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Sarah Jessica Parker: The 7th Cylon?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (30)

sexpostmini.jpg

Here’s the next Sex and the City 2 poster. As “The Wire’s” Clay Davis would say, “Shiiiiiiit.”

The art of airbrushing entails making people look like prettier more shiny versions of themselves, not making them look like completely fucking different people. I do admire the way they’ve cyborged Sarah Jessica Parker’s eyes, though.

sexpost.jpg

Using a sophisticated piece of software, Vince over at FilmDrunk was actually able to strip away the photo-shopped portions of this poster and the results are, well. Unpleasant. Check it out.









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Comments

Hell, if they all really looked that good (and got nekkid) I might agree to see this. But they didn't look that good, not even close, 10 years ago, which is apparently when the poster was shot.

Posted by: , at May 3, 2010 9:24 AM

How'd they get the wind to blow in all those different directions at once to blow the skirt thingies around, but not even kick up any sand or dust?

Posted by: BWeaves at May 3, 2010 9:26 AM

KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Posted by: Kayanne at May 3, 2010 9:27 AM

Did they replace Kim Cattrall's face with Rachel McAdams'?

Posted by: couch and pants at May 3, 2010 9:30 AM

Dustin I’m not sure if you’re getting any problems on your end, but Pajiba has freaked out my anti virus software. Or is the DHS again? My day will be ruined if I can’t spend it here.

Ach! Describe, and has anyone else experienced this issue? -- DR

Posted by: ScullScully at May 3, 2010 9:31 AM

Me. Occasionally I get a pop-up warning. I'll pay closer attention to what it says next time.

Posted by: , at May 3, 2010 9:34 AM

God damn you Photoshop, DOES YOUR TREACHERY KNOW NO END SIR?!

Kristen Davis, however, needs nary a photoshopping. /ravish

It's movies like this that make me glad I'm not dating some waifish twatwaffle. Between this and Valentine's Day I feel a great swell of pain for men who must endure such slings and arrows.

God this constant photoshopping is unbelievable. None of those women looking anything near the poster (save Davis). Kim Catrall could be my grandmother, Cynthia Nixon looks like a grumpy Mrs. Tumnus, and [I promise no horse jokes] looks better in this than Leaving Las Honeymoon in Vegas, which was almost 20 years ago! Yet they've all got giraffe necks and amazingly toned arms considering they suck so much the only "work" they've had since the last movie is stuffing their faces and/or Hugh Grant is English, I Get It Already!.

I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!

Posted by: D-Day at May 3, 2010 9:34 AM

Look! I've gone a whole 12 minutes and not typed "whinny" in reference to Seabiscuit Jessica Parker. I am a model of self-restraint.

Posted by: , at May 3, 2010 9:36 AM

Did they model Raiden in Mortal Combat on SJP?

Posted by: peanut at May 3, 2010 9:38 AM

I feel a great swell of pain for men who must endure such slings and arrows.

You don't think it is worth sitting through a 90 minute dreck fest to have your lady friend sling your arrow?

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 3, 2010 9:40 AM

Ok, let's be honest here. Ms. Parker isn't what one would call "conventionally attractive." I'll let that sink in for a minute.

Anyway, there are times where she can look good. She knows how to angle her face in some ways that make her features appear softer, which helps.

That shit up there looks like those old cartoon gags where they used to steamroll the character till they're flat and super long. I think Who Framed Roger Rabbit? did this most effectively. And it's not just SJP, it's all of them. The rest of the women look like awkward cutouts. The image has no dimension and the Photoshoping on that jam takes out any contours that generally indicate life.

What I'm trying to say is... I fucking hate these movies and I wish the whole franchise would choke on a Louboutin.

Posted by: Kayanne at May 3, 2010 9:54 AM

looks like a grumpy Mrs. Tumnus
You sir have a way with words. And I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 3, 2010 10:05 AM

I agree with the idea that she has angles where she's attractive. But face to face is not one of them. Her face is too triangular for that. Somehow they tried to fix this by completely flattening her face. And this caused her eyes to somehow get moved weirdly.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 3, 2010 10:12 AM

You don't think it is worth sitting through a 90 minute dreck fest to have your lady friend sling your arrow?

Not if the conversation's always going to be that bad.

Posted by: Jay at May 3, 2010 10:12 AM

How refreshing that you have standards, Jay. Applause.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 3, 2010 10:45 AM

Hey, ya know, I've gotta think we could be friends first. :)

Posted by: Jay at May 3, 2010 10:52 AM

Did they replace Kim Cattrall's face with Rachel McAdams'?

Um, seriously. She looks like an entirely different person, in a weird, gross way. I'm getting SO TIRED of Photoshop.

Posted by: Katers at May 3, 2010 10:58 AM

Suddenly I have that Aqua song Barbie Girl stuck in my head.

Also, WHAT is holding up SJP's dress? Scotch tape? The prayers of millions of traumatized children in Asia? WHAT?!

Posted by: Ava at May 3, 2010 11:01 AM

Did they replace Kim Cattrall's face with Rachel McAdams'?

Posted by: couch and pants at May 3, 2010 9:30 AM

Exactly what I thought!! When I saw the post' picture I honestly imagined there'd be a joke involving McAdams, and that's why who wrote it made a little montage.

Posted by: Mariazinha at May 3, 2010 11:06 AM

I think it's established that SJP can look decent at the right angle; people have been saying that for years. This poster doesn't do her any favors. For me, it's the eyes....freakiest part of the whole thing. She looks mummified. It's too much blue; the eye shadow blending in with her actual eye color and they look like cavernous space.

But Kim Cattrall...what's really going on there? Fucking pinhole eyes. And why is her elbow at a point?

Posted by: Brie at May 3, 2010 11:07 AM

I do admire the way they’ve cyborged Sarah Jessica Parker’s eyes, though.

She does something similar to that to her own eyes, doesn't she? With the makeup and whatnot? I think it's her one move, eye-wise....

Posted by: sansho1 at May 3, 2010 11:10 AM

@Optimus

Newsletter? I'm too lazy/html incompetent to start a blog. THIS IS ALL I HAVE!

I keep peeking over my shoulder to make sure no one is watching me starting at the movie poster. The more I stare, the more SJP looks like Grizabella dove into a box of tissue paper and potpourri. ME-OW!

Posted by: D-Day at May 3, 2010 11:37 AM

That---that, right there, IS the call for Cthulhu.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at May 3, 2010 11:40 AM

They REALLY butchered the hell out of Catrall there, didn't they? I mean, besides SJP's horrific face (it looks like the mask from Scream). Her head just DOES NOT BELONG TO THAT BODY. It's so obviously a terrible cutout from another photo. Look at her neck! look at her chin! those two things do not exist in the same sphere of reality! And her elbow is apparently as thick as her neck.

Cynthia Nixon is the only one who looks decent. But she looks terrified of the rest and is running out of the frame.

Posted by: figgy at May 3, 2010 12:07 PM

The armpits (or lack thereof) freak me out. Godtopus forbid women have flesh connecting their arms to their bodies.

Posted by: lainiefig at May 3, 2010 12:16 PM

The correct way to type the Clay Davis quote is ssshhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiit. The string of E's is crucial.

Just so you know.

Posted by: Seany D at May 3, 2010 12:22 PM

I frequently get anti-virus warnings from the site...in fact, I've only recently been able to return to it at all after 2-3 months of major issues. Operation failed seems to be a frequent error message, then crazy spam installation attempts, etc. My work server just won't let me access the site at all.

Posted by: kalafraja at May 3, 2010 12:37 PM

I'm glad there's a nipple in that one particular spot, but shouldn't it belong to Cynthia Nixon's right breast instead of Kim Cattrall's left elbow?

Posted by: sansho1 at May 3, 2010 12:51 PM

They forget the "0".
For "Sex and the City: 20 Years Ago"

Posted by: logan at May 3, 2010 8:08 PM

I think it's established that SJP can look decent at the right angle
---
The "right angle" is "under a steamroller."

Posted by: , at May 4, 2010 9:47 AM