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Whoops - Wrong Crappy 3D Movie About Blue People

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (10)

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You know what was super awesome about James Cameron’s obscenely successful Avatar? The special effects. You know what was fucking horrendous? Everything else.

I know, I know, you’ve heard that before. Fuck you, it’s cold and I’m sober.

So anyway, we’re getting two more Avatar movies, entitled Avatar: Blue People Fuck Too and Avatar III: The Avatariest. Cameron will continue to pursue his environmental salvation themes through terrible dialogue and derivative plotting, and it’ll make a gabajamillikillion dollars. I actually kind of admire Cameron’s environmental pursuits, I just think he’s kind of a dick and he can’t fucking write a script. But that’s not really the point of my article and man I wish I had a drink.

Hold on.

OK, that’s better.

Where was I? Right, Avatar sequels. Anyway, Cameron was recently talking to EW, and he said that a) the movies will shoot back-to-back, since that appears to be the fashion of the time:

I am in the process of writing the next two Avatar films now. We are planning to shoot them together and post them together, and we will probably release them not quite back to back, but about a year apart. Christmas ‘14 and ‘15 is the current plan.

Dude. I’m begging you. Let someone else write it. Don’t go all George Lucas on us.

Anyway, he also said that b) the majority of the cast (at least, those who survived, meaning everyone except Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez and Stephen Lang) will return:

Basically, if you survived the first film, you get to be in the second film, at least in some form… [And] Fox has partnered with me to donate a chunk of the profits to environmental causes that are at the heart of the Avatar world. I didn’t want to make more Avatar movies without a grander plan in place.

What that means for the likes of Giovanni Ribisi, who was essentially exiled from the planet, is unknown at this part. And with Stephen Lang dead, they’ll have to find another shallow, rote, painfully obvious stereotype of a villain. But again, I applaud the “environmental causes” part. That’s awesome.

But seriously, Jim. I mean, I know “raritanium” was already taken, but “Unobtanium?” What the balls? That’s really the best you could come up with?

Christ on a puked-up pop-tart.









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Comments

"since that appears to be the fashion of the time".

Fuck that. I'll proudly have an onion tied to my belt until the day I die!

Posted by: Groundloop at January 25, 2011 10:37 AM

He can write a script, he just didn't bother to in the first one.

Also, the "shallow, rote, painfully obvious stereotype of a villain" ended up being the most popular character with a lot of people. Not me; I, too, thought he was pretty much a ridiculously overblown caricature of the "do the job no matter what it is" tinpot colonel type. But a lot of people thought he was a badass.

Posted by: Todd at January 25, 2011 10:40 AM

Maybe he'll go for broke and make the next script about the quest for Upsidasium.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at January 25, 2011 11:52 AM

Fuck this guy. Fuck him and his Fern Gully bullshit.

Posted by: Figgy "Bagels" Figarelli at January 25, 2011 11:53 AM

Impossiblium, Inconceiviblium, Perpostium, Absurdium, Ludicrium, Bewilderium, Fantastium, Pretentium

Pointlessium

Posted by: Kargoyle at January 25, 2011 2:03 PM

Bullshitium

Posted by: Uncle JR at January 25, 2011 2:41 PM

What annoys me the most about the "unobtanium" word is that it was taken, too. Unobtanium is what they used to make the ship out of in The Core. First of all, it's shitballs retarded. Second of all, it's a rip-off of a throwaway joke from another film. Thirdly, that film is The Core. The Core, people. Lightning storms caused by the Earth's core not rotating, so we have to detonate a nuke cuz of fucking course that's what we have to do, The Core.

The only thing good about the re-use of the word "unobtanium" is that I get to imagine that's what's happening back on Earth while Avatar happens way out in space, and that I just wasted 10 bucks to see Space Movie, because there's no way Cameron directed this piece of shit.

Posted by: puppetDoug at January 25, 2011 4:28 PM

Unobtanium is a trope of the science fiction genre. It's not a well used one, but it's been used before. As puppetDoug points out, it was used in The Core. It wasn't invented for The Core, either.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unobtanium

It's a word that's been around since the 1950s.

Posted by: ingres at January 25, 2011 8:32 PM

Sober TK is just as snarky as drunk TK. I don't know what to make of this information.

Oh, and yes, the movie's writing was craptacular.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 25, 2011 10:24 PM

I didn't even watch the first one and they're gonna have two more?

Posted by: noonoo at January 26, 2011 12:38 AM