If I Were John Cusack

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (17)

An illustrious reader of ours, Kristen sent me this video a few days ago, and I thought I’d hold it until a particularly slow news day. Well, you’ve seen the crap I’ve already had to write today, so obviously that slow day has come. But worry not: We have some great reviews coming up this afternoon.

The song, a catchy little ditty by Dr. Pants, is called “If I Were John Cusack.” And if I were John Cusack, I’d stop being an alleged douchebag in public and I’d finally get off my ass and write the script for that Grosse Point Blank sequel I’ve been talking about for a decade.

Follow @pajiba

← Anchorman 2 On the Horizon | Easy Virtue Review →

Comments

HEY! YOU TAKE THAT BACK. I'll come after you man, you don't talk about John Cusack that way.

Posted by: Braski at May 27, 2009 11:06 AM

Meh, John Cusack is over rated. Plus that last movie he did (yeah, the pointless one where he was stuck in some room with ghosts?) was shit.

THREAD HIJACK:
Who the hell is Nurse Jackie and why won't she stop staring at me?!

Posted by: Heathen at May 27, 2009 11:15 AM

War, Inc. was the sequel.

I'm sorry.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at May 27, 2009 11:16 AM

I was waiting for those lyrics and when they didn't sing it, I was kinda disappointed. I love Cusack, but yea, your lyrics were better.

Oh and when you guys had that comment diversion a couple days ago about the most famous person from our towns, i didn't participate. But John and Joan Cusack, and Jeremy Piven would be my answer.

Posted by: dene at May 27, 2009 11:19 AM

Yeah, War Inc was the script he wrote, but Disney wouldnt let him use the characters. All good though, it was made and Hilary Duff was awesome in it.

Posted by: returnofthesmith at May 27, 2009 11:27 AM

Ouch. Burn on all of us waiting for the sequel, then.

ANSWER TO THREAD HIJACK: She's Edie Falco! In a potentially entertaining show on Showtime! All the good TV starts next month again...just in time for me to not afford HBO and Showtime. D'oh.

Posted by: Snath at May 27, 2009 11:46 AM

Snath DAMN! I just got HBO again to prepare for Entourage and True Blood (yes, I like that show and frankly don't give a shit about red neck accents being portrayed correctly. At least they are all consistently bad.) I will have to wait for that show to be reviewed before I can commit to 10 more channels that don't ever have anything on.

Posted by: Heathen at May 27, 2009 11:57 AM

@ Heathen: I don't know what you're talking about. Grey Gardens 1975 and Grey Gardens 2009 are on back to back right now, and four hours from now, and four hours after that. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Gia is on at 11:00pm. Every night.

Posted by: Melodie at May 27, 2009 12:52 PM

That's it, I'm getting Showtime back.

NEED.

ANGENLINA.

BOOBIES.

Posted by: Snath at May 27, 2009 1:44 PM

I also need the patience to check the comment preview before hitting "post." I am so bad at that. So bad.

Posted by: Snath at May 27, 2009 1:45 PM

That song was cute. That film with ghosts which you mention is 1408 and it's quite good. A great review was written on this very site.

Posted by: barf at May 27, 2009 2:24 PM

am i alone in my total indifference to cusack?
joan i can take a little more of, but i've never understood the appeal of john.

Posted by: gem at May 27, 2009 3:40 PM

A Grifters sequel would be better although GPB was pretty awesome.

Posted by: Fuel at May 27, 2009 4:35 PM

that song sucked. Completely agree on Cusack being a douche now. He needs to stick to one baseball team...tool

Posted by: Brendan at May 27, 2009 4:50 PM

Lame.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at May 27, 2009 6:27 PM

'...i've never understood the appeal of john.'

That's because there isn't any.

Next stop: Alyson Hannigan.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at May 27, 2009 11:25 PM

You can't hate on John Cusack! :( God that song sucked--way to slow and completely uninventive. Blech.

Posted by: grace b at May 27, 2009 11:27 PM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

If I Were John Cusack

Comments