January 8, 2009 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | January 8, 2009 |

So, Mickey Rourke basically falls under the radar for a decade, gains some mainstreamish exposure in Sin City, which leads him to his impeccable performance in The Wrestler, and suddenly that motherfucker is everywhere. Seriously. Here’s your Mickey Rourke round-up.

First up: Rourke has been added to the huge, what-the-fuck? cast that Sylvester Stallone has assembled for his next writing/directing/starring project, The Expendables. We mentioned the flick before, but here’s a reminder: It’s about a group of mercenaries sent to South African to overthrow a dictator. But check out this absolutely insane cast: Stallone, Jason Statham, Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Randy Couture, Forest Whitaker, and Ben Kingsley. The only guy missing is Jean Claude Van Damme. Rourke will play an arms dealer for the mercenaries.

Elsewhere, hang on to your extraordinary nutsack: Rourke is in talks to star as Crimson Dynamo in Iron Man 2. For the unfamiliar, Crimson Dynamo starts as a tattooed Russian heavy named Ivan who then becomes Crimson Dynamo, a man with deadly, technologically enhanced coils.(Actually, I’ve read that he’s either set to become Whiplash or Crimson Dynamo — I have no idea if this is the same person or not). But even cooler than that — guess who else is being cast as a villain?

Sam Rockwell. He will play a rival multibillionaire business man, Justin Hammer, who apparently bankrolls criminal enterprises.

Sam Rockwell and Robert Downey, Jr. in the same movie. Jesus. I’m feeling a little lightheaded. What’s going on … oh …



Damn. Ouch. Remind me not to put RDJ and Rockwell in the same sentence unless I’m near a couch. My heart is palpitating. Note to single fellas: Don’t take a date to Iron Man 2. You’ll never stack up. But then again, that’s like a cinematic roofie.

… where was I? Oh yeah. Mickey Rourke. Man, who wants to talk about Rourke after all that talk of a Rockwell Downey sex sandwich? Who wants to be the bologna? Anyway, here’s a trailer for Killshot, John Madden’s (Shakespeare in Love) adaptation of an Elmore Leonard novel, starring Rourke, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Thomas Jane, and Diane Lane. It’e exec-produced by Tarantino. I like the participants, but the flick looks a little on the generic side.

Warning: Do Not Enter Before Cooling Panties

Ima Bout to Set those Bitches on Fire / Dustin Rowles

Industry | January 8, 2009 | Comments ()

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