I Think You Can Figure It Out
The Daily Trade Round-Up / Daniel Carlson
Trade News | April 17, 2008 | Comments ()
I know it’s cliché to say that nothing really exciting happened this week in Hollywood news, and I also know that it’s cliché to say it’s cliché that nothing really exciting happened this week. I’m having trouble coming up with an exciting way to say what I’ve already said a thousand times before, and what I’ll say a thousand times again. But damn it all, you can probably guess at this point what’s going to be in any given news round-up: (a) a project that sounds thoroughly disgusting and possibly morally perverse; (b) a comic book adaptation; (c) scattered casting news and/or a trailer. And that’s pretty much what’s on tap.
Take this: Tucker Max, an odious man whose chronicles of his own sexual escapades have been polluting his part of the Internet for several years and who turned said stories into an equally unsettling book, is going to adapt his book for the big screen. Titled I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, the film will be directed by Bob Gosse and (one assumes) do everything in its power to make the viewer feel dipped in the kind of bitter vomitous sludge that pumps through the infected wound that doubles for Max’s heart. The film’s plot revolves around a guy who travels to his friend’s bachelor party, does something to botch the wedding, then keeps cruising for trim before eventually trying to get back on the groom’s good side and save the day. For those of you who for some reason think that premise sounds interesting, here’s an actual excerpt from Max’s site:
Most of the things I did that summer are not story-worthy; you can only tell the same, “I got drunk on Dom and fucked this hottie” story so many times before it gets annoying. That summer I experienced every random sex situation that a 20 year old can imagine: fucking on the beach, getting head from random girls in club bathrooms, sleeping with 3 different girls in a day, getting so drunk I passed out during sex, getting arrested for receiving fellatio in the pool at the Delano, blah, blah, blah…Jesus. What does it say about how fucked up my life is that I don’t consider these stories to be extraordinary anymore?
I don’t even know what to say. I’m typing through tears right now.
In other news, it was announced this week DreamWorks has optioned the rights to Atlantis Rising, a comic book miniseries about an underwater civilization that, for reasons I could not discover, wages war on the rest of the ground-dwelling members of the planet. The studio-based pair of Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci will serve as producers; they’re currently busy finishing postproduction on the completely unnecessary Transformers 2, and they’re also working with J.J. Abrams on Fox’s “Fringe” pilot. Whether this project will be good or bad almost doesn’t matter. The success of everything from Spider-Man to the X-Men series means studios are going to be greenlighting a lot of comics for a while.
In casting news this week (I told you), Danielle Panabaker has been tapped to play the lead in the remake of Friday the 13th; she joins San Antonio’s own Jared Padalecki and a few other young people whose names I do not want taking up space in my brain. … Allison Janney has landed roles in a pair of comedies. She’s been cast in Sam Mendes’ tentatively titled This Must Be the Place, about a couple (John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph) on a road trip to find the perfect place to raise their baby. She’s set to play Rudolph’s friend. Janney has also been cast as Eddie Murphy’s boss in the comedy Words, about a man who finds out that he only has a thousand words left to say before he dies. Insert joke here. … On the business side of things, New Line cut 450 employees between its New York and Los Angeles offices this week as part of cost-cutting on the part of Time Warner as New Line gets revamped as a genre label within Warner Bros. About 40-50 staffers are expected to remain. In related news, nine people at my office got the ax this week, and my roommate got laid off, too. Things are crazy out there.
First up in this morning’s trailer watch is the clip for writer-director Tarsem Singh’s The Fall. I have no idea what to say about the film except yes, that’s Lee Pace:
Next up is the trailer for Surveillance, directed by Jennifer Lynch, daughter of David, and looking every bit as creepy as one of her old man’s films:
Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.