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How Many Acts Could a Wooden Actress Act Through If A Wooden Actress Could Act At All?

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (30)



scarlett_johansson_as_black_widow_in_iron_man_2-normal.jpg

Really Marvel? Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow is a good film idea? Did any of you even see Iron Man 2? I mean yes, the girl is stunningly gorgeous and her boobs even mesmerize me sometimes. Is that it? She hypnotized you with her boobs? Or did you stay late at a party one night and end up in a threesome with Scarlett and RyRey? Did they get video and blackmail you? (Although I’m thinking that shit would give you bragging rights more than give them blackmail material.) Lynda Carter was all boobs too but at least she had a sense of timing and some comedic ability. Let’s all think about Iron Man 2 and what we remember about the film. RDJ and his happy suits? Check. The ghost of his Daddy issues and visions of Disney’s Tomorrowland? Check. Freaky-faced Mickey and his funny accent? Check. Those light-up whip things? Big fights and lots of things smashing and blowing up? Gwynnie trying not to be her regular, stuffy self? Check, check and check. What’s that you say? Scarlett Johansson was there? Really, are you sure? Oh yeah, she had a really teensy waist, and a notebook and some boobs. Say, why not headline her character in a movie? Brilliant.

Admittedly I haven’t seen many ScarJo films - she was better in Vicky Christina Barcelona, but that isn’t saying much and I barely remember her appearance in The Prestige. With Javier and Penélope onscreen, even her boobs couldn’t compete. She can probably handle the role physically, but is she compelling enough to draw an audience to this type of a film and keep them entertained? I just don’t know. Johansson is already set to play the character in The Avengers; that will likely give us (and Marvel) better insight. Marvel head Kevin Feige said story ideas are already in the works so it certainly sounds like this is a go.

What say you all - can ScarJo’s Black Widow carry a movie?









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Comments

i actually don't remember her in iron man 2, though the whole pic was forgettable, maybe she was first to go.

i think i used to be hypnotized by her, but between her meagre acting range and the fact that hollywood has begun its normal starlet process of fasting away her attractiveness the honeymoon has definitely ended.

Posted by: idleprimate at September 29, 2010 5:06 PM

Who? The mannequin with the tits?

Posted by: admin at September 29, 2010 5:11 PM

So, a mannequin?

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at September 29, 2010 5:22 PM

A Tony award winning mannequin.

Posted by: Robert at September 29, 2010 5:27 PM

i remember her in "lost in translation", "girl with a pearl earring" and "match point" and she was really good

Posted by: caro at September 29, 2010 5:32 PM

Recast her with Emily Blunt.

Posted by: John W at September 29, 2010 5:39 PM

She was good in Ghostworld, her first role I think, and that carried over into Lost in Translation (Bill Murray makes everyone better). But once she grew up and filled out, her performances have been all one-note and boring. Including Matchpoint, as much as I love that movie. Emily Mortimer acts circles around her in that flick.

I've said it before, a Black Widow movie could totally work, just not with her. Incidentally, a woman who played another Daredevil lover would make a great Black Widow: Jennifer Garner.

Also, consider me surprised that you and I agree on something, Cindy. Hugs!

Posted by: RobP at September 29, 2010 5:48 PM

She was fine in Ghost World.

Posted by: Simon at September 29, 2010 5:49 PM

Hmmm...turns out her first role was actually a small part in Rob Reiner's "North". Have to admit, I would have guessed "The Horse Whisperer".

Posted by: Simon at September 29, 2010 5:54 PM

i'd rather see katee sackoff as black widow. i'm really tired of action heroines who seem excessively breakable and/or vapid

Posted by: idleprimate at September 29, 2010 6:04 PM

@Simon Giving those tits their intro to Hollywood was probably the only good thing about North. Well, that and Bruce Willis inexplicably in a pink bunny suit.

Posted by: Reina at September 29, 2010 6:11 PM

Maybe they hired her because its required of her to take her clothes off in most of her movies? Who knows. I know it'll be a PG-13 movie but I'm sure there will be some kind of titty slip somewhere in there. What fanboy wouldn't pay to see that?

Posted by: Candy at September 29, 2010 6:23 PM

can ScarJo’s Black Widow carry a movie?

FUCK and NO.

Posted by: Seany D at September 29, 2010 6:26 PM

I just can't stand her. Her eyes are always vacant, she's so boring. Bleh.

Posted by: Chickaboom at September 29, 2010 6:49 PM

"Giving those tits their intro to Hollywood was probably the only good thing about North"

Wasn't she 9 years old when that came out? Were they really giving those tits their intro to Hollywood then? Creepy.

Posted by: Pat C at September 29, 2010 6:54 PM

If it's all action, like the whole 2 minutes that she did anything in Iron Man 2, I would watch.

But if it's mostly her legal secretary alter ego, well... *sigh* yeah I'd watch that too, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much. :-\

Posted by: Sage at September 29, 2010 6:59 PM

Even I have to say, Jennifer Garner would be a much better Black Widow.

Posted by: scarjo at September 29, 2010 8:20 PM

Thanks for the endorsement, babe.
Can I just say, your bod is luscious. I'd totally tap that.

Posted by: Jen Garner at September 29, 2010 8:31 PM

Huzzah! I started a thing!

Wait, did I just put a jinx on this? God damn it!

Posted by: RobP at September 29, 2010 8:40 PM

My copy of the Kama Sutra has ~237 pages. At one / page, that's 237 "acts" for which ScarJo is qualified. On film, please.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 29, 2010 8:57 PM

Last I checked most comic books are full of hot girls with little emotion wearing tight spandex and kicking ass. She's perfect! Perfect for the role of a minor and uninteresting Marvel character as well. To all the naysayers, how many of you would actually SEE a Black Widow movie? How bout none, probably. What difference does it make? Let them cast whoever they want- they could cast the world's best actress and the fuckin' thing will, by law, still suck. By law!

Posted by: EJ at September 29, 2010 11:22 PM

Fine as fapstarter.

Carry a movie? Hell naw.

Posted by: , at September 30, 2010 1:16 AM

no.

Posted by: denesteak at September 30, 2010 1:52 AM

Olga Kerylnko probably is available now. You know, who should have been cast in the first place.

Posted by: sean at September 30, 2010 2:18 AM

I like her because, well, I'm male but she would not be my first pick. That being said the movies success will have more to do with the script and director than her.

Posted by: logan at September 30, 2010 8:50 AM

@Sage

So you're actually a fan of Heidi Moneymaker, her stunt double, who did all the action.

Posted by: Wembley at September 30, 2010 9:19 AM

She hypnotized you with her boobs?
Yes.

Posted by: OlorinGrayhame at September 30, 2010 3:52 PM

I just want more sexy screen captures and maybe a gif or two, fuck the movie.

Posted by: greenbastard at September 30, 2010 4:01 PM

Carry a movie no, put her in leather, rub with baby oil, turn on shower, video tape, sell for billions of dollars.

Posted by: clancys_daddy at September 30, 2010 8:05 PM

I remember Eliza Dushku lobbying for the role and everytime Black Widow came on screen all I could do was imagine her in the role. While I know Dushku has a wooden reputation on this site, she could have at least given the character some personality.

I'm not excited for Black Widow in The Avengers and I wouldn't be excited for a Black Widow movie. And it's all because of Scarlett Johansson.

Posted by: Ethan at September 30, 2010 10:48 PM