September 2, 2008 | Comments ()

Guitar Hero The Movie?
Don't Bet On It / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 2, 2008 | Comments ()

421590486.jpgI don’t understand the appeal of Guitar Hero. Pretend-playing a fake guitar that has absolutely no relation to an actual instrument? There’s gotta be a better way to spend your afternoon. Initially, I thought my distaste for it was mostly theoretical, but I recently had an opportunity to play the game, and I came away with pretty much the same feeling I had before playing it, namely “What the hell?” What’s the appeal? But then again, I firmly believe that if you can’t rip off your opponent’s head or return a kick for a touchdown, there’s no point to a video game.

Anyway, Hollywood’s leading dipshit, Bret Ratner, apparently wants to make a movie out of Guitar Hero, because that’s what dipshits do. As he told MTV:

“I love ‘Guitar Hero’ and I think it’s a part of pop culture. I would love to do a ‘Guitar Hero’ movie, if Activision would ever let me. I’m trying to convince them, but why would you have a movie screw up such a huge franchise? Not that I would make a bad movie. So that would be cool, to do a ‘Guitar Hero’ movie. “

The premise:

“It could be about a kid from a small town who dreams of being a rock star and he wins the ‘Guitar Hero’ competition. One of these dreams-[come-true] kind of concepts.”

Wow. Did Ratner just blow my mind? Is this what it’s like to have your mind blown? Because that idea … I’m floored! By reproducing his words here, I think a little bit of his genius may have rubbed off on me. It smells like … testicle sweat.

I think I’m gonna go shower now.

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