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Just the Absolute Worst Prequel Idea

I Mean, Really / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 25, 2008 | Comments (45)

What do you do when you have an incredibly successful end-of-the-world post-apocalyptic thriller where your box-office monster of a lead bites a grenade in the end? The world and your box-office clout is dead, so a sequel is basically out of the equation.

The answer, of course, is a prequel. Nevermind that we ultimately know the fate of Robert Neville — apparently, Hollywood thinks they can extract some tension out of the days leading up to the days when the world ended. Also, if I’m not mistaken, the days before the days were actually covered in a series of flashbacks, so where does that leave the prequel for I Am Legend? The days before the days before the days leading up to the end? Awesome, we can watch Will Smith eat breakfast, go to the office, and come home and play dolls with his daughter, knowing exactly how it will all end. I suppose the good news is that the dog will return.

Will Smith is returning, as is the original’s director, Frances Lawrence. The storyline is based on an extensive outline penned by Akiva Goldsman, the genius behind Batman and Robin and Practical Magic (oh, OK: He also wrote Cinderella Man).

You know what else is a great idea? A prequel to Juno, covering the days leading up to the scene, covered in flashbacks, where Juno gets pregnant in the chair. Let’s do this, Diablo.


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Comments

Oh. Oh, no.

*disappointed sigh*

Well I'm off to the video store to pick up Rashomon, which is what I will watch instead of this. Fuck you, Hollywood.

Posted by: "Sybil" "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at September 25, 2008 5:19 PM

I've got a much worse prequel idea:

28 Days Earlier: Cillian Murphy's character is in the coma that wound up making him miss the plague and saved his life.

That's it. He's in a coma for 28 days. It can just be the highlights of the 28 days of coma.

I'd watch it.

Posted by: Jerce at September 25, 2008 5:20 PM

Full Disclosure: I refuse to watch "I am Legend" on account of what happens to the German Shepherd. I will *NEVER* watch it.

Having said that, WHAT. DA.' FUCK!? This wasn't Commando or Under Siege, where it was a given the lead had previous adventures ....I am...beyond words.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 5:25 PM

I'd watch that, Jerce.

As long as he was in a naked coma.

Posted by: "Sybil" "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at September 25, 2008 5:25 PM

If it makes you feel any better Sybil, they're planning to remake Rashomon and set it in america

Posted by: Dariuss at September 25, 2008 5:35 PM

Actually, there is some cool background stuff in the novella. I haven't seen the movie, but the story's mostly about his day-to-day life, and it's surprisingly interesting. Anybody read it and seen the movie? Is there anything left to explore?

Posted by: AM at September 25, 2008 5:36 PM

It's not about what else is left to explore; it's what is left to cash in on.

They see potential profit w/another installment, the built-in Will Smith demographic.

Details and exploration of other things are secondary and tertiary considerations, and my guess is that the content (lack) will reflect this cart-before-the-horse thinking.

Posted by: Recondite at September 25, 2008 5:42 PM

Dariuss, that's exactly why I'm getting the original. Because no. No that does not make me, or anyone else, feel better. That is the only idea worse than this one.

Posted by: "Sybil" "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at September 25, 2008 5:44 PM

If they're going to remake anything it should be the goddamned ending. I wasn't pissed initially (although it was kind of a dud), but then I went and read the book. Then I stewed for a bit, before ultimately deciding to have that Fresh Prince tattoo removed via laser. I also decided to write Smith and request my donation to his Scientology Center be returned. Jazzy Jeff wouldn't have pulled a boner like that...

Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at September 25, 2008 5:55 PM

Having first watched I Am Legend on DVD, with both endings, I keep forgetting which is the theatrical one. Then I remember it's the terrible ending and I get a little sad inside.

Posted by: Macafee at September 25, 2008 6:06 PM

I thought Jazzy Jeff died in a grease fire....

Posted by: popejenn at September 25, 2008 6:07 PM

I can't fucking believe they're making another shitty as movie like this. Wait. I can.

The novella is an amazing story and "I Am Legend" the movie was a sad sack of shit and shouldn't share the same title. I'm truly disgusted they're making a sequel. Ugh.

I'm so disgusted I'm going to go read the book again and try to forget I ever watched the film...

Posted by: Virenda at September 25, 2008 6:12 PM

*Sad horns*

Why?

Personally, i liked the movie more than the book. That "short" story bored the heck out of me until Robert actually started encountering the vampire-like things. And the ending to the story sucked balls. I liked the alternate film ending. It was so wonderfully bleak.

Posted by: NotBlonde at September 25, 2008 6:27 PM

Is it just him during the years he was on his own? That was my favorite part of the movie. I think I could actually watch that. Him, the dog, maybe some mannequins. It would work. Real small character study. WITH ZOMBIES!!! Oooohohhohohoh *Hoot*.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 25, 2008 6:45 PM

AM - the movie is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike the book. I wish they would make a movie actually like the book, but apparently Robert Neville is only cool enough for Hollywood if he's a scientist (He must be like, the one person on the planet who is considered cooler as a scientist.)

Posted by: s. pisaster at September 25, 2008 6:59 PM

I don't mean to be "that guy", but I didn't know the ending to I Am Legend, and have, until now, been very careful to keep it that way.

I guess that's all shot to hell now. Thanks.

Posted by: Audiosuede at September 25, 2008 7:05 PM

I'll BE Legend... someday?

That, and my comment, are the dumbest things ever to happen.

Posted by: Sofía at September 25, 2008 7:06 PM

Well, maybe you shouldn't have been reading a comment thread about a movie that came out a year ago with a notoriously "surprise" ending?

You can't walk in a barnyard and complain about stepping in shit.

Not that these comments are shit...or that Pajiba is a barnyard. Oh never mind.

Posted by: AM at September 25, 2008 7:11 PM

Hey, Jazzy Jeff is still alive and kickin', y'all!
http://www.myspace.com/djjazzyjeff

As for 'I Am Legend', I watched it on dvd and finally could handle watching Will Smith on-screen again. But then all that goodwill was shot to hell with Hancock. So now I'm like, Will, I don't really what you do anymore, you're dead to me again.

And I bet last year that if Will's version didn't get the book right, well there's no hope that hollywood could ever get it right. Nevertheless, my favorite will always be The Omega Man those crash-zooms of the city are to-die-for. =)

Posted by: Teresa at September 25, 2008 7:16 PM

In Audiosuede's defense, we do typically preface any talk about endings with "spoiler" alerts.

I also have not seen I Am Legend, even though all the bitching about the ending pretty much solved the puzzle straight away.... but still. Be kind. Some of us do wait for the TV/Cable viewings.

Posted by: Stella at September 25, 2008 7:19 PM

In Audiosuede's defense, we do typically preface any talk about endings with "spoiler" alerts.

Posted by: Stella at September 25, 2008 7:19 PM

--------------------------------------------------


Hahahaha NO no no, AMATEURS, preface with spoiler warnings...that's not how I roll THEY BLOW UP THE DEATH STAR IN STAR WARS. ..BRUCE WILLIS IS DEAD in THE SIXTH SENSE...bwahahahahahahaha

BAM!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 7:29 PM

BSlim, just have some mercy and don't spoil anybody about the ending of Titanic. The suspense is the best part!

Posted by: Sarina at September 25, 2008 7:35 PM

Slim... I need you for this one. I never got around to seeing The Passion of the Christ but I heard the ending is a real doozy. Could you just maybe give me a hint as to how it ends?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 25, 2008 7:42 PM

Could you just maybe give me a hint as to how it ends?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 25, 2008 7:42 PM
------------------------------------------

I've only seen the alternate ending shown in Bulgaria:

Jesus trips one of the Roman soldiers and takes his gladius. He quickly dispatches most of the Jews on the street and proceeds Pontius' palace where he he takes his wife hostage. There's a VERY controversial rape scene.
As it's goin' down Pilate walks in and kills Jesus with a cross shaped dagger.

That's the ending I saw.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 25, 2008 8:01 PM

-Dorothy wakes up in her own bed!

-Butch and Sundance die in a hail of gunfire.

-It was actually Norman wearing his mom's clothes--she'd been dead for years!

-Sherriff Brody kills the shark by blowing it up after it swallows an air tank.

-Rick convinces Ilsa to leave on the plane with Victor.

-Tyler Durden and the narrator are the same person!

Posted by: Jerce at September 25, 2008 8:57 PM

Dot comes back out of her house and the kangaroo is gone.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????

Posted by: Jay at September 25, 2008 9:25 PM

The thing is, that movie has been available on DVD for some time now, so what are you saving yourself for? If you haven't watched it yet, you're probably not going to.

No one likes a whiner.

Posted by: Yerba Buena at September 25, 2008 9:34 PM

@Jerce
When you mentioned Norman wearing his mom's clothes, I thought you were talking about the finale of Cheers.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at September 25, 2008 9:35 PM

Speaking of legend, there's a story at newspaper where I work about an entertainment writer so dumb her review of a Passion play included the line, "I won't spoil the ending for you ..."

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 25, 2008 9:49 PM

Dammit, Rhyme, you need to include a spoiler alert when you make the same joke I do. That's only polite.

Only ... supposedly mine isn't a joke. I know the writer. I believe the story.

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 25, 2008 9:51 PM

Sorry, Buc. Didn't know I was stepping on your lines there. Wouldn't want a tongue-lashing from one with such a formidable reputation.
And Keyzer Soze is Verbal Kent!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 25, 2008 10:04 PM

Speaking of legend, there's a story at newspaper where I work about an entertainment writer so dumb her review of a Passion play included the line, "I won't spoil the ending for you ..."

He fixes the cable?

Posted by: Jay at September 25, 2008 10:05 PM

Speaking of spoilers...

SPOILER ALERT

Have you seen this t-shirt?
http://www.threadless.com/product/844/Spoilt

Posted by: Teenormous.com at September 25, 2008 10:17 PM

Dot comes back out of her house and the kangaroo is gone.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????

Holy fucking shit, Jay, you've seen Dot & the Kangaroo? My brother and I LOVED that movie when we were kids. I don't think I've ever known another person besides him who's even heard of it.

Is it sick and wrong that your familiarity with obscure Australian children's films makes me want to molest you even more thoroughly than I did before?

Posted by: Sarina at September 25, 2008 10:25 PM

Jay, I applaud that quote. Brilliant execution and an example of fine taste.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 25, 2008 10:32 PM

But did you dissolve in tears too?

Harsh.

I remember one of the sequels was a happier sort of national tour, but I probably wasn't paying attention and missed the tragedy.

Posted by: Jay at September 25, 2008 10:38 PM

Weeeeeeeell ... as long as you're sorry it's OK.

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 25, 2008 11:04 PM

Oh yeah: The butler did it.

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 25, 2008 11:53 PM

This has nothing to so with I am Legend or anything else... but on the main page, do I not see and ad for BELLA SARA game playing cards??? These are cardboard crack, magic/maplestory/horsey-time fun cards for 9 year old girls. How is this ad reaching its demographic on the site?
How do I know what these are? Mr. Bridget owns a small shop dealing in magic, yugioh and the like.
shut up.

Posted by: Bridget at September 26, 2008 8:41 AM

I Am Legend 1/2: Electric Bugaloo (In My Pants)

Aw, come on, someone had to say it.

OK, fine... I'll slink back under the stairs and recommence lurking. *sigh*

Posted by: Ed Newman at September 26, 2008 8:47 AM

I think this could actually be a good thing. One of the big isappointments of the movie was how little vamp action there was. A prequel could show us spread of the infection across the world, the intense chaos that gripped the city with a bunch of damn vampires running around, and how neville managed to survive on his own all those years. The flashbacks really only showed a very tiny portion of what had occured prior to the events in the movie,

Posted by: Drew at September 26, 2008 9:52 AM

Keyzer Soze is Verbal Kent!

Great, thanks a lot, Optimus! Dammit! Well, I guess I won't bother watching it, now.

By the way, if bucdaddy offers to give you a tongue-lashing? Take. It. That man is goooooood.

P.S. Teresa, i was going to say the same thing! Charlton Heston rocks my world.

Posted by: "Sybil" "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at September 26, 2008 10:08 AM

The movie, 'I Am Legend' differs from the book in a number of ways. There are subtleties regarding how the protagonist (Neville) interacts with the creatures and vampires that lurk in the alleyways and self created compounds around the city. Certain instances blur the line between whether his brutality is justified. To contrast, at the climax of the film, Neville is confronted by these vampiric creatures whome he felt were devoid of humanity up to no good. They had started making trouble in his neighborhood. They got in one little fight in his mom got scared...

Posted by: ms shai at September 26, 2008 11:39 AM

"That man is gooooooood."

Sweet-talker. Come 'ere ...

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 26, 2008 9:38 PM

Maybe Will Smith should have just stuck to his character in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air because his movies now are not such a stretch or of much interest to me anymore. His character on the show had way more to work with and at least was tolerable because of all the music and Carlton doing his little dance at least made me chortle in pleasure.

Posted by: ph at September 28, 2008 10:15 PM