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Hey Straight Guys: Here's Two Reasons You Might Reconsider Your Sexual Orientation

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (30)

fassbender-neil-patrick.jpg

(Via The Hollywood Reporter’s profile on Michael Fassbender and Out Magazine’s love issue.

Bonus, via @MiddleFrances

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And one more from Out.

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Comments

Those two again?

Posted by: Jay at January 18, 2012 2:43 PM

Both photos made me say, "Oh!" I'll let you guess as to the inflection of the "Oh" for each picture.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at January 18, 2012 2:44 PM

And if you don't, it's okay. We can imagine you that way just fine.

Posted by: Reba at January 18, 2012 2:52 PM

But sexual orientation is not a choice
unless you're a candidate

Posted by: PyD at January 18, 2012 2:56 PM

Yummmmmm.

Posted by: PerpetualIntern at January 18, 2012 3:00 PM

Neither of those reasons are "Allison Brie announces she'll only have sex with gay guys from now on" are they?

Until that happens; "meh"

Posted by: 93curr at January 18, 2012 3:02 PM

That's not Gina Caranno and Allison Brie engaged in a playful MMA contest so no I will not be turning lesbian. The fuck, Rowles?

Posted by: admin at January 18, 2012 3:07 PM

That Fassbender picture on the bed did make my eyebrows involuntarily raise.

Posted by: MM at January 18, 2012 3:08 PM

Scrolling down, I see Web Trends for Laura Prepon, Christina Hendricks, and Tiffanie Thiessen.

So I am going to go ahead and say, nope and nope. Bring me more Gina Carano boobage, please.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 18, 2012 3:16 PM

Naked Fassbender on a bed just reminded me of Hunger. I'll be weeping in the corner if anyone needs me and, yes, I am going full on Atomic Fetal.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 18, 2012 3:20 PM

Sweet Mother of God. You can't prepare anyone for Fassbender.

Posted by: duckandcover at January 18, 2012 3:32 PM

Fassbender looks kind of like the horse from Ren & Stimpy in that first picture. Are his nostrils just unusually flared?

Posted by: Cree83 at January 18, 2012 3:49 PM

Thanks to that picture of Gina Caranno, I'm never reconsidering my sexual orientation.

Posted by: MrFrye at January 18, 2012 3:52 PM

I don't get Fassbender. He's just meh to me.

Posted by: sarah at January 18, 2012 4:02 PM

Feh - those guys will hate me like straight women do.

Posted by: Meander at January 18, 2012 4:02 PM

I ain't reconsiderin' SHIT.

Except perhaps my caloric intake, because holy fuckballs I'm a fat, faaaaat water retaining sea beast compared to that first pic. Damn.

Posted by: The Gay at January 18, 2012 4:12 PM

All you did was make straight/bi women reaffirm THEIR sexual orientation. Not that we were in doubt. But damn. I'd totally let him bend my fass.

Posted by: Joker at January 18, 2012 4:19 PM

Everwet strikes again!

I am totally weirded out by how similar NPH and his partner look.

Posted by: Pants at January 18, 2012 4:29 PM

I'll switch if you can guarantee me some fassbender.

Posted by: John G. at January 18, 2012 4:52 PM

All you did was make straight/bi women reaffirm THEIR sexual orientation.

This is when Dustin temples his fingers.

Posted by: Jay at January 18, 2012 5:25 PM

I'm trying to provoke him into showing us hot women making out.

Posted by: Joker at January 18, 2012 5:46 PM

This is when Dustin temples his fingers.

Posted by: Jay at January 18, 2012 5:25 PM

And caresses his Persian lap cat...

Posted by: Jerry at January 18, 2012 5:52 PM

Ha! Just like Pinky, those two photos of Fassbender made me go "OH". So loud, too. Thank you, Baby Jesus. Thank you for him.

Posted by: figgy at January 18, 2012 6:39 PM

NPH is an American Treasure. I would go full-on sex-change if I thought I had a chance to steal him away from that husband of his.

Posted by: kucheza at January 18, 2012 11:09 PM

Also I think that second Fassbender photo just impregnated me.

Posted by: kucheza at January 18, 2012 11:09 PM

After Shame I feel a bit sad when I see Fassbender. Especially in photos that are so similar to shots from the film...

Posted by: marigi at January 19, 2012 4:00 AM

Isn't it sad that I knew exactly who wrote this article as soon as I saw the title?...

Life is short, Dustin. Being a crappy writer AND a closeted homosexual is too much a burden for any man to bear. This is 2012. No one will think any less of you for your sexual preference. Have a long talk with your "girlfriend" and step out of that closet already.

Posted by: Mark at January 19, 2012 9:36 AM

Seriously, guys? I've seen this stuff going around here for a while now, and I've kept my mouth shut, but I JUST. DON'T. GET. IT.

I don't understand the straight girls wanting the boy-on-boy action. I don't really understand the straight guys wanting the girl-on-girl, either - other than the obvious wait now there's TWO naked girls on the screen. Is it just that to be sufficiently hipster you've got to be bi-curious (or pretend to be, anyway)? If so, then I'm just never going to be hip enough.

I'm a straight man. I like women - no strike that, I LOVE women. I adore viewing them from afar, flirting with them when they are near, and letting my fingers explore the curves of their bodies. I love the scent of their skin and hair and the taste of them on my lips. I love the sounds they make - laughing, cumming, or breathing gently while sleeping. Women are my thing.

I don't care how pretty a man you show me, it's not going to make me want him. I don't secretly desire his naughty bits. That's because I prefer women. So ENOUGH already.

Posted by: NateS1973 at January 19, 2012 6:28 PM

Alright Nate, you're gay, we get it. Don't have to bash me over the head with your sexuality; look, I respect your life choices and what not but I just don't care who puts tab A into slot B and all.

Posted by: Salad_Is_Murder at January 19, 2012 11:35 PM

It's only because I've considered using your nick on a bumper sticker supporting my anti-PeTA organization (PeTPeeV - People for the Ethical Treatment and Protection of Each and Every Vegetable) that there's not a contract on your life right now, Salad_Is_Murder.

Posted by: NateS1973 at January 20, 2012 9:59 AM