There’s a Justin Bieber biopic in the works. He’ll star as himself, and it’s expected to be his 8 Mile except, you know, about how he overcame all those middle-class obstacles and the brutal streets of Stratford, Ontario to defeat the odds and discover success in the unlikeliest of places: YouTube. (Hollywood Life)
It looks like Daniel Radcliffe’s first post-Harry Potter role may be a 3D horror film called Woman in Black. In it, Radcliffe would play “young lawyer Arthur Kipps, who is ordered to travel to a remote pocket of Blighty to tend to a deceased client’s papers. Kipps soon begins to uncover the ghostly secrets of the house and local village.” Wait? Radcliffe will play a lawyer? Dude’s not even 21 yet, and I don’t know how the British system works, but it’s hard to be a lawyer under the age of 25 in the United States. Maybe they have quickie online law schools in England. (Variety)
Hansel & Gretel. In 3D. Brought to you by Michael Bay. I think I just stubbed my brain. (Screen Junkies)
Barbra Streisand and Seth Rogen have been offered the two lead roles in the comedy My Mother’s Curse, about an inventor of an organic cleaning product who invites his mother on a cross-country road trip to sell his product to marketing outlets. (Production Weekly via The Playlist)
In the wake of Christopher Nolan’s Inception, IFC is re-releasing Following on demand, which is weird because it’s currently on Netflix instant. (And I wonder if Drew will cover it for his ongoing neo-noir series? Hmmm.) (Slashfilm)
Doug Liman will produce & direct I Just Want My Pants Back, an MTV pilot based on the David Rosen novel. *?* (Production Weekly)
David Fincher’s The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo trilogy will be hard R-rated, so says Sony producer, Amy Pascal. Well, I should fucking hope so. (The Wrap)
Ricky Gervais may or may not be collaborating on a new comedy with Ben Stiller. And that may or may not be a good fit. (The Guardian via The Playlist)
After making a deal similar to the one that “Friday Night Lights” made with DirectTV, F/X has done the same for “Damages,” bringing the cancelled show back to life for two more seasons. It’s kind of a shame, really. Because it wasn’t very good last season, and I’m the kind of guy that might feel obligated to continue watching it anyway. Damnit. (AP)
Great word of mouth continues to propel the performance of Inception. Its weekend gross was revised upwards by $2 million, and it put up another $10 million on Monday, meaning it may hit $100 million before its second weekend even begins. (Movieline)
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Re: "Doug Liman will produce & direct I Just Want My Pants Back"
That makes me think of Dude, Where's My Car, which could be good or bad, depending on what they're going for.
Posted by: MM at July 20, 2010 3:42 PM
Why is that girl in the header picture wearing her hair backwards?
Posted by: lubeg at July 20, 2010 3:44 PM
Bow before his mapley majesty you loathsome curs! Pray you that his magical mop deigns to grace you with its resplendence on the silver screen. Such cinema has nuaght been seen in many a fortnight that you shall be wont of it's divinity.
My Mother’s Curse, about an inventor of an organic cleaning product
Is it gonna clean what I think it is? Is it supposed to replace Summer's Eve or allow for the green recycling of used tampons?
Posted by: Smokey at July 20, 2010 3:47 PM
Whoa, fellas! She's sixteen and she knows Usher. Damaged goods.
Posted by: Kballs at July 20, 2010 3:49 PM
Fredo, that's the first horseman of the apocolypse.
Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at July 20, 2010 3:50 PM
Pestilence?
Posted by: Drake at July 20, 2010 3:57 PM
I'm trying to recall here, but the brain's a bit foggy. Is the first horseman Pestilence, War or Famine? (I refuse to say Death. I believe all incarnations of Death to be Discworld's Death...riding a pale horse named Binky. And that dude in the header AIN'T cool enough to be Death!)
God please grant me the opportunity to layeth the smack down on that Moose-fucker in the header pic. Justin Bieber, just images of him, give me all kinds of giggly murder feelins'. And really, I can't explain why. It's an irrational hatred. He just looks like he needs to have the shit kicked out of him. Maybe then he'll stop purveying this sudden movement of androgynous tweens. Seriously...fucko! Get a comb! Next time I see you on TV and you shake your head forward to keep that ridiculous mop going I'm gonna put a 6 grain .25 caliber through my TV.
Maybe not even an ass-whoopin'. How bout a shredded bloody mess as a result of his own narcissism? I've seen a couple funny youtube video lately of him walking into plate glass windows because he's not looking forward while walking. No...he's too busy shaking his head to keep his hair forward...while going to do a fucking RADIO program. Just once...just once I'd like him to crash into that glass and have it impale his ass S.I.D.- 6.7 style. And each little piece gets lodged in the perfect spot to keep him alive, but if removed, he would die a slow, bleeding death. Kinda like how a body can be completely severed by a subway train, but because of the twisting motion, the victim remains alive until the train is back up...OO!! That would be a god one too!! A Bieber-twist!
See kids...it's the little things in life that keep Uncle Pissy happy. Daisies, rainbows, Whorish Mouth, our dog, gruesome deaths of annoying little cum farts like this unbelievable dick cheese.
...ah, the little things.
Posted by: PissBoy at July 20, 2010 4:02 PM
Hilary Swank IS Justin Bieber IN: Bangs! The Story of a Boy and his Styling Comb.
Posted by: lil_a at July 20, 2010 4:19 PM
I foresee that when Sam Taylor-Wood is finished devouring Aaron Johnson, she will swiftly move onto Bieber when the lesbian phase of her menopause kicks in.
Posted by: peanut at July 20, 2010 4:21 PM
Wow, I can't believe a complete unknown beat out Ellen Page for that role. If if she'll do her own music.
In Britain and Ireland one goes straight into a Law degree from secondary school (if one has the grades). After taking the academic degree, one then either works toward articles of incorporation (Solicitor) or devils (Barrister) for another year or so and by then is a lawyer, so it's highly feasible that one could be a lawyer by age 22/23 if highly motivated.
Of course speaking from experience I assure that you still don't know any actual legal shit by then, but you can have the letters after your name. I would love to say they would never send a green young lawyer to deal with estates and such but oh yes, they would and they would charge a senior lawyer's fee for it.
Posted by: PaddyDog at July 20, 2010 4:25 PM
We are doing The Woman In Black at the theatre I work at this fall. I don't know much about it at this point, but he does seem a little young for the role.
Posted by: The Other Nicole at July 20, 2010 4:32 PM
Pissboy, that's one great comment. I laughed my ass off. :) That kid needs to die a slow death. And who are the lucky 50% that haven't heard of that suckwad yet? Wish I were one of that percentage...
Posted by: Gwennie2906 at July 20, 2010 4:37 PM
Fredo, that's the first horseman of the apocolypse.
No way, Dorothy. He's more the My Little Pony of Horsemen.
Four Eyes, War is the first horseman. Followed by Famine, Pestilence and last of all, Death.
Posted by: Fredo at July 20, 2010 5:27 PM
I was out the other day with a couple of my friends having lunch and we saw this kid who was sporting the same Bieber haircut and clothes and trying to look cool. The little wanna-be clone got shot down by every pre-teen girl he tried to hit on. Finally after about 20 minutes of the tweener kamikaze repeatedly crashing and burning, one of my buds got up and went over to him. He flipped him a $20 and told him to "...go get a real haircut and just be yourself not someone else." To my surprise the kid looked genuinely grateful and walked towards the nearby barber shop.
When I asked him why he did such a thing to that kid, he just looked at me and replied; "I really wish someone did that for me when Vanilla Ice was popular."
Posted by: bleujayone at July 20, 2010 5:50 PM
Because of Pajiba, I thought Justin Beiber was a lesbian until Googled (which was still unclear), only to end on his Wiki page.
Thank you everyone.
Posted by: Zerath at July 20, 2010 5:52 PM
That's a lady!
Posted by: jzhz at July 20, 2010 6:01 PM
Any word on whether or not Brittany Murphy will reprise her "8 Mile" role for Bieber's film?
Posted by: Barnes78 at July 20, 2010 6:15 PM
bleujayone,
That's a fabulous story. Plus, the mention of Vanilla Ice makes me both nostalgic and a little nauseous.
Posted by: MM at July 20, 2010 7:02 PM
Ruination of Stratford.
It's the lightest, airiest town I know. There's the Stratford Festival (Shakespeare, other theatre, musicals) and the Stratford Music Festival. I've played myself a mean stripe of Beethoven and Sergei the Rach there.
It's definitely one of those towns that elicits those, 'Oh, honey, do you remember that little town where they had the quaintest little...' exhaltations. Lots of swans, stone paths and toy shops, one of my old music teachers just retired from renting out the upper levels of his home as a bed and breakfast. Almost all of the streets are named after Shakespeare characters. Oh, you know Stars (or Star's, I've never thought about it) Hollow from Gilmore Girls? That's basically Stratford, with a jail and chain gang. Damned fine ice cream there. I haven't been there in over a year, I shudder think of what it has become. More tow-headed, I suppose. Ugh.
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 20, 2010 8:18 PM
My solicitor (that's a lawyer in an old woman wig, for you Americanskis) has assured me that we loyal moose/maple syrup/hockey lovers cannot be sued for Justine Bieber because you actually invited her to your country. So, you know, suck it, Yankees.
Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 20, 2010 11:33 PM
Can we have it extradited back from whence it came?
Posted by: Rykker at July 21, 2010 7:02 AM
Every time I see that kid I think, "Huh, Miley Cyrus cut her hair short?"
Posted by: peachfish at July 21, 2010 9:57 AM
Really, the only way Justin Bieber could redeem herself in my eyes would be to engage in self-mockery and try to be in on the joke. Unfortunately, this is the same chick who didn't know what the word "German" meant, so self-awareness probably isn't in her repertoire.
Who's that cute chick on the header pic?