'll kill you!

Posted by: Jay at December 9, 2008 9:22 AM

No one loathes Jay Leno as I do.

You are wrong. I cannot stand the sight of him, for all the reasons you mentioned and more. He just isn't funny.

Apparently this is all part of NBC's brilliant plan to cut back on primetime programming hours.

Posted by: Cindy at December 9, 2008 9:28 AM

Based on what I have read, he will essentially continue doing the same show he has now, just 90 minutes earlier. What will they call it? Some suggestions:
"A Little Earlier Tonight with Jay Leno"
"CSI with Jay Leno"
"Can't buy crap liek this in Tiffany's with Jay Leno"
"Let's see if we can beat FOX's local news with Jay Leno"
"Let's see if what failed with Regis will work with Jay Leno"
More to come. Need breakfast
(FYI - with Jay Leno does not have the same ring to it as "in my pants")

Question - is Max Weinberg and the 7 going to LA as well?

Posted by: Brian at December 9, 2008 9:30 AM

Posted by: Cindy at December 9, 2008 9:31 AM

I've told you guys before; there's a chin conspiracy in Hollywood. Don't get me wrong, I love a strong jaw, but it is those people with the freaky-looking chins who seem to be the most annoying.

- Heidi Montag
- Spencer Pratt
- Jay Leno
- The Hobbit lover from Clerks II. There's a reason he loved Lord of the Rings over Star Wars, and it had everything to do with his chin. Kevin Smith knew this. He knows all about chins and evil. That's why he wears a beard. He wants to show us he's kind and not ill-chinned.

I'm telling you, people. Chins.

Posted by: Sofía at December 9, 2008 9:31 AM

*sigh* Really NBC? I spend all this time trying to promote Chuck for you and this is how you repay me? There's a reason you have to put some animals out to pasture. Taxidermy-ing an animal just to hook some wires up to it to make it dance is sick.

Also, why in the hell are you trying to steal Conan's thunder? Why? He's such a great and funny guy. Everyone loves Conan. Well, except for the network that makes him money. Stinking NBC. But I do have a soft spot for Leno because I getting on the show over the summer. Fun times.

I really thought Conan then Craig Ferguson would be my nights, but now... Maybe I'll just watch Ferguson and nothing else. Just to spite NBC.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 9:31 AM

You just knew that NBC was going to find a way to screw Conan over. They just couldn't let him have the timeslot and be done with it.

Where are they going to shoehorn all of the different Law & Orders or are they going to drop them?

Posted by: branded at December 9, 2008 9:46 AM

The only thing I watch on NBC anymore is "The Office." And "My Name is Earl" is usually on as background noise till "The Office" comes on, although I do put the TV on mute for the IQ-slaughtering abomination that is "Kath and Kim."

If I'm awake past 10:59 p.m. (you know us old fogeys need our sleep, dammit), then the only thing I'm watching is "The Daily Show."

Posted by: Wednesday at December 9, 2008 9:51 AM

I'm just hoping this tanks in the ratings and goes the way of Chevy's abortion of a talkshow back in the 90s. Then we can be free of Leno and he can go home to spend all day sticking his dick into the gas tanks of all his stupid cars that I somehow know about despite never watching that limp handjob of a show even once in 16(!!) years.

Posted by: kushiro at December 9, 2008 9:57 AM

Dustin, I couldn't agree with you more. NBC is the only one of the basic networks more pitiful than the CW. When the hell will it die.

Posted by: George at December 9, 2008 10:14 AM

There's a reason he loved Lord of the Rings over Star Wars,

Star Wars is over. I'm sorry. I know it hurts. But Lucas shot the franchise in the face and then ran over it with a steamroller. It's gone. Remember the good times.

Posted by: twig at December 9, 2008 10:24 AM

I hate the idea of Leno still being on tv.

However, there is a glimmer of logic to pust putting him on earlier. After all, who watches Leno? Old fucking codgers that's who (sorry Dad)

Posted by: Park at December 9, 2008 10:28 AM

I can't slam on Leno, it's the car-guy credo.

However, I totally understand those who do.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 9, 2008 10:30 AM

Note to self: always spell check!

Posted by: Park at December 9, 2008 10:31 AM

I only ever watch Leno for 10 minutes on Mondays -- for "Headlines." Cause I'm in the newspaper biz. And I can laugh at myself. I usually preface that with 10 minutes of Letterman, but, yeah, he gives me no compellling reason to watch more.

And ... am I the only one who loathes Conan? His weird little dances with himself -- WTF is that about? Stand still and make me laugh, fool.

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 9, 2008 10:55 AM

You Bite Your Tongue, bucdaddy! That man is a saint!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 9, 2008 11:00 AM

Yea, I'm with Optimus, buc. I love his dancing. Dancing Conan brings joy to the lives of children. Why, just last night he had Stephen Colbert on and they did a kick line with some Rockettes or something.

Conan is awesome. End of discussion.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 9, 2008 11:14 AM

Yes, Patrick Swayze, you do rock! Thanks for reminding us, Owen.

The Spambots, they are...evolving...

Posted by: Lainey at December 9, 2008 11:15 AM

Are we sure that Leno doesn't already have a Mercury Mistress amongst his fleet? If he doesn't, would that keep him away from the 10PM slot?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5sOCEUpGZI

Posted by: branded at December 9, 2008 11:39 AM

Park is dead on. Leno's core audience is getting to the point that they can't stay awake past the nightly news.

And all of those crappy dramas that now fill the 10pm spot can go choke for all I care.

Honestly, as long as they let Conan have the 11:30 spot, I'll be happy. I can't make it much past midnight/11 central anymore.

I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one who hates Letterman. He's such an obnoxious dick, with his fakey little laugh and Madonna-like tooth gap.

Posted by: frumpiefox at December 9, 2008 11:55 AM

This may be a travesty, but it doesn't obscure the travesty that is "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon." Now THERE'S a douchebag.

Posted by: samantha t at December 9, 2008 1:44 PM

Who the fuck did Jimmy Fallon blow to get a late night gig? He must have let one of the top executives at NBC tea-bag him.

Posted by: Pookie at December 9, 2008 2:22 PM

I saw Leno in concert around 1985 when he was just getting big. He was great back then. His appearance on Letterman, before stabbing him in the back, were always a big deal.

Then Jay sold out and became a hack.

Posted by: Jimmy James at December 9, 2008 3:34 PM

No one loathes Jay Leno as I do.

Oh, no no no no Mr. Rowles. You are so very sadly mistaken.

I hated Leno before he was born - even though he is older than I am. The smallest molecule of an egg inside of my mother, who eventually gave me life, hated the mere fact of his egg's existence floating somewhere in the accursed womb of his mother.

He is part of the reason I no longer watch late night talk shows. Yes, this makes me a bitter, hateful and petty person. But if I weren't all of these things, how would you recognize me?

Posted by: greer at December 9, 2008 7:38 PM

I appreciate NBC's jump on the literacy bandwagon, but if they really wanted to encourage America to turn off the TV and read, they'd send all of us Amazon gift cards instead of paying Leno's salary.

Posted by: funtime42 at December 9, 2008 9:13 PM

which is fine right now because NBC doesn't even have two hours of decent programming a night

So very, VERY true. With Heroes going completely down the shithole and never coming back up for air again, the only watchable shows on NBC are Office and 30 Rock. What the fuck happened?

bucdaddy *gasp*

My bucdaddy Love Meter just went down a little bit.

Posted by: figgy at December 9, 2008 9:52 PM

:(

Sorry, figgy, but I've given the man many chances and I just don't hear what everyone else hears or see what everyone else sees.

BTW, I read a piece today with an NBC exec bemoaning the fact that with their revenues in the tank along with their ratings and their programming, they have to consider cutting back their 22 hours a week -- either fewer hours a night or fewer nights.

Silver lining?

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 9, 2008 10:15 PM

You know what part of the problem is? Guys with three-syllable last names just don't introduce well. You can't do "Herrrrrrrrre's JOHN-ny!" or even "Jaaaaaaay LEN-o!" It's much weaker: "CO-NAN o-BRY ....... yan" and "Daaaaa-vid let-ter-MAN!"

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 9, 2008 10:26 PM

Heroes does indeed suck now. I'm still watching it unfortunately.

Conan rules.

Star Wars was OK. The original trilogy, mostly the second movie.

To watch it again...meh I've seen better Voyager Episodes.
Star Wars was neat when first viewed many moons ago.
It's like remembering something awesome from your childhood and then re-living it years later and finding yourself thinking why did I like this again??? Transformers cartoon was awesome back then. To re-watch it today...YIKES!

The new Star Wars stuff, except for the 2d animated clone wars, is all crap.

Star Trek > Star Wars

Firefly & Serenity > Star Wars

Posted by: WhoWhatWhere at December 9, 2008 11:04 PM

Fuck you WhoWhatWhere, I'll always have my Empire. I got the DVD ground up and liquified so I could inject it straight into my bloodstream. There's a special place in my heart for Darth Vader.

Posted by: Lucas at December 10, 2008 10:49 AM





Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.