Ian McShane Kings

If I Bleat when I Speak it’s Because I Just Got F**kin’ Fleeced

… and pu**y’s half price for the next 15 minutes / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | February 4, 2009 | Comments (24)

Last week, in one of our Seriously Random Lists, I opined that “Deadwood’s” Ian McShane is a guy that should probably stick to the small screen where his talents can be truly appreciated (although, he’d be better suited to pay cable), on account of the fact that he hasn’t exactly gotten plumb movie roles. Little did I know that he’s actually got a series on tap, “Kings,” debuting on NBC in March.

And while I applaud NBC for getting Ian McShane some work, I’m not so keen on the drama he’s been cast in. The idea is kind of absurd, in fact: “A modern-day soap about a hero who rises to become the King of his nation, based on the biblical story of King David.” A modern-day King?

The show takes place in an alternate world in a made-up country. What does that mean? I dunno, but don’t ask Ian McShane what it means, as one critic attempted to do. He gets a little hooplehead Bale-y:

“We’re not making any sense? Is that what drama’s about? Isn’t drama — excuse me - for your ignorant remark. Isn’t drama — based on the fact — we’re not making any sense? What the hell kind of question? You ask a question. You want an answer or not? The world — drama is built on the greatest novel written by 50 people ever. If you can’t get a good story from that, you can’t. What do you expect, it all spelled out for you now? That you should know what kind of pop culture of we’re going to refer to Britney Spears’ new child?”

God bless Ian McShane. That’s a minor freak-out I can appreciate. The show: Not so much. Here’s the promo:

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No.

Posted by: admin at February 4, 2009 10:28 AM

Ah... gargleblather... god bless actors and their sensibly nonsensical ways...

Posted by: Spike at February 4, 2009 10:28 AM

Oh, jeebus. Put this on HBO or Showtime where this cocksucker's real blatherfuckin' talent can shine the fuck thru, and it could be a goddammed colossal piece of fuckery. Put in on NBCocksucker, and it will blow quicker 'n the gimp with Doc in the back.

*sniff* I miss Deadwood.

WOO!!! SWE'N'GN! COCKSUCKA!!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 4, 2009 10:33 AM

kind of reminds me of the movie Titus...

Posted by: Betty at February 4, 2009 10:33 AM

Tell the whores if their legs aren't in the air, they'd better be off their asses!

Posted by: Julie at February 4, 2009 10:38 AM

It will suck.

COKSUCKERS!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 4, 2009 10:40 AM

SHIT...not enough coffee, should read:

COCKSUCKERS!

you bunch of COCKSUCKERS.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 4, 2009 10:41 AM

Don't I yearn for the days when a draw across the throat made fucking resolution.

Posted by: TK at February 4, 2009 10:45 AM

Far be it from me to break up quoting a great character like Swearengen.

Say what you're gonna say or prepare for eternal fucking silence.

Posted by: branded at February 4, 2009 10:59 AM

Get a fucking haircut. Looks like your mother fucked a monkey.

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 4, 2009 11:04 AM

I dunno. At least it's not a remake of a series about a fucking talking car. That's a step up for NBC.

Posted by: RudeMorgue at February 4, 2009 11:23 AM

Actors play fucking make-believe all goddamn day and think they're actually important. Motherfucker, you're a glorified fucking kindergardener. Answer the man's fucking question or just shut up.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 4, 2009 11:47 AM

Will there be tinned peaches? If so, I'm there.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 4, 2009 12:14 PM

No cinnamon on the peaches. I'm allergic to cinnamon. But peaches do class the place up.

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 4, 2009 12:30 PM

We teach a special sweeping technique here. Follow her lead. (Looks at Jewel)

Posted by: amanda47 at February 4, 2009 12:43 PM

Quick! Somebody prick suck Rowles.

Posted by: Pookie at February 4, 2009 12:48 PM

It is a sad day indeed to see Al motherfucking Swearengen stoop to this shite. What is this? I am aware that Hollywood has become the official homeland of retardation, but are they aware that the rest of the world still enjoys using their grey matter from time to time?! King David? Do they now have some computer program that shits out this crap at random? If he planned to play this way, Ian McShane never should have left Lovejoy. The plot there made sense and there were some antiques involved, therefore, middle-aged women everywhere were able to get excited. I honestly don't know who could get excited by this turd - Sarah Palin? Cause you know that she believes that the bible will go live one day...

Posted by: marija at February 4, 2009 12:53 PM

Hey Pookie, how long has TMax been gone? I thought you were keeping track of this.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at February 4, 2009 1:18 PM

Well, there is always this Swedgin classic:

Pain and damage don't end the world. Or despair or fuckin beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Til then you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man. And give some back.

The two quotes from Al that get the most use in our household:

Don't play that shit where you make me drag your words out. Declare, or shut the fuck up.

and

Well bless you for a fuckin fibber.

Saw McShane on stage last year, doing Pinter. Last minute, front-row seats. He inadvertantly spit on me and I did not care. Which is to say, I will watch this "Kings" shit until it is cancelled.

Posted by: Kettle at February 4, 2009 1:32 PM

I'm sorry Rhymes I lost track, I've been so busy fighting that goddamn V and his henchmen. Rhymes I wish you were here yesterday to hear the venom that V spewed towards me, it was so goddamn unprofessional. I had a mind to quit pajiba, but since V is under a lot of pressure I decided I would be the bigger man and let it go. Exactly when did TMax homo out of pajiba, was it around the end of December?

Posted by: Pookie at February 4, 2009 2:02 PM

"The deception failing, I'll make a pass with my blade. In the aftermath, play the lie as my own knowing that I speak of you in Heaven."

But really, I am kinda looking forward to this show. You contrarian fuckers can just shut it.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at February 4, 2009 4:49 PM

Boo. When will Americans start hating royalty again?

And the story of King David is boring.

Posted by: Julian at February 5, 2009 12:39 AM

Heck Pook, I think so... Right after one of Prisco's power trips on EE. Guy seems to have kept his word though. Haven't seen hide nor hair of him. I'd figure V would have some tension, from what I hear, he hasn't lost his V card yet.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at February 5, 2009 12:46 AM

Deadwood mourning and non-sensical rantings from McShane aside, I'm surprised more people aren't just appreciative of the fact that this series is willing to take risks and give us something new. I'd take a giant fuck up of a thing over a nice safe legal/cop/medical show any day.

I'll certainly be checking this out. Reviews from those who saw the first episode (or most of it, I believe) were generally positive. Kudos to NBC for being desperate enough to give something like this a chance.

Posted by: Steve at February 5, 2009 1:14 AM

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