This may surprise many of you, but in my real life away from mocking celebrities, lawyers, and films, I’m not always exactly Mr. Sunshine and Light around the Pajiba domicile. Sarcasm, bitterness, and mockery have a tendency, at times, to work themselves into my daily life, sometimes in ways that Mrs. Pajiba-hyphenate does not always appreciate — Lil Pajiba rehab jokes, for instance, never go over well, nor am I encouraged to write snarky headlines for baby pictures. The grandparents are not amused.
So, in furtherance of creating a more cheerful environment at home, I’m going to approach today’s round-up in an upbeat, optimistic way by accentuating the positive over the negative, cause that’s how I roll.
And we’re going to start with this exciting news: After the success of I Am Legend, which was originally based on a Richard Matheson novel, the entrepreneurial spirits in Hollywood have decided to take another go at a Matheson sci-fi classic, The Incredible Shrinking Man. The original movie was about a man, after being exposed to radiation and insecticide, begins to shrink — he has to figure out how to reverse the effects before he shrinks so small he perishes. Along the way, he has to contend with dangers of being tiny, such as pouncing cats and hungry spiders. It was, in fact, a fairly bizarre and frightening film. However, “frightening” is not a word you’ll hear about the 2008 remake because, in an effort to bring laughs and good cheer to the world around, the remake will be a comedy! A comedy written by Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garrant, “The State” and “Reno 911!” veterans who wrote the hilarious movies, Herbie: Fully Loaded, Balls of Fury, Let’s Go to Prison and of course (who could forget!), The Pacifier. But there’s even better news: Brett Ratner, who did such a wonderful job with the Rush Hour series, as well as the third X-Men movie, will direct this future masterpiece. And, for the cherry on top of this cinematic sundae, Eddie Murphy will be starring in the title role! You can expect the estimable Mr. Murphy to bring the same comedic stylings he brought to Norbit, Daddy Day Care and The Nutty Professor movies to this great, sci-fi classic! The movie is on track for a 2010 release date; I’m counting the days, and I know you are, too!
Next up: In Tyler Perry’s latest film, Meet the Browns, the touching love story about a poor black woman who finds love in unexpected places, there’s a small throw-away scene involving Tyler Perry’s signature character, Madea, in a car chase with police, which ends with her arrest. I had no idea what it was doing in the film because it had nothing to do with what was going on. But, that’s because I apparently couldn’t see the genius of Tyler Perry beneath all the hilarious racial stereotypes and the life-affirming misogyny. Perry, it turns out, was just setting up his next feature, Madea Goes To Jail, where Madea goes to prison and meets a variety of eclectic characters, including Candy, a hooker played by Keisha Knight Pulliam, whom many of you may remember as Rudy Huxtable in “The Cosby Show” all those years back. Well, she’s 29 now, which makes her the perfect age to play a woman who sells her body to pay the bills, the oldest and noblest profession in human existence. I understand that, in Madea Goes to Jail, Candy will learn many valuable life lessons from Madea, like how to properly wear clothing that covers your ass and how to avoid unwanted pregnancy by jumping up and down after intercourse.
In other scintillating remake news, Ashley Tisdale, another one of the effervescent teens that gained popularity in the High School Musical movies (I haven’t seen any of them, but I hear they’re awesome!), is set to star in the remake of the 1989 musical, Teen Witch, another film I haven’t yet had the good fortune to see, but the original had Dick Sargent of “Bewitched” fame as the father, so it had to be a rollicking good show! Granted, it was not particularly well received at the time, but that’s probably those critics had not yet learned the value of a positive message! The movie has been put into production by United Artists, the studio now owned by the enthusiastically in love, religiously devout Tom Cruise, who has put his considerable box-office capitol into this worthy project!
In promising casting news, director Charles Winkler (son of Irwin, but apparently not related to Henry) has assembled his principles for Streets of Blood, a movie about two police officers dealing with the lawlessness after Hurricane Katrina, a tragedy that has emboldened New Orleans and revealed the compassion and generosity of our United States government. Starring in the film will be Val Kilmer (awesome!), 50 Cent (double awesome!) and Sharon Stone (triple awesome!), who plans to put aside her valiant humanitarian efforts for the eight-week shoot that begins next month. How much fun would it be to hang out on the set with Sharon Stone for two months! I know, right?
A little later today, in his review of Pathology, I do hope you’ll excuse our newest critic, Brian Prisco, for taking a needless swipe at the brilliant Jason Statham film, Crank (he’s new — he doesn’t know any better, bless him), and take heart, instead, that the cast and story is finally coming together for the sequel. Amy Smart (the girl-next-door cutie with immense actressin’ talents) and Effren Ramirez (the multi-faceted thespian who played Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite) will both return to the sequel, along with Statham himself, whose character has been given a battery-operated heart that requires regular jolts of electricity to keep it pumping, an ingenious way to continue a franchise after its hero met a certain death at the end of the first Crank. What will those crazy screenwriters think up next! Medals, people! Everyone mentioned in today’s round-up deserves a medal!
Moving on to the trailer watch, let’s start with My Best Friend’s Girl, which looks to be a mind-blowingly awesome romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson and a favorite around these parts, Mr. Dane Cook, who sends me into spasms of joy every time I hear him intentionally mispronounce the word “sandwich.” I’m telling you: This guy is the next Eddie Murphy, only funnier!
And then there’s House Bunny, starring Anna Faris as a Playboy Bunny booted from the mansion and forced to find her way in this crazy world by becoming a house mother at a sorority house where the talented Katherine McPhee and the beautiful Rumer Willis play sorority girls. Oh, that Anna: She’s always exploring new and interesting roles. I can’t wait for this one!
And finally, the teaser trailer for Frank Miller’s solo directorial debut, The Spirit. And what I love most about this trailer is that it says everything you need to know about the film!
However, "frightening" is not a word you'll hear about the 2008 remake because, in an effort to bring laughs and good cheer to the world around, the remake will be a comedy!
Seriously?
I Am Legend was butchered enough from the book version. But making it a comedy??? I'm confused.
Posted by: Pea at April 22, 2008 8:49 AM
Awesome! You've got me excited about each and every one of these projects! Hurray for crap! More please!
By the way, I've now finished building my sci-fi lit panic room, to protect classic works and characters of the genre from the Hollywood A-list. I've already gathered up most of the remaining Mathesons, plus almost all the Bradbury and a bunch of AC Clarkes. Won't you please help save these masterpieces?
Asimov is on his own, though. There's no way I have room for all those robots.
Posted by: kushiro at April 22, 2008 8:52 AM
My brain broke.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 22, 2008 8:52 AM
At least Crank didn't try to be anything but what it was - loud, dumb and violent. No plot twists, no life-affirming message, no social obligations - just guns and explosions and a girl being thoroughly jackhammered against a bank of newspaper stands in Chinatown.
Who can argue with that? I mean really.
(Was Statham naked at any point? If not, that can be the sequel.)
Posted by: twig at April 22, 2008 9:03 AM
Er, I'm sorry...did you write something?
Posted by: Cindy at April 22, 2008 9:04 AM
...You're not a sunshine and rainbows comment away from a psychological breakdown, are you?
Posted by: Erin at April 22, 2008 9:12 AM
I had completely forgotten that the original Teen Witch was a muscial. And I'm appalled that you've never seen it, Dustin.
Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 9:13 AM
This new world Pajiba is a fearsome thing to behold.
this is turning out to be an awesome day!
its warm and sunny out, Dustin makes me snort my iced tea through laughter, and I got an interview for my graduate fellowship!
squee!
oh, and I totally second Kolby, both in that I forgot Teen Witch was a musical and being appalled that Dustin hasn't seen it
its a classic!
(you can just excuse that last part, the good mood does weird thing to me)
Posted by: Bethy at April 22, 2008 9:20 AM
There's a joke in the trailer? Apparently they didn't let Dane write his own lines then.
Posted by: Kash at April 22, 2008 9:20 AM
including Candy, a hooker played by Keisha Knight Pulliam, whom many of you may remember as Rudy Huxtable in "The Cosby Show" all those years back. Well, she's 29 now, which makes her the perfect age to play a woman who sells her body to pay the bills, the oldest and noblest profession in human existence
This still better than a former child star becoming a prostitute - not much, considering the movie but every little helps.
Was I only the one to first read that as Teen Wolf The Musical?
Posted by: Brian at April 22, 2008 9:24 AM
*I use the term "joke" loosely. Incredibly loosely.
Posted by: Kash at April 22, 2008 9:24 AM
However, "frightening" is not a word you'll hear about the 2008 remake because, in an effort to bring laughs and good cheer to the world around, the remake will be a comedy!
Cheerful Dustin really has a way with words. A way that makes me want to take out an entire city block along with me when I off myself. Luckily for city blocks, I don't have access to explosives this morning.
a Vegas magician who accidentally casts a spell on himself that caused him to slowly shrink ...um, check some sources on that bit of the synopsis.
Ooops. In my excitement over this awesome new project, I confused the original story and the modern re-telling. The Eddie Murphy movie will be about a Vegas magician. -- DR
Posted by: Jerce at April 22, 2008 9:40 AM
I wonder what one pajiba clapping would sound like.
Posted by: LB at April 22, 2008 9:44 AM
Bluuuurrrgh.
Posted by: jM at April 22, 2008 9:46 AM
What's the earliest possible date to buy tickets for The Incredible Shrinking Man?
Also, why do we have to compare Dane Cook to other great comedians? Can't we allow him to be the first Dane Cook, and let his talents be judged on their own merit?
Posted by: MX at April 22, 2008 9:46 AM
Well done Anna Faris. As well all know no guy wants some uppity smart bitch tellin' him what's what, making him get his learn on. We like our women vapid, plastic, and full of tits. I hate it when a woman challenges me, as do most guys. Just open up and receive my seed dammit!
And I also hate it when it looks like a woman can take a punch better than me. Like Rumor Willis. She looks like that dude from Tango and Cash and Maniac Cop with the huge jaw. (IMDB calls him Robert D'Zar). Except I'm pretty sure he's a better actor than she is, and may even look better shakin his ass for the camera. But hay...this round up is all about positivity so Rumor should look on the bright side! If this acting thing doesn't pay off, she's a sure thing to have a great career in mixed martial arts! Ain't NOBODY knockin her out!
Posted by: PissBoy at April 22, 2008 9:51 AM
hmmmm....through my stunning investigative talent and penchant for developing theories based on nothing at all, I see that Mr. D'Zar once worked on an episode of Moonlighting. Mr. Willis (Bruce...not Rumor) ALSO worked on that show. Coincidence????? I think not!
Posted by: PissBoy at April 22, 2008 9:54 AM
Rumer, PissBoy, it's Rumer. If you spell it wrong, they put you in the van and you disappear forever.
Posted by: twig at April 22, 2008 9:56 AM
After all those Madea and Norbit jokes, I actually read "spasms of joy" as "spams of joy." Screw you Dane Cook and the movie producer that green lit ya!
Posted by: JS at April 22, 2008 9:57 AM
Such terrific news today. So glad to hear Eddie Murphy and that well-rounded cast of talent will be bringing The Incredible Shrinking Man back to movie theaters. Certainly they'll drop all that pesky "message" stuff about the diminishing role of ordinary men in the world. It'll be so much easier to enjoy the sight gags with CGI!
BTW, snarky baby picture captions are THE BEST. If you can't humiliate your own offspring, what's the point?
Posted by: Wednesday at April 22, 2008 10:00 AM
...including Candy, a hooker played by Keisha Knight Pulliam
Did anyone else get the hilariously revolting image of a drunken Cozz showin' up at Keisha's house, convincing her to accept money for sex, going through the motions, and then climaxing with some kind of remark involving his "...pudding" coupled with one of his goofy faces?
Yeah...me neither. That would be gross.
Posted by: PissBoy at April 22, 2008 10:00 AM
... and if you're at all familiar with Frank Miller's slight problem, that Spirit trailer seemed to be missing a beat.
Posted by: twig at April 22, 2008 10:01 AM
She isn't worth my effort to spell her name correctly twig. Sorry. $50 says she can't spell it right either.
Posted by: PissBoy at April 22, 2008 10:02 AM
Dustin's attitude in this round-up reminds me of Patton Oswald on Conan O'Brien, talking about his experience on promoting Ratatouille and how painful it was for Patton trying to be positive for the kids.
"This is Allie with the Disney Moviesurfers! How was it working with Brad Bird Patton?"
"It was awesome!" and he proceeds to bleed out his ears and eyes.
I can see the same happening to Dustin right now.
Posted by: Jim at April 22, 2008 10:03 AM
Here's the ultimate horror - the woman who wrote "House Bunny" is speaking at my commencement...
...my commencement from a women's college dedicated to leadership, empowerment, and feminist values.
In the press announcement, they said her films focus on theme's of "female empowerment." Am I overreacting if I boycott my own graduation?
Posted by: thelastpolarbear at April 22, 2008 10:04 AM
Unless by The Incredible Shrinking Man, you mean The Incredible Racially Inappropriate while in a Fat Suit Shrinking Man, then I'm having trouble seeing how Eddie Murphy could have anything to do with this movie. The man has standards, people. Standards.
Posted by: jM at April 22, 2008 10:06 AM
Actually, if I remember correctly, The Incredible Shrinking Man was already remade into a comedy as The Incredible Shrinking Woman. It starred Lily Tomlin and she wore Barbie clothes and lived in Barbie's Dreamhouse with a Ken doll until she got ground up accidentally in the garbage disposal.
Posted by: BWeaves at April 22, 2008 10:06 AM
Sarcasm...overload...must...lie down...
Posted by: KatSings at April 22, 2008 10:07 AM
In promising casting news, director Charles Winkler (son of Irwin, but apparently not related to Henry) has assembled his principles for Streets of Blood, a movie about two police officers dealing with the lawlessness after Hurricane Katrina, a tragedy that has emboldened New Orleans and revealed the compassion and generosity of our United States government. Starring in the film will be Val Kilmer (awesome!), 50 Cent (double awesome!) and Sharon Stone (triple awesome!), who plans to put aside her valiant humanitarian efforts for the eight-week shoot that begins next month. How much fun would it be to hang out on the set with Sharon Stone for two months! I know, right?
With the exception of Fity and if the events are portrayed correctly, this could be good. Kilmer can do good things. Sharon is crazy/insane/awesome. She was good in Casino.
Besides, you totally know that the inherent crazy that is Ms. Stone would make you at least enjoy yourself for a little while.
Posted by: Melody at April 22, 2008 10:12 AM
Optimism is for people who have hope.
Did we get hope?
People who intentionally mispronounce "sandwich" should find a black hole and go exploring.
I am looking at you Rachel Ray.
Posted by: Melody at April 22, 2008 10:14 AM
My great-grandmother always mispronounced sandwich, although it was most likely not on purpose. She said, "Sangwich." She was the coolest old chick on the planet. Man, I miss my Nonnie.
Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 10:24 AM
Alright Dustin, I have to take issue with you on something. It's not Meet The Browns and Madea Goes To Jail. It's Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns and Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail. Get it straight!
How else are we supposed to know it's a Tyler Perry movie without the "Tyler Perry" in front of it? The fact that he stars, directed, produced, wrote, edited, composed, catered, costumed and marketed the movie isn't nearly enough to let us know that it's his movie. We need the "Tyler Perry" in front. Otherwise, how would we ever know?
Posted by: RAT at April 22, 2008 10:24 AM
Damn right we got hope Melody. I personally feel that the tone of this round up perfectly fits with my day.
Sunshine and light, motherfuckers - Alex is going back to college. Her first choice college.
[Alex proceeds to do the happy happy dance around her office for the ninth time today]
What's that? A new Tyler Perry feature. La la la la I'm not LISTENING. Hah!
Nothing can dent my good mood. Ya hear me? NOTHING!!!
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 10:27 AM
I'm just sayin, PissBoy, when you end up looking at that imperious chin upside down over a tank of sharks...
Posted by: twig at April 22, 2008 10:32 AM
I confused the original story and the modern re-telling. The Eddie Murphy movie will be about a Vegas magician.
aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGH--GNK...
Seriously: The only thing currently keeping North American city blocks safe from my berserker destructo-explodo-rage right now is PissBoy's witty posts.
Posted by: Jerce at April 22, 2008 10:33 AM
i feel the need to take a shower and wash all this awesomeness right off - it's screwing with the crispy, sassy, sarcasm-dripping skin that i'm much more comfortable in...
Posted by: aprileee at April 22, 2008 10:34 AM
Ooohh...the interview was successful, ? Congratulations!
Out of fear for my mental health, I'm ignoring the rest of this roundup...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 22, 2008 10:36 AM
And CONGRATULATIONS to Odd Alex for her terrific news! It makes me feel a tiny bit less destruct-y.
Posted by: Jerce at April 22, 2008 10:38 AM
This sounds so mean, but when I look at Rumer Willis I immediately think of Ron Perlman.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 10:38 AM
Now now BWeaves, I was already waiting for someone to ask me what the hell I meant by Lily Tomlin as I fear this movie has been completely forgotten, but don't go scaring them with the garbage disposal scene!!
Kids, don't listen to that doom mongering. That's totally not what kills her.
Yay Alex! Soon you'll be able to destroy us all with your abundance of smartitude.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 10:41 AM
Aw, congratulations Alex. That's awesome. We're all quite proud of you.
Now enough with the sunshine and rainbows horseshit. Goddamn it people, we've got bitching to do!
Posted by: TK at April 22, 2008 10:41 AM
Thanks Shadows, Jerce I have been bouncing off the walls with uncontained joy all day (the one good thing about my entire office already knowing about my application). Very soon this little Pajiban is going to be qualified to teach the 14 to 19 set all about the wonderful world of science.
Eddie Murphy? What? Vegas.... Magician?
No! Even that won't spoil this. It's fine. I don't have to watch it.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 10:42 AM
Crispo slandered Crank???
*sad choir boy face, pouts*
Why? He was turning into my favorite crew member...
Posted by: Adere at April 22, 2008 10:43 AM
Grrr...stupid tags...meant to say
Ooohh...the interview was successful, Alex? Congratulations!
As you were
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 22, 2008 10:45 AM
Best fake roundup ever. Because if it's not, and they are really touching MY TEEN WITCH, I will papercut-to-the-eye these bitches to death.
Posted by: jamiepants at April 22, 2008 10:47 AM
Yay Alex! We're so proud of you!
And TK, really? What have you got to be pissy about? You had yesterday off, remember? Poophead.
Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 10:47 AM
Congrats Alex!
Posted by: twig at April 22, 2008 10:50 AM
Sunshine and light, motherfuckers - Alex is going back to college. Her first choice college.
Congrats!!
See I was like this on Friday. I got my acceptance letter to grad school that day.
Today, not so much with the sunshine and rainbows as I have an organic chem test.
Gah...
Posted by: Melody at April 22, 2008 10:51 AM
Congrats Alex, my little Odd one.
Is that where you've been? Doing grad school interviews? You know you missed an entire thread of intelligent design debate yesterday and were sorely missed. Also, B'Slim has gone AWOL, TK's zombies totally ruined the Boston marathon by jumping in half way through the route and Julie tried to go internet celibate for a week (she lasted less than 3 hours).
Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 10:53 AM
He is a cuttie, he is my favorite. I love him. I saw him on "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m " last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is looking for on that site.You can contact him on that site.
Posted by: Kathy at April 22, 2008 10:56 AM
Oh, fuck you Kathy.
And Kolbs, I'm pissy because excessively positive round-ups make me uncomfortable. And when I get uncomfortable I get annoyed. And when I get annoyed I get pissy. And when I get pissy I get angry. And when I get angry I get murderousy.
And we all know where that leads.
Also, what's with that asshole Prisco getting props from Darth Rowles? Huh? Well?
Alex, I think that's the spambot's crazy way of saying congratulations. First choice, awesome.
Posted by: jM at April 22, 2008 11:01 AM
Alex...are you going to be a house mother like Anna Faris whilst in college? Maybe you'll have a Professor Klump of you own helping you learn the science-y stuff. Maybe an angry, stereotyped black woman teaching biology? Dane Cook teaching home ec. Shit...i here Ashley Tisdale is going to college too. Maybe you two can be study partners! That would be sweet! You could do eachother's hair. paint your toenails together. Have pillow fights. Find out what it's like to kiss Ashley Tisdale. Have a summer bikini-carwash with the rest of the girls at the school to pay for yor trip to the International Science Fair in Spain. Then, at the fair, someone steals your volcano, and everything looks bleek. But then some nice Spaniard college babes offer to stay up all night helping you build another one. And another pillow fight ensues. And then you find out what it's like to triple kiss with Ashley Tisdale and a spanish college student. Then...you win the Science Fair! But darnit! You spent all your return home money on building your second project. So...naturally...ANOTHER biki carwash!!
...kjafdkoiho'in'nln oahr
ldfngkloan;bd
huh?? What??? Whoa! That paragraph went from first 6 sentences of nightmares to final sentences of fantasy. I passed out somewhere in the middle and my hands just kept typing. But yeah...congrats Alex!
Posted by: PissBoy at April 22, 2008 11:02 AM
First, Happy Birthday, AlabamaPink. Many, many
many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many,
many more. Hope you enjoyed your CD.
Damn, I think I need a shot of insulin after this
roundup. I feel like I just ate 14 cones of
cotton candy.
And, I love me some Spirit, and think Mr.
Miller is among the least likely to screw it up.
Hopefully.
Posted by: Drake at April 22, 2008 11:05 AM
Is a cuttie like a cute cutter? Is that what Wristcutters was about?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 22, 2008 11:05 AM
Oh, and CONGRATS to Alex!!!
Posted by: Drake at April 22, 2008 11:07 AM
It's Alabama Pink's birthday?
Many happy returns Pink. Hope they let you do something fun. I have visions of you turning the ward into a Scrubs-like atmosphere with gurney races through the corridors.
Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 11:09 AM
PissBoy you disturb me. And I mean that in the very best sense. Unfortunately I'll be living with the same kids I do now so I can't promise any dorm-room based pillow fights/lesbionic kissing contests although if either of them do occur I'll be sure to obtain evidence for ya. Although I'm 90% sure it wouldn't be with Ashley Tisdale, she freaks me out and I'd spend the entire time desperately fighting the urge to ask whether or not she let Zac Effron braid her hair. That could make and make-out sessions a little awkward.
PaddyDog: It's not quite as shiny as proper grad school, only a PGCE place (although I did turn down a couple of PhD offers to do it) and science is a shortage subject... but I'm feeling good about this whole "life's calling" malarky. I actually got on to the Biology course which is awesome as I'm qualified to teach Chemistry as well and they tend to force you to switch due to massive shortages in the subject so... yey! I get to teach evolution. And sex ed. Awesome.
Thanks to everyone who has congratulated me - your internet well wishes make my heart sing.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 11:15 AM
Oooohhhh...that's right...happy birthday Alabamapink! We're awaiting your snarky return!
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 22, 2008 11:19 AM
Holy shit! I just realized:
1) This trade round up is ALL positive (regardles of Dustin's motivation to do so)
2) It references a Tyler Perry movie (and we have more than 30 comments)
3) It mentions Dane Cook
4) It references a re-make of a beloved old film
It's the perfect storm of The Drinking Game Rules.
Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 11:22 AM
Paddy now we need someone to administer a paddlin.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 11:26 AM
Someone should be drunk and close to death by now...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 22, 2008 11:30 AM
Shit. You're right. Is it cheating if I add a "doesn't count if the reviewer is acting like a cracked out version of himself while writing it" clause to the rules? It is isn't it? Balls.
In that case: Uwe Boll is a visionary and the fact that Blizzard wouldn't licence a World of Warcraft movie helmed by him is a crime against humanity. Also: I wish someone would cast Paris Hilton in more things, we really haven't seen the depths of her artistic talent yet (certain photographs withstanding) and I would like nothing more than to see a sequel to Nor.... b... ugh...can't.... finish... typing.... that.
I feel dirty. Excuse me while I go and find a shower to stand under and sob.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 11:30 AM
so, can I just say I now have the "If You're Happy and You Know It" song stuck in my head?
damn you Dustin, damn you to hell
Posted by: Bethy at April 22, 2008 11:31 AM
Oh trust Julie to suggest a paddlin'.
Shadows: I think that's an open invitation.
Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 11:33 AM
I loved this round-up! Whoever said movies suck nowadays has got a serious case of the grumpies. Yay! Eddie Murphy is going to shine like a shiny sunshine of awesomness in this movie!! Sci-Fi? Pbbbth! Good humor is what this country needs right now!!! I don't like booze anymore either!!! I am Dane COOKs BiggEsstest fanAND SPAmBot is fucking...(grrrr)..WE are gonna have sUchan awesomemoviesand HA..ha hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!
I keep trying to slash my wrists with my stapler, but it ain't working...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at April 22, 2008 11:33 AM
Dustin, channeling Toby Zigler.
Posted by: Brook at April 22, 2008 11:34 AM
Word AtO. May I add that Two and a Half Men is a whirlwind of originality, the ending to I Am Legend was EXACTLY what I was hoping for, Jennifer Lopez doesn't make nearly enough albums for my taste, and Jim Henson was a blight to humanity?
Awesome.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 11:35 AM
Way to weed the weak of liver out, Alex.
Oh, I saw that, Paddy...but I thought she was asking you to do it...in which case...I'll have to watch to make sure you do it right...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 22, 2008 11:35 AM
OK, I get it. We're all trying to hop on board the Irony Train. Ha fucking ha. Now knock it the fuck off. It's making me stabby.
I mean it.
One more Two and a Half Men reference and I start cutting people.
Julile: You are completely right. Also may I just state for the record that Judd Apatow's movies are mysoginistic, anyone who likes them is a retard and that Hollywood (which is listening to us) would do much better concentrating it's efforts on making movies about CG animals voiced by comedians?
I can? Oh goodie!
What's wrong TK? Are you unable to comprehend the genius of Charlie Sheen and that other guy?
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 11:39 AM
Alex the Odd: Many congratulations! Look forward to reading your tales of collegiate hi-jinx.
AlabamaPink: Many happy returns!
Twig: Much kudos for linking Shortpacked - just one of the many, many webcomics I check on a daily basis (even though most of the others don't post daily updates - but you still have to check, right? Or they might sneak one past you).
Posted by: Dill The Devil at April 22, 2008 11:40 AM
Of course it would help if I could spell misogynistic. Or was I making an ironic comment on the nature of people that throw that word around?
Nope. I just suck.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 11:41 AM
What's really pathetic is that I still remember the words to most of the movies from Teen Witch.
26 year old, straight male...surprising single.
Posted by: FrothyWalrus at April 22, 2008 11:42 AM
Ugh...I meant Songs...not movies.
I'm retarded.
Posted by: FrothyWalrus at April 22, 2008 11:43 AM
I actually caught the last 30 seconds to Two and a Half Men last night. I believe the last line was, "Oh, my balls!" Cue excessive laughter.
Now, now, TK, I wasn't trying to make you even more angry, I just figured I'd add my experience to the conversation. Wait, OK, put that down, TK, let's not do anything we might regret tomorrow. Now, take a deep breath and hand me the keys to the Murdertank.
Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 11:44 AM
so, can I just say I now have the "If You're Happy and You Know It" song stuck in my head?
Hell, the Spurlock review put Roc-A-Pella in my head yesterday.
You're getting off lightly.
I congratulate the school and birthday achievements, in a wholesome, cheerful way too of course! I'll drink some ginger ale to all your health. Tuesdays tend to be bad news day for me, but we'll see if anything comes up (you hear me, potential thing over there?? Feel like making an appearance today??)
But really...Roc-A-Pella. I know it's not socalledted's fault but...that was fuckin me up.
OOO!! PissBoy is at his best when he's contributing to liver failure!
This is a fantastic review!!! To celebrate, Dustin should do a GtWGFY on the last 10 years of Eddie Murphy's career! WOuldn't you agree Alex? I mean...cuz I love Norbit!!!
I spelled Rumer wrong. And although i did that, i still think she JLo would make a great team for a remake of Freaky Friday! Cuz the one with jodie foster sucked the anus of a dead rat! (I'll be handing in my Pajiba credentials this afternoon)
Elitism. Retards suck! Misogynist fuckpigs! Racism rules!Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Dane Cook, and Larry the Cable Guy should do a movie written by Eli Roth, directed by Uwe Boll, and prduced by Brett Ratner. That would be crazy good!
{ PissBoy sits back and watches the bodies collect and fester on the floor from liver failure }
To quote the brilliant Gordon LaChance..."Lardass sat back and watched what he's created. A complete, and total.....Barf-o-rama."
Posted by: PissBoy at April 22, 2008 11:50 AM
And you call yourself FrothyWalrus?
I don't think I meant to laugh as loudly as this made me. Oh, lawd.
Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 11:51 AM
Aww...PissBoy, I love that movie.
"Chopper, sic balls!"
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 11:54 AM
Dustin. You are an inspiration.
Posted by: Draya at April 22, 2008 11:57 AM
Melody, congrats on your grad acceptance!
Alex, congrats on your college acceptance, my Evolution queen!
Bama, weather that birthday and be well!
(Slinking back to "professional obligations" hell...)
You know sometimes I think I may have created a monster. Then I read the following:
Elitism. Retards suck! Misogynist fuckpigs! Racism rules!Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Dane Cook, and Larry the Cable Guy should do a movie written by Eli Roth, directed by Uwe Boll, and prduced by Brett Ratner. That would be crazy good!
And I know that the monster was there all along waiting to be unleashed.
Cheers.
incidentally I am counting up the drinks from this comments thread, that way this evening when I come face to face with the geek boy who is directly responsible for at least six months of insanity on my part I will have a valid excuse for running to the bar and drinking it dry.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 12:01 PM
I keep trying to slash my wrists with my stapler, but it ain't working...
In order to perfect this, you must straighten out the staple and sharpen it. The secondary option is to staple the vein.
Posted by: Melody at April 22, 2008 12:02 PM
RAINBOW KILLER!
Posted by: Katherine Heigl at April 22, 2008 12:04 PM
Ranylt:
We needed you yesterday in one of the threads: there was a discussion around the correct definition of a "sprung pun". My understanding is that it is when the pun derives from the etymology of the word rather than being obvious from the written word, but I'm sketchy on this at best. Can you weigh in?
Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 12:08 PM
I want you to sit down, real hard, and think about what Crank was. Think about the premise. You've got Jason Statham, the motherfucking Transporter twice over, in a movie where he has to keep his adrenaline jacked. Sex, gunfights, drugs. All ways to do. Now, I want you to think of every possible scenario in which this could occur. In the most balls out, tricked out, badass way. Do you have ideas? Can you think of all the awesome ways?
Now. Remember how the movie actually turned out. It was like someone videotaped a twice-held back teenage tweaker playing Grand Theft Auto: Vancouver.The Transporter is a bad action movie, but it's fucking awesome fun to watch. Crank should have been a better movie, but it wasn't, and most of my hate is for the two cumdrizzles who wasted the idea. Now, we have to wait for Hatefuck Ratner, Brett's daughter/accident, to remake it in 2026.
You are one of the few people who continually teaches me new words Prisco
Cumdrizzle. Heh.
Also: is Hatefuck Ratner named after the only possible way she could have been conceived?
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 12:19 PM
Alex: Congrats! And who needs an excuse for excessive drinking? Isn't it kind of like climbing Everest, because it's there and all?
Happy Birthday to AlabamaPink!
And... Dane Cook is such a funny, sexy man who haunts my dreams. It's my life goal to only get close to his genius, which, nope, can't do it. Ugh, I just made myself nauseous. I need to go look at pictures of Ryan Reynolds to cleanse my palate.
It's actually Twat Kaleidascope Ratner, but since TK already uses that, they just call her Hatefuck. Hatefuck Belle.
It's on, TK, it's on. 04/01/08! NEVER FORGET!
Posted by: insertclevernamehere at April 22, 2008 12:24 PM
My ass made sort of an odd, slappy, thuddy, hollow sound in my first chair when I sat down real hard. That chair was made of wood, and too hard.
My ass was responsible for a sort of slow, weezing, 'whooooooosh' noise coupled with the 'blappity-blap' farty noise of cold nalgahide against the warm bottom of my pants when I sat in the second chair. But that chair was a fluffy executive chair, and was too soft.
My third chair made no noise at all say for the gentle hiss of the hydraulic piston in the center adjusting to having me seated there. This chair was just right.
Posted by: PissBoy at April 22, 2008 12:25 PM
Paddy...gah. The term rings a bell but I'm even vaguer than you on it. All that came to mind was 1) Hopkins's sprung rhythm (not the same thing at all) and 2) Renaissance poetry, for some reason.
Google backs up your definition nicely. From Thoreau's The Maine Woods:
"There was another steamer, named Amphitrite, laid up close by; but, apparently, her name was not more trite than her hull.
Some dude explains:
Amphitrite the name of Poseidon's Nereid wife, the goddess of the ocean, is a trite christening for a ship. But how can a ship's hull be trite? If we know the etymology, we know the answer: "Trite" comes from Latin tritus, "worn out," so it means the same as its Saxon synonyms "shopworn" and "threadbare." Thus poor, battered Amphitrite is doubly (amphi?) trite."
Paddy knows her shit. Meanwhile I just realized that among my 1000+ reference books, I don't have a single poetics manual. I will go turn in my literature degrees now.
...and am I the only one who likes to sit in his cube playing with the hydraulic lever under his chair makin it bounce, pretending to be a pimp in his fatty bright red low-rider Impala 64 whilst saying "I gots 16 switches for all my bitches. Chutch!"
cuz...it's totally fun.
Posted by: PissBoy at April 22, 2008 12:30 PM
I tend to spin in my office chair PissBoy, I figure one day I'll spin fast enough to either speed up time ensuring that the rest of my sentence in office hell passes in the blink of an eye or I'll knock myself out on a filing cabinet earning myself a few days off sick.
aaaaand with that... I'm off to the pub.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 12:33 PM
What is this GoldiPissBoyLocks?
When does Papa Bear come home or is it PapaZombie?
Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 12:33 PM
Wow. Understandable syntax, I have it.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at April 22, 2008 12:34 PM
did they shave rudy's mustache or is she playing a tranny hooker? i *might* watch that.
Posted by: celery at April 22, 2008 12:40 PM
Congrats all around. Rumer Willis is a bad mixture of both her parents. Just unattractive. And also, I love how spambot misspells words like a normal human to fit in. Ah, so sweet. Pissboy: you are cracking me up today. I will spin around, raise the chair up and then slowly pump it down in your honor..ha ha.
Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 22, 2008 12:47 PM
Paddy knows her shit. Meanwhile I just realized that among my 1000+ reference books, I don't have a single poetics manual. I will go turn in my literature degrees now.
Hey, don't feel too bad, I hit both the 400s and 800s when this came up yesterday, HARD, and found nothing. And then there's Michael Chabon just casually throwing it into a book review. My human online database didn't turn up anything conclusive either. Obviously there's an Illuminati jealously guarding the definition and they get to use it and have fun perplexing people who feel they ought to know better, or at least know how the hell to FIND it.
So THANKS, coveredinbees, you're making me and Ranylt feel all dumb!
If it's any consolation, I have a vague grasp of these things only because my grandmother was a genuine Victorian English teacher. In the cradle, I was rocked to sleep to the rule against split infinitives.
Posted by: PaddyDog at April 22, 2008 1:12 PM
My third chair made no noise at all say for the gentle hiss of the hydraulic piston in the center adjusting to having me seated there. This chair was just right.
I actually choked on my laughter once I realized where you were going with this.
I REFUSE to play with the lever under my chair, because once I get going I can't stop. And then my chair is NEVER in its correct position ever again, and I spend half my afternoon bouncing up and down trying to hit that sweet sweet spot that I love so much.
Office chairs are dirty.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 1:13 PM
Office chairs are dirty. I can remember my first office job when I had one of those hydraulic chairs and I believe I spent the afternoon going up and then pressing the lever and going down. I was 17 but I admit to still finding it fun. Spinning in the chair can also be fun. But since i work with work related injury, it's probably not a good practice for me in my office.
Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 22, 2008 1:15 PM
Not to veer completely off the subject but this round up added to my good start to the day. I stopped at Chik-fil-A for breakfast and there was a car that parked right next to me. And I wanted to beat her inside so I could get my order in first. So I grab my purse and hurry to unbuckle my seatbelt and I notice her doing the same. So I get out and start walking quickly and then I see her also walking quickly. I pass her right at the door and she swore under her breath. I thought it was all in my head but evidently it wasn't and VICTORY! Oh and did I mention she probably had 30 years on me? I am kind of an ass. But I got my chicken biscuit faster! That's right bee-yotch.
Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 22, 2008 1:20 PM
Sometimes I think Michael Chabon just makes up these amazing words- to test us.
I now have the song from The Incredible Shrinking Woman stuck in my head.
"Oh I wish I was I little bar of soap..."
Congrats, Ms. Odd and bonne anniversaire, Pink!!!
Posted by: Architeuthis (AKA Go Big Red) at April 22, 2008 1:46 PM
Dustin, if Chez ever decided to accentuate the positive, I'd be sure there was a crack in the universe somewhere. Kudos to Mrs. Pajiba-hyphenate for encouraging the effort!
I've already given in to lil' Malcontent rehab jokes, and snarky captions for baby pictures will always be welcome in the Pazienza house. 'Cause why bother fighting it?
But I got my chicken biscuit faster! That's right bee-yotch.
While Chik-Fil-A's sandwiches are fast-food fine, their breakfasts are a shitfest. Literally.
Those chicken biscuits'll go through you faster than a Wendy's Baconator. Be sure to wear your running shoes.
I'm just sayin'.
Posted by: Jerce at April 22, 2008 1:53 PM
Jayne, this is apropos of nothing, but you are the cutest pregnant woman EVER. I would pay good money to be that photogenic. When my high school graduation photos came in my mother screamed "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Hee.
So many thing mom. So many things.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 1:58 PM
I'm a little surprised that there aren't more Teen Witch fans here. It's one the most insane movie I've ever seen in my life*--random song and dance numbers, the creepy old lady from Poltergeist, the glorious glow of neon and hairspray. It's one of those wonderful movies that is just so horrible it's transcends all negativity one could muster for it, because if you really tried to point out everything that was bad, you would have a stroke. You end up just sitting and watching, in a zombie like trance, unable to look away at the mess in front of you.
*The number one most insane movie I've ever seen is "Sleepaway Camp". Please tell me there is another Pajibian out there who has seen this utter mess of wasted celluloid and like me owns it on DVD along with the 2 sequels that followed.
Posted by: Masey at April 22, 2008 2:11 PM
"The number one most insane movie I've ever seen is "Sleepaway Camp". Please tell me there is another Pajibian out there who has seen this utter mess of wasted celluloid and like me owns it."
::raises hand:: I love Teen Witch!! And I bought my brother the box set of Sleepaway Camp for Christmas one year, and he made me watch them. My GOD. The suckitude knows no bounds.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 2:21 PM
I have never had breakfast at Chik-fil-A, but I used to have lunch there all the time in college, back when I could eat anything I wanted and never weigh more than 107. What a skinny little bitch I was back then. Anyway, I would always get the chicken nuggets with the Polynesian Sauce. My god, my mouth is watering right now.
I think we should take the Murdertank to UF just so I could get some Chick-Fil-A goodness.
Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 2:30 PM
I hate you all, I would beat my own grandmother to death for some chicken nuggets and waffle fries from Chick-Fil-A right now.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 2:37 PM
Happy birthday, Alabama.
Congratulations, Alex.
If Eddie Murphy becomes the incredible shrinking man, can he shrink down to nothing? Please?
On that "Spirit" trailer, why was there about 2 minutes of trailer, followed by 6 minutes of silence/blank screen? Am I missing something here?
On the mispronunciation of "sandwich": I had a home health patient one time who consistently pronounced it "sammich." She was a little old lady, very sweet and endearing.
Posted by: rlr260 at April 22, 2008 2:41 PM
This roundup made me want to cry... at least until I saw the trailer for "House Bunny". My freshman year roommate was a ZTA dumb blonde bitch from hell, and the thought of her precious sorority being featured in such an asstastic movie makes me happy. Thank you!
Posted by: Kris at April 22, 2008 2:47 PM
I am from Connecticut originally and I had never had chik-fil-a until a few years ago when I moved to Florida. And I resisted for a while. Chicken for breakfast? Gross...but no delicious. And I love the chicken biscuits. Keep me full all day long. I will have some in all of your honor. Other places that I never tasted before Florida, steak n shake (which I love) and Hungry Howies, and Sonny's BBQ. I have low food taste, obviously.
Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 22, 2008 2:54 PM
Julie, you are so sweet! Thank you. The secret is to take as many as possible- you're bound to get a few good ones in, even if by accident. I'm lucky to have a husband who loves to take photos of me (yes, people, he DOES have a heart...)
and damn you all for talking about Chick-Fil-A around a pregnant woman!
I confess I have never been to a Chick-Fil-A... apparently I am missing out on cholesterol-laden yumminess. Stupid New England!
Posted by: TK at April 22, 2008 2:55 PM
I used to see Chick-fil-a at airports and steer clear. And the first time I ever heard of it was in the Ben Folds song "In the Army". "Got a job at chick-fil-a, siting artistic differences the band broke up in May..."
I urge you from the north or other countries, explore the chick-fil-a/ Their waffle fries are to die for but don't forget they are closed on Sundays and no I do not work for them. And no I am not a chick-fil-a spambot.
Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 22, 2008 2:59 PM
Damn Julie. That must be some fine chicken.
Posted by: Cindy at April 22, 2008 3:00 PM
Ow. That Round-Up made my head hurt. Still, I see where having the snark valve stuck in the 'on' position could be a problem.
Happy B-day, AlabamaPink! May The Godtopus shine his love upon you in the form of Ryan Reynolds, Patron Saint of ABS.
And congratulations, Alex my bespectacled beloved. I don't understand why Pissboy gets first dibs on any hypothetical girl-on-girl action involving you, but it is okay. Love is a painful thing. Besides, I will just picture you in a bunny outfit making out with McPhee and maybe Tisdale. Ahhhh.....
I confess I have never been to a Chick-Fil-A... apparently I am missing out on cholesterol-laden yumminess. Stupid New England!
You have no IDEA what golden glories Chick-Fil-A sandwiches are. The store nearest to me was running a special where if you brought in any December 2007 receipts between January and March, they would give you everything on them FOR FREE.
The fools were smart enough to insist I only use one receipt per visit. But I made the pay all the same. It was a glorious, heart-clogging two months.
Posted by: Vermillion at April 22, 2008 3:06 PM
Dustiiinn....Get your little ass in here RIGHT NOW! Mommy counted 12 of her "little helpers" missing this morning. Now drink a gallon of water until they're flushed out of your system and make sure you piss outside by the tree. Mommy's going to have a nap.
Posted by: wsapnin at April 22, 2008 3:15 PM
Somehow Jayne, the more pictures that are taken of me the worse they become. At the end of a roll of film I start to look like the lady demon from Evil Dead II.
Damn Julie. That must be some fine chicken.
Hee...or I have a really evil grandmother.
Kidding, kidding! Sorry Mom Mom, I'll make it up to you by plying you with alcohol at my sister's wedding this weekend. Ahh getting drunk with the grandparents, I love McShea weddings.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 3:17 PM
Is is April 1 again? That entire roundup sounded like a cruel joke to me . . . I mean, it can't be serious, right?
And boo for not seeing Teen Witch. It is craptacular fun involving 80s fashion (orange tutus, tights, babydoll socks, and high heels), Tangia from Poltergeist, and white kids rapping (kind of). And there is a weird dance ending. Not to be missed! I suggest making a drinking game out of it. Oh! And the receptionist from Newhart has a bit part in it. There's your drinking game right there, obscure celebrities whose names you don't know but you can tell me in under 5 seconds what they were in.
I love a good drinking and eating wedding. Congrats to your sister Julie.
Posted by: Cindy at April 22, 2008 3:21 PM
Oh lyricalcatt, Sonny's BBQ is a thing of beauty. When I lived near New Orleans (there is no good barbecue to be had in SE Louisiana, I'm just saying that upfront) I would bring a cooler with me if I ventured anywhere east of Mobile, AL. And the cooler had one purpose: to hold many containers of Brunswick stew from Sonny's for the trip home. Because it is the end all, be all food.
And now I live in Texas. You think I would be hitting a bbq joint every day, but I'm not. And it makes me sad. Because apparently I prefer Georgia bbq to Texas. Life is cruel.
Sharon: I have never had the Brunswick stew. I might have to try it! There are tons of BBQ places here and every time I say I love Sonny's snobby BBQ people look at me like I am trash. But you know what? This trash loves Sonny's and I am not afraid to admit that on this completely anonymous website. No siree.
Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 22, 2008 3:28 PM
This trash also has no idea how to use HTML tags. So maybe one day I will learn. I'm just revealing stuff left and right, sheesh!
Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 22, 2008 3:29 PM
Thanks Cindy! And Sharon and Lyricalcatt, I've never had authentic Southern barbecue...and I am jealous.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 3:38 PM
I have lived in Texas for almost thirteen years.
I have no idea what GA barbecue is like; but I know this for a fact: Texas barbecue fucking sucks.
Posted by: Jerce at April 22, 2008 3:44 PM
Julie I kind of want to be friends with you in real life...we could watch Alias and Sleepaway camp and cuddle. I'll be the big spoon.
Posted by: Masey at April 22, 2008 3:47 PM
You know what, lyricalcatt? Tell them snobby bitches to fuck off. How in the hell can you have attitude about meat doused in sauce that you (ideally) eat with your hands? Whatever.
And try the Brunswick stew. It has chicken, beef, pork, potatoes, beans, corn, green beans, tomatoes, and some other stuff in it. It is heaven in a damn bowl. When my parents visited me for Christmas, my favorite present was a gallon of Brunswick stew that my daddy made.
I plan on going home to Louisiana between semesters in May and for my birthday I am asking my dad to PLEASE make his barbecued chicken OH PLEASE!! Because it's awesome and sticky and kind of sweet/vinegary and my favorite thing ever. God, now I want some barbecue.
Jerce, I hear ya. Something about Texas sauce just doesn't do it for me. GA and AL bbq is usually a little sweeter, which is probably why I like it. Or maybe it's just the culinary schizophrenia that is Austin.
Hee! Perfect Masey, I own all five seasons of Alias. And I'll be the...spork. :p
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 3:55 PM
Sharon: You know maybe I will! The sad thing is my dad is from South Carolina and so I always grew up with good BBQ. He'd probably smack me for liking Sonny's too. And Julie, it is DELISH! You need to come on down to the south (FL is not really the south though) and enjoy! I really was against it until I just gave in. I'm still against certain things like pulled pork from restaurants because I swear they put anything in there to save money. And you can't tell because it's doused in sauce. But mmmmmm.
Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 22, 2008 3:56 PM
Julie: Spork just sounds so dirty. You really are naughty...hee.
Posted by: lyricalcatt at April 22, 2008 3:57 PM
I confess I have never been to a Chik-Fil-A... apparently I am missing out on cholesterol-laden yumminess. Stupid New England!
TK, you have Dunkin' Donuts so you get no complaining rights. Chik-Fil-A rules. It is the bomb-diggity-mickity-mack of fast food.
In short, I love Chik-Fil-A.
Alias, I miss that show. If the first or second season does not make the best seasons countdown, I am going to be sorely disappointed. The pilot remains one of the best episodes of any show that I have seen.
Posted by: Melody at April 22, 2008 4:00 PM
Julie, I too own all five seasons. I really feel a responsibility to support Jennifer Garner's career for no other reason than she was a big influence in realizing I was a lesbian.
Melody, I agree with your sentiments 100%. Although, if you sit down with the DVDs and watch seasons 3-5 continuously it helps with the...well...it just makes a little more sense then the complete and utter brain fuck it was when they would go 5 weeks without a new episode. I also notice with JJ shows, the first 2 seasons tend to kick ass (Alias, Lost, Felicity), and then he sees something shiny and gets distracted and all of a sudden Spy Barbie has been missing for two years? And has a sister? and then is pregnant? But then Spy Ken get shots 40 times in the chest and dies? But then he actually isn't dead?
Best. Show. Ever.
Posted by: Masey at April 22, 2008 4:19 PM
Or maybe it's just the culinary schizophrenia that is Austin.
You have Rudy's. You have RUDYS.
God, sometimes I miss Austin so much.
Posted by: twig at April 22, 2008 4:22 PM
I really feel a responsibility to support Jennifer Garner's career for no other reason than she was a big influence in realizing I was a lesbian.
Aww...and HEE.
God I miss Spy Daddy, Victor Garber is one of my favorite actors ever.
Posted by: Julie at April 22, 2008 4:22 PM
I confess I have never been to a Chick-Fil-A... apparently I am missing out on cholesterol-laden yumminess. Stupid New England!
There's one in the mall in... um, hold on a sec, the Burlington Mall.
I was perhaps overly excited to see it.
Posted by: twig at April 22, 2008 4:25 PM
Rudy's, Texas Land and Cattle, Chuys, the Roadhouse, Zen AND Portabla, which sells the individual microwavable Sticky Toffee Puddings.
God I used to go there after work for takeout.
*whine*
Posted by: twig at April 22, 2008 4:26 PM
Ew. That would require going to the Burlington Mall.
Ew, I say.
Posted by: TK at April 22, 2008 4:26 PM
TK, what price glory?
(Oh fuck, and Freebirds in Austin. Why is it always the chain that SUCKS that goes cross country. I want no more Qdoba, I want Freebirds!)
Posted by: twig at April 22, 2008 4:27 PM
Other places that I never tasted before Florida, steak n shake (which I love) and Hungry Howies, and Sonny's BBQ
You are going to make me cry. Actual tears. Steak-n-Shake is the living end. Hungry Howies I could do without while I was living in Florida, but the mere mention of it now fills me with nostalgia. And Sonny's. Good god. Not that's it's actually good, but nothing beats it if you're a poor college kid and you're cravin' some all-you-can-eat ribs. My absolute favorite BBQ joint is David's Real Pit BBQ. If any of y'all ever find yourselves down Gainesville way, do yourself a favor and drop in. It's a fucking hole, but my Godtopus, is the pork plate worth every ounce of fat it will deposit on your ass.
Sorry, I just love food. I can't help it. And I'd give anything for a plate of ribs, garlic toast, and some cole slaw now that it's warmer out. I think I'm going to go home and cry my eyes out to Mr. Kolby until he promises to move us back home. NOW.
Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 4:35 PM
Dammit Twig, we've got to have some standards! The Burlington Mall is where Lucifer goes when he's out of torture ideas. It's suffering in a giant brick box.
Okay, confession time: I haven't eaten at Rudy's yet. Which is stupid seeing as I pass it on 183 EVERY day on my way to campus. But by the time I get home I'm all tired and not willing to stop and pick up barbecue. I've heard great things about it. And I bitch about food in Austin because once a month all I really want is a damn oyster or roast beef poboy and I can't get it here and I'm not used to being this far from good seafood.
I have neither the time nor the money to try the good eats in Austin yet. But I spend a hell of a lot of money drinking at Red House. :)
RE: Austin, Texas BBQ. I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but I'm just not a huge BBQ fan, even though I'm a native Texan. But I personally like the Salt Lick. Now is a great time to go because the weather is still cool enough to sit out on the screened-in porch and enjoy the springtime and the breeze! Bring your own booze, though, they don't serve it there.
For seafood, I guess we're too far from the ocean for the good stuff. Best seafood I've ever had was in Lafayette, Louisiana.
Posted by: JanetFaust at April 22, 2008 6:08 PM
Okay, yes, I have heard tales of the Salt Lick. And I really want to go.
Lafayette is wicked and they have great seafood. And one of my favorite restaurants, the Blue Dog Cafe, is there. I once drove 2 1/2 hours from Slidell, LA to Lafayette just to eat there. And it was completely worth it.
Is that what The Spinanes' "Greetings From The Salt Lick" is talking about?
No, Florida is most definitely not the South, it's a satellite of a few different places (barring the northern bit). I didn't know barbecue was a noun, A NOUN GODDAMMIT!!!!, until I was 19 in Georgia talking to friends from the Carolinas. They piss on the Yankee verb-ing. I renounced such usage then and there.
Jay - you're right, North Florida most certainly IS the South. In fact, most of us just referred to it as Southern Georgia and left it at that. I lived there for years and still can't decipher that accent.
Posted by: Kolby at April 22, 2008 8:59 PM
to kushiro...
Now I'm imagining "Brave New World" done as a Ben Stiller comedy, or possibly as a Disney musical retitled "The Savages New Groove". Urgh, the wacky sidekick is an embryo in a jar.
Thank you for contaminating my brain with that thought.
Posted by: looneymoth at April 22, 2008 9:01 PM
Well, loosely regarding upcoming movies, I went looking just now to find out what the song was that's sampling "Straight To Hell" in the "Pineapple Express" trailer and found a bunch of instances of people explaining that the sample in the MIA song is "Straight To Hell".
That's slightly disturbing. Makes the trailer very enjoyable for me nonetheless. I'm still wondering when someone is gonna rap over "Requiem Pour Un Con" but maybe that's just me.
But then Spy Ken get shots 40 times in the chest and dies? But then he actually isn't dead?
Vaughn never got shot and disappeared and got a new name. He is eternally fighting Sark(David Anders) in brain.
Shirtless.
Mmmmmm....
The COW never existed and Vaughn was always there.
Apparently ABC meddled in Season 3, which explains some of the jacked-up crap.
I loved that show. If it does not make the top 15 seasons ever (one preferably), I will have to write my own review of at least the pilot.
Posted by: Melody at April 22, 2008 10:34 PM
The hell!
The hell you say! Teen Witch was not a musical! I would remember that.
*pause*
God damn it.
*looks for phone book*
*finds phone book under cat*
*gets movie rental number*
*movie rental place doesn't have Teen Witch*
*rental guy sounds stoned*
*find number for next place*
*next place has it*
*DOOR SLAMS*
*sound of car tires screeching*
*pause*
*sound of car returning*
*DOOR SLAMS*
*TV turns on*
*DVD ads*
*fast forward*
*play*
*pause*
Well. I'll be damned.
Posted by: TWoP Fan at April 22, 2008 11:23 PM
Can we say "sammich" as long as we say it so that people know we're joking? As an ironic white trashism, like, "Ahma go make me a SAMMICH..."
Posted by: Slash at April 23, 2008 2:15 PM
I was once told that "sarnie" could be used because, say, bacon "sandwich" sounded a bit greasy and gross.
I replied that "sarnie" sounds oilier than "sandwich". But there was no resolution to be found. Then I tried to explain what buttermilk biscuits are.
The most important single factor in individual success is COMMITMENT. Commitment ignites action. Dating someone who really understands the word 'commitment' on~ "http://www.kissmilitary.com"~~
will lead u to success!
Wow Dustin! Best round up, ever.