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I Don't Understand Television: "Catfish," "Source Code," "Beauty and the Beast"

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (21)

Ron-Perlman-face-31.jpeg

Used to be, there were three channels. Then cable and Fox and the WB came along and suddenly there were a million. The good side effect of this was that it made some truly great television possible that never would have been green lit in the days of three networks. Niches appeared and were filled. But the dark cloud of this has been the proliferation of truly bad ideas for television. “Jersey Shore,” “The World Series of Poker,” everything on TLC and the very existence of a dedicated Golf Channel.

Here are today’s worst three television shows getting kicked around for development. I’d make a drinking game out of it, but people would probably die.

First up, MTV (you really don’t have to read any further, do you? Just the channel tells you that this is going to be idiotic) is adapting Catfish into a television series. Yeah, the documentary that wasn’t really a documentary, but was a really screwed up story anyway? MTV thinks it would make a great dating show:

From the producers of the hit Sundance feature documentary Catfish comes a new MTV series that brings together couples who’ve interacted solely through LCD screens. Over the course of months they’ve supposedly fallen in love — but what will happen when they meet in real life for the first time? With the guidance and help of Nev Schulman, the star of the original feature film, in each episode a hopeful romantic partner will go on an emotional trip to discover the truth about their significant other. Is he who he says he is? And if so, will love truly blossom? These emotional journeys promise to be filled with mystery, surprises, and sometimes, even shocking revelations.

That sounds about as compelling as … well, as everything else on that pointless network. (source: SlashFilm)

Second, Source Code, a decent enough sci-fi film premised on the existence of technology that allows an individual to relive the last eight minutes of someone else’s life is getting adapted into a television show by ABC Studios. It will be turned into a procedural with three federal agents as the requisite Scooby Gang. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just buy the rights to “Quantum Leap?” (Blastr)

Finally, we come to the header picture. The CW is developing a reboot of the eighties series “Beauty and the Beast.” I just, I don’t, what the hell is that picture? Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman dressed as a Chia pet? Honestly, this can’t possibly be a remake or a reboot, because I refuse to acknowledge that this show existed. What was wrong with the eighties? (source: THR)









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Comments

I am outraged! I don't know what I find more disturbing though: The lack of appreciation for a truly great little gem of an 80's show by the author of this news item or the fact that they are honest to god contemplating a remake. But what do I expect, they are actually redoing Dirty Dancing...the sky will come falling down on our heads with all this blaspheming going on. Vincent forever!

Posted by: Phedre at September 19, 2011 11:20 AM

You'll be delighted to know, not only was "Beauty and the Beast" a show, but it was an extremely popular show. The secret of this show's success eludes me to this day.

Posted by: Frank B00th at September 19, 2011 11:23 AM

Having lived through the '80s, I'll chime in that "Beauty and the Beast" (while I never watched a minute) was a huge hit. I'm thinking the people who made it so are now the moms of teen girls who line up for "Twilight."

Posted by: , at September 19, 2011 11:42 AM

I must confess: I watched the shit out of "The Beauty and the Beast", but I was so young then that I can't remember why today.

Posted by: FabMax at September 19, 2011 12:06 PM

There was a lot wrong with the 80's...

Posted by: seth at September 19, 2011 12:17 PM

I'm going with the others. I remember "Beauty and the Beast," and I loved it.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at September 19, 2011 12:55 PM

*exasperated sigh*

STEVEN. Clearly you have never seen the masterpiece that is the 1980s Beauty and the Beast series, about a giant ... man-kitty who saves people from CERTAIN DOOM at the hands of CRIMINALS. it is one of the FINEST SHOWS ever produced.

It is currently available on Netflix Instant (I think. I mean, I assume the new *new* Netflix changes haven't changed that) and I suggest you do yourself a favor and watch AT LEAST the first episode. Maybe the first like three, even. Because YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at September 19, 2011 1:32 PM

Sinsurly, as gp would say, it is SO DRAMATIC. And emo. Vincent was emo before emo was a thing.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at September 19, 2011 1:33 PM

Yeah,

I grew up in the 1980's and everything, and I do mean everything, that you see from that decade is just as F'ed up as you might think.

The music was really frightfully bad, the hairstyles worse, Chernobyl, the orignal shuttle disaster and Reagan with the congressional Democrats starting us down the road to where we are now with massive deficit spending.

Even if you weren't born in the 1980's, you are victim of it.

Posted by: anderbot at September 19, 2011 2:35 PM

I liked "Beauty and the Beast", but I really can't remember much about it. It might have had something to do with the fact that I only had three channels. It was the best thing on in that time slot and it was different from all the other shows that were on at the time. I enjoyed it.

Posted by: Michin70 at September 19, 2011 2:39 PM

I actually caught an episode of Beauty and the Beast recently, and I must admit - I was impressed at how unbelievably terrible it was. I mean... wow.

Posted by: The Other Agent Johnson at September 19, 2011 3:01 PM

I watched "Beauty and the Beast", too and I also loved it. It's hard to explain why, besides the fact that my favorite fairy tale ever was Beauty and the Beast.

If they don't get Ron Perlman back as Vincent or at least somebody who sounds like him, it won't work for me. His voice was the main attraction for me. I bought the sound track simply to hear him reading classical poetry in his "Vincent" voice whenever I wanted.

Posted by: Trevorsmom at September 19, 2011 3:08 PM

homg! B&tB was srsly awesome and cemented my undying love for ron "my luvah" perlman.


sinsurly,
geep

Posted by: gp at September 19, 2011 3:38 PM

Ron Motherfuckin' Perlman.

That's all.

Posted by: MM at September 19, 2011 3:52 PM

It took a ton of catface makeup to make Ron Perlman sexy.

It also takes a ton of catface makeup to make Kim Kardasian and Megan Fox sexy, but for some reason the reboots fail miserably.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 19, 2011 5:11 PM

There are many good things about not owning a TV for most of the 80s. Though I still miss the wicked reboot of Fantasy Island starring Malcolm McDowell as the hotelier of purgatory. It was pure evil at its schlocky best. No wonder it didn't fly.

Posted by: Reba at September 19, 2011 5:20 PM

At the time Beauty and the Beast was on TV, I was doing an internship in a large public library (this was pre-internet). The reference desk phone just about rang off the hook every time Vincent (the Chia pet) quoted some poetry at Linda Hamilton's character. Imagine a constant stream of tween voices on the phone: "Umm, do you know that show, Beauty and the Beast? Like, Vincent said something last night about, like, the rain and how his love has small hands? Do you know what that is?" and you'll get an idea of the hate that show inspired in all the reference librarians. (The poem in question is e.e. cummings, "somewhere i have never travelled.")

Posted by: PDamian at September 19, 2011 5:29 PM

If you think Beauty and the Beast represents the worst of '80s TV, you are sadly mistaken.

Wait, I mean you are happily mistaken, because that means you have no idea of the dreck that was on then.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at September 19, 2011 5:33 PM

Another missed deadline, another 'boaking accident'. Yeah, I didn't bother getting out of bed today, either.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at September 19, 2011 5:44 PM

Also, GRRM worked on Beauty and the Beast. I never watched it, but surely he couldn't have let it get that bad.

Posted by: Em at September 19, 2011 9:35 PM

The music was really frightfully bad,
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Husker Du and Bad Religion invite you to go fuck yourself.

Posted by: , at September 20, 2011 1:15 AM