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I Need More Dilithium Pajibas!

The Daily Trade Round-Up / Daniel Carlson

Trade News | October 18, 2007 | Comments (40)


So, I’m well aware that my trade round-ups for the past couple weeks have felt almost like J.J. Abrams-sponsored updates on casting for his new Star Trek feature, but I just can’t help myself. As I explained last week, I’ve got a vested interest in seeing the new Trek feature turn out well, but I’m also terribly worried it will be weird, and clunky, and so self-aware as to be parodic, and basically a letdown. Obviously, I don’t want this to happen. I want the movie to be a good one just like I want every movie to be a good one. Which is why, again, this week’s casting news fills me both with pleasure and trepidation. Simon Pegg — actor in and writer of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, and a wonderful comedic talent — has joined the ranks of the growing cast to play Scotty, aka chief engineer Montgomery Scott, aka the source of the same lame “I don’t have the power, captain!” jokes that everybody knows how to make, even though they’re not funny. And this gives me some hope, since Scotty’s purpose is to provide some comic relief but also be believable in crisis situations, which is exactly what happened in Shaun of the Dead. But the role of Leonard “Bones” McCoy — originally played by DeForest Kelley with a kind of nonchalance that seemed to say, “I’ll do the surgery, but somebody get me a damn drink first” — has been awarded to Karl Urban. Urban’s starring roles include Eomer in Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings series and Pathfinder, which I think was about a Viking baby raised by Native Americans who grew up strong and fought for blah blah blah. Plus he was in Ghost Ship. So, yeah, given all that, plus the fact that Chris “Even I Don’t Recognize My Name” Pine has indeed been confirmed as Captain Kirk, things aren’t looking as solid right now for the crew of NCC-1701 as I’d like them to look. But despite all the cast’s potential quirks, I know I’ll see the movie, both for the mansemi-adult male in me who really enjoys “Alias” and “Lost,” and for the little boy who, foolishly but guilelessly, learned the ship’s serial number a lifetime ago.

Also this week, screenwriter Steve Pink was brought on board to rewrite Mall Cop. The film is a comedy about a mall security guard, played by Kevin James, who finds himself in the middle of what’s bound to be hilarious hijinks when a gang of hardcore criminals attempt to rip off the mall, perhaps confused about how lucrative Foot Locker really is. James wrote an earlier draft of the screenplay with producer Nick Bakay, but Pink — whose credits include Grosse Pointe Blank and High Fidelity — was (I’m assuming) hired to make the script readable, i.e., remove half the poop jokes and try and come up with some likable characters. On an unrelated note: Kevin James is the Jerry Lewis of Germany. Seriously. According to Reuters, the season finale of “The King of Queens” on German TV drew 8% of the total viewing public Monday night, which is pretty impressive for an American show there. Even more, when I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry was released there, the ads downplayed Adam Sandler’s presence and focused on James. I have no idea what the social significance of that is, if anything, but I found it too weird not to share.

Finally, this week in People You Don’t Want to See Naked, Ever, or Even Think About Having Sex: Joe Pesci and Helen Mirren are set to star in Love Ranch for director Taylor Hackford. The film is inspired by the lives of Joe and Sally Conforte, the proprietors of the Mustang Ranch, Nevada’s first legal brothel. Oscar Bonavena, a boxer, was shot and killed at the Ranch in 1976, and was suspected of having an affair with Sally. Needless to say, the exhausting and universal acclaim Mirren received for The Queen meant she could afford to be choosy with her next role, so maybe there’s something more to the script than a lurid, TV-movie vibe. Or hell, maybe she just wanted to make something fun and seamy with her husband directing. Either way, here’s hoping everyone over 60 keeps their shirts on. For me. Please.

This morning’s trailer watch brings the clip for Charlie Wilson’s War, starring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Philip Seymour Hoffman in one of the greatest mustaches I’ve ever seen. The Mike Nichols film about a real-life congressman’s covert work supplying the Afghan Mujahideen with weapons to fight the Soviets, comes out this Christmas. The trailer loses points for recycling both “All Along the Watchtower” and “American Pie,” but the film still looks worthwhile:

Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.









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Comments

Never been a star trek fan.....but might give it a go just because of simon pegg

Posted by: ellen at October 18, 2007 6:25 AM

The CW's production of Dawson's Star Trek will SUCK major warp nacelle.

You can bet any amount of gold pressed latinum on that.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 18, 2007 6:30 AM

As much as I have a feeling I won't respect myself the morning after, not to mention that I think Abrams is vastly overrated and Karl Urban will always be Cupid to me, I'll go see the damn Star Trek movie. I'm a 44 year old geek; if I don't see it, they'll take my card away.

Posted by: telesilla at October 18, 2007 8:22 AM

I saw that Pegg casting on another site yesterday and had to IMDb it to check. Seems odd, but I am a serious card-carrying member of the Simon Pegg Adoration Club, and something of a Star Trek geek, so I'm in.
I'm also not sure of the Sylar as Spock casting.

Posted by: fenchurch at October 18, 2007 9:07 AM

For some reason, I really like Karl Urban. Maybe it's because I always remember him as the badass crooked cop in The Bourne Supremacy, a role I loved.

Posted by: TK at October 18, 2007 9:25 AM

Never seen or cared to see any other Star Trek, but my love for Karl Urban knows no bounds (not even the bounds of Doom) so I shall be seeing this. Probably on DVD.

Posted by: Gabs at October 18, 2007 9:26 AM

Not that I'm itching to see her shirtless, but hey--a little respect for Miss Mirren, please! Have you seen her lately? Have you ever seen anyone so foxy at her age??

And come on, how many shirtless retirement-aged male actors (who, by and large, are far less well-preserved) have we ladies been treated to over the years?

Posted by: MO at October 18, 2007 9:36 AM

Kevin James is popular? They've seen King Of Queens, surely. I got 30 seconds into an episode before throwing up my hands and saying out loud, "Leah Remini is fucking somebody else, and unless they show me the guy in the next minute, I'm gonna do everything in my power to kill this show." Then it went to a commercial. The gauntlet was thrown.

Posted by: Ryan at October 18, 2007 9:43 AM

OMG!!

That mustache is funny!!

Posted by: NDR at October 18, 2007 10:35 AM

I will spend the rest of the day trying to wrap my head around Joe Pesci and Helen Mirren in the same movie. Too bizarre. I keep picturing him in My Cousin Vinny and her in...anything, and my brain starts to hurt.

Posted by: JMW at October 18, 2007 10:40 AM

Re: Julia Roberts. Can someone tell me how a reasonably competent actress who is from (I believe) Georgia could be so inadequate to the task of an even remotely believable southern accent?

Posted by: megbon at October 18, 2007 10:51 AM

i saw that Pine had been cast as Captain Kirk and i nearly shit a brick. i only remember this dude from one movie, and trust me, it isn't a movie you want to be remember for - just my luck.

i hate to be a debbie downer, but i have very little faith in this movie...except for simon pegg and zachary quinto. though, i still feel like those two just bought tickets for a sinking ship.

Posted by: citizen_cris at October 18, 2007 10:52 AM

Kevin James is the Jerry Lewis of Germany.

Somewhere, alone, The Hoff weeps in his Wendy's.

Daniel, obviously you are inadvertently doing what I did before, which was think Helen Mirren looked like Elizabeth II ALL THE TIME. Then I saw her at some awards show in this quite revealing gown. Good God, that woman is hot.

Joe Pesci, on the other hand, needs to walk away. Just walk away, Pesci, and we'll be cool.

Posted by: Vermillion at October 18, 2007 10:59 AM

Loathe as I am to support gross national stereotypes, it would appear that indeed, Germans don't do humor!

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 18, 2007 11:15 AM

Also, Pathfinder! What a piece of shit film. It turns out that the Vikings were incredibly lucky to conquer half of Europe given that they fought like movie-Ninjas, waiting politely one at a time to have their turn with the opponent. Also, native Americans just couldn't fight at all. They were peace-loving people who tended their long lovely braids of hair and needed the intervention of a white person (albeit raised with them) to defend them from the fierce norsemen.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 18, 2007 11:20 AM

A. Simon Pegg, awesome.
B. Karl Urban, awesome despite most of his career, don't ask me why. Between the two of these guys I may go see that movie despite knowing nothing about Star Trek other than what my husband tells me (thankfully, not that much).
C. Helen Mirren is fucking hot and there shall be no disrespecting her on one of my favorite sites. Seriously, have you seen her lately? She's brilliant and gorgeous and I very seriously remember reading an article about how she jump-started her career in film and theater but being "the one willing to get her kit off". And seriously, she's had such an amazing career lately that I might just have to trust her judgment and see that movie anyways.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at October 18, 2007 11:22 AM

Shit - Helen Mirren and Taylor Hackford are married? Who knew? I didn't, clearly.

megbon - that's the same accent she used in Steel Magnolias, and in that one scene with John Cusack in America's Sweethearts. Go figure. And yes, she hails from Smyrna, GA, right in my current neck of the woods.

Posted by: Daphne at October 18, 2007 11:22 AM

CNN is reporting that Deborah Kerr has died at age 86. O how I loved her!

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at October 18, 2007 11:46 AM

Star Trek? With Simon Pegg? As Scotty? I'm in, even if the rest of the cast ends up sucking balls.

Posted by: Aldogg at October 18, 2007 11:58 AM

Kevin James is the Jerry Lewis of Germany.

Somewhere, alone, The Hoff weeps in his Wendy's.

Hee hee!

I don't have sound on my computer at work but I watched that trailer anyways for the prime 'stache viewing. It made me think that Dwight, on The Office, could use one just like that.

Posted by: katy at October 18, 2007 12:07 PM

Karl Urban? Really? Well frankly, I'm more depressed about the casting of Chris Pine.

Ok, so that's a minor setback. I'm still gonna see it, for Pegg alone. But was John Cho's playing Sulu just a rumor?

Posted by: Brie at October 18, 2007 12:10 PM

Re Star Trek:
My poor Husband™ just found out last night that this project even exists.
He was watching TV and saw a newsbit about Simon Pegg. He actually got up and came into the other room, where I was, to ask me what I knew about it! (I am the Entertainment News Source in the relationship; he is knowledgeable about our 401(k) and car insurance and boring shit like that.)
I gave him the rundown: Pegg, Bana, Quinto and Pine (I had to explain to him who the last two are--and the Urban news hadn't broken last night).
I've seen the man's face fall before, but never quite so pathetically as last night. He, like Daniel, was once a "little boy who, foolishly but guilelessly, learned the ship's serial number a lifetime ago."
I fear for Trek. I smell suckage and the reek is getting stronger by the day.

Posted by: Jerce at October 18, 2007 12:11 PM

And by saying this I will probably have to cash in all of the geek cred I earned by marrying a total geek, but I will see the new Star Trek movie because I love them all. Yes, all of them, even the gloriously bad ones. It's an event when a new Star Trek movie comes out. How can you miss it?

Posted by: katy at October 18, 2007 12:14 PM

Charlie Wilson's War is a great book and I have been looking foward to the movie for some time now. The clip seems to have pulled from YouTube though.

Posted by: Brian at October 18, 2007 1:00 PM

How will they fit

Shatner,
Nimoy,
who was the female captain?
The guy from the time travel show from the 80s - who was that captain? Kinda cute?
And JL Piccard

into this new movie? I mean, it looks like all but Shatner could use the work.

Posted by: GinKirk at October 18, 2007 1:10 PM

GinKirk, are you talking about Scott Bakula? From that "new" Star Trek, Enterprise? Loved Quantum Leap, but Enterprise was not nearly geeky enough for me.

Posted by: Aldogg at October 18, 2007 1:22 PM

P.S.H. looks like he should be standing on a "Jump to Conclusions" mat.

Posted by: Geetch at October 18, 2007 1:24 PM

I dunno, that casting news makes me feel a lot better about the Star Trek movie. It may not be good, but at least it'll be funny and studly.

As for Charlie Wilson's War, I'm a little iffy on the casting of Tom Hanks as Wilson. Also, I was hoping Julia Roberts had retired forever. But besides that, it looks like a ton of fun.

Posted by: Ashers at October 18, 2007 2:51 PM

The female captain was Kate Mulgrew on Star Trek: Voyager. That show was most notable for Jeri Ryan in a form-fitting body suit.

Posted by: rlr260 at October 18, 2007 3:19 PM

Karl Urban is hot. Not hot enough to make me watch some crappy Trek movie, but still...

And Helen Mirren is a pretty hot older babe. I think I've seen her naked in movies before, or nearly naked, and she had nothing to be ashamed of. I haven't seen recent nudity, so I don't know how stuff has held up, but I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt. Pesci - eh, saw him in tighty whiteys in "Casino," not really impressive, but who cares? He's an actor. Attractive naked people are a plus, but unattractive naked people can be interesting. They can't all look like Karl Urban.

Posted by: LL at October 18, 2007 3:46 PM

A. Okay, setting aside the idea that the prequel's story contradicts every public statement Gene Roddenberry ever made about Star Trek - this has to be the lamest excuse for a movie I've heard. Paramount and the yahoos have done everything in their power to beat this horse long after it's dead. Do they really need to obliterate it down to the molecular level?

B. Charlie Wilson's War looks like fun!

Posted by: funtime42 at October 18, 2007 8:25 PM

Daniel, you might want to give Karl Urban a second chance. He was pretty good in a, well, shlocky Australian horror movie in which he played an anthropologist investigating a Satanic cult or something. I remember lots of blood on altars but that his performance was the best thing about the movie. Sorry but the name of the movie eludes me. If you are ever watching Cinemax or TMC about 2:00AM on a Wednessday, check it out. You may get lucky!

Posted by: fatpat at October 18, 2007 11:21 PM

Poor Paramount.

It must really suck to want to be perceived as a real, viacom viable movie company and be saddled with flotsam like Star Trek in 791205 incarnations.

"Hey, I have this great idea. Let's do Star Trek, but this time with chickens and hamsters!!

Geez. What-f'ing-ever.

Posted by: eroslane at October 19, 2007 2:29 AM

Mulgrew as Janeway was the absolute, WORST. CAPTAIN. EVER.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 19, 2007 10:30 AM

Seriously, worse than Captain Jonathan Archer AKA "Quantum"? My running joke for Enterprise was promoting random crew members to captain everytime Archer did something like get shot and say "uuuawwww arggg".

Posted by: Stacy at October 19, 2007 5:04 PM

Stacy: Hmmmm I see what you mean, I had completely banished Enterprise from my mind, your mention of it brought back all those HORRIBLE, horrible, memories of his blandness, stiffness, complete lack of capacity to emote. Never has the Starfleet uniform been worn so uneasily.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 19, 2007 5:44 PM

Yeah, because all of the Star Trek movies have been SO good that we should freak out over the perceived quality of this one. Honestly, they've gotten it wrong more times than right; maybe we'll get lucky again on this shot, Pegg's worth the chance.

Posted by: Salad Is Murder at October 20, 2007 7:09 PM

LL, if you want to see Helen Mirren naked as the day she was born, rent "Caligula" (the unrated version) if you can find it. She played Caesonia to Malcolm McDowell's excellently mad Caligula.

Posted by: The Wanderer at October 21, 2007 8:07 PM

Karl Urban has been in some really bad movies, but he's been great in some too - check out his NZ one about Aramoana. He ruled!!! And he was awesome as a cold-blooded killer in whichever Bourne one he was in. It's not like New Zealand actors have a big choice of what movies they do, so he can be forgiven a few bad ones, and a dodgy New Zealand soap, right?

Posted by: September at October 23, 2007 6:10 PM

I'll second September's comment about the Aramoana. Urban is amazing in that film despite the prescence of the dodgy 70's pornstache. He really is quite a good actor - check out "The Price of Milk" and "Out of the Blue" - if you ever get a chance. He just hasn't had that one American movie thats been his big break yet. I'd definitely be more depressed about Chris Pine!

And was that a less than stellar compliment I read about Helen Mirren? The woman can still do the pencil test at 60 something. I can barely do that now...

Posted by: Carly at October 28, 2007 1:44 AM