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I Will Not Make a Joke About Blaculas

By | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (20)

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Will Smith has decided to produce and star in The Legend of Cain.

Why? Because he’s looking to monopolize the market on “Legend” films. Or because the writer is Caleeb Pinkett. Or just because he can.

What is it? A retelling of the biblical story of Cain and Abel.

Well that sounds a little weird, Is it something people would go see? Oh. I forgot to mention it’s going to have vampires.

SOLD.

The story is pretty old. Adam and Eve have Cain and Abel. Cain gets jealous. Cain kills Abel. How do vampires fit in? I’m a little foggy on that detail but if 12 years of going to Lutheran school is ever going to pay off it’ll be now. I’m theorizing that they’ll say the “Mark” that God placed upon Cain will be his vampirism.

I’m not entirely sure whose blood he’ll be sucking but I’m reminded of Rod and Tod Flanders asking “Did they make babies with their mother? Or with each other?”

Still waiting for an answer on that one.

What do you think of the project? Potential? Or do we need to call in Jefferson Twilight to kill this before it goes too far?

(via Deadline)









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Comments

WELCOME TO EDENF!

Posted by: D-Day at July 16, 2010 6:10 PM

Wait. I thought Lilith was the first vampire. Whatever. Guys always trying to muscle the women out of the way. Yes Cain, you can be the first murderer. But you cannot be the first suckface.
And really? I mean Will Smith? REALLY?
oooh, wait. Who gets to be Mom and Pops? And will God be in this? The possibilities intrigue me.

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at July 16, 2010 6:21 PM

i was told that Cain and Abel story recently and i think that explains why Obama is Screwed up.but you know what on judgment day Cain will be the lucky guy who gets to lock away Satan permanently untill Satan decides to repent of his sins.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 16, 2010 6:24 PM

This sounds like it borrows elements from Alejandro Jodorowsky's planned movie Abelcain. Considering they both borrow from the same source maybe one has nothing to do with the other. But then again...

Jodorowsky has been trying to get funding for his movie project for years, even going so far as to say it was a sequel to his cult movie El Topo (which he later recanted) But if there are indeed similarities between his developmentally challenged project and Smith's, I'd be curious if there were vampires (or some other monster) in his script too. It's hard to pinpoint since rumors of the story content have varied from year to year. I wonder what actions could be taken if the two were indeed similar.

Posted by: bleujayone at July 16, 2010 6:26 PM

The whole "mark of Cain" thing was in the old Vampire RPG.

As Wikipedia explains:

"Kindred" is the term many vampires in this game use to refer to themselves. Some vampires, namely those of the Sabbat, refer to themselves as "Cainites", as (according to the traditional Abrahamic creation myth) the curse that transforms them into vampires originated with Caine (the spelling is different from the Biblical Cain, though it is intended to be the same individual).

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at July 16, 2010 6:36 PM

Strangely enough, I thought that I was going to be the first to out this as Will Smith doing Vampire: the Masquerade. I don't know whether to be proud that I'm not the only RPG dork around here, or ashamed that I'm no longer King of the Dorks.

Posted by: longcoat000 at July 16, 2010 6:54 PM

Looks like someone needs to call Jefferson Twilight if he can take some time away from The Order of the Triad.

Posted by: Intern Rusty at July 16, 2010 6:56 PM

Well, longcoat000, and Forbiddendonut, you're not the only two. I need to check this site more often 'cause I definitely saw the similarity between this and the oWoD mythology. I'd bet real money that the writer used to play V:tM or at the very least had heard about it beforehand. Unless it's just an amazing coincidence with yet another person trying to capitalize on the vampire craze.

Vampires don't sparkle, those are Campires, and they're FABulous.

Posted by: Okuma at July 16, 2010 8:22 PM

Pssh. Everybody knows that real RPG vampires level drain their victims.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at July 16, 2010 8:34 PM

For a moment there I thought you meant he'd be producing the LEGACY of Kain movie.

And that would have scared me. Cause that would have ruined an epic (and actually scary) vampire saga.

Posted by: Fredo at July 16, 2010 8:59 PM

real RPG vampires level drain their victims.

You know what? You win. Go make yourself a trophy.

The only way to cure vampirism? Holy stone (or some inventory item of similar nomenclature. It was holy water in FFT).

On a side note, HUGE fan of the Legacy of Kain series. Soul Reaver 2 was one of my favorite games of the PS1-2 era.

Posted by: D-Day at July 16, 2010 9:04 PM

CGI level draining just doesn't have the same slurpiness as sucking blood on screen.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 16, 2010 9:39 PM

I don't know whether to be proud that I'm not the only RPG dork around here, or ashamed that I'm no longer King of the Dorks.

Go with the shame: it'll happen eventually, and shame is easier to sustain.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 16, 2010 10:27 PM

Agghhh! What is WITH those horrible Twilight Eclipse Pajiba links?! At first, I thought it was some commentary on the over-exposure of Twilight, but now I'm concerned it's some permanent fixture! Please, help! PLEASE!!!!

Posted by: Vince Noir at July 17, 2010 2:08 AM

So basically, it's going to be a very bad movie vesion of "Cowboy and the vampire," only doen in sanskrit.

Posted by: lordninja at July 17, 2010 2:50 AM

I read in a book somewhere that there's some tiny Christian splinter cult that believes that black people are descended from Cain or something, and their skin colour is the mark. So with Will Smith there's a direction they could take it...

Posted by: Chugga at July 17, 2010 3:06 AM

The possibilities intrigue me.

Possible? Why don't you go find out, it's getting dark out there!

Posted by: Jay at July 17, 2010 7:07 AM

I say fuck this movie. Not because I hate the idea, not because it wouldn't have possibilities, but because it has Will Smith. His last movies keep having the same dumb character moping around until he can finally fucking die. I liked legacy, I loved Vampire: The Masquarade until that bullshit miniseries and WW decided to revamp the whole damn thing without answering anything...come to think of it, were any of those writers on the list of Lost writers? It's just going to be him as either a mopey Cain trying to right past wrongs until he dies a hero's death, or some low-level vampire who takes his own life while killing Cain. You, save your money. Will, Stop playing the same damn role with new names.

Posted by: Nicolae at July 17, 2010 4:09 PM

Since Smith is supposedly in the clutches of the Scientology cult, why doesn't he make a movie about the Grifter that started it all? L. Ron Hubbard.

Posted by: mechadave at July 18, 2010 10:02 AM

All Scientologists can suck my balls. Vampires or no.

Posted by: IJ. Reilly at July 19, 2010 6:03 PM