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December 4, 2007 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | December 4, 2007 |

First things first: Updating last week’s round-up, the rumors that Christian Bale may appear in Terminator 4 have come to fruition; he’s still in negotiations, but it’s a lock. He’s all set to jumpstart a weary franchise. He may be one of the only actors around who’s not only cool enough, but talented enough to make a fourth Terminator worthwhile. Shame it’s going to be directed by McG. And still, I’m scratching my head. Why would Bale do this? He’s not hard up for parts, and he’s already the face of one reinvigorated franchise. I just don’t see the logic, unless Bale is money-grubbing. And Christian Bale doesn’t need money, damnit; he’s an acting machine, and machines only need a little oil, and electrical socket, and an ounce of love. And he sure as hell doesn’t care about the fame; he must be the least interviewed big-name celebrity in the business. So, I just don’t get it. For Bale to do this, the script must be simply killer.

I’ve shared this theory before, but it bears repeating in light of today’s news: Adam Sandler is a killer of careers. He’s poison to his leading ladies, most of whom fall off the map after starring opposite him, save for Drew Barrymore. Take a look at the list: Julie Bowen, relegated to television after Happy Gilmore; Patricia Arquette hasn’t been the same since Little Nicky; Fairuza Balk went from up-and-comer to up-and-goner after The Waterboy; where did Emily Watson go after Punch Drunk Love, huh; Winona Ryder hasn’t had a hit since Mr. Deeds; same with Kate Beckinsale since Click; Tea Leoni has been a blip on Hollywood’s radar since Spanglish; and who knows what’s going to become of Jessica Biel after Chuck and Larry? Her next project, as a stripper in a movie co-starring Patrick Swayze, doesn’t look promising. So, you might imagine how chagrined I am to learn that one of my absolute favorite actresses working today, Keri Russell, has signed on to star opposite Sandler in another one of his gimmicky comedies, Bedtime Stories. Sandler will play a real-estate developer whose life is turned upside down after the bedtime stories he reads his niece and nephew start to come true. Presumably, Russell will play the love interest. And one of the absolute shittiest directors in the land, tiny-tiny-brained Adam Shankman (Bringing Down the House, The Pacifier, and The Wedding Planner) is attached to helm. Why Keri, why? What a fucking waste.

In other news, there are currently unconfirmed reports indicating that Tom Cruise is in negotiations to buy the rights to Anne Rice’s fourth book in her “Vampire Chronicles” series, The Tale of the Body Thief, with the intention of putting himself back into vampire fangs as Lestat. I don’t really know what to think of this; clearly, Cruise needs a hit, and I suppose he’s looking for a cheap way to get his career back in gear (try some meaty supporting roles, Tom — and then disappear). It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Interview with a Vampire, but as I recall, Cruise looked horribly out of place in an otherwise decent vampire flick. I think if Rice gave up the rights to Cruise, she’d just be asking for a black eye on her series’ reputation, though — full disclosure — I already think that Rice is the hack of all hacks, basically the Grisham of vampire novels (I read Interview in college and couldn’t get past the fact that she used the word “preternatural” on every other page). Actually, you know what might win Cruise back a modicum of respect? If he’d stop taking himself so goddamn seriously and star in a road-trip comedy — one in which he’s dressed in drag. Something like The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. It might show that the guy has a sense of humor, instead of looking like the sopping wet, urine-scented blanket that he is.

I just read on another site that Penelope Ann Miller was briefly married to Will Arnett back in the ’90s. How weird is that?

I suppose after the female twist on Big, 13 Going on 30, fared moderately well at the box-office, it was only a matter of time before they went back to the well and simply switched it around, as they are doing in Seventeen. Mathew Perry will play a middle-aged father who wakes up one day at the age of 17 and looking a lot like Zac Efron. So he decides, in order to stay close to his children, to enroll in their high school. Leslie Mann will play Perry’s wife. Burr Steers (Igby Goes Down) will direct. And I am officially appalled with Perry — c’mon, man. Wait around a couple of years — Sorkin will write you something decent. Also, I am so fucking depressed that Zac Efron is set to become a regular part of our trade round-ups. For reals? I’m going to have to write about a no-talent snot-nosed shit for years to come? Jesus fucking Christ — use some of your Hollywood earnings, Zac, to buy a fucking “k” or an “h” will ya? Oh, and get off my lawn.

Finally, because no round-up would be complete without sternum-crushing, soul-destroying Nicholas Cage news (he’s the Tom Brady of Hollywood, you know?), he’s putting out the word that he’d not only be interested in doing a sequel to Ghost Rider, but (and bless the poor staffer who gets saddled with it) a third National Treasure movie. Decades from now, long after Zac(k) Effron has resorted to male porn to pay for his Humbert Humber predilections, fucking Nicholas Cage — cloned thrice to meet demand — will still show up every other week at the top of the box office. It’s one of the world’s great mysteries.

In the trailer round-up, a reader, Travis passed along the trailer of Teeth to Stacey, but since we put the kibosh on movie trailers in PL (we gotta have something for the round-ups), I broke poor Litely’s heart by hoovering this clip. She’s no longer speaking to me. The Pajiba offices are fraught with more tension than a Knocked Up discussion thread. But, I actually saw the film earlier this year at Sundance, and while I’ll save the full review for its January release, I will note that I thought it was a shitty sexploitative B-movie falsely advertised as a female-empowerment flick. Moreover, the trailer simply doesn’t do justice to how remarkably stupid this movie is.

Interview with a Pajiba

The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Industry | December 4, 2007 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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