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Things I Am Not Thankful For, #4,322: An I Am Legend Sequel?

Jumpin Jehosophats! / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | November 26, 2008 | Comments (48)

As you’ll recall, the Monday after I Am Legend had an eleventy billion dollar opening, Warner Brothers announced that there’d be another installment of the series. They wisely chose to do a prequel, and why not? Despite the unholy awful ending of I Am Legend, it really was a great movie up until the end, and Will Smith’s character was one of his best — he was kind of perfect the role, in fact: An action hero with some built in empathy and an actual ability to act. I honestly wouldn’t have minded spending another two hours with Robert Neville and a vampire dystopia. The idea was that they’d push back the timeline on I Am Legend several years prior to the events of the movie, back to a point where there were still a few survivors that Will Smith could save. The catch? We all knew what their and his ultimate fate would be, so a pall of sadness would probably follow the viewer throughout the film. Studios don’t like that.

So, after some convincing, apparently Warner Brothers has talked Will Smith into doing a sequel (so says the movie site which we will not name, via Cinematical). People that have seen I Am Legend, of course, know the problem inherent with a sequel (*whisper* the lead is dead *end whisper*). So how do they work around it? I can’t think of one legitimate possible way to do it. Not a single one, unless he wakes up in Bob Newhart’s bed and says it was all a bad dream.

Although, then again, the premise sequel may also be the much talked about Seven Pounds spoiler. Just re-watch the Seven Pounds trailer and tell me there isn’t some crossover potential.


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Comments

I'm just gonna go ahead and blame white people for all this.

You love this non-threatening negro.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 26, 2008 10:08 AM

My guess? Flashbacks. They'll include the prequel in the sequel, where the main thrust of the sequel is the colony shown at the end of the first. That way, they can do all sorts of scenes with Will Smith while maintaining a more positive direction with the survivors.

Posted by: Robert at November 26, 2008 10:08 AM

Oh just leave it alone. I don't see the point (other than the obvious money potential). I liked Legend (til the end, although the ending we got was better than the alternative I saw), but I hate the idea of a sequel just for sequel's sake. I should be used to it by now, but I'm not.

Maybe they should have thought about it before ending the original, huh?

Question about the original: The vial he gives her at the end, is it ok for it not to be refrigerated or anything and basically shoved in her pocket for the duration of the trip? I know nothing about science.

Posted by: Carrie at November 26, 2008 10:22 AM

Sad but true B, whitey seems to always fall for the non-threatening Negro. But the Negro that speaks his, whitey seems to hate. I think it's time for a Thanksgiving race war.

Posted by: Pookie at November 26, 2008 10:30 AM

"the Negro that speaks his, whitey seems to hate"

Yeah, that totally explains the last election.

Oh, wait.

Posted by: TK at November 26, 2008 10:36 AM

RACE WAR!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 26, 2008 10:48 AM

And speaking of race war, what the hell happened to Tekwar?

Greg Evigan, the Shat, that other dude, the episodes were competently filmed.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 26, 2008 10:51 AM

"I think it's time for a Thanksgiving race war."

Goddam, I love you sometimes Pookie...

RAAAACE WAAAAR!

I hate albinos. There. I said it. Always prying with their distrustful pink eyes...

Posted by: Skitz at November 26, 2008 11:00 AM

I wanna be in the race war, too!!! Only I'm not so sure what race I am.

Posted by: Sofía at November 26, 2008 11:02 AM

MOTHERFUCKING RACE WAAAR!!

get the latina!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 26, 2008 11:09 AM

RAAAAAWWWWRRR!!!

Alright, all my African/Scottish/Malaysian/French/Indian brothers! RALLY 'ROUND ME!!!!

Hello?

Is anyone there?

Aw, balls. I'm gonna get my ass kicked in this war.

Fucking mixed blood.

Posted by: TK at November 26, 2008 11:15 AM

Stupid albinos. Always taking the best jobs... THIS IS AMERICA! MY CONSTITUTION DEMANDS YOU HAVE PIGMENT! THE SUN IS OUR GOD!

Posted by: Skitz at November 26, 2008 11:21 AM

Noooo no race war, you guys get Barack Obama all in charge and shit and we get stuck with McCain, Bush and *shudder* Palin and Brown(as in Gordon)


We'd be boned!!


Then again...assuming no new casting decisions get made any time soon, we DO have Doctor Who

So until the BBC decide to stop being SO british, we might just have you running

Sure you get the ObaMessiah but we get the Lord (of time) thats right the LORD(oftime)


SO please, no race war, we dont want to have to...like...TARDIS you or...something

Posted by: nadine at November 26, 2008 11:22 AM

Race War?

It's a Thanksgiving miracle.

Posted by: Kayanne at November 26, 2008 11:23 AM

Oh, fuck you Skitz. You think I like my tax dollars going towards your creepy conjoined twin? HUH? I know that motherfucker doesn't work, just sits around in your creepy chest basket and lives on the dole, sucking on the welfare tit. And you JUST LET HIM! You're calling ME unAmerican?

HA!

Bastard.

Posted by: Albino Steve at November 26, 2008 11:24 AM

Oh wait if its us against Albino's im totally in on that shit, hey Albino Steve *shines a bright light* taste my pain bitch!

Posted by: Nadine at November 26, 2008 11:26 AM

Oh, Albino Steve, how I wondered when you were going to pop your pigment-deprived afro through these doors. You know goddam good and well that Wendel sweats more Red, White & Blue than the whole lot of you powder-people combined. He'll put a turkey claw in your ass, it's the American way.

Posted by: Skitz at November 26, 2008 11:37 AM

Skitz, your racism disgusts me almost as much as that sickly, pedophilic, skin-sharing meatsack you call a brother. I vow to wipe you and your kind off the face of this planet.

Posted by: Albino Steve at November 26, 2008 11:42 AM

By the way, Godtopus is Hispanic.

Posted by: Sofía at November 26, 2008 11:46 AM

I don't know if Albino Steve is new or if it's Skittums talking to himself again, but the link to that JPEG from Princess Bride made me pee.

Posted by: Julie at November 26, 2008 11:50 AM

Wait, wait, wait...

I thought Godtopus was blue. What am I supposed to believe any more?

Posted by: Kayanne at November 26, 2008 12:00 PM

That's it Steve - it's on... Why? Because as everybody knows, albinism is a hypopigmentary congenital thingamajig, characterized by a partial and/or total lack of melanin pigment (the stuff that give you a smidge of color). How do you "get it"? From inheritance of recessive alleles. That's right, it's HEREDITARY. Not infectious, not transmitted by blood transfusions, contact with another of the powder-people, or a form of voodoo.

You and I go way back, Stevie - far enough back to know that you weren't BORN an albino. You turned yourself into one. I know you were jealous of what Samantha and I had going on, but FAKING albinism to play on her emotions? Especially after you convinced a rogue team of powders to kill her parents? That's just fucked up, man. You wanna wipe me off the planet? Have at it. I'll be in the MurderTank, enjoying a White Russian in honor of exposing you in front of your milky masses.

Posted by: Skitz at November 26, 2008 12:02 PM

"...or if it's Skittums talking to himself again..."

Why do people keep saying that?

Posted by: Skitz at November 26, 2008 12:04 PM

Skits, I pity you, I truly do. Your capacity for delusion is truly bottomless. You need to insult and be cruel to others to make up for your revolting defects that you are secretly ashamed of. It's would be sad to see, if I didn't loathe you so much.

I don't know who this Samantha is that you speak of, but I must ask: Does she know about Wendel's... appetites? Does she know what he's done? What YOU'VE done for him?

Posted by: Albino Steve at November 26, 2008 12:16 PM

Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR RACE!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 26, 2008 12:25 PM

Sofia, I think we're Brown? Maybe?

Godtopus is hispanic. He owns a bodega and sells illegal tacos out in the alley behind the shop. Likes listening to Buena Vista Social Club.

True story, man.

Also, Kayanne, not all Hispanics are brown you know! We can be blue. RACIST.

Posted by: figgy at November 26, 2008 12:40 PM

Mmmmm... illegal tacos...

Posted by: TK at November 26, 2008 12:44 PM

Eff you, figgy, I'm color blind! I thought you guys were lying with the Almighty's visage just to screw with me...

Like that one time when I was 13 and I'd pissed my mom off and she laid out purple shoes, red pants and a sherbert green top for me to wear to school that day.

I can still hear the laughs.

And I'm only racists to whatever the hell Wendel is, dammit, get it straight. Fucker broke my heart!

Posted by: Kayanne at November 26, 2008 12:46 PM

What the fuck can my Hungarian ass do to help this Thanksgiving race war cause?

Oh yeah. grill tri-tips at my friend's house.

Fuck her turkey. Fuck it hard and long.

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at November 26, 2008 12:52 PM

Well, hell. I am stuck in this here white body and there's fuck all I can do about it. Does it help if I carry the guilt of over-educated white folks (demonstrated most obviously by Unitarian Universalist congregations everywhere) and work in affirmative action? Cuz if not, then I have to load the damned shotgun and that means remembering where I put the key to the ammo safe because I am, after all, the sort of lame ass white girl who plays by the rules. You'd think I would have figured out to eschew all that, what with the zombie threat level rising and all.

Posted by: Reba at November 26, 2008 12:54 PM

Ahahahaha....nice, Kayanne, very nice. I forgive you because you have such an evil mother. That was HARSH.

And hey, I'm all up for Wendelism.

Posted by: figgy at November 26, 2008 12:54 PM

Fuck her turkey. Fuck it hard and long.

Bestiality is illegal, Becky Tri-Tips. Psh, Hungarians.

Posted by: Kayanne at November 26, 2008 12:55 PM

Of course Godtopus is Hispanic, and his blue skin confirms it. Don't you know Hispanics like to choke each other until our heads grow on size and our skin turns blue, and one of our eyes pops out while the other transforms into 8 tentacles?

Whiteys... pff.

Posted by: Sofía at November 26, 2008 1:02 PM

Whiteys... pff.

*sobs* I can't help that being white makes me inherently ignorant to the cultures of others. Between that and the freckles on my nose in the summer... I'm cursed!

*whispers to figgy* Actually, that's never happened to me, but it's totally true of a friend of mine. Except his mom did it more than once (because he was an asshole more than once). He allowed me use of the joke when things got awkward (especially when it came to the different coloring of different ethnicities). However, I am astigmatic so, without any corrective lenses I can barely make out shapes and colors blend together. Good times! /whisper


And yes, Wendelism. That bastard deserves it for what he did to me!

And why is Albinism unpatriotic? Red, white and blue are America's colors. So if Albino Steve has a red-headed friend and he hangs out with Godtopus (or another blue hispanic), then they are literally the symbol of this great (eh) nation!

Posted by: Kayanne at November 26, 2008 1:16 PM

Of course Godtopus is Hispanic, and his blue skin confirms it.

Hold on here...everyone looks alike, semi-socialist community, a distinct language using frequently repeated words, small makeshift living spaces, everyone is blue...the Smurfs were Hispanic! How did I never see that before!

Posted by: branded at November 26, 2008 1:47 PM

This is where I throw out the grenade that different races of humans are more similar, genetically speaking, than different breeds of dogs. And dogs obviously have figured out the solution to the problem; just keep fucking till no one knows what the hell they are.

You want to talk to me about CULTURE war, well then we've got a conversation on our hands.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at November 26, 2008 1:48 PM

The first time I saw "race" was on a form I had to fill out in school in England. I wrote down "50 meter dash," as that was the race I was best at. My teacher told me that I was supposed to write down the color of my skin, whether I was white or brown. So, I crossed out "50 meter dash" and wrote "white with brown polka dots" because I have a lot of birthmarks. I thought I was being very accurate, but I got sent to the Head Mistress for being a smart ars. In hindsight, I should have written "skewbald."

Posted by: BWeaves at November 26, 2008 1:55 PM

The ending was the biggest pussiest cop out in cinematic history. Yeah, I said it.

Posted by: Devo at November 26, 2008 2:11 PM

Quit tryin' to ruin our race war, Rusty.

EVERYONE! GET THE REDHEAD!!!!

Posted by: TK at November 26, 2008 3:14 PM

Genny don't you worry your sweet pretty little old head about this mean old race war. The only thing you need to do is keep turning up in those tight little T-Shirts with you nipples slightly erect.

Posted by: Pookie at November 26, 2008 3:23 PM

Ignoring the incipient race war brewing in the comment thread above, may I offer a theory? The alternate ending included on the DVD had Big Willie surviving and escaping with the other pair; wouldn't it be just like the studio to completely ignore the theatrical ending, declare the DVD ending canon, and go with that instead? Hey presto, he's alive, no Newhart required.

Although, come to think of it, Newhart would really perk that movie up, wouldn't he?

Posted by: Snorklewacker at November 26, 2008 3:41 PM

You are right Snorklewacker, let's ignore the fun and frivolity that a race war would entail and listen to you drone on about your fucking alternate ending theories about a goddam movie that was moderately successful. What's next, are you're going to tell us your theories about how M*A*S*H should have ended?

Posted by: Pookie at November 26, 2008 5:24 PM

And dogs obviously have figured out the solution to the problem; just keep fucking till no one knows what the hell they are.

That's working for my family. My grand-niece is black, white, native american and chinese. And she looks hispanic, except for the dark blue eyes. The Godtopus knows we should mix it up a little more often. That little girl is, hands down, the cutest baby I have ever seen.

Posted by: Reba at November 26, 2008 6:47 PM

Kayanne evil, evil mother. But hilarious!

branded the Smurfs were French. They were all gay, produced one hot woman, hated everyone who wasn't a smurf, spoke their own cooky little language and smelled like mushrooms.

Totally French.

Posted by: figgy at November 26, 2008 7:49 PM

Kayanne evil, evil mother. But hilarious!

Ha, figgy, knowing the kid, I can tell you he probably deserved it whenever he got it. And I love that story. Definitely an evil genius of a mother, for sure.

But I like the theory that the smurfs were/are French. FUN FACT ALERT: "le smurf" in French is breakdance.

Knowledge is power!

Now back to the race war.

Posted by: Kayanne at November 26, 2008 8:29 PM

I'm not trying to hold Will Smith down or anything...but I think it's fricking hilarious that the new paperback cover shows him, even though the character inside is "of English-German descent". I kind of hope somebody got fired for that.

Judging books by covers being put aside, the movie was a serious disappointment considering the awesomeness of the short story. Serious. I hope Hollywood ceases its bastardization of all my faves. Because I like books and I like movies and I would hate to give up one for the other.

Posted by: Porkchop at November 27, 2008 12:00 AM

Hold it, TK. Since we're getting the mixed-race up in this bitch, who put you in charge? If anyone's gonna yell "sic 'em" for the biracials in the house, it's gonna be either me or our president elect. Got it?

Posted by: Kris at December 1, 2008 5:36 PM

The DVD has an alternate ending where Robert Neville survives. Start the sequel with the alternate ending.

Posted by: Mike at March 6, 2009 3:19 PM