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Iron Man's Dumb Cousin Hits the Ring

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (14)

hugh-jackman-real-steel.jpg

Oh Hugh, what the hell are you thinking? I can see that there might be a market for this sort of crap (15 year old boys - again - and 40-ish old boys) but why are you involved? You can sing. And you can dance. You can even act when you put your mind to it (and Nicole’s not around.) Is it this whole “Let’s make some money” thing? Do you need extra cash to buy your own plane? That has to be it. Because Martin Keamy belongs in this movie, but you…you do not. This thing is just, plain bad.

See for yourself. I now present, without further interruption, 2011’s rock ‘em sock ‘em robots:



Yes folks, that emotional, thought provoking Real Steel trailer was just a glimpse into the life of Charlie Kenton (Jackman), a down on his luck former boxer, who now promotes robot fights. Barely making enough money to get by, Charlie enlists his estranged 11 year old son to help build a champion from spare parts. Yes, somehow this scrappy team must repair their relationship while training a half-assed hunk of junk to beat the tar out of some other hunk of steel, in an effort to fulfill Daddy’s unrealized title-winning dream. You just wiped away a tear, didn’t you?

Real Steel is directed by Shawn Levy (Night at the Museum) and is based on a short story by Richard Matheson (which was also made into a “Twilight Zone” episode). “Lost” veterans Kevin Durand and Evangeline Lilly also star, alongside Anthony Mackie (The Hurt Locker) and Hope Davis (Synecdoche, New York, “In Treatment”) and the film is set for an October 2011 release. Hugh, I suggest you get back on Broadway as fast as you can and pretend you know nothing about this.

(Source: io9)









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Comments

that was the most boring minute of robots punching each other i have ever seen. absolutely no energy.

Posted by: gp at December 10, 2010 9:45 AM

At least it was filmed locally here in Detroit.

Posted by: ForbiddenDonut at December 10, 2010 9:52 AM

I know I throw hyperbole around with greater aplomb than Wladimir Klitschko manhandles Hayden Panettiere in bed, but that is the worst thing I've ever seen. I'm actually depressed now. It's like Rocky is armpit-fucking Bloodsport while forcing Transformers and the Tron special effects team to give it analingus, and they're all inexplicably wearing headsets.

Posted by: Kballs at December 10, 2010 9:56 AM

What makes it even more sad is that the story it's based on is actually a very touching one. In it, the robots are indistinguishable from people, and when the robot breaks and he's unable to fix it, the desperate trainer takes his place in the ring, subsequently getting his ass pounded by a 600 lb android.

Wait that last part came out wrong.

Posted by: Paul Southworth at December 10, 2010 10:05 AM

Kballs,I'd actually rather watch that than this crap.

The only thing that can make this movie worse is if the robot learns to love and throws the big fight in protest of violence, working with Hugh's son to teach Hugh that there is beauty outside of the ring. Man, I hope I didn't just predict the plot.

Posted by: Paultera at December 10, 2010 10:14 AM

So basically this is "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots: The Movie".

Sure. They're making movies on video games, toys, and board games...why the hell not?

You know the movie industry will have hit a wall when they roll out "Etch-A-Sketch: The Motion Picture" sometime next summer.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 10, 2010 11:21 AM

Do you think that Hugh asked for the line "let's make some money" to show why he made this movie?

Posted by: yastobaal at December 10, 2010 11:22 AM

I actually liked the trailer.

Of course I was drunk when I saw it.

Sue me.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at December 10, 2010 11:24 AM

This was cool. Doesn't anyone ever just want to relax and watch something dumb?

[eagerly opens Netflix looking for The Last Airbender]

Posted by: superasente at December 10, 2010 12:49 PM

No, Superasente. The Last Airbender isn't dumb - it's atrocious. I would rather wiff in the sweet syrupy smell of my own shit than watch The Last Airbender again.

Posted by: Zerath at December 10, 2010 1:00 PM

the desperate trainer takes his place in the ring, subsequently getting his ass pounded by a 600 lb android.

Wait that last part came out wrong.

Aw, I was just getting into the story.

Posted by: The Other Agent Johnson at December 10, 2010 1:19 PM

As someone who has a soft spot in their hearts for Robot Jox (circa 1990 or something), I will see this in the dollar theatre or on netflix. Good day.

Posted by: e at December 10, 2010 7:27 PM

Check out the Twilight Zone episode "Steel" from 1963 starring Lee Marvin in this story. It looks a lot better than this "Transformers" rip-off. In fact, it may even elicit a tear or two.

-Ralphie

Posted by: Ralphie at December 10, 2010 10:24 PM

A plucky robot who self-assembled in the scrapyards makes it to the top only to fall back to the bottom where he learns what is truly worth having.

Featuring Whoopi Goldberg as an old wise can of WD-40.

Posted by: eman at December 11, 2010 9:23 AM