free counter with statistics Humpty Dumpty Movie News | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

humptyrichardsonecu.jpg
Well... I Damn Sure Didn't See This Coming...

Is That a Good Thing? / TK

Trade News | April 28, 2009 | Comments (23)

I don’t… what… there’s…

OK.

So. There’s a movie coming out called Humpty Dumpty. It’s not based on the nursery rhyme, thank goodness. Instead, according to Variety, it’s a “3-D sci-fi horror pic… about a half-human, half-alien creature who embarks on a murderous rampage after his alien mother is abused by two rednecks in the Deep South.” It’s directed by David Ellis, most notably responsible for Snakes on a Plane. Now, Snakes on a Plane was pretty fucking stupid — but I’ll give it this: when the snakes first burst out of the cargo bins (and every other damn crevice of the plane), it’s almost transcendentally awesome. It’s about 15-20 minutes of raw panic, carnage and hilarity. It’s also pretty much the only decent part of the movie.

I admit, the premise sounds like good, not-so-clean, B-movie idiotic fun. If Ellis can do it right, it might be a little slice of horror joy. If wrong, it’ll make my soul weep. We’ll see. Of course, this is a convenient excuse to post this again:

Ah, network dubbing. An endless source of amusement.


← Machete Danny Trejo | Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Book Review →



Comments

Did...did he just say monkey-fighting snakes?

Because that is almost--ALMOST--as awesome.

Posted by: figgy at April 28, 2009 8:34 PM

"Monday to Friday plane"..... Wait. I totally did just LMAO. Now how will I shake my booty for Mr. Janey in my new panties? Or, for that matter, shit on Nic Cage's forehead if I'm ever given the chance?
Goddammit TK.

Posted by: Janey at April 28, 2009 8:38 PM

I do believe my favorite tv edit ever is and will always be from The Usual Suspects. From the line-up:

"Give me the keys, you fairy godmother!"

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 28, 2009 8:56 PM

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Couldn't stop Humpty from makin' Jeb Squeeeeel like a pig!

Posted by: admin at April 28, 2009 9:10 PM

If this is anything short of awesome, or at least awfulsome, I'm going to find David Ellis and beat him with a taxidermied snake. My doctor said if I don't get a dose of laughably awesome horror movie soon my twisted little heart will turn all squishy and normal. True story, scout's honor.

Posted by: stardust savant at April 28, 2009 9:10 PM

Best tv edit is from Repo Man, "Sun of a bitch --> Slug in a ditch. Pure poetry.

Posted by: jbrader at April 28, 2009 9:29 PM

whenever i think of humpty dumpty, i think of ricky gervais' bit:

"don't send horses to perform medical procedures. of course they couldn't put him back together; they haven't got the dexterity... if i had to design the perfect egg crushing device, it would be a hoof."

brilliant.

Posted by: stopthemadness at April 28, 2009 9:57 PM

My doctor said if I don't get a dose of laughably awesome horror movie soon my twisted little heart will turn all squishy and normal.

Take two shots, watch Dog Soldiers and call me in the morning.

Posted by: Inaras at April 28, 2009 10:15 PM

jbrader,

Melon farmer.

End of discussion.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at April 29, 2009 12:57 AM

Scarface... "This town is like a great big chicken, just waiting to get plucked."

Posted by: Trina at April 29, 2009 1:19 AM

First of all, that is a great picture. Where is it from?

Otherwise, whaaaa?

Posted by: Sharon at April 29, 2009 3:05 AM

All I can say is: Mother, father, Chinese dentist!

Posted by: puregonzo at April 29, 2009 8:45 AM

So, when the half-human-half-alien goes on a murderous rampage, does he just murder randomly, or is he mostly focusing his rampage on red necks?

Posted by: tamatha at April 29, 2009 9:28 AM

Follow up 'Dog Soldiers' with a strong dose of 'Slither' followed by a 'Severance' chaser.

Posted by: Nieve at April 29, 2009 10:04 AM

My favorite TV edit was in that dirty Meg Ryan movie "In The Cut." They kept talking about someone giving "snow jobs."

Posted by: BWeaves at April 29, 2009 10:27 AM

Granted, I haven't seen the un-TV-edited version of She's All That in years but I'm pretty sure in the original, Freddie Prinze Jr. wasn't bragging about how there are 2000 girls in his school and he could "bum monkeys" with any one of them.

After numerous rewinds, I think it was downgraded from "bump uglies." ...Because that's worse?

Posted by: littlesilverboulder at April 29, 2009 11:06 AM

Meet a tall and Hot woman on – Seekingtall.com. I’m sure your lover is there.

Posted by: salawhite at April 29, 2009 11:18 AM

"This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps."

Big Lebowski

Posted by: superEdna at April 29, 2009 1:11 PM

Kill Bill, Vol. 1 on AMC:

"My name is Buck, and I like to party!"

And his truck is the Partywagon.

Posted by: antoinette jeanine at April 29, 2009 2:34 PM

It's not network dubbing. They filmed that when they were making the movie, so there would be a network-friendly reading of that line. I'm convinced SLJ shouted out the most ridic combo of M-F adjectives that he could think of, just to mess with people.

Posted by: Sarah at April 29, 2009 5:31 PM

superedna i think i love you.

i hadn't heard that lebowski dub and it's golden!

Posted by: mswas at April 29, 2009 7:03 PM

New Humpty Dumpty Images - A new face f fear

Posted by: charles at May 15, 2009 4:44 PM

New Humpty Dumpty Images - A new face of fear www.humptymovie.com

Posted by: charles at May 15, 2009 4:45 PM