Here’s the latest on the greenlit then killed now greenlit again He-Man movie, because I know there are a lot of wet panties out there dying to know: John Stevenson (Kung Fu Panda) is now set to direct the picture, whenever it’s finally directed. Justin Marks, who had written a previous script, has been replaced as screenwriter (and it’s no wonder: He’s responsible for Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li). In his place, Evan Daugherty has taken over. He’s got only one script — an unproduced one featured on the Black List (or best unproduced scripts in Hollywood) called Shrapnel.
For those of you blessedly unfamiliar with the 80’s cartoon, it was based on Mattel action figures, He-Man was about “Prince Adam who, when uttering the magic words, “By the power of Grayskull — I have the power,” turned into the heroic He-Man. He and his allies — Battle Cat, Man-at-Arms and Orko — defended their planet Eternia from the evil forces of Skeletor, who tried week after week to conquer the fortress Castle Grayskull, which imbued He-Man with his powers.”
The new version, as suggested by the title, Grayskull, will be darker and more Dark Knightier than the 80s cartoon. Warner Brothers envisions “a gritty fantasy and reimagines Adam as a soldier who sets off to find his destiny, happening upon the magical world of Eternia. There, Skeletor has raised a technological army and is bent on eradicating magic.”
I’m just going to quietly pound my head on my keyboard now.
That sounds like "Army of Darkness" if seen through a prism while drunk, full, and light-headed from standing up too quick.
Posted by: Kballs at May 13, 2009 11:35 AM
Hrmm...
I thought the first "He-Man" movie with Dolph Lundgren was more than sufficient.
Don't say goodbye. Say Good Journey.
Posted by: ForbiddenDonut at May 13, 2009 11:37 AM
So it's a sequel to King Arthur?
What the hell is this soldier blah blah blah BULL. SHIT? He's a prince he lives with his mom and dad in a castle, Skeletor and his cronies are trying to overthrow them. It doesn't get simpler than that.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 13, 2009 11:37 AM
When I was five my mom helped me write a letter to the television network asking them to air the He-Man cartoon in the afternoons after school. And a few months later they started broadcasting He-Man everyday after school. Do not fuck with my letter writing abilities, I can raise up mountains and turn cities to ash.
I also would take old cardboard boxes and cut them up into He-Man's sword and shield. I had a cardboard broadsword as tall as I was.
Speaking of Saturday morning stuff...this is getting way off topic but I blame Julie. Does anyone remember Star Stuff? The show about the kids living on different planets or something, who talked through their computers, and shared a love of Laurel and Hardy? Anyone???
Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 13, 2009 11:57 AM
I know that all my dearly beloved saturday morning cartoons, Bugs Bunny classics aside were barely concealed action figure marketing platforms, but that said, wasn't He-Man one of the worse ones? There were only like 8 characters which you saw over and over again, and no real story, am I right?
I can't remember a single coherent background to that series. It looked like what it was: a proud member of the Hanna-Barbera industrial cheap labour series of cartoons. Even as a 6-7 year old this series bored the crap out of me.
Posted by: jpguy13 at May 13, 2009 11:57 AM
I recently bought the He-Man and She-Ra cartoon series and watched it again. Although the corny dialog doesn't hold up, the underline message does. Besides I actually think it still better than some of the crap on TV today.
Posted by: DoubleH at May 13, 2009 12:00 PM
Julie I loved Muppet Babies! One of my favourite cartoons when I was a kid. Did you also watch the cartoon about the girl with a horse? She travelled to another land or something... pick, what was the name of that cartoon? I remember how the theme song went - "Once upon a dream, I think I lived inside a fairy tale and one poor soul was lost..."
Anyone remember that cartoon or am I off my rocker?
I'm still looking forward to a time when they will decide they need to remake the 1980s classic Hunk, which I watch around this time of year, every year.
Seriously, we need an Evening Comment Diversion on movies you'd actually LIKE to see redone!
Posted by: The Pink Hulk at May 13, 2009 12:10 PM
HoLY crap Whorish Mouth, I'm on the precipice of remembering that show but I can't. Quite. Get there. Totally rings a bell.
Yes, but will they keep the magic blend of Regan conservatism and homoeroticism? It's what made He-Man He-Man.
Posted by: Inaras at May 13, 2009 12:16 PM
HoLY crap Whorish Mouth, I'm on the precipice of remembering that show but I can't. Quite. Get there. Totally rings a bell.
Posted by: Julie at May 13, 2009 12:14 PM
----------------------------------------------
Was it Wildfire?
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 13, 2009 12:20 PM
Sorry I meant that for Kelly!!
I think her toon was Wildfire.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 13, 2009 12:24 PM
Julie, don't know if this will help, but it was a boy and a girl who spoke to each other through their computers. I can't remember which one was on Earth and which was in space or wherever. But they would show Laurel and Hardy clips. The theme song was from The Planets (Gustav Holst), I think.
My memory is fuzzy as well, since that's all I can remember of the show.
Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 13, 2009 12:32 PM
Forgot to mention that the boy and girl were actual actors...not cartoons.
Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 13, 2009 12:35 PM
Muh-muh-muh-muh-MASK!!! Nice.
Then there was the WWF cartoon. Junkyard Dog, baby!
I loved Dangermouse and Underdog. You know, back when Nickelodeon was great. I still reference Shirt Tales and Snorks, usually while making fun of someone, which is ironic.
Posted by: Kballs at May 13, 2009 12:38 PM
Oh, you're killing me WM...now I want to watch a clip.
I owe my love of swords to watching She-ra as a kid. I still have fantasies about uttering a few words and transforming into a well-armed bad-ass that can maim and mutilate anyone who annoys me.
Posted by: DeadBessie at May 13, 2009 12:56 PM
I still have fantasies about uttering a few words and transforming into a well-armed bad-ass that can maim and mutilate anyone who annoys me.
Oh it's easy ... "bartender, make it a double" does it for me.
When I was a mere boy and a beardless youth, Hanna-Barbera was crapping out shitball cartoons like "Huckleberry Hound", "Yogi Bear", "Quickdraw McGraw" and countless other forgettable piles of animated dreck. It only grew worse as I got older when the creation of cartoon horrors such as "Top Cat" and "Magilla Gorilla" put a nail in the caroon coffin. By the time of "He-Man" and (Godtopus, spare me the memories) "Scooby-Doo", I had given up on Saturday mornings and by the time I had a kid of my own was determined she'd have nothing to do with that wasteland of toy advertisements.
I don't want or need any remakes, re-imaginings or rebootings of ANY Saturday morning cartoon... hated them then, despise them now.
Go away, He-Man!
Wasn't there a Saturday morning cartoon with alien dinosaurs or something?
Don't care. Cadillacs and Dinosaurs is the first last and only saturday morning cartoon show we need with dinosaurs. It would also make a hell of a movie.
... and odds are, you can find a lot of these old things on YouTube. The opening song from Wildfire is definitely up there (I had a bad earworm for that damn song once) and if they've got Spartakus and the Sun Beneath the Sea odds are they've got every US cartoon up there too.
Most people think Spartakus was their first childhood drug-induced hallucination until they see the opening again.
Posted by: twig at May 13, 2009 1:35 PM
That's He-Man? I thought that was a cartoon representation of The Pink Hulk.
Posted by: L.O.V.E. at May 13, 2009 1:40 PM
OMG OMG OMG Julie, I found it! Am I allowed to post a YouTube link here? Taking my chances.
You lost me at "gritty".....
Fuck gritty! Lame ass pandering to the paucity of creativity rampant in a bread and circus society. Bathe, already. And fucking shave while you're at it!
Actually, I don't really care. I just wanted to write some fancy words..
Posted by: Odnon at May 13, 2009 2:00 PM
Okay, okay..."Johnny Bravo Meets Scooby Doo" was balls-out awesome.
That's He-Man? I thought that was a cartoon representation of The Pink Hulk.
Weird, L.O.V.E.....I thought it was a cartoon representation of your mother!
BOOM! YES! That just happened! ;)
Posted by: The Pink Hulk at May 13, 2009 4:19 PM
Dorothy L.O.V.E. is a SAINT!
Posted by: L.O.V.E. at May 13, 2009 4:24 PM
Sadly, Saturday morning cartoons are a thing of the past. The only basic station (not counting Cartoon Network) that still plays cartoons is CW. And even those cartoons are all crap. Whenever I manage to wake up before 12 on a Saturday, my brain still automatically says, "CARTOONS!" But instead of being greeted by Optimus Prime, Skeletor, Lion-o, or the X-men, it's just half-hour after half-hour of the shittiest collect-a-monster-and-trade-cards anime bullshit ever.
Posted by: henchman for hire at May 13, 2009 4:33 PM
So when is Hollywood gonna rip into the past some more and bring out Bravestar, Biker Mice from Mars, Galaxy Rangers and Savage Dragon movies?
You KNOW that shit must happen soon?
"No guts no glory" thrown in with "Speed of a Puma, puma, puma, puma, puma...!" That should interesting.
Posted by: Four Eyes at May 13, 2009 5:54 PM
When she was a kid, my girlfriend saw He-Man ON ICE. That's right. It's still rocking her world to this day.
I was a She-Ra girl, myself.
Is He-Man's name just seeming weirder and weirder to you? Like caveman speak? I can't even hear it now without hearing Young Frankenstein:
Speaking of cartoons, why aren't Bugs Bunny cartoons shown anymore? They used to be on all the time when I was a kid.
Posted by: Sharon at May 13, 2009 7:07 PM
Why, oh why did they excise all of the glorious violence from the Looney Tunes? I worship at the altar of Freleng/Maltese and it was the slapstick violence as much as the brilliant characterizations that had me in stitches.
Curse you Chuck Jones for making all of the characters "cute and cuddly" and taking away the ka-booms and beatings and bloodshed.
There, I said it. How can it be that a list of awesome yet unproduced scripts can exist when Hollywood constantly churns out such shit (see: MS vs. GO).
I just straight up do not understand the reasoning behind this.
Posted by: Chugga at May 13, 2009 9:14 PM
childhood. raped.
(but i was always a little slutty for prince adam.)
Posted by: gp at May 13, 2009 9:59 PM
Who was the woman in He-man? Man-at-arms' daughter? Thought Adam was a douche, lusted after He-man?
I just re-read that paragraph and realised it sounds more like I'm trying to remember someone from a porno than a cartoon. What the hell were my parents letting me watch when I was a kid?!
Still want to know that woman's name though.
Posted by: ScienceGeek at May 14, 2009 12:17 AM
Wasn't there a Saturday morning cartoon with alien dinosaurs or something?
Posted by: Julie at May 13, 2009 11:50 AM
---
I was thinking "Herculoids":
It's not a dark, brooding anything. It's a fucking cartoon and many treasured childhood memories.
It's about a prince who says a magical phrase and turns into a badass. He rides a goddamn green cat who in this one, instead of his tiger Gringer, we'll get a high-tech Japanese pink motorcycle that transforms into a big aching dildo of Greyskull for all I care.
Better: Man At Arms will be the mysterious black guy in a well-financed under-lit garage, building a Tango and Cash-like super road machine..probably green and maroon and called the Battle Cat, just because they're so clever.
I'll be over here. Watching my childhood raped and pillaged for more ideas since we're all high and dry in '09.
Here are some I remember watching.
Transformers, Voltron, G.I. Joe, M.A.S.K., Thundercats, Silverhawks, He-Man, Smurfs, Snorks, Shirt Tales, Alf, Bigfoot and the Muscle Machines, Bravestarr, Camp Candy, Robocop, Dragon's Lair, Flintstone Kids, Fraggle Rock, Slimer and the Real Ghostbusters, Inspector Gadget, Pac-Man, PawPaw Bears, The Biscuits, A Pup Named Scooby Doo, Super Mario Brothers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Looney Tunes, Super Friends, Dinosaucers, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, Dino Riders, Heath Cliff, Dungeons and Dragons, David the Gnome, Disney's Gummi Bears, Duck Tales, Darkwing Duck, Pirates of Darkwater, Gargoyles, Dragonball. Just to name a few lol. I hope this list brings back memories like me.
Oh bloody hell. I knew it was coming, but still. I still have my She-Ra and He-Man action figures. Damn you all to hell Hollywood.