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In Living Color: Charlie Sheen Has Cured Himself (with His Brain)

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (37)

charlie_sheen.jpg

This is Charlie Sheen not on drugs. After last week’s radio rant tour, where he railed against CBS and “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre, Sheen decided this week would be dedicated to the television morning shows. And in defiance of the public supposition that he’s zonked out on drugs, Sheen also agreed to Radar Online’s (court certified) blood test challenge—which he passed with flying colors. Having already passed a urine test, Sheen was proven clear of opiates, alcohol, amphetamines and marijuana.

In his own words, Sheen is “on a drug…called Charlie Sheen,” and if nothing else comes across during these interview clips, it is that Charlie is supremely high on himself. But behind the hubris lies a haggard, aged man who comes across more desperate and delusional than clear or “cured.”

Some of Sheen’s behavior reminded me of Matt Lauer’s interview with Tom Cruise and I had to go look up whether Sheen was involved with Scientology (they’re experts at self-curing by brain), but alas, not even the whackadoodie religion can explain away these episodes. This is unadulterated Charlie we’re seeing, ego gone wild and perhaps proof that too much money and power really does drive people insane. I predict that after we get through this media circus, Sheen will graduate to a Hefner-like existence; he’s already started his own harem of “goddesses.” He’ll hold lavish parties at his Sober Valley Lodge estate and live off the proceeds of his upcoming breech of contract suit against CBS—maybe make a film or two a year. But what do I know? I’m only a regular person whose brain can barely process the genius that is Charlie Sheen, the “rock star from Mars.”









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Comments

This is getting ridiculous. I'm not sure this isn't some partially fake and very much misguided attempt at a PR stunt or something. Don't get me wrong. I think he's out of his fucking mind, but I think he knows damn well that what he's saying is insane and that he thinks he's going to be able to brush this off in a few weeks when it doesn't entertain him anymore.

Posted by: Paultera at February 28, 2011 5:10 PM

I'd bet all the money I don't have that he's got some kind of disorder that's going unmedicated right now. It's all very sad, but then he goes and gives such quotable interviews (Winning! Tiger blood! Turds!) that it's hard not to enjoy the whole ordeal at least a little.

Posted by: Nicole at February 28, 2011 5:18 PM

If you were to create a file for me named "Prurient Interest" all of this video would be in it. (Right next to my secret and shaming fascination with Celebrity Rehab.)

He gets .25 point for using the word "skullduggery".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 28, 2011 5:19 PM

I don't know where the phrase "Crazy is a hell of a drug" came from originally, but damn if it ain't the gospel truth.

Posted by: MM at February 28, 2011 5:20 PM

Two and a Half Men is just awful, but this stuff firmly establishes Charlie Sheen as entertainer of the year for me. It can't get much better unless he starts going out in public wearing a Barney costume. Which, frankly, wouldn't surprise me at this point.

There's also a certain awe inspiring pureness to it. Lady Gaga sits around with an entire staff working for weeks to be as strange as Sheen can be in a 3 second quote. Bravo!

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at February 28, 2011 5:37 PM

Imma let you finish after I'm done tellin' ya how special I am. Charye West.

Posted by: Jadine at February 28, 2011 5:44 PM

My money's on bipolar. In his next interview, I fully expect him to be wearing dirty sweatpants, a moth-eaten Lakers t-shirt, and the glasses from Major League while using nothing but his hands to eat from a gallon tub of cookie dough ice cream.

Posted by: Mario Speedwagon at February 28, 2011 5:59 PM

"I'm so tired of pretending like my life isn't perfect and bitchin' and just winning every second."

We have that in common, Charlie and I.

Posted by: Dingles at February 28, 2011 6:00 PM

Martin, how your heart must ache.

Posted by: Dave Shepherd at February 28, 2011 6:03 PM

"I sense great vulnerability. A man-child crying out for love. An innocent orphan in the post-modern world. I see a parasite. A sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges. His struggle is man's struggle. He lifts my spirit. He is a loathesome, offensive brute. Yet I can't look away. He transcends time and space. He sickens me. I love it."

From Seinfeld.

Posted by: John W at February 28, 2011 6:09 PM

I'm still trying to see the all-out crazy. Yeah, ego, but...what? Like 80% of the stars of his caliber aren't?!

Personally I think he's right with a lot of what he's saying, and the predetermined course of the interview is more annoying than his egomania. The douche interviewing him had every single question bent towards making him seem crazier even when his answers were straight up honest and not crazy.

"How do you expect a producer...to take you back onto his set after being let go...?"

Bullshit friggin show-biz question that he already knew the answer to but is geared to try to make us believe that drugs or alcohol use is somehow anathema to show biz. Who's losing a career due to this crap?! The difference between Sheen and others in similar boats is that, unlike Lindsey Lohan or Tara Reid, Charlie shows up and gets the job done.

Posted by: Protoguy at February 28, 2011 6:09 PM

Didja ever think for a moment that Joaquin Phoenix has been watching this circus and hit himself with a double facepalm and declared, "Good Grief THIS is how I should have done it! What the fuck was I thinking growing a Mountain Man Dan beard and a rap career?!? Nobody bought that bullshit idea! Now this should have been the way to go about it! With hookers and blow! Carlos is a flippin' genius!"

Posted by: bleujayone at February 28, 2011 6:12 PM

National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 is better than Hot Shots!

And not just in retrospect.

Posted by: Murderbot at February 28, 2011 6:12 PM

Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money. If you're Charlie Sheen.

Posted by: MM at February 28, 2011 6:16 PM

Ok, if dude was violent towards women, I get it. I do. But I haven't seen many comments on that side of things. I also haven't seen this stuff being confirmed to be definitely true (someone please give me the link if I missed out on that). Aside from that, what's the big effin' deal? He seems to be to pretty honest.. I see no PR stunt, no disorder, no other melodramatic BS. Are people genuinely offended by what he's saying about AA? I knew someone who tried AA, and another person who tried Marijuana Anonymous, which is modeled on AA. In both cases, it didn't work for these people, yet they both ended up quitting their respective vices. The problem started with the fact that both organizations basically come from a religious standpoint, and these people weren't religious.

All I've heard him saying about it was that they claim that it can work for everyone, but it doesn't. Expressing a problem with that is trying to assert that yes, it does work for everyone. Well... no. It doesn't.

People these days love to hate. Give them any excuse at all... they'll hate the shit out of you. We mistake political correctness for actual morals, and god help the man who doesn't play along.

I'm obviously not saying that Charlie Sheen is a virtuous guy or anything, I just don't think it ever gets to that point. All a star has to do these days is make one politically-incorrect statement, breath, or fart, and everyone jumps on the pious bandwagon. Yeee-haw!

Posted by: JohnnyBee at February 28, 2011 7:02 PM

Johnnybee...There's not really any uncertainty about his violence toward women. The stripper thing just recently was never confirmed to be true, but he definitely shot Kelly Preston "accidentally", beat the shit out of Brittany Ashland, and attacked Brooke Mueller with a knife. Given that track record, I think people are fairly justified in believing the story about the stripper.

I don't really care one way or the other what he says about AA. What's interesting is that he was a complete public trainwreck, and the producers finally decided perhaps they didn't want to be known as the suppliers of his hookers and blow, and this is how he responded.

Posted by: Phaeolus at February 28, 2011 7:28 PM

I have no opinion on Sheen, but that interviewer is a fucking idiot. What is the requirement for getting a job interviewing celebrities? Be a monster douche with an agenda aimed at provoking someone into saying something controversial?

Posted by: Brenton at February 28, 2011 7:30 PM

Wish the train would just wreck.
Clearly we are looking at an unmedicated mental disorder here, and I am sick to death of seeing it, hearing about it, and I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT about it.
Martin - you too can suck off. Don't equate cancer and Charlie's ridiculous CHOICES.
One question only - where is EMILIO??

Posted by: jp at February 28, 2011 7:41 PM

He is just batshit insane, isn't he? He looks like a cadaver.

Posted by: figgy at February 28, 2011 8:11 PM

Who knew Mel Gibson knew voodoo!

Posted by: Blacksred at February 28, 2011 8:38 PM

Emilio is watching this with his kids and fiance, wondering how he got it so damn good.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at February 28, 2011 8:43 PM

Oh...my..Sheen.

Damn.

Posted by: smijca at February 28, 2011 8:47 PM

Just because he cleared a drug test at one point doesn't mean he's not high as a kite here. Cocaine leaves the system in a few days, so he may very well be riding an eight-ball during one or all of these appearances. Which would explain a LOT.

Posted by: Brenda at February 28, 2011 8:47 PM

He already looks like Hugh Hefner in a wig.

Has everyone seen the fantastic site with his quotes matched up to cat pictures?

Posted by: Snuggiepants at February 28, 2011 8:50 PM

Thank god there's some sanity left in the family with Emilio.

Glad the show is halting production, let's hope it just goes away for good.

Sheen is nuts and doesn't deserve to be working anywhere but Taco Bell.

Posted by: grace b at February 28, 2011 8:54 PM

Maybe Sheen should change his name to “Multiple Miggs?”


Or


What's going on with the guy's face? Is it me or does Sheen look like he’s in Stage 2 of becoming “Brundle Fly?” I mean the guy has already had the hooker.

Posted by: Pookie at February 28, 2011 8:57 PM

Dude looks like a flippin' rape-drug-using sociopath in those pics.

Posted by: JDJ at February 28, 2011 8:57 PM

Agreed with Brenda above... cocaine is out of your system in 48 hours. Do enough of it (like a suitcase full, according to rumor) and you'll end up so underslept that you appear wired. I will guarantee you that after he was clear of that piss test (and come on, like he doesn't know how to beat them?) he was definitely doing a couple of rails of "WINNER".

Posted by: negative 1 at February 28, 2011 9:34 PM

Thanks Phaeolus, I didn't really know the whole history. I guess what incited me to respond was the attitude that I've seen in a couple of articles along the lines of "he says bad things about AA, claiming to have cured himself", as if that was the craziest thing anyone had ever heard of. I probably shouldn't really be commenting on Sheen in general, but I still don't think he's screwed up or has some disorder or something in the above interviews.

Posted by: JohnnyBee at February 28, 2011 9:39 PM

Unless he's one of those magical supermen like Keith Richards who will give a contact high to anyone who handles his urn after his death, I give him five years before he's dead or permanently disabled.

He had a good run, but the wear is starting to show, and not just mentally.

Posted by: Shadowen at February 28, 2011 10:30 PM

i'm an alcoholic.

i've been sober for five years (last week, actually), and i never would have made it without a.a. i say this, not to suggest that it's the only way, or even necessarily the best way to get sober. it worked for me, that's all i can say.

the reason i say this is simple - as an attendee of many, many a.a meetings (i don't go to many any more, for whatever that's worth), i can tell you - i've seen hundreds of people that behaved and spoke in that same manic, invincible way, and they almost always ended up crashing, and soon. some just bottomed out later, and worse, before they figured it out. some died. many died. i have no idea of the path charlie sheen is traveling.

i had a sponsor that used to remind me that sometimes you have to step over the bodies to get to a safe place for yourself.

my other comment - i was lucky enough to go through my crash in a very non-public way. i feel achingly sorry that charlie sheen (and mel gibson, and britney, and every other seemingly crazy crashing celeb) goes through this in full view of everyone on earth. nobody should have to do that.

sorry. rambled, there.

Posted by: matty blue at February 28, 2011 10:58 PM

That was very heartfelt, matty blue.

The only point on which we diverge is any sympathy for Mel Gibson. His crash might be more suitably termed karma. Addiction is an illness; racism is indefensible.

Posted by: Xiufetish at February 28, 2011 11:17 PM

I guess one of those offers Charlie's getting is the starring role in "The Machinist 2", it's gonna be the maSheenest movie of 2012.

Posted by: DarthBrookes at March 1, 2011 1:01 AM

As has been said, the man is - in medical terms - batshit insane.

Frankly, it's fascinating. What is he if not the only logical conclusion of the uglier sides of our culture?

Everything up until now has lead to this. And I say this as a nascent alcoholic who smokes and does drugs and who is selfish; as a hypocrite who has a view of how the world should be but exerts a minimal amount of effort to getting it to be that way. I say this without judgement; I say this not as a paragon of human virtue – Charlie Sheen is the natural endpoint of our obsessions. Here is someone who’s had the resources and wherewithal to travel much quicker and further along the road ahead of the rest of us, and he’s sent back his skeletal image as a reverse-time capsule to show us what happens.

Absorb all he has to say, for he is the voice of our collective future.

Or not, HA!, whatever, he might just be a selfish narcissist with enough money to indulge himself endlessly without consequence.

I need a drink.

Posted by: zeke the pig at March 1, 2011 6:30 AM

Dear TV execs,
Here is your ratings bonanza of the decade. Kindly call up A & E and get Charlie on Intervention!!

Please send my check to my P O Box.

You are welcome!

Posted by: blacksred at March 1, 2011 8:14 AM

If Sheen was a Rock Star or a Professional Wrestler, none of this would even make the news.

Look at the scoreboard, losers!

Winning!

Posted by: The Mutt at March 1, 2011 10:23 AM

As someone with bipolar, if they've tested him for drugs and he's 100% clean, then that guy is flying high on mania and needs treatment for mental illness. Sad thing is I don't believe he'll get it until he has a suicide attempt or is absolutely destitute (or he kills himself first.) I didn't want to accept that I had something wrong with me and he won't accept it unless he has friends and family get him into rehab and therapy. So many enablers around him (not that he didn't do things himself). He needs him, and I wish they could just force it on him but it doesn't work that way.

Posted by: scorzi at March 1, 2011 3:56 PM