Okay, now this is some bullshit. Late yesterday, Variety reported that Alcon Entertainment, some fucking company nobody has ever heard of, is running fullsteam ahead with a mix cartoon/live-action Hong Kong Phooey (and Brett Ratner’s a producer!). For those of you too young to remember, “Hong Kong Phooey” was one of the 1970’s Hanna-Barbera staples of Saturday morning, featuring a crime-fighting kung fu dog. As a 1970’s cartoon, it rocked. As a modern movie, it’ll do something less thank rock.
But that’s not what I’m pissed off about. No, ya’ see, I don’t give a shit about a “Hong Kong Phooey” movie. But if they’re going to dig into my childhood for cartoon superheros, whatever with Hong Kong and his kung fu. If you’re going to rape and pillage, do it right. I want Captain Caveman. I want Jabberjaw. And I want a motherfucking Bananaman movie and I wants it now! I mean seriously, the motherfucker can defeat aliens with little more than the power of a few carefully tossed banana peels. Kung fu ain’t got shit on slapstick!
Unfamiliar with Bananaman? Watch and learn, friend, watch and learn:
See, fucking rad, right? He’s got banana-powered biceps, for crying out loud! Stupid Hollywood studios, get on this shit now.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 14, 2009 10:22 AM
So...when Bananaman gets his superpowers he grows goiters on his chin and neck? Because that's what I'm getting from that video up there. Motherfucker looks like a bag of suet got strapped to his chin.
How can they make a movie about someone who is "quicker than the human eye"? Will it be in slow motion?
Posted by: mswas at July 14, 2009 11:15 AM
I second the Dander Mouse love. If handled well, it could be awesome; or at the very least not suck.
Posted by: androstarr at July 14, 2009 11:16 AM
, (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) - sorry, I didn't mean to imply that Hanna-Barbera was responsible for "Bananaman," as they weren't. It's a British import and, at least stateside, it ran as a companion to the wonderful "Dangermouse." And if Hollywood ever touches "Dangermouse," I am going spontaneous combustion and taking this whole city with me.
What about those four lame superheros - I can't remember the name of the show, but there was a baby who drank his super-bottle and then he could kick some ass. For some reason, I think they were all a little, shall we say "dim"? And why is he the only one I remember of the four? Anyone? Did I just hallucinate this during my druggie experimental years?
Diaper Man! That's it Jay. What kind of twisted mind thinks up these things? My brother loved that show.
Posted by: Cindy at July 14, 2009 1:34 PM
Oh Cindy,
I know you love Lost so I know you appreciate a good concept. Lame? Like a hero called Diaperman wouldn't break the awesome meter. Come on, he later becomes an accountant at Man, Man, Man, Man & Man: Certified Mighty Public Accounting Firm!
I actually called out that we NEED this movie in yesterday's Thor thread.
Posted by: ed newman at July 14, 2009 1:35 PM
Think about it Ed, they don't call him Diaper Boy or Diaper Baby - but rather - Diaper Man. You want this dude representing you in a lawsuit or worse yet a criminal case? What happens when the courtroom gets stinky?
"Pardon me your honor, but I have to go change myself."
Posted by: Cindy at July 14, 2009 1:45 PM
Seth, No problem, it's just I'd never heard of Bananaman and knew the animation looked far too good (which is to say not absolutely crappy) to be H-B, but H-B was my only reference point.
---
"You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred."
When you find yourself in danger
When you're threatened by a stranger
When it look like you will take
A lickin'
There is someone waiting who will
Hurry up and rescue you just
Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall
For Superchicken
I spent way too many precious Saturday mornings in front of the TV when I was a child.
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And where's the Tom Slick (and his Thunderbolt Grease Slapper) movie? And for that matter, Thunderbolt the Wonder Colt?
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 14, 2009 2:14 PM
Well, first off I certainly wouldn't want Diaper Man to represent me in a court of law since he is an accountant. But I can definitely see the benefit of having him around during an IRS audit.
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If Scatman Crothers is still dead, I'm saying "NO".
Did "Underdog" really do that well?